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need advice about handling an alcoholic
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need advice about handling an alcoholic

When I was actively taking pain pills, I wasn't thinking straight and allowed an exboyfriend move into my home.  He is an alcoholic who is drinking himself to death. He has been in and out of hospitals but just really doesn't seem to want to get sober.  He hasn't been out of bed all day because he is sick again.  When I came home from work today, he told me he felt like he was dying and told me to go to the store and buy him another bottle.  I told him no.  I tried to stay strong, because I know now that I am codependant and have enabled him alot in the past, but he flipped out.  Not wanting to continue fighting over this, I gave in and got him his bottle.  I really want him out but right now I can't get myself to kick him out.  Besides I have already asked him to leave dozens of times already and he won't.  I have gone to a few alanon meetings and it has been insightful but its not enough.  I really don't know what to do anymore.  I have been enabling him for YEARS now and I want to stop.  It's just I feel either extremely guilty inside or like today, I just don't want to fight.  I finally realize that I can't get him to stop drinking, that only took me 10 or so years to figure out.  But now I really need to know how to stop enabling him.  Does anyone have any experience with this?
Tags: alcoholic
3 Comments Post a Comment
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1235186_tn?1339127464
congrats on your clean time. you are doing awesome. hun yes you know that you are enabling him.dont buy him anymore alcohol. so what if he yells and complains if he gets to be too loud and aggressive call the police.  i am so glad that you have finally realized this. that is progress. good for you that you have started to attend alanon meetings. it is enough? it will take time this has been ongoing for 10+ years. if he wont leave on his own. you might need to get the help of law enforcement and have him removed. if he isnt working an is freeloading it is definitely time to take a more severe approach to gettng rid of him. you could put a restraining order in place. then if he returns to the house he would get arrested. i will pray for your strength.
keep the faith.
one day at a time.
sending support and encouragement
debbie
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2030769_tn?1343651274
God really jumped on this one for me:)  Today after work I found him in bed surrounded by empty vodka bottles.  He barely could talk or move, but mumbled something about needing a doctor so I took him to an emergency room (pretty far from my house), had the hospital staff get him out of my car and I left him in a wheel chair in the waiting room half passed out.  I am getting my locks changed and moving all his stuff to a storage unit also far away from my house.  This has happened already numerous times, and I always end up picking him up from the hospital and once he gets back into my house, he refuses to leave and I just cant repeat this again.  The guilt i feel is  starting to go away.  He has not once ever asked me to help him stop drinking, I have been just forcing myself on him about it.  He doesn't want to stop, no matter how much he is destroying his body and mind.  I really like to help people when I can, but in this case, he really doesn't want my help, so what the hell am I doing?! It took me half my life to learn this. I just need to get his stuff out of my house this weekend.  I am not God, and for a long time, I think I was trying to be. It is a great sense of relief to walk away from this insanity, but I am also just sad. I pray I never have to go through this ever again with him or anyone else. I think it is time for a lesson in boundaries....BTW, that you so much for your post.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
That is wonderful. he is definitely killing himself. He knows this asking to go to the er was a  cry for help. Hopefully and prayerfully someone in the er will get him to see the severity of his situation.
yes boundaries. Don't pick him up from the hospital. You tried to help him and now he needs to help himself. Our good intentions of helping do turn into enabling. Hun please continue with the alanon meetings. You will learn more about co-dependency. It is easy to repeat the same mistakes over. You need healing from this dysfuntional relationship. I am proud of you it took courage and strength to do what you did.  GOD does answer prayers.remember be strong and stick to the plan. Boundaries.
I will continue to pray for you and him both
There is hope.....
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