Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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heroin

My son is on heroin. He says he has been clean for a month, I have my doubts. He is on a soboxone program for 2 months know and I do not see the difference. There are days that his mind is clear and other days that he gets everything confused.He had a bad fall about a month ago.He also takes Xanex. I have repeatedly told him he is substituting one drug for another.Yesterday we were wathching TvV and he had the contoller in his hand and keep dropping it.I asked him if he was ok and he said yes he just took 2 Xanex and it made him drowsey. I have read up on this and the mixture can kill him. I have begged him to just take Suboxone and not mix but he says he has to that he has to much anxiety.I have talked to several clinics but he is 26 years old and I cannot force him to go. He wants to stay on the Suboxone and Xanex what can I do. His eyes always look tired he is confused all the time, he is mean all the time.How can I force him to rehab.By the way when he had his downfall last month he took several thousand dollars from our account I am seriously thinking of having him arrested for this. Can anyone giuld me I am afraid of him getting of Suboxone and going back to heroin. Any advise on how to handle him? I have thrown him out but he moved in to a family partment and he has not paid rent and they dont have the heart to throw him out.
Thanks Gabby
129 Comments Post a Comment
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271792_tn?1334983257
Hi Gabby and Welcome,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is hard to love an addict, especially a child.

You cannot help him until he decides he has a problem and wants help. Right now you are enabling him but I think you know that. He is 26? Does he work?

As far as having him arrested that is your choice but know there will be consequences. Rarely does that force an addict to get well. He may resent you. In fact I know he will. I would only go there as a last resort. That being said, you need to set boundaries as long as he is in your home or you need to lay some tough love on him and throw him out. Whatever happens from there you will have no control over.

Hun, I am sorry but there isn't much to say on the subject. All of this is up to you.

As far as him being on Suboxone. I pray that he is but I highly doubt it if he is dropping things and acting as you said. He may also be taking more Xanax then prescribed.

If you choose to allow him to stay in your home then ask to hold his medications and dose them to him according to the prescription--including the Suboxone. Watch him take it. Give him regular drug tests. Set rules for the house. A person taking Suboxone can work so if that is an issue make it a priority.

I realize all of what I said is scrambled. I am just trying to give you some ideas and options.

Stick around and talk with the members here for support and suggestions. I wish you both the best and hope it all works out.
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Avatar_m_tn
I was a herion addict for 14yrs. I tried everything rehab ect. I quiy cold turkey. your son will not stop till he hits rock bottom. That will happen sooner rather than later. if you need to talk im here to lisen,help in anyway i can. iv also been clean for over one and a half yrs so .There other issues here thats why he started useing herion. Anything to help you and your son .....James
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello, does your son live with you? If so that can be a problem....hard to hit the bottom when mommie is taking care of you. Yes he is substituting one drug for another.....I have to admit to smoking a TON of pot getting off dope....I ate, slept and did not hurt. Pills are another matter.....they are the same high as the heroin. My suggestion is to gather up your strength and give him the boot.....make him take care of himself. He may slip....thats up to him not you. Life is all about choices. The only reason I am not on dope today is because I made that choice....and I make the same choice every day. Over 11 years clean.....it can be done! Good Luck!!
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Avatar_m_tn
yes he lives with me.He also just got back from his saboxone doctor and he drug test was clean. Yhis is making me think that his actions yesterday were because he overtook Xanex. I am going to wait a while and ask him if he wants to stay with us I will give him his medication.If this doesnt work I will do what you and many others advised. Thank you for caring.
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1798872_tn?1346168185
Hi sounds like me years ago,xanax was one of my drugs of choice.Xanax is a very very nasty drug i think worse to come off of then herion it can and will kill you if you are taking enough and come off to quickly.Its best to do it in a detox where they can keep a close eye on you.But as the last 3 posts its up to him,let him hit rock bottom and do it by his self.Its not pretty but its real,GOD bless you and watch over him,i know ive been there! :) take care.
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3038444_tn?1345698349
I am a recovering addict and have put my mom through SH*T.  What helped her understand was attending NARANON meetings.  She was able to talk to other mothers going through the same situation.  It will help you recognize when and if he is using and how to embrace the concept of "tough love" See us addicts know how to work numerous angles to get what we want and there is no relationship that is stronger than our connection with our drugs.

I, too, had to hit rock bottom before I was ready to get clean and it doesn't sound like he is there yet.  Keep praying and seek outside support to get you through this.  Suboxone is continuing the problem, not alleviating it.  He is substituting one drug for another and from my own experience, this is not going to address the issue of addiction. My brother was on Subs for 6 months and he eventually started shooting up again.  

As for the Xanax, I had to go to a detox to come off of them, otherwise I would have had a seizure.  My girlfriend had 3 seizures from coming off of them incorrectly.  Mixing any opiate, Suboxone included, with Xanax is a dangerous dance.  He may not even know how dangerous it truly is.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Everything you said made perfect sense, he tells me many times thta he wants to get better, that he should never of tried heroin etc. Then a few weeks later he has a relapse.This all started with a football injury and the doctor keep him on Oxycodine because of pain for about a year.He then had surgery and he stayed on them for almost 2 years. The doctor finally took him off and told him to go to Pain management and I thought thta was a mistake I told him to try to deal with it and if he couldnt take the pain I would see on Pain management. I think I should of put him right in Pain management beccause he was buying them on the street and getting worse then after that we tried to kick him out and he started heroine. It has been down hill. He was on methadone and I did not like the way it made him act and he didnt like the way it made him feel.So I found a saboxone doctor and he was horible he was not at all suportive everytime He had a crisis and called he could only see him in 2 thru 3 weeks. He then went back to heroin. He came to me again and wanted to go back to another doctor I then found him another suboxone doctor and he is much better but my son needs to go away and I talk to him everyday. he has had 3 car crashes in one month, I have begged him that if he goes to rehab I will pay all his bills. he has an aprtment the light and gas were shut off. since he has been on suboxone he was staying with us. Am I doing things wrong. I am ready to tell him to get back out and have no more contact.Should I wait this suboxone out a little while longer, because of the accidents know he has court etc.I wanted to try to help him until court cases were over. he took a DUi class 3 times and didnt pass because each time he forgot or was late etc.Is it possible to ask the court to force him to rehab?
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Avatar_f_tn
I put a web search looking for syboxone side effects and I was brought to this page. Everything you are saying gabby is exactly what I am experiencing with my older brother right now. He is 27 years old and has been addicting to heroin for about 8 years. I am the one that helps him because the rest of my family use drugs also.

I took him and got him on syboxone about 3 days ago and I see the same behavior. Tired, confused, stumbling, and almost cross eyed. He has been in bed for almost 2 days straight. Im scared! Is this normal? I'm worried that it is effecting him in a bad way like maybe he has something else wrong for his body to be reacting this way. It is definitely possible that he is using heroin. In fact, that might be exactly what it is but I have seen him on heroin for the last few years and I've never seen him like this.

As far as hitting rock bottom, I'm not sure where that is or can be for some people. My brother has been homeless for years, sleeps wherever he can, and I don't know how it gets any lower than what he's been putting himself through over the years. So when do we know thats the actual rock bottom is my question?? I've been through this so many times with my family where they claim they are wanting to get sober, I move them in, then they go back to drugs and it's worse than it was the time before. So what is "rock bottom"?

I have been battling heroin and meth addictions for years that arnt even my personal addictions. I fight harder then they do. I am willing to do anything and everything I can just to have my family back. No amount of money or fighting in the world could compare to having my family. So I will spend money on help for them and I will fight until I drop for them and I know it's ridiculous. I know I can't change them. I know it needs to be them to change themselves. But I believe their cries every time and now I'm on round 10 or so with my brother. This is the first time I've taken him to a doctor. I've heard syboxone really helps but now I'm questioning it. I don't know how to deal with this addiction. It is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I have come to the sorry excuse of a conclusion that I have two options....

I either separate myself from my family and let them smolder in their "rock bottom" phase until I get a phone call that they are dead..

Or...

I fight for them when they tell me they are ready and no matter how many times they fail, we get up and try again. At least this way I have them in my life.

I know it sounds retarded but I don't know how else to look at situations like this. I've tried so hard to figure it out. This drug is completely taking over and once it has a grip , I'm not sure how many people can let go. We have lost several close friends to this drug recently and I can't imagine wen the day comes that it is one of my family members gone. It is my worse fear and that fear is what's keeping me fighting for them but it might kill me first. I've seen counselers for myself because I just can't seem to let them go. I can't convince myself to turn them away. I dream about funerals. It is and has totally consumed me for a while.. I wish I could offer you advise gabby but I'm obviously not the right person for that. But I can offer you prayers and I hope everything turns out for you and your family. Good luck.
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow you are a wonderful woman. Just hearing how much you care is wonderful. When I posted that about my son he was on subs but unfortunetly he was still using. come to find out he started to sell his subs for heroin. I have since asked him to move out and he did. I explained to him why and he agreed. He is living in one of my familys apartment and of course the rent is very late almost 6 months.He said to me on Monday mom I want to stop this is not what I want for my life. I have been holding on to his subs and I have been giving it to him morning and night.He already looks like a diferent person. I hope this will continue, spoke to my family members and asked them if he does not go to work and we continue to see a diference that she is to throw him out.There is not more I can do. About your brother maybe he is still using mixed with the subs? When people teel me support him but do not enable him, what exactly does this mean? I tell him everyday he can do this, I do not give him money but he steals from me. I have closed various checking accounts and credit cards. When they are on the street where do they get money for this drug? it is very expensive.I have offered him any in patient rehab and he tells me he does not want to go and that he does not need it. He says he will do this on his own.I only have one person on this horrible drug and it is awful. How do you handle all of this ? Good luck and God Bless you
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Avatar_m_tn
hi and thank you for answer
what exactly is rock bottom? My son was doing fine all week. This morning he said he wanted to go and buy a seat for his bike he has been asking me all week. I was supposed to go with him but I got busy and decided to try to trust him. I specifically told him to bring me the receipt when he got back of course he said the guy forgot to give it to him.When I called the store there was noone there buying a seat. Again this happened. I just want this to end my boy was so good and so honest. I am devastated. I am calling my family and asking them to ask him to leave the apartment. He has no car , no bike. I am giving him an ultimatum of leaving on the streets or going to rehab. I tried everything he cannot do this on his own. Do you think I am doing the right thing? What happens if he does go on the street?
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271792_tn?1334983257
Gabby, rock bottom is that lowest of low places that we get to when abusing drugs. Every person has a different bottom. Mine was when I lost all of my friends, my family turned their backs on me, I was laying on the floor of a jail cell sick as a dog with Hepatitis C and detoxing off of Heroin. It took me going that far down to make me wake up and take notice. I hope your son does not have to go that far.

Your son does not know how to STAY clean. He has no coping skills, no social skills and no relapse prevention skills. He needs to be taught those and he that needs to be done in a clinically supervised environment. I DO suggest a treatment center. Long-term if possible. That being said, I don't think it would be wise to give him an ultimatum. Chances are he will run. Be firm with him. sit him down and tell him he is going to a rehabilitation center to save his life. If he runs or if he refuses then you will need to make some decisions.

