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desparate need of help for my mother
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desparate need of help for my mother

My mother has been addicted to prescription drug most of my life and a alcholic. She has been four years sober on the alchol, but has been taking more and more pills since she quit drinking. She overdosed back in 2008 and here recently July 11,2011 and again on July 19th. I'm running out of options on getting her help. She also has mental health problem which has made me take care of her since I was a kid. She was abusive to me and my siblings and once to her grandchild. The question is what can my siblings and I do to have my mother committed? Thanks very much Jennifer
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1695559_tn?1311907028
call your mental health place in your area... i had to commit my ex husband (he was my husband at the time) and thats where i started and they told me the steps that i needed to do. it was a really hard thing to do but, he needed some help. what they will do is evaluate her and she if she needs to be commited..if they feel she does, they wont let her leave. if you cant get her to go on her own will you might have to go in front of a judge and get it ordered. but, start at your local mental health place first though... good luck!
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1743830_tn?1311247217
Wow my heart breaks for you. I have the same exact situation...my mother is currently addicted to narcotic pain meds and alcohol. Its so hard to be in your position I know. Try to keep your head up. As far as being comitted that's something you as a family would need to agree on. One one hand you may feel your giving up on her but your NOT...the fact is you don't have the capibility to hande something so sever for such a long period of time without going a little crazy from stress and worry. Not to mention the guilt we as children feel when our parents are on drugs. You know its not your fault and I would think if she's coherent enough to think and act on her own she would have the final say about going somewhere for treatment. If you all r her sole caretakers and she isn't in her right mind. I would think a trip to a specialist or counselor would give u great direction on how to go about getting her places in a center that specialises in her type of condition. I don't say this to be rude but its time for you to have time for yourself too...hope that helped
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Avatar_f_tn
I, too, am sorry to hear of your situation. But, I have some things to say and don't want you to feel I am being harsh or mean spirited..okay?

Your mom is an adult...she is keeping you under her control with her abusive behavior.  She needs MENTAL HEALTH CARE. You are not educated enough to help her...she MUST be, either admitted, committed or seen on a regular basis.  DO NOT cater to her anymore.  She made you cater to her when you were a child...you don't have to do it anymore. Sounds like you are the parent and she is the immature child now.  Her depression and drug/alcohol abuse is her way of controlling YOU and burying her pain (emotional and physical).  She needs help...you need freedom.
She must have a doctor that prescribes her medication...contact that doctor and have some kind of dialog/meeting to express your concerns about your moms behavior.  The doctor should be able to provide avenues and resources for you to try. Doc may also attempt to commit her to a psych ward until a complete eval con be done.
I am so sorry you are in this position...but you have to live your life for YOU...not to "babysit" her.  She chose to drink and take the drugs on her own...she needs to be willing to get help. No matter what you say or do...she will not change for you or anybody.  I am very familiar with the alcoholism side of addiction and can promise you...she will never change if you are still there to pick her up each time she falls. One day you may find that you have lost yourself in trying to help her become clean and sober...please don't let it get that far!
My heart feels for you...seek the help from professional mental health docs for her.  Save YOU!
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1743830_tn?1311247217
Great point....I went through being the mother and parenting my adult mother and I nearly had a nrevous breakdown....evans84.....she is controlling you....you need YOU time and soon...
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1727149_tn?1314163136
My heart bleeds for you. I am in the same boat as you are only my mom lives with me and she is 80.  Same thing.  We took care of her always.  And here I am still doing it. I have NO life at all.  It will ruin you.

My mother will not overdose.  She just stays drugged on her Norco, Xanax, and Morphine.  

For you, I would tell the folks in the Emergency room next time  you have to take her in that, "She tried to commit suicide".  If they don't keep her then, I would be suprised.  

Does your mother live with you?  Who else does she have besides you kids?