I pray for you all. Let us know how you are doing.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Gabby my name is James ( stilltrying ) like IBK says everyone has a different rock bottom. Your son needs expearanced help, counciling. I would not through him out. If you do you will not know were he is or what he is doing. I went to rehab after a 14yr heroin addiction clean for 625 days so there is hope for your son. We think it wont happen to us well it can happen to anybody no matter what your background is. Plz tell your son that he can beat this horrendous addiction. I kept trying to come of but kept failing. Also mixing the drugs can be fateul i dont want to worry you. Im only telling you from my own expearances. Iv lost a few frinds to the deamon heroin. I dont want you to lose your son hes only 26 has his whole life in front of him. With me i had llots of reasons exscuses to use.He will have to change his friends who also use. Its a very hard drug to get of by yourself. He needs profesinal help ASAP.We all make mistakes. Is there anyway you can get your son on here and let him see your question and the answers you were given. This might open his eyes to the hurt pain he is causing you his mother. My mom thought she was doing the right thing by giving me money. She soon learned that was not the right thing to do as IBK said you are only enabiling him funding his heroin habit. I feel for you but also your son aswell. Something made him use heroin pear pressure i dont know. If you could get him on there are a few things i could tell him, that would scare him sh..less. You as his mother will can only take so much. I bet he never stole of you before thats the nature of the drug. Its not easy comeing off but when your son realises he is killing himself. He may want to change. If you have any other questions plz feel free to ask i will be truely honest with you. Im sending prayers and strength to you and your son. But plz dont through him out or get the police he will resent you for it. God bless you and may he look after you and your son when you,s need it most. ,,,,,,James
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Avatar_m_tn
you a very right he has no copins skills. When he tells me he wants to stop he means it. One day he will tell me today was the  last day idf this happens againtommorow I promise I will go torehab. The next day he will say I am crazy thta he does not need reha. He put himself on methadone but got off. I then sugessted suboxone and he agreed, problemwas he would ask me for moneyevery other day. Insurance does not cover this sohe would say one day it was for the doctor next day for conseling the next for medicine and he made sure the doctor and nurses would not speak to me. He said he stopped because I called and embarresed him. Then he qiut after a few months he asked to go back and I agreed we went to another doctor and started he told the doctor he could speak to me. I was again giving him him money because this is paid at every visit and the doctor is 40 minutes away. Toward the end he was only going in for refill and not going to group or the therepist. He is also going to another doctor that he is being prescribed Xanex. Should I just give up n this program? He will say something today andmean it he will look great for a week than go right back. Like I mentioned before he is living in this family members house and he has not paid rent for 6 months, If I let him stay there should I justcut him off from me and his sisters which he loves dearly? If you are saying not to throw him out how can I be stick with him. My husband is a self employed contractor and my son will work with him when he feels like it or when he needs money and of course at the end of the day he wants his money. Today I told him that he needs to get a full time job and that it is not ok to work only when he needs. I told him if you are ok then you can find a full time job.I also am self emploed and he goes tomy place of work and when I am not looking he will steel cash or checks etc.I have asked him not to go there but he continues, I told him I would put a restaining order but I dont have the heart. Am I doing the right or wrong thing? hat it boils down to he works when he wants and when he needs money he takes it. He then says never again Mom. He will be ok for a week the he starts up again. Please advise
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your help and good advise. My son was a very honest and good kid. He stared taking oxycoyne for a football injury thta lasted 3 years when the doctor took him off it he started the heroine, He wanted to go to Pain management and I siad no and asked him to try to stay away from it so he would not ger used to it/ Well like he tells me if I had only let him get on pain management.I am makng a mess of my life and his please advise
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry to hear he was using. I actually just lost my brother to it again today. He was here for one week asleep pretty much the whole time and now he is gone. I was scheduled to pick his syboxone up today but I had a feeling in my gut to wait before I spent the money because he had that certain anger in his voice and I knew he was giving up. He has been gone for a few hours now. I'm devestated but what can I do?? After he was gone I went and cleaned up the room I had him staying in and found a stash of needles and all that. It hit me in my heart like a brick to the face . I'm not sure why it surprised me but it did. That was my only rule, don't bring that into my home. But how can I expect a addict to consider my wishes or feelings? It's impossible. So, he is back on the streets walking and not sure where he is. I want so bad to go look for him but I can't. I'm tired and do drained from him. I'm back to the feeling of where is he and is he alive?

It is a horrible situation for anyone to go through. One family member or 4 it doesn't matter, it's horrible. I don't know how I deal with it. To be honest, sometimes I don't do so well. My brother am sister have been using soft years. My sister since she was about 19 years old and she is 26 now sober a few months and my brother has been using since he was about 22 years old and he is 27 now. It's a cOnstant battle. I feel like I'm their mom. I sometimes feel like I don't have time to be weak. I am completely controlled once again by my fear of losing them I'm the one who is expected to fix it... If I don't, then who will... And if I do lose them, I can't imagine how I would feel if I didn't give itball I had while they were here. I know this can only last so long. I know I am probably enabling them. I don't give them money at all. They have not stolen from me either thank god. But they have too many sources. And drugs are not expensive, not heroin. It's very cheap. Also, heroin addicts have a bond with eacthother. One will claim they are "sick" and another will run out and find the drug to get them well. It's a pain I and people that have never done heroin will ever understand so they all stick together and get eacthother drygs when they are sick. it's the only way to make it go away.

The saddest part of all this, I have a family. A son a husband and 2 step kids. How can I continue this? I made a promise to myself that my son would not grow up like we did living around drugs. I started using drugs at age 11. I got out thank god and I refuse I say to let my son grow up that way. Seeing it, hearing about it etc... But here I am, breaking my own rules for people that don't care let alone understand how important that is to me. I'm feeling a lot of guilt right now for letting him into my home in the first place. What if our kids found those needles? I can't even allow myself to think about what else could have happened. I har my own answering to do and I am so lost with it at this point. For the moment, I am not fighting. I feel I'm giving up, I'm sure he will be showing up in a few days and I'll har to turn him away. I pray for my strength to do that. I hope your son keeps trying. The more he does, the closer he gets. Thanks for the nice comments and I think you are a strong women too. Hopefully this will be a bad memory for us soon and we have happy ending. Good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
It seems like you went thru alot as a child and thank God you got out and hopefully your sister stays out so you can both help your brother. What you did is exactly what any one that loves someone does they give them chances, It seems like enough is enough you have small children to care for and explain that to your brother when he comes back and offer to help place him in a rehab. There are alot out there. My son keeps trying today he looks wonderful and happy he seems like a different person. There are ups and downs and I will stick by him and I am still learning how to help and support without enabling. Hopefully we can look back and there will be a bright future for all of us.By the way were are your parents?Good luck and dont ever give up on him he is very young and hopefully will find his way.
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Avatar_m_tn
hello alot has happened since my last post, my son was doing alot better this week staying home and taking his suboxone. He got a DUI last year and the judge told him he had to complete a class and he joined 3 times and he was never able to complete the class, one day he was late another he forgot etc.He went back to court today and the Judge ordered him to go to inpatient rehab. I was told about teenchalenge. I was wondering if you can recommend any good rehabs. I want to to help him he has state insurance and we live in connecticut. I will take out a loan my credit is good any suggestions? I was told the longer he stays at rehab the better his chances will be of staying clean.
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Avatar_m_tn
Please give me advise. my son had a bad relaspse.Last year he was taking my credit cards and maxing them and hegot ahold of them again. I am in a bad situation and very confused. The judge ordered in patient rehab becuse not completeing a DUI class and he was told by his bail bondsman that if the rehab place ordered out patient that was ok that the judge would have to ok it.He postposed the evaluation and then we had to postone his court day. I think he did this purposely.I am afraid he is envolved with the wrong people and big time.Everyone gives me different advise they tell me to love him but do not enanble him.I bring him home and he will stay fine for a few weeks and he will be great then it all starts up again. I am afraid of him lately he is very violent. He is  renting from my sister and she will not kick him out.This is a bad neighborhood. before I kicked him out last year he never did any of this.I have him on suboxone and I am afraid he is not taking it. This was my situation today. He is seeing a conselor and group and it is 35 minutes away. I have taken the car away but not always can I find him a ride back and forth. Today his appointment was at 2oclock and I had to leave work and pick him up at his apartment because if I didnt he wouldnt go. He lives 10 blocks from my job and it was a beautiful day. I left work picked him up and had to give him gas money because it was to far away and the gas I had wouldnt make it.15 minutes later he called me and told me that the doctor cancelled becausehe was running late.So then there goes my car and gas all day when he finally showed up he looked horrible and I confronted him and he said mom buy a drug test I am clean I just took my Zanex. A few hours later I get a fraud alert on my credit card that alot of charges were made on my credit card. Of course he denys this. Am I handling this all wrong. I am afraid to stop his suboxone I want to keep him safe and I am not doing a good job. He blames me for this situation. Should I talk to his conselor  or his attorney? Idont want him to get into more trouble.If I makemy sister throw him out and he gets worse what will happen. Should I just wait to see the verdict on rehab. so confused please help.
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271792_tn?1334983257
Mom..Mom..Mom. Take a breath.

Your son is very sick. We have told you this. I will not justify his actions but understand he is not in a position to stop. It is nothing personal as you are taking it. He is not doing this against you. He doesn't have a choice right now. the drugs are making the choice for him.

Get him into treatment. Stop enabling him and believing him. He is not himself right now and cannot be trusted. Long term treatment if possible. YOU are not cable of knowing how to handle him or his addiction. Please do this for you. Please do this for him. If you continue to enable him he may die. Please.
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Avatar_m_tn
I am not trying to enable him or even want to. I have closed all checking accounts and also credit cards. He found a replacement card yesterday and here we go again.Should I put a restrainig order on him? This is my problem. He lives 10 blocks away from my business and he can walk to my job. I am self employed and I have a small store. He will repeadly go there and my store will be full of people. This is not good for business. I have told him hundreds of times that he could not go there people look at him funny.He will catch me busy and he will look thru my drawers and look for checks credit cards etc. It seems everywhere I hide everything at home or at my business he finds. By reading evrything I wrote on the suboxone program etc. how would you handle this.After I received a call from my credit card company I called him and I told him not to call me until he was ready for rehab.What should be my next step?
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3038444_tn?1345698349
Hi Again,

I am really sorry that you are going through all this.  I have to be honest with you, your son is definitely manipulating you.  When he tells you the doctor cancelled, he has already gotten the "gas money" and the car to do what he pleases.  When he says he has nothing to do with the fraudulent activity, he's lying, as you have seen this out of him before. He is taking of right out of the drawers while you are busy at work!

He loves you, but the sick love he has for the drug is stronger at this time.  He is a sick boy and every second he pulls the wool over your eyes the more dangerous his roulette becomes.  Your sister has to stop enabling him too. Her housing him has made it possible for him to continue down the wrong path. Practicing tough love is one of the hardest things a parent can do, but it forces us addicts to be accountable for our actions.  

I know so many recovering addicts that had their parents get to the point of severing ties and kicking them out, but they now know it was the best decision their parents could have made. These desperate actions have to be up to you though. We shouldn't encourage a parent to react in this way before they are ready to do so.  

DO NARANON! Like I said above, it will get you in close contact with other parents just like you, farther along than you. They can shed some experience and help you deal with what they have already gone through.
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Avatar_m_tn
The advise you guys give is right the problem is us mothers sisters etc. We want everything to be back to normal so bad we try to beleive they are getting better when they are not. The problem is after everything I wrote when my sons goes to his psychiatrist they tell me the drug tests are clean. How could this happen is he taking something to clean his urine. This is a nightmare. This morning he called me dozens of times swearing it was not him using the credit cards etc, He wants my car to go to a job  interveiw. I told him stop calling me I had enough only call me when he wants me to take him to rehab.I hope I can be strong enough to continue.
Thanks Gabby
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Avatar_f_tn
I am a 26 yr old mother of 2 and addicted to heroin. Everyday was and is a battle to get through. I too am on the suboxone program i have been clean for almost 2 months. I cam tell u sometimes when i take the suboxone as prescribed by my dr i tend to nod off like i did when i was on heroin. Its getting better now that im getting used to it. I was also on klonopin but i had my dr switch it because it was making me veryyy sleepy.i hope everything works out for you and he keeps up with the program and also stops taking xanax.
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Avatar_m_tn
The problem with him is he went thru over $20,000.00 dollars in the past 6 months. In the past few days over two thousand.I even think he is selling his Xanax and suboxone. When he does take his suboxone and Xanax he is another person. What ever he is on noe he is mean confused, nods off alot ,his eyes look horible.He becomes scary.He called me many times today and I told him only call me when your ready to go to rehab and he said never. I hope God will put it in his heart to want to go.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Gabby, how does he have access to that much money?  Using your credit cards?  He needs to be faced with some harsh realitys. Not to be given a place to live, no access to your car, he needs to find his own rides to the doctors.  Your son postponed his evaluation?   If he doesn't get to the evulation which I am sure is part of hiscourt requirements he will have to deal with it.  We can't make them,love them more  or will them to make the right choices. They have to want to. He needs to be tired of where his road is bringing him to.  He has it to easy.
Believe me I. Know how hard it is to let them fall flat on their face. I have had to see my husband,son and daughter fall hard. Has it hurt?  Absolutely, beyond anything I can describe. Did it help them?  absolutely,and it didn't take long. They were used to being comfortable when they realized they were on their own they woke up real fast.
Let go. Let him feel the consequences of his decisions.
Sending support and prayers,
There is always hope......
Keep the faith...
Debbie
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The money is easy because we have various business including realestate rentals and there is a large cash flow and we use various credit cards for all our business. Times are very hard and we are not broke but we are just making it paying our mortgage paying our bills etc. Today he went inside one of our business almost at closing time. He calledme many times and each time I asked him to not call me again that if this is what he wants for his life that I do not except it or do I wantto be part of it. He then went into my store and started looking thru everything all my paper work and I told him tostop or that I was going to call the police he then got mad and started throwing everything.He then went into my office and started looking thru my files. I asked him again to stop he then pookedme and said that I was the woerse mother etc. I then picked up the phone and called the police. they came within minutes and asked him to leave at first he didnt want to go they asked him to leave and he turned to me and said mom I hate you for this. I am on suboxone and she is making these things up. He did leave and on the3 way out he said to the police in a little while she will call me to check up on me. Unfortunetly he knows me well. This happenes about 3oclock today and I will not call him again, I told him various times today I will not speak to you until you realise you are wrong and you need help and put yourself in rehab. He said that was never going to happen. Please pray for my son. He was always a great boy with a great love for his family.Did I do right? He asked me for money for lunch and I said no. If he was fine to get a job and start paying for his own things. Is that right? Or should I support him wiith with food?
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I had to call the police again on my son today. He was escorted out today again and the police officer said that if he has to come back again he will arrest him.Today he was more violent than yesterday and said that he needed money to go to inpatient rehab for an evaluation. I called and they told me that they do not charge any money if he has insurance. Then he wanted my car I said no and he became more and more violent swearing at me. Saying I am the worst mother ever.I told him I would take him there and he refused. This place is 45 minutes away. Am I doing the right thing?
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Stand your ground and yes you are doing the right thing! He is getting angry and frustrated because his old games aren't working anymore.  I am so happy that you took the time to call the inpatient rehab to find out about the money.  Don't give him use of your car and definitely don't give him any money. The more you help him out, the longer the process of recovery will be.  I have to tell you that it has to be up to him to want to get better.  Nothing that you can do or say can make him want to live a sober life.  He has to want it for himself.  Do you think he would hurt himself? The reason I ask is you could always 302 him and have him put in a crisis center where he would be forced to stay and sober up.  He will also see a psychiatrist and therapist to address the addiction issues that are plaguing him.  It is a last resort, but exactly what I needed to finally own up to my issues.  Be strong Mom and know you are doing everything right. Have you sought any other outside support?  I keep stressing Naranon meetings, but haven't heard any feedback about if this is something you may be interested in.  
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Gabby hun I am sorry I know how violent and enraged they can be. He is gettingmore angry because you are not giving in to his demands. Stay strong . You are doing awesome.he needs to figure out things on his own. If he can get his drugs he can get to his appt. If he wants to. Don't let him use the car and no money. You are doing great. Stand firm.sending prayers.support and encouragement
There is always hope.
Keep the faith
Debbie
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Thanks for your support. I have never seen my son so angry. After the police took him out a few hours later he came back. This time he wanted money for the  suboxone doctor which he is seeing today so I then called the doctor and this time it was the doctors fault. They made a mistake but they did ask him for a payment and I had already prepaid.Then he wanted money for something else and he does not stop. I do not want to have him arrested but he is rude to my customers and loud. He went to the doctors I hope he takes his Subs. He has an appointment next Monday for an evaluation at the clinic. He did say plenty of times he wishes he was Dead. He has been saying this for a while always when he doesnt get his way. Lets hope this will get better.I think because I want him to get better si bad that I am pushing him so much and your right only when he is ready and only then. And he will only be ready when things get really bad. Thanks
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Talk about being angry  today he was very angry called me every name . said he would destroy my business if I dont give him money etc.I definetly wont let him use the car again.Thanks for your support. I never thought this would happen to me. Thanks again
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Well my daughter brought him to his doctor and becausethere was a little wit he decided that hewanted to leave. My daughter went into the store fora drink and left the keys in the car and when she got back hewas trying to leave and she tried to stop him and she pushed him then he pushed her and they got into a little fight andthe police were called and they were both taken to the police station and tommorow they have to both go to court, I cannot putmy daughters in this position again. this is gettingworse andhe is  getting meaner and  meaner.I will be brining him  into court
tommorow if   he doesnt go there will be a  fine or jail. I want him to go to rehab and his evaluation is on wednesday and hopefullythis will help him.the only reason I am taking him is it is almost 1 hour away andhe has nobody to take him. If it was in town he would have to walk maybe I am wrong but I need him to be at his evaluation and hopefully it will be for in patient. Does anyone know agood rehab I am in connecticut and he has state insurance, If needed  I will get a loan and pay. Thanks everyone
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3038444_tn?1345698349
He needs this evaluation more than ever!! I think it is wise of you to be taking him to it his appointment otherwise what is guaranteeing that he will go.  I hate to say it, but please don't get your hopes up because it really doesn't seem like he is ready.  As for rehabs in connecticut, take a look at the website below

http://www.newliferecovery.net/Treatment/Connecticut_Addiction_Treatment.htm

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So much has happened today. My son was supposed to go to court today but he never made it. I wasup this morning early to pick him up and he refused to go with me. I then went to work. a few hours later he shows up at my business and askes for money and the car keys.I wouldnt give it to him so he started destoying things inmy busiess and he then went to my basement andwhen I went down stairs toseewhat he was doing he had a rope hanging from the ceiling and a  chair under it. I said whats going on eric and called 911. He heard me calling and said all he wants is the keys to get to court.he was supposed to be there at 9:30 and it was already 11:oclock. I was scared for him and he begged me to let him go with a promise to go to court. Iknew the police would take to long and I let him go. He got to my house which is 25 minutes away and close to the court at 2:30 really bad. A friend of mine that happened to come visit called me and said he was getting dressed and said he was on his way to court. He toldme he looked horrible for me to come home. By this time it was almost 4 and the court was closed. I told him that he either had to go to the hospital or jail. By this time there was a warrant for his arrest. He let me bring him to the hospital and after he was admitted I told the doctor about his suicide attempt and that I was worried for his life. They keep him and I asked the doctor to seewhat could be done about keeping him and then going to rehab. I will worry about the court at a future date right now I need to save his life and keeping him safe is important now. Everyone says he needs to reach rock bottom, to me he is at rock bottom. They call my son the white boy from our town. He is a big teady bear but this past week especially he looks like the devil. I hope I did the right thing.
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Hi. I'm an addict, smoking heroin is my drug of choice, and I'm 27 yrs old. I am currently on suboxone...I take very SMALL amounts which my father administers it to me and it has saved my life. Just a little advice, taking too much suboxone will cause MAJOR drowsiness and there is a thin line. I take only 1 mg out the 8 mg film and I'm fine all day. With that being said, I'm only a 100 lb female so the dose varies per person. I've been addicted to opiates now for 11 years and it is tough but I'm slowly getting my life back together. One of the good things about suboxone is that it is made with an opiate blocker...so if a relapse should happen, the effects will be blocked to the brain. I hope this somewhat makes sense and I really hope this post helps someone out there. \I guess I just want to put out there that suboxone is not a bad thing. Its not for everyone, but if you are a long time ADULT addict like myself it can really help you out.
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hello everyone my son is currently in the hospital. He was admitted 2 days ago and he is mad at me! He will not sign a release to speak to me about information on him. He is there already 2 days. He was admitted to  the pysc ward. Can anyone tell me if they help him with detox? As a mother what should be my next step? I know he is 26 but he acts like a 16 year old.I already found a good rehabcenter  for him to go. Can I suggest it to the court?He also has a warrant for his arrest because he did not show up to court. I am  afraid he will get out and go back to everything.Should I resolve the court problems first?Of course he also has to agree to this.
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You sure have your hands full Gabby. Why was he admitted to the hospital? If it is the Psychiatric Ward at a regular hospital they usually only hold you 72 hours and either transfer you to another hospital or release you. But it all depends on the circumstances surrounding his admittance. The ward will not do much in the way of rehab treatment and 72 hours is not enough time anyway. Besides, he is angry and there against his will. He has not surrendered yet so his ears are closed. I don't think it would matter what they said at this point. He doesn't sound ready.

Because he is of age I don't know how much the court will allow you to participate in. Surely you can try if that is what you feel you need to do. All they can say is no.