I pray for you hon.  It is such a drain on those around her.  It will eat you up and the resentment is over powering.
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82861_tn?1333457511
You definitely need your freedom and your mother needs help beyond what you can give her.  Having someone committed can be extremely difficult unless there is some kind of compelling (even criminal) evidence.  It's legal for a person to make bad decisions, even when those decisions may result in death.  In our legal system, civil rights trump common sense in these situations.  

I found that out with my very ill and demented mother when she refused to go to assisted living.  She was seriously ill with a bleeding disorder; crippled with a crushed spine and refused to use a walker or a wheelchair; her rational mind was shot; and she was horribly verbally abusive who dared to contradict or help her.  But put her in front of a doctor and she could put on the smiling mask of sanity long enough to convince them she was just fine thank you very much.  She eventually fell and broke her hip - alone in her sacred hovel - and died 10 days later.  There wasn't one thing I could do to change that outcome and believe me, I tried everything.

Start with your local Adult Protective Services agency.  In many cities, you call the same number as Child Protective Services to reach the APS division.  Making a report requires a whole lot of detailed information.  If you have copies of your mom's medical records documenting the overdoses along with names and contact numbers of her doctors, that will be a great help.  You want documented evidence of what is going on that can be verified by other people.  That includes family members and even neighbors if they've seen anything that can back up your report.  The CPS/APS group in my city has an online reporting form that I chose to use rather than sit on hold forever waiting for a social worker.  I also preferred to put the report in my own words rather than rely on someone else's interpretation.  If you can have another family member, friend or neighbor also make a report it will get their attention faster.

Once the report is made, a social worker will call you and decide whether there is enough information to proceed further.  They will then contact people you included in your report and send someone out to talk to your mom.  They WILL NOT reveal to your mom who made the report.  End of story.  There is plenty of case law to back that up.  They absolutely will not and can not reveal informers.  If you choose to do so that's your business.

Your should also talk to an attorney.  I don't think APS can commit someone for rehab unless there is immediate threat of death or serious injury to herself or others in her home.  That means you have to go to court and ask for an order of conservatorship.  You would have to prove that your mother cannot make decisions for herself and ask the court to appoint you or someone else as her guardian.  Then you can have her committed.  A conservatorship is generally ordered for a specific period of time and reviewed by the court if you feel it needs to continue.  Taking away someone's rights is serious stuff and the court takes it very seriously.  If your mom can speak to a judge halfway intelligently, you probably won't win.  That's where you need an attorney to explain how things work in your state.

It may take you moving out of the house and leaving your mom to her own devices before she'll get help on her own.  Or she may not.  But you will be free.  It's not that you don't care about her but you have to love yourself more or she'll destroy you.  As long as you're there to take care of her and protect her from herself, she'll never see the need to do anything about her addiction.  Sometimes a crisis has to be provoked and that carries risk.  Yes, she might die.  She WILL die if she keeps doing what she's doing.  The longer you or anyone else caters to her needs, the longer it will take for her to either get busy living or get busy dying.  I'm sorry to sound so brutal, but that really is the truth.

You can't save your mother from herself as long as you're there to pick up the pieces.  You can save yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi NannyBerryBlue
Thank you for caring...BUT...this was in response to Evans84's situation. Although I had taken care of my Mom before she passed away...NO comparison...my Mom was dying...being there for her was an honor...unlike the controlling, addictive style that evans84's Mom is burdening evans84 with.
As for your Mom whom is 80 yrs old...is she dealing with cancer or other major illness that requires her to take medications to ease her pain? Your Mom may hate the fact that she has to depend on others.  evans84 is in a totally different position...so sad for the entire family  :(
I wish you patience and love for you and your Mom.  Remember...she won't be around forever and by helping her, if its illness causing her to be reliant upon you, you are NOT giving up your life...you are extending the appreciation and the love she gave you for all those years you depended on her.  <3
Good luck to you...try to look at your situation in another light, hon.
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1695559_tn?1311907028
wow, some really good advice has been written here for you. i hope that you can put some of these idea's into action and get some help for all of you. best of luck to you!
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