Let us know what happens. I'll keep praying for you.
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Today is his third day at the hospital and he is fine and happy. He finally signed a release so  the staff so they can call me and release info. After speaking  to the doctor this morning and explaining all that has happened they are keeping him in a few more days and they are also giving me a recommendation to give the court so he can go to inpatient treatment. I also called the court and explained to them that he didnot show up to  court because he was in the hospital and they want a letter stating that he was in the hospital and was admitted and after his release from the hospital that he will have to turn himself in pay a fine and they begin the process. Then he has to go to court because he didnt complete his DUI class. Just so everyone knows the courts are in different towns. Now I am lookng for an in patient rehab he has state insurance and that only covers 30 days. I am looking for something better and with a longer stay. I know everyone says to reach rock bottom and he might not be ready only God knows the future. The way my son was he was there. Although he continued to say he was fine. He was so hostile this past week that I was afraid of him. After speaking the the doctor not only did he have Herion he also had Xanex and cocaine in his system. He was not getting any better. My son used to be the best son and drugs do change a person.This morning as I was speakingto the doctor I explained that he was a great kid. She said to me your son is like a sweet teady bear. My son is a big kid and thats what everyone used to call him. If we dont try things we never know what the results will be.Guys pray for my son.
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im happy for u. alot of the anger may hav been from the coke it tends to do that i hope everything turns out ok
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I need help again. My son came home from the hospital on tuesday he was there for a week and while he was there they gave him suboxone he decided to not take any more Zanex. Today is saturday and he says he is very sick that he is throwing up and his whole body hurts. he says he  needs to buy them on the street. I am furious at him and where we live is far he is stuck without transportation. I told him that if he started I would not even go home tonight.He is very persistant. He was fine all these days.Is this normal? What can I purchase that is natural for him?
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Dear Gabby and others on this discussion-  This is a very difficult situation but please know you are not alone.  Our beautiful and talented 20 year old daughter is addicted to herioin and she has been in and out of emergency rooms (3 near fatal overdoses) detox units, rehabs, psychiatric hospitals, recovery houses, intensive outpatient treatments,  in an endless cycle to where we have lost count of the number of institutions.  At one point we were paying for 4 places at once because she kept getting kicked out for using but she had to be somewhere.  Recently she went 2.5 months clean before she relapsed again, and is again back in a rehab (by way of ER and psych unit).  We are almost two weeks into her stay there, and she is still in the blackout period which means she has not improved enough to level up to contact us.  Very heartbreaking and we are so worried that this may be the way it will be for a long time if not forever. We are retirement age but will not be retiring anytime soon because we need to finance her treatment.    

I think we made a turn to the better (the family) when we told her she may not come back home until she proves that she can live clean.  That was very hard to tell a sick 19 year old, but we had to do it and had a place for her to go to work on her recovery.  We always have that available to her but will not let her come home.  That was when she od'd for the first time, on the grounds of the Psychiatric hospital, went to the ER and then went onto the streets.  We let her, and it was so hard, because we knew she could not get well if we let her live here and continue her addicted life.  Eventually she ended up contacting us and said she was ready to come in and go back to rehab, and has been doing better as time went on, but has had a number of relapses.  We hope this current situation is helping but don't have a lot of faith that anything will be a permanent change.  

Our family knows how hard it is to watch and not know how you can fix it, but you cannot fix it.  That is important to remember. We are lucky in that we have the resources to help her work on her recovery - for now.  Not everyone does, but mainly it is up to the addict to change, not the family to change them.  Families need to back off and let them make the decisions to a large extent.  You can help by giving them a path of least resistence, but you can not make them as it will not work.

I hope all of you much luck and love and please try to have a life and some enjoyment if you can.   I know how this can tear up a family, but you owe it to each other to still have a life and some fun as your addict works on his or her recovery as best they can.   Wishing you strenght and love and peace. Marianne
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Hello everyone . well my son is going to an outpatient program. I did everything to try to convince him to go to in patient but he refused. He is still going thru the court system and they are watching him. I let him come back home while he is in therepy. Can anyone tell me if there are usually relaspes and if this does happen what should I do? How can I get drug tests to have home? I am confused and he looked great for 3 weeks but today he already was angry rude etc. and I asked him if he was on something and he said no of course. I am not sure what to think. He is still taking suboxone. He is only taking 1/4 of a piece at a time. He is runnig out.He asked me to make an appointment to a doctor but it was the weekend and today is a holiday. He wants to get better but he says he still needs his subs. He cannot go back to his old subs doctor because of the argument him and my daughter had in front of his office. By the way I had prepaid for the month of therapy when this happened. If he goes backwe will have to start all over with another doctor. Is it normal for someone to go to a putpatient rehab and need a suboxone doctor?
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gabby,
i would make your son sign a release to let you speak with the counselor who runs the outpaitent program. that way you can speak with them about his progress there. have you attended any family sessions? he should be getting random urine tests there. is the outpatient on board with him taking the suboxone while in outpaitient? he should not be running out early of the subs if he is taking it as directed. he needs to have definite rules and boundarys put into place to stay in your home.
keep the faith...
debbie
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He took suboxone while in the hospital and upon his release we were told that the doctor would not see him anymore. He did find 4 suboxones in his room and thats what he has been using. He did ask me to find him another doctor for subs. It is normal to be on subs while an outpatient?
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It depends on the outpatient he is at. How many years has he been an addict? If suboxone is used right it can help him initially with the cravings and the need to constantly look for drugs. Has he stopped taking the Xanax?
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Hi gabby. Im a heroin addict and i have been using for about 3 years i tried ct but couldn't seem to shake it so i found myself a really good sub dr and have been clean for 63 days! I feel amazing jsut like i use to before using. I still habe bad days but they r starting to get better. The key with suboxone is treatment while on the program! Subs alone only work for so long before u want to use. After care is a HUGE thing as ppl may have mentioned to u. I hope everything works out good luck!!!
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He stopped Xanex while he was in the hospital. The only thing he asked me for is suboxone. I guess I just want everything back to normal and these things do take time. He has been using Heroin for almost 2 years. It seems like he is ok we have been watching him all day and he seems really upset today. He doesnt have any money or any credit. What happens when he starts working and getting his money? Should I continue to watch him? What are the rules on his first paycheck?
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how often does he go to the outpatient program? dont look to far ahead it can be overwhelming. be thankful things are as they are now. did you ask him about letting you speak with the counselor at the program?
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He goes 3 times a week for 3 hours a day. He seems to like it. It was only today that he was not well. This is very hard he acts like a teenager. Today he is mad at me and sleeping on the sofa. I told him he hadto go to bed early because his excuse was he was tired he didnt sleep last night he had to get up early to go to rehab and he didnt want to miss it so he keep waking up. he keeps forgetting to bring his alarm clock from his old apartment. he hasnt fully moved in yet he still didnt take out all his things. so I told him to go to bed early today there was no watching tv until late and he said then he would sleep on the sofa. He knows I dont like this he has a bed. It seems like he is always against what I say.  Some of his chores are statring a fire and he said he would not do it. I am so tired of fighting.I have told him many times everyone needs to help and he will start off ok then he goes back to being lazy. This is a bad habit that is very hard to brake.any suggestions and is this normal?
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I started my opiate use with recreational hydrocodone (vicodin) use before I moved up to snorting oxycontin and eventually shooting up heroin. And thats just the opiates. I was also smoking crack everyday and shooting up meth a few times a week. Eventually my parents forced me to go to rehab by threatening me that they would kick me out and id be homeless. So I went to rehab. 6 months after I got out of my 3 month rehab program my parents kicked me out because they found out I went out drinking on my 21st birthday. They didnt find out until December of 2011, upon which they immediately kicked me out. And I had not done heroin or any other drugs (aside from a few nights of drinking over the months of August-December). I went to rehab in Feb of 2011, got out of rehab in May of 2011, and had my 21st birthday in Aug of 2011.

When I was kicked out and officially 'homeless' at the beginning of December, the only place I could go for shelter was my drug dealers house. It was either that, or sleep in my car. So thats exactly where I went. Of course, immediately I started shooting up heroin and crack several times a day, literally THE day I was kicked out, after 10 months sober of all illegal drugs (not including a few nights of drinking I did after I turned 21). A month after I got kicked out, I was leaving work one day after doing several shots of heroin throughout the day, and ended up falling asleep at the wheel and driving my car through a brick wall.

My point is, be sure to completely think about what you decide to do, thoroughly, before you actually do it. It might save your kid tons of possible legal and medical problems if you dont rush to a decision, particularly a decision that involves abandoning your kid and leaving him/her to fend for themself. And if your kid is a junkie and gets into trouble, chances are he/she doesnt have alot of money, and the financial burden will fall on you.

I can tell you from first hand experience, once you are kicked out and officially homeless, theres nothing to hold you back from doing dope every day. And its not just the dope use that changes. I found myself doing all kinds of crimes such as selling drugs, stealing food from stores, robbing people for dope/food money etc.

And dont forget about the drastic change in the relationship you have with your kid that will occur if you decide to take drastic measures. I can never see my parents in the same light as I did before they kicked me out. Sure they did it "for my own good" but the way the message comes across is that they are sick of your ****, dont want anything to do with you, could care less if you wind up dead, and werent there for you in your time of need unlike other people (such as your drug buddies who let you stay at their apartment/house while you were homeless).

Ive had first hand experience with this situation. This is how it comes across to the "problem child." You will make make your decision regardless, I just hope you think about what you might be doing to your kid before you make any drastic decisions.
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hi i am an addict and a mom. im also on suboxone . u hav the power here. he cant pay for his meds. let him kno that next time he gets "lazy" also in regaurds to finding a sub dr here is the sub hotline # they will help u get a dr 1-888-898-4818. he will b sick without his sub and most likley relaspse he hasnt had enough therepy yet to handle being sober iv been on sub 5 months and going to therepy and im not ready yet either. at walgeens or cvs u can get at home drug tests
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I am so sorry you had to go thru all this. It is never to late to go
back to your parents. As parents we do what we think is best at the time for our kids. What ever your parents did I am sure they did thinking that was the best and only way for you to reach rock bottom. We all say things we do not mean and at times they are very hurtful. My son was always a good boy until this drug problem. He also called me many names and said we were horrible parents etc. Ijust want the best for him but if he continues to go against us and our rules I will kick him out.
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I need advise. My son is at an outpatient program. This past week things are not going well. He started to ask me for money again and also to see a pyschiatrist he said that the court said he had to go back on his anxiety and depression medicine. I told him I needed to speak to the doctors again and he said absolutely not. At his point do I call the program to tell them he is not well? They will not speak to me without his authorazation.Should I call the Judge or write him a letter. I wanted him to go inpatient and the place where he did his evaluation said he would be ok with outpatient. I told him that tommorow I needed to speak to the out patient program.He says he needs money for his depression medicine and I told him I would go with him to the pharmacy. He of course wants to do it himself. This is like a broken record. What should I do call the inpatient place? Will I get him in more trouble?
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gabby i dont think the court would require him to go back on anxiety and depression medicene. ABSOLUTELY do not give him money. if he needs medicene you will go to the pharmacy with him, end of story. do not let him
con you. i would make it a requirement that he sign a release to let you speak with the doctors and outpatient or not let him live at your house. for aall you know he might not be going to outpatient anymore.
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He is pulling your leg. I would only imagine a doctor would put him on medicine. The judge is not a doctor. I have been in your shoes believe me.
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gabby, I have never used anything stronger than vicodin but addiction is addiction. Im 42 yrs old and have gone thru many of the same things that u are going thru w/ your son. I also said and did horrible things to my mother. Even though in reality she was my biggest supporter and never gave up on me. Even as I would say and do these things I knew she was right and I was wrong, as Im sure your son knows also. And I can tell u he probably feels tremendous guilt over the things hes said and done. But right now all he cares about is getting more drugs and no matter how much he loves u that comes first. I have read all your posts and just wanted u to know I think u have done the best u could with whatever your son was putting u thru at the time. You seem 2 have made the right decisions when u had to. You need to know that nothing u do is going 2 matter until he admits he needs help and follows thru w/ whatever is required to get clean. You WILL know when he is really serious about being sober. As his mother u will know. Just wanted u to hear it from an addict that u are doing all the right things to help your son. He doesnt hate u, he hates what heroin has turned him into. Your just his outlet. Remember we hurt the ones we love the most. I truly believe he will eventually give up control and really seek help and then u will have the son u know and love back. I am praying for u both and just wanted you 2 know u obviously love your son and sound like a wonderful mother and his biggest supporter and one day he will thank you. Chris
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I apreciate your advice and you are right he will only get better when he wants to. I have tried everything I could to help him. Today we are having a bad storm and his therapy was cancelled. I woke him up early to help put the chairs and things inside because of the storm and when I got home at 1 oclock he was still sleeping and did not do anything. When I woke him up he started swearing at me. etc. He is rude with what ever he is on. anxiety pills are supposed to make a person calm. He is 26 years old, and time is not on his side. He became rude and selfish and very Lazy. I am calling the clinic and explain to them what is going on and ask them to refer him to inpatient. This is a long battle and I hope he will make.
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Gabby, sorry things are bad for you today. That is the life for you as the mother of an addict. As I said earlier I still struggle with my addiction (hydrocodone) every day. Now that the fog I was under has finally begun to lift and I can once again think clearly, I know I would not have made it w/o my mom. Many times I would not have blamed her if she decided to never see or speak to me again for the NASTY AWFUL things I said and did to her. But as we talk a lot more now, she told me she never hated me she hated what the drugs had made me become. I think you might want to look into having him "baker acted" for at least 72 hours. Sometimes they will keep him longer if he is a threat to himself or others. Thats what it took for me and my mom did not feel guilty one bit, as she said, she knew where I was and knew I was safe. Its just a suggestion and may be something you've already tried. It took 3 times for things to click for me. Dont give up and try to keep being strong. You are doing what you feel is best for you and your son, and that could never be wrong. Still praying for you both. Chris
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Well guys my son had a bad relapse! I called in outpatient program and they told me that he might have to go in patient. I explained everything thing tp them and my concerns. He got a persription for xanex for120 on friday of last week and yesterday I counted them and he had only 12 left. He said he had the rest hidden. He looked horrible this past week what I think is that he is selling them for heroin. I told him and the inpatient program that I would not except him at home anymore. That he could not come home. I gave him so many chances. I love my son dearly and I need him to get better but he difinetly needs to go inpatient. After all this he still told me on the phone that he was fine. He could hardly walk. I told him to go to sober living. He said that there is alot of drugs there and why would I want him to go there. I am hoping they will have a bed. In the mean time this weekend I cannot let him stay at home and it is cold out there any suggestions?
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No suggestions but lots of prayers for you and your son.  Our kids can certainly break our hearts so much.  I don't think all sober living environments have drugs there but I know some do.  I hope someone will have some other suggestions for you.
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Stick to your guns, Momma!  He's not hitting a bottom, that's for sure.

If you "prevent the consequences" of his behavior, he has no reason to look at himself.  Wherever he ends up right this very moment is out of
your hands.  Of course you love him......love him enough to let his choices speak for themselves.  He is still tryin to "play" you.......turn off the record player......don't talk to him or let him come back home. God doesn't have any grandchildren.....God loves your son more than you could ever love him.  It's terribly hard.....but its time to see that your counting pills and making phone calls is just keeping you sick.  Be good to yourself and try like heck to find a good Al-Anon meeting.  You will feel "so much at home" the minute people start sharing.  It will help strengthen you and encourage you.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers........
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I appreciate your help and hopefully he will see that I only want the best for him, Please keep him in your prayers
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My son is begging to come home and I said absolutely no. He has to be at inpatient tommorow and it is 40 minutes away from where he is. I offered to put gas in his car so he can make it there for tommorow only. I also told him they have sober living and he would have ti call there for an appointment.He said where he is there is no electricity so he does not have an alarm clock and he will never make it. If he tells me he will go to inpatient should I let him come home until they have room? this is considering there is no room at the sobering center? I want to be tuff but when at this point and should I help out?
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Jeeze gabby I'm sorry you're going through this :-/ Sounds like you've made some good choices so far though. I'm sure it must be hard with the hurricane and it being cold and all thats been going on (I'm here in NJ - we have power but the whole thing is terrible all around) but iIf he isn't clean I don't know that I would let him come home. He's actively using and honestly that whole alarm clock thing is just an excuse. There has to be a way for him to get to inpatient- which he needs this is apparent!!! Is he talking to you on a cell? They have alarms. Could someone pick him up? Drive him there tmrw am? Best of luck Gabby keep us posted
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I offered to put gas in his car and he said no he wanted to come back home. He said mom by you doing this I just want to get high to forget this whole situation. towards the end he said I just want to kill myself. He says this when he doesnt get his way. I hope he is still bluffing.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
he is continuing to shift blame to you. of course he wants to come home. he wants things to continue status quo. where he is taken care of. he can sleep in his car or 40 mins from inpatient. if he has no where to sleep that could force him into inpatient. dont make it easy for him gabby.
stand strong. he has to go to inpatient. he has had more than enough chances to try it on his own. it isnt working. he needs constant supervision and round the clock help. dont let him back in.
i know how hard this is for you. i made my daughter leave for the 3rd time in august after many,many trys. 10 days later she went into an inpatient program and i am so happy to say she has been there for 8 weeks.
there is always hope........ dont give up and dont give in.
prayers and hugs
debbie
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thankyou for you help and support. We allwant the best for our kids and it is very hard to stay strong. I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be ok but unfortunetly I have tried that plenty of times and it didnt work. I am trying something different. I hope the best for your daughter also.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Good for you. Addiction is a family disease .
The definition of insanity is doing the something over and over and
Expecting different results.
Time for something different. So glad you are ready.
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  My son keeps begging to come home. we are sitting down to talk to him today and explaining that if he doesnt go to rehab he cannot come home. He swears he is not doing drugs that he wants to continue outpatient.That he wants to go back to suboxone etc.I tried suboxone twice and twice he relasped. Since it was always me that spoke to him this time my husband is getting involved my kids always listened to him more. I am hoping that if it comes out of his mouth tonight he will listen. If not he is notcoming home.His state insurance covers 30 day inpatient. I would like him to go 90 days but there is a waiting list. I wanted to speak to his rehab facility and ask how quick and how easy it would be to get in. does any one know about these things?
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a few days ago we let him back in until his court date on tuesday. He said he would go to rehab. I set everything up for him and his court date again is on tuesday and yesterday he said I dont need rehab I am doing perfectly fine.I got a call from his attorney and he told me that he received a call for the inpatient that he missedalot of days and that he is looking at jail time. I askedhim about this and he said that is wasnt like that. I am writing a letter to the judge and asking him to go to inpatient rehab.What does it taketoopen his eyes? He was asking me for money all day today and all day I said no. He came to my business and he only left because my daughter called the police. He decided to leave before they came. I put gas in his car and told him to go home. He got mad at me and said that I am the reason he gets high. He only wanted money to go bowling with his freinds from rehab.He asked me to go with him and watch him bowl. I said no I am workng and you donnot have a job and I am not paying for anything else except rehab. I also told him that after tuesday that if he doesnt go to rehab he was out for good. My whole family will not let him in even if I would let him. was I wrong for not giving the money?My gut tells me I was wright. Did I handle this well? could I have done anything different?
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Well here I am again. My son was fine for a few weeks and then he gets bad again.He still thinks he needs no help. It is time for an interventionist. I started looking. He has a court date for his DUI on the 14th. I already found a good in patient rehab and he said he would not go because there was no internet or tv. This is a long battle. There are always excuses. any suggestions?
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Gabby....your original post here is dated AUGUST 10th.......it's coming on 4 months of rehashing and repetitive excuses.  That's NORMAL for an addict that is IN DENIAL.  You cannot "love him more" than you already do.
Consequences........when we get ourselves out of the way.......and allow them to occur........can be life-changing.

PLEASE go to the web sites for al-anon and nar-anon.  Both the .org and the .com sites.  Help yourself now.......you are doing and have done ALL that you can do for him.  There is a HUGE difference between "equipping" and "enabling".  You have found a good inpatient rehab for your son.  The
rest is ALL UP TO HIM!  Recovering and the DESIRE to get clean and sober cannot be planted in his heart BY YOU, dear Mama!  I KNOW you love him, but this is a family disease and is making you sick.  Help is so readily available for you....and the world is full of people who are walking in the VERY same shoes as you are.  You can find encouragement, support and love from those web sites.  You can find literature to help you.  You can find a meeting in the area where you live.  They even have on-line meetings!
Back in 1976 I attended an INTERNATIONAL Al-Anon conference that was hosted in Denver, Co and it was the most fascinating, uplifting event!
The entire world is full of moms, daughters, dads, sisters, brothers, etc. that are affected by loving an addict.  The patterns, questions, struggles, are SO similar.  I pray you will put as much effort into helping yourself as you have, thus far, put into helping your precious son.  God has a plan for your son, too.  And your son will hit his bottom when he is ready.
Blessings to you~
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you are very right.I want to see him well quickly that I forget that he has a very serious problem. He tells me he wants to get better and he will stay clean fora few weeks then the relapse.I just got a call from my daughter and I have a few retail business and one is across the street from the other. She had just closed up and was in her car when she saw my son come out of my business he closed the gate and got in his car. I went to look in my purse and the keys were gone. I have money and jewelery there I am sure he took some things. Should I call the police and have him arrested? At this point he refuses to go to rehab.What do I do?
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Hi Gabby. You did the right thing by not giving him $. And you're right- there are always excuses. When I was taking pills i had them too. As addicts, we're so lost and in denial when using. We don't think clearly and are often very selfish. Drugs make you do horrible things (im sure you can attest to that). No doubt your son loves you but is sounds as though he has a very slim grip on reality right now.

We just don't know where his bottom will be, but he will hit it at some point and hopefully start to want to get help. You can't love him into treatment. You can love yourself into some support though :)

What clean said was spot on...get yourself into treatment to get some knowledge and support. You will be so much better equipped to handle this. It's sounds so cliche, but knowledge is power.

Keep posting and checking in. Hopefully you'll be able to come on here soon and start a new thread about your new, positive experiences!!
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Hi Gabby, I'm so very sorry you are going through this with you son! My heart goes out to you!

If he has stolen from you, then yes, if it were me, I would call the police and have him arrested! He can not be allowed to do this! If he gets away with it now, it will happen over and over again! I would check out the business, and if there are things missing, then I would call the police and tell them the story! I know how difficult this would be, but honestly he can not be allowed to get away with stealing!

Please take care, and take the advice about getting yourself into Al-Anon or Nar-Anon! You will find so much support there! You are in my prayers!
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Im sorry you are going thru this. But the one thing you never ever do is give an addict money. No matter what he says its for. EVER. Do not feel guilty for not catering to him. He knows he has burned his ties with everyone but you basically. Thats why he tries to guilt you into feeling sorry for him. You are doing everything that you need to do for him. And he's so stuck in this rut that he does not see it. He doesnt want to go to a rehab because they dont have internet? Those things are a luxury that he doesnt need. Thats another excuse.
I know this is tough for me to say but if I were in your situation I would show him so really tough love and call the police. Maybe this is what he needs. I would do that right now. One day when hes clean and sober he will respect you for it and understand why you did it. Its going to be hard but its time for you to stop worrying about him and he has to deal with the reprucussions of his actions. Theres no other way everytime you think hes changed just a little he turns around and makes an excuse as to why he cant stay neither here or there. Enough is enough and I only say this because I have almost 3 months clean off of heroin and I tell you an addict has to hit rock bottom to want help and maybe jail will be his rock bottom. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you.
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Alot has happened since my  last post. Things got bad again until they finally are starting to look better. For almost 2 years I have been begging my son to go  to rehab and he always denied even having a problem! I started getting tough and giving him no money and he started having a hard time getting money and things started to change. He did not complete his outpatient program and because of this the judge had him arrested. He had already looked into rehabs. He is presently on the waiting list and he is looking forward to it !.He is also waiting to get into a detox program.I found him some good programs out of state and he refused saying He spent alot of my money already and he is going thru his insurance. The only problem he has state insurance and they only pay for 30 days. They all have programs like sober living. Can anyone tell me about these. I spoke to my son and explained to him after the 30 days he has to do what they suggest and go into sober living etc. If 28 days arenot enough should I look into a private a pay? I know this is just the beggining but I am trying to learn as much as possible about what I should do. Any suggestions?
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hi gabby,this is great news. you stepped back, stopped enabling him and he started to feel the conseqences of his actions, that is exactly what needed to be done. good girl. you did good. he didnt go to outpatient rehab like he was supposed to do and the judge arrested him, another consequence of his actions. that is how he will learn and start to be responsible.
dont worry too much about after the 28 days, take it one day at a time. it can be figured out once he is there. i will tell you that 28 days is never enough. all it does is start to dry them out, their mind, body, and their brain are still not feeling well. he will definitely need more time to help prevent relapse. he has alot of work to do, one day at a time. let him do some of the leg work, look for the detox centers, the sober living homes.
is the judge stipulating him to an inpatient program?
please take care of yourself, get some therapy, have you gone to alanon yet?
hugs and continued prayers,
debbie
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Thank you for the info. I also agree 28 days is not enough. I also told him that after rehab he could not come home.He said of course I am where else could I go. I have to make sure that I explain to the clinic so they can help me figure out the next step. Once a person starts Heroin it is very hard to get off. although not imposible.It is funny at times and I dont know if I am coming or going. Some days he was really sad and said to me  mommy I need help. Then the next day he was fine. The other day before he got arrested he turned to me really sad and said mom I am sick. I hope this is the begining of a bright future. He said he hopes to get better so he can go back to college.He wasalways a good son. This really transformed him. I hope and pray I get him back.
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Don't have much to add...just sending you support and prayers.  Certainly SUCH a difficult...impossible situation to be in!  I hope your son gets well!

XOXO
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This certainly is a bad situation. He has a bed waiting for him he is going to detox after christmas. Then rehab. Even after all that I still have to watch everything he has pawned so much. One day I asked why do you do this and he has no answers. I guess I have to watch him even though he wants to get better he has no coping skills. This drug is horrible! I also told my son that I loved him very much but that after rehab he could not come home. He needed to put himselfin sober living and that they would help him get back in college. There are days that is all he talks about and that he wants a girlfrien and wants to get back with his life. I hope everything goes well. This is an experience of a lifetime. I feel while he is still alive there is hope.
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Sweetie, you don't have to "watch" him....he's not a child.  I'm so glad he's going into treatment, sounds like that needs to happen.  Have you ever gone to an alanon or naranon meeting?  

You need to learn about the co-dependency and enabling.  I'm sure you already have a good idea, but those things are hard to stop on your own, because it means you feel like you're turning your back.

Please get some help while he does, okay?

Sending you lots of love and support.
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I think it will be a good idea to go to meeting while he is gone. even if he moves close to home I need to learn more on how to handle him when he gets out.I alreadytold him he could not come back home. He needs to get help and continue to get more help after he gets out and if he comes back home he will just go back. Her has us all upset all the timeand worried.I need to stop  living this with him and enanbling him.I came to the end of my rope. Thanks for all your help
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My son is 23 an also on Heroin and has been for about a year and a half. It started with prescription meds also. He is in love with a girl that has been a user for years and together they always go back to it. They have stolen from me and pawned everything he had of any value. They are both now doing time in jail for stealing from a grocery store. When he is in jail and off drugs he is my son again but when he is on drugs i dont even know him the lies and the stealing. He has lost all his real friends and the new ones I dont want anywhere near me. He was in a drug court program which does not help an addict it makes it impossible for him to work and forces him to go back and see all his drug addict friends on a weekly basis. He claims he is ready to quit now but of course i have heard it before. I feel so sorry for anyone that has to go through this. I hope your son and mine get over this before it destoys their whole lives.
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I cant wait until he goes away.He trys and will do great for a wek then he relaspes. Last week he got caught steeling again.He askedme to buy some christmas gifts and I told him that I would help him out. Well a few days later he got caught steeling a watch at rite aid! I asked why he did that and he said that he wanted to get christmas gifts for me and his dad. Well here goes trouble again. I was talking to him today and I asked him why he continues to make all these mistakes and he tells me he doesnt understand it himself that the drugs make him crazy. Is this up and down normal?
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Is this normal my son keeps stealing from me! I think I will reach rock bottom before him.It is the worst feeling having someone I love so much steal from me and think nothing of it. He steals and says sorry as if it was nothing. There have been so many chances and still he steals. He became selfish. Life is all about him.I am going away on vacation for one month and my family says I am selfish for leaving him the way he is.For the last 2 years this has been about him and I am tired. I havent taken one day off working just to pay all the bills and they keep accumulating.
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I love to hear success stories! Eleven years? That's awesome! It gives me hope for my daughter.

Congratulations and thanks for posting.
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480448_tn?1403547723
You aren't selfish at ALL hon!  My GOODNESS!  You need a vaction!  When does he go?  I know it's impossible, but personally, I wouldn't put up with it anymore.  Tell him if he does it again, he's on his own, completely.  Problem is, you HAVE to follow through.  No offense hon, but a lot of times, you haven't, and he knows this.  That's why  it's so "easy" for him.  He knows all he has to deal with is you telling him the same things.

I know it's impossible, but that's why YOU need help too...for the enabling.  You allow it to happen, over and over.  I know you've tried your hardest..I'm not trying to make you feel bad.  I think one of the wisest things I've read on here is that an addict makes everyone in the family sick.  It's so true.  YOU are sick right along with him, and probably allowing things to happen you would have NEVER imagined, am I right?

God bless you hon...when he gets to rehab, you REALLY need to set your bottom line and stick to it.  I would tell him he is NOT allowed to come back if he doesn't complete the entire program, and any aftercare.  PERSONALLY, I would tell him he has to find somewhere else to live, no matter what.

You're killing yourself working, and he steals your hard earned money...sorry, but that just infuriates me.  :0(  PLEASE get tough, okay?  You need to get yourself some help sweetie!

Much love to you!! Please update us when you can!  Prayers coming your way!
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Thanks for posting. Today we found out that he didnot get in the program he wanted to go. They said he was not that bad off that he was on methadone and also taking heroin. I heard him on the phone with them and he was saying that he uses 4 times a day.Because he didnt have any other drugs in his system for 6 weeks he couldnt get in. This is horrible. Because of his legal problems he has to go to detox and rehab and now he says he is mad at me that because I am butting in he will not get off methadone. I did speak to a very good freind of mine and he was able to get him in detox. I hope he will go it is tommorow afternoon.If he goes fine and if not he can go to Jail this way he will detox there. I am tired. I did more than I should. Everyone says he is not ready and I am confused myself. There are days we talk alot and he says how he wants to get his life back and a girlfreind etc. and then the next week he is stealing..Is this behavior normal. Last year at this time he wouldnt even admitt he had a problem and he was much worse.I told him today that his future is up to him not me. That unless he goes to rehab and detox that his future was in his hands and after rehab and aftercare then maybe depending on the situation that maybe just maybe hecould come back home. He alays loved to be home. Unfortunetly he is doing nothing with his life for over 2 years nothing. I hope and pray he does the right thing.
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I am tired. I did more than I should.

Absolutely hon!

He's mad at YOU?  Oh my...that's very typical addict behavior. They're mad and angry at everyone but themselves.  They are the kings/queens of making excuses, they are hot and cold.

Bottom line here, sweetie, is he needs help, and you've bent over backwards trying to get him that help.  He is an adult...let him find his own help and make the arrangements himself.  If he doesn't go to rehab, you need to kick him out, and change your locks.  If he steals from you again, call the police.  Enough is enough.  HE isn't sounding like he's anywhere NEAR ready to get off this roller coaster ride...but YOU are.  You don't have to ride along with him.

Praying for him...and praying for you.  It's going to take strength and discipline...but you HAVE to set boundaries and stick to them.  A very good friend of mine took advantage of me over and over, while I was trying to help her.  FINALLY, when I stopped, and stuck to my bottom line...she got help.  I was the last person helping her.  Everyone else had already had enough.

Hang in there...I'll be anxiously watching for an update..hopefully a good one!
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I was just thinking the same thing today, My son has stolen from me his friends even his Grandmother and its like its nothing to him. Nothing is ever his fault and everything is about him. He is in jail now and its a nice break even though i worry about him.
My son was always such a good kid I cant believe how this drug has changed him. I grew up in the 80's so i am not a stranger to drugs but this drug is a nightmare i cant wake up from. I hope your son gets into rehab, but even if he doesn't you still have to live your life even if he chooses to throw his away.  I dont know about you but its embarrassing and not something i really want to talk about with people i know, so i find myself staying home and away from others so i dont have to answer questions about him. Yes you should definatly take that vacation if you can.
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This is late but PLEASE @ 26 let him resolve his legal issues..  You have gone above and beyond the role of mom.. My mother is 76 and has 3 out of 5 children as recovering addicts.. I am not one of them I am an attorney and my brother is a CPA the other three are sisters who all battle addiction the youngest is 35 and when we found out that hurt the most especially after what she and I as the two youngest watched with our two older sisters! Please stop enabling him!  CT does have some wonderful treatment facilities I am not sure what end of the state you are in ??  By the way my mother enables my oldest sisters son who is 30 because she feels bad for what he went through. It is a vicious cycle please stop.
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This is late but PLEASE @ 26 let him resolve his legal issues..  You have gone above and beyond the role of mom.. My mother is 76 and has 3 out of 5 children as recovering addicts.. I am not one of them I am an attorney and my brother is a CPA the other three are sisters who all battle addiction the youngest is 35 and when we found out that hurt the most especially after what she and I as the two youngest watched with our two older sisters! Please stop enabling him!  CT does have some wonderful treatment facilities I am not sure what end of the state you are in ??  By the way my mother enables my oldest sisters son who is 30 because she feels bad for what he went through. It is a vicious cycle please stop.
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Thanks for the advise. and you are very right the more I try talking the worse it is. The only way to get away from drugs is when the person is ready. My son went to detox. He got out and I am out of the country. I dont know how things are going. He tried to get in a program and could not get in an where. I hope he isok. before he went into detox he pawned alot of our things. I will be backhomeat the end of the month.I am afraid to find out what is happening.Itold him he was not to come home after detox.I took the keys away from him.My daughters are there lets see what is happening.







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I just spoke to my daughter and my son did complete his detox and they put him in some kind of sober living. she didnt understand. apparetly he cannot leave and they do drug tests often. but he can get visitors. I am assuming he is waiting for a rehab program. It is in the same city that I work. I asked my daughter to askwhat the next step was. Apparently the court ordered Detox. He is putting himself in rehab becase he wants to. I am so proudof him. In a way I am glad I went out of the country. Lets see what happens next.Like everyone said since the beginning its only when they areready. I should of done this last year. I am sure this is just the beginning of the struggle for him. I plan to support him and not enable him. will  keep everyone posted. One thing my daughter said was that he was happy.
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That's some progress!  Great!  I also think you getting away was the BEST thing!  I pray your son stays on the right path...just PLEASE put some safeguards in place to protect your belongings, just in case.  Change the locks, install an alarm system, or have someone stay there while you're away.  If he goes back to his old ways, you're not going to have anything left honey!  He just takes anything and everything.

Can you contact the pawn shop?  They may work with you to get your stuff back.  I hope you're able to retrieve them.  If you don't report them as stolen, you'll have to pay their interest.  The longer the stuff stays there, the more expensive it will get.  Could you have your daughter go get the stuff?

Praying for your son...please keep us updated...you enoy your trip, okay!!!??  You need some serious R&R!!
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gabby, happy,healthy and blessed new year to you and yours . praise GOD for a new start. i am so glad that you were able to leave the country. this made it easier for the enabling to stop. as hard as it is for us to step back and allow the chips to fall as they may that is really the only way for them to take care of themselves. as mothers we want to fix everything for our children and "help" them. i totally get that. as a stay at home mom for 27 years with 4 children i always did too many things for my children just because i was here and as they got older they didnt have as much responsibility for themselves as they should have, so when my two oldest started to use they always looked to me for everything and the helping became enabling. we need to break the cycle and let go.ohhh soooo much easier said than done. we need healing from all the hurts,lies,deceit,abuse and struggles we endure during their addiction.
i am so happy for you and your family that he has started the process, it is a long one, each day he has to choose the right path and make the right choices and decisions for his life and his sobriety. there is always so many things that they need to clean up in their lifes once they are clean. they spin a tangled web,court dates,fines,driving record issues, they begin to realize all the pain,sorrow and heartaches they have created and that is alot for them to process. my daughter has now been in rehab for 4 months praise the LORD and she is still sending us letters asking for forgiveness. i had most of my jewelry that already hadnt been pawned in a safe deposit box. i just discovered in the last couple weeks that indeed she has stolen two extremely expense pieces of jewelry and pawned them. i was so angry and upset when i discovered it. i confronted her and she confessed. so hurtful, such an invasion of our privacy, no regard. she had gone through every piece of gold and diamonds i had given her through the years and then moved on to everyone elses things. only material items i know but things i had for many years and had sentimental value.
it does get better, we need to forgive them, love them, not enable them anymore, they need to stand on their own two feet and face the music.
take care of yourself, be well, be refreshed, be blessed.
debbie
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You have the patience of a saint...I wish you a Happy, Healthy New Year and hope my mother can acquire your strength.
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Hi everyone. I am still out of the country and my son is still in rehab. apparently he is getting out at the end of the month and he is very happy and healthy. just one thing my daughters are able to visit him on sundays and he is expecting to come home after rehab and go back to school. I am not hapy about this. I think he should register for school and stay in a sober living is that posible? I am hoping to get back before he gets out to speak to someone in his program. Any suggestions?
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I do have alot of patient but mine is running out. I hope this is the beginning with an end.Good luck to you
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Hi. I don,t kno what to do anymore. I am married to a heroin addict. We haven,t been married long 6 tears but we are retired now both of us and I was looking forward to a  nice retirement life and to taking it east,etc. I will bee 60 on my next birthday and my husband will be 59. He wasn,t using when we got involved but shortly after starting on a 5 year heroin habit that has destroyed my love for him and ruined my life. Now I have NO money nothing. I am hocking my belongings all the time. I have hocked my wedding ring repeatedly over and over part of that was because he had a motorcycle accident a few years ago doing guess what out looking for dope while on clonopin. that ended up costing thousands and thousands. I now hate him and am thinking of ways in which he might die. Every time he goes ut to score I hope he'll o.d. But how would I explain that. You have no idea the destruction he has coused and the tremendous quantity of money he has wasted. He has legel trouble and I just can,t stand it anymore. I loved him so much but now there is a huge difference between how much I DID love him and how hateful and resentful I feel now. He has been an addict for decades in and out of treatment,jail,prison,etc. Doesn,t an addict EVER learn that each time they pick up again it leads to nothing but serious problems. I mean geez after a whle enough is enough. I understand that active addiction isn,t  choice. But the initial decision to pick up at first or relapsing IS a concious choice. Anyway. I have tried everything but I am wasting my energy here. I am only staying because I am expecting to receive a huge sum of money from a law suit that right now I need his assistance with getting with paperwork talking to a lawyer,etc. When it is  settled and the settlement does arrive I am outta here. Of curse there is always the remote possibility he'll change but that's highly inlikely.. I have begged cried screamed,etc I have bought valium dope klonopin over and over all for nothing. He has had many "bottoms" I am sure. He lost his first family, his kids, job everything now I am stuck with him. I have had enough. I went to jail because of him. So now naturally I am fed up. What floors me most of all is how I could have gone from being so in love with him I thought the sun rose and set in his eyes to so completely hating him and what he has done to me and to himself. and he just doesn,t get it. I guess it's true some addicts just can't get clean no matter what is done for them. It is reallly hard to blow out that candle in the window that you want to represent hope but realisticaly doesn,t. Anyway hooray yet another life destroyed by that evil poison.
In the meantime any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
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I  am still trying to help my son. He did a 30 day program and stayed on methadone. He got out end of January and is still on 80mg of methadone.Since he got out he has pawned more things etc. I hired a few months ago an interventionist. I went to see her at the end of February and it is now may and still no intervention. When I went to see them everything was perfectly ok. I told them he was on methadone and that he had state insurance and that I did not have much money and I would like to use his insurance and that he was on probation and that he couldn't leave the state. The interventionist asked me how many millagrams of methadone he was on and at that time I didn't know and they said don't woory that's no problem. I signed the contract and on we went they lowered there rate for me and put me on a payment plan and on we went.I was recommended by a friend and that friend could not do the intervention and he recommended someone else and that is who I used. The lady is supposed to be a professional and her intake specialist is a former addict.He was always very nice. I poured out my heart to them and told them I was having problems with my husband and children because of my son etc. I also admitted that I know I am wrong etc. that before I go the final step pf actually throwing him out that I wanted an intervention with love. All that being said they said letters are needed by everyone at the intervention so they can work on them for that day. This lady is horrible and my children think she is rude and no one wants anything to do with her. She called my husband thru out this and said to him how my son is this way due to me and how bad of a mother I am etc. I called her and said lets just do this before everyone gets mad and then she finally found out no detox will take him in if he is on 80mgs of methadone and because he is on probation he cannot leave the state and the only place that will take him is in florida and it costs $8,000.00.This lady actually bad mouthed me so much to my husband because I was a few days late with the second payment that he picked up and left.He showed me the emails, I couldn't believed it. I paid he the second installment and I haven't heard from her for weeks. How do I find out about someones credentials? I am out $2,000.00 and no answers for my son. Can anyone give any advise?
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Avatar_m_tn
I am just learning about this addiction and if they want to stay on it and have already reached various rock bottoms and still continues to use. It seems you are doing the right thing and by leaving before you lose everything and you reach another rock bottom with him. It is very hard to get away but it can be done. Good Luck
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Avatar_m_tn
My son went to jail. His bail was raised and I did not bail him out. he stayed in jail for 3 nights and 4 days. He has been out for 4 days is it possible to detox in this short period of time? He was willing to go to detox before jail. but like he says detox only and no rehab.So he says he already did this once he does not need it again. He is going back to court on Friday. I need to offer him an alternative. any suggestions?
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On gabby I am so sorry this is all happening. I would talk to the judge and the probation officer and have him mandated, court ordered to a drug rehab preferably long term or else he spends the time in jail for sentence.
He is going to die if this continues. He needs to have his choices taken away.
He obviously keeps making the wrong ones. He shouldn't be dicatating policy to you about only wanting detox and not a rehab. He needs long term rehab.
No he didn't  detox from 80 mgs of methadone in 3 days. He needs to come down to a much, much lower dose before he can start to detox.
Are you paying for his methadone?  Is he working? Attending meetings? Working on his recovery?
Are you going to alanon meeting? I am sure you are very tired of all this. Something has to be done differently to end the insanity of it all.
Sending hope and peace,
Debbie
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for the advise. You were very right and he did not detox. I checked my checking account and he got a hold of my checks and cashed quite a bit. I need to speak to the probation officer to have him mandated to a long term facility. I am presently looking for a 90 day plus at this point.If there are any suggestions I would appreciate them.
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Does any one know how quit it is to go thru the court to mandate someone to go to rehab and what are the best and quickest steps?I need to do this for my son and I don't know where to start.
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hi gabby, have you contact his probation officer? if he is already on probation and has violated his probation the probation officer could recommend or mandate to the judge  that he be sent to rehab.
otherwise when he appears for his new charge that is when you could ask the court and probation officer to send him to a rehab.
his court date is this Friday? does he have other charges already pending?
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Avatar_m_tn
I already called his probation officer and he told me to speak to his attorney and he could suggest to the judge about rehab
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Avatar_m_tn
The problem is what if his attorney does not do this what can I do?
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what kind of charges does he have against him?
most times if they are all drug related that is usually what the recommendation is for sentencing. is to be mandated to a program and if he leaves the program before he finished he would then have to finish the sentence in jail.
my daughter had a few felony charges, for distribution, possession and  grand larceny. she went to a Christian recovery home on her own, the distribution and possession charges have been reduced to a misdemeanor. june 10th is court for the larceny charge, I am praying that also gets reduced because she has been in rehab for 9 months.

my husband and I minister to addicts in our local communities and most judges and courts are more than happy to give the addicts a chance at recovery by sending them to a rehab. they are not criminals they have resorted to crime to feed their habits.
have you spoken to the lawyer yet?
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Avatar_m_tn
He has a DUI. and was recommended to go to IOP and he cannot seem to finish it. This just gets postponed.This recommendation is ging on 2 years. I hope the judge will see he cannot seem to finish it. He also has some theft from stop and shop and rite aid.The attorney has not returned my calls. His bond was raised last week and I did not bail him out. He spent 4 days and 3 nights in jail and ended uo in the jails hospital all that time.He was released and here we aer again. He cannot seem to get better on his own.
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did he get some type of a letter from iop or did they sent one to the court?
if they don't attend  or have dirty urines at iop the facility will notice the court that he didn't succeed there and would usually recommend inpatient.

do you plan on going to court with him tomorrow? I would ask the judge if you could say something. then tell them that he has tried iop, suboxone, has been going around and around for many years and you would like the court to help save his life by mandating him to a program.

what state are you in?  look up the division of human services within your state, new jersey has a division of addiction services. hopefully you can get some advise there.

this is the link for the federal substance abuse mental health services administration website. they  might be able to help you.
http://www.samhsa.gov/index.aspx

here is  the link for the same government agency that pertains to new jerseys resource guid. just to show you that each state has it owns page for samhsa.

http://store.samhsa.gov/product/New-Jersey-State-Resource-Guide/SRG-NJ

has your son been back home with you since he got out of jail?


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He is in court right now. Here in this state the judge wont even talk to me.I called his probation officer and she asked me to talk to his attorney. I tried calling his attorney and he wont even call me back . I don't know if he showed or he might need a court appointed attorney. I didn't get your answer until now. at this this point I have to wait until he gets out of court. He said he did not need me and that he would resolve this on his own. He is still my son and I hope he makes the right decision. He promised me he would go to detox. I told him to comeback home he needs to go to long term rehab.Thanks for the advise I am going to look up your info
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Avatar_n_tn
Gabby705 - I'm just a mother who is dealing with the same thing.  I appreciate the opportunity to read the advice given to you because just like you - I'm at the end of my rope.  I can't just watch him kill hisself.  He says he wants off of them but he doesn't want anything that's going to cause him discomfort.  I don't know I just wanted to tell you I feel for you and know exactly how you feel.  
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Avatar_m_tn
It is very difficult. On Saturday my son agreed to go to detox and because he had taken 30 mg of methadone they would not take him. I went away to get away from him for a few days. I don't know if its better or worse for me to be away. He called me a few hours ago and said he was deathly sick and that he needed money or he was going to go out and steal. I told him to go to the local hospital that maybe they could take him. He said no that there is nothing they will do for him and that they will send him home. I told him I would go back tomorrow and that I will try to get him into detox. I hope he doesn't get into more trouble because at this point jail or detox is his only chance. I prayed that he makes the right decision.It is very hard to see him suffer but what else can I do. He has stolen from me and it seems to get more and more.
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Gabby what happened when he went to court? Detox won't take him cause he did 30 mgs of methadone? Isn't that what detox is supposed to help with?
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They wouldn't take him. He missed his appointment for methadone on Saturday and he didn't get his methadone over the weekend. then he didn't have a way to get to the clinic yesterday so today the let him in finally after so long of waiting. I thought he was going to change his mind. I went away on Saturday. He was all alone. He told me that he didn't eat for 2 days. sometimes tough love does work. We have no plan for rehab I am hoping he will go were I suggested. It is long term. I am relieved but also scared. I thought last time it would of worked and here I am 6 months later in the same situation. I will just keep praying for him and everyone else with this terrible addicton.
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He called me today and he is ready to leave.he told me his rehab will only accept him in 3 weeks so it is not worth staying there. That he should leave and then come back. He makes everything up and lies and lies. I set up a long term rehab for him and he will not go. he wants to g to another one. The one he wants to go to will put him back on methadone. He has  relasped 3 times from methadone and twice from suboxone. He keeps relasping doesn't any one  see this? I don't know what else to do. Tommorow isanother day does anyone know how many days before he feels better?
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Hi gabby I am sorry I am a bit confused. Did he get sentenced when he went to court? What did the lawyer or judge say about the possibility off dating him to rehab?
Where is he now? In a detox? Rehab?
Gabby please don't take him back into your home, he manipulates you so much. He is a grown man, let him figure things out by himself. Yes he is going to be sick for awhile until he completely detoxes. He will not feel well physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually for a few months. It takes time for the healing. The problem is he doesn't want to wait. He wants the fix now and as long as he keeps using, methadone, suboxone , xanax, heroin he is continuing the cycle. He has to want to get off the merry go round.
He isn't on the methadone now? Did he stop at 30 mgs?
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He was in a detox and this morning when I got here he was in front of my business waiting for me with a taxi. I know the taxi so I had to pay him and then he came in my business and insisted on his car etc. His was like a crazy man.I didn't want to give him his car because he has a suspended license. He then got the keys to my car and left.He came back an hour later.Saying he needed to go back to methadone then to a shelter etc. I called the detox and they said he wanted to leave and he wants to go to a rehab that will keep him on methadone. It looks like that is what he wants.He took his car if they pull him over he has a suspended license etc. There is nothing else I can do. It has been 2 years of living Hell. I told him not to come back. He keeps coming. My next step will be to get a restraining order. He has court coming up on the 28th of June. He does not have a lawyer.I refused to pay for his Lawyer again. He will have to get a public defender.I am still going to try to call someone to see if the judge will order him into long term rehab and detox.I called his probation officer and he changed probation officers and he told me that he just got his file and didn't do anything yet.The system is so messed up everyone tells me to go some where else.I hope he will be fine, after everything I still haven't given up on him.
















  
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My son is going for the second time to a 30 day rehab. The first time he stayed on methadone this time he says he is getting off the methadone while in rehab. Does any one know if this is possible in 30 days. His original problem is Heroin.
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Oh geez.  My hearts bleeds reading this.  I would really consider a PFA.  He has NO right to come to your business and take your car, or his for that matter.  If you don't do the PFA, then in the least, you should be calling the police every time he shows up at your door.  If he's driving his car without a license, call the police for that too.  Who carries the insurance on the car?  If it's you, you're going to find yourself in a huge mess of a situation.  Think about it...what if he gets high, wrecks and kills someone?  That will come back on YOU because you knew he took the car.  If you carry the insurance, cancel it and let him know you did so, then tell the police what's going on.  Is the car in your name?  If so, that's another issue, because then you wouldn't be able to cancel the insurance.  This is such a mess hon....time to get VERY tough.

Sweetie, it's time to walk away from this, nothing is changing, he's NO better than when he started.  He may even be worse.  He's still manipulating everyone...the system, you, lawyer, rehabs you name it.  Stop the madness.  Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your assets.  For whatever reason, he still has easy access to your bank account and such...you need to change everything...close accts, get new ones and let your banks know that he is to have NO access ever, and even if he comes in with a check to be cashed, you have to be notified first.  You need to put bigtime safeguards in place for YOU.

He's not ready gabby...it's as simple as that.  Just STOP doing anything for him.  Put his rehab and recovery 100% in HIS hands.  Tell him you will make no more calls, will not drive him anywhere...nothing.  He needs to handle every single aspect of it himself.  If and when he starts really working on recovery, then you can try to determine how to have a relationship with him.  Seriously sweetie, this is just insane.  Enough is enough.  He has NO accountability at all...and you're still on the merry-go-round.  Time to get off.

Much love and prayers to you.  I feel for you.
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My son finally decided to put himself in a 6 month program. He told me he was tired of this life and he wanted to get on with it and go back to school and get a job. He has been in rehab for one week. They keep him on methadone and they are supposed to lower it slowly. right now he is on 30mg. I am hoping he will stay. He seems to be happy. I am so glad he did this on his own. This might not be the end but at least it is the beginning of him wanting to get clean and on with his life. Any suggestions on what I should and how I should handle him away. He calls me everyday. He wants me to give him an Ipad. He said he is bored. What would you do?
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hi gabby, this a good to read. he has a long way to go but it is a start.
they should be keeping him pretty busy. I would definitely not get him an ipad. it is way to soon. does he have one at home or he wants you to buy him one?
don't want to sound negative but, if he leaves he can easily sell the ipad for money to use.
first of all I would ask the facility if it is allowed and then I would definitely wait much longer. possibly until he is off of the methadone.
get him some books instead.
how are you doing? do they have family sessions there?
have you been going to alanon?
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Hello and thank you for the advise. He has been there for one month. 2 weeks ago they were sitting in the cafeteria and one of the patients didn't like what he said and punched him in the face.They threw the patient out. My son is know on lockdown even though he didn't fight. He is not happy and has been asking me for an ipad.He says he doesn't do anything at all all day. Only after 90 days can they go out and start looking for a job etc. he told me that he doesn't like the place. He says that the people that work there are nice but the patients are horrible. That there are only convicts etc.Should I wait it out and speak to the counselors? I was trying not to get so involved. What would you do?
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480448_tn?1403547723
I wouldn't do it.  For one, I don't personally think it's healthy for him to have an ipad where he can search the internet about things that may trigger him.  The biggest reason is, he hasn't come close to earning ANY kind of help from you.  I'm sorry to say, but he can't really be trusted.  You can't believe anything he says.  It's GREAT that he's where he is and is getting help but I would stay tough and stick to your bottom lines hon.

If you want, send him some books, puzzle books, etc.  Ask the facility what he's allowed.  There are lots of things you can send him to keep himself occupied that aren't an iPad.

Very best to you.  I always check back for updates and keep you in my prayers.
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Avatar_m_tn
My son did not complete the 6 months program.He left after 7 weeks. He then put himself into a detox and the day he got out he got himself high again. Of course he denys it . When I picked hi up at the detox he was my old son, He told me he had an appointment for drivers retraining and that I cost $125.00. When he came back from class he was different and sweaty etc. He needs a lot more help. I didn't let him in the houseso he sleep in his car outside my house. He doesn't have a drivers license and he is on probation. When he is in his right state of mind he is so worried and wants to fix his life and when he is high he is miserable, mean. He says he wants to get better then he changes his mind quickly. What am I doing wrong?
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480448_tn?1403547723
I just posted on your new thread.  Reading back refreshed my memory of all the crap he put you through.  I HOPE you're protecting yourself, your business and your assets.  PLEASE do not enable him or help him in any way during his active addiction, you know the drill.  

So sorry this continues.  My heart is sad for you.

Lastly...

"What am I doing wrong?"

THIS is where your mind is still not thinking right.  This isn't ABOUT you, it's about HIM, and what HE'S doing wrong..which is NOT accepting responsibility that he's sick and needs to actually WORK at recovery.  

I honestly strongly feel he has never wanted to get clean, he's just gone through the motions when he's forced.  You're still very much codependent, you need your own help for that.  REREAD this thread, a few times, to remind yourself of all the advice you've gotten, as you're back to square one.  YOU can NOT fix HIM.  You cannot.  Period.  

Hang in there.
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