Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
please help me help my son
About This Community:

WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

please help me help my son

my son came to me asking for help to get off percocets...he has gotten himself into some trouble...i just dont no where to start. he says he tried to do it himself but cant...who do i call?  where do i go for help?  what kinda help am i looking for? i am clueless and dont want to make matters worse.. from the few people i talk to they say rehab is the worst they only meet more drug people. i am so confused..any help is appreciated..he is21.ty
Related Discussions
52 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn

The GOOD news is that he wants help!!  Try a detox at home. He can stop cold turkey with your support and care. He'll be sick like the flu for a few days but it gets better!  He can begin going to AA meetings which are free and also tell his doctor who would be a huge help to both of you.

There will be symptoms but you can treat them as they come up and we can help you with suggestions.

Keep posting!  He needs to stay away from people, places, and things that will cause him to use.
Blank
1725977_tn?1318553228
My advice. He needs to go to detox. Coming off pain meds is no joke. It is not easily done at home. And I would check out some narcotics anonymous meetings as those deal with drug abuse. If u need to talk let me know. I have been through it all and had four yrs clean before and am coming back from a relapse but have 131 days today. Heather
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
He can detox at home. I did as many others here have. Many of the folks here have substantial clean time. You will get plenty of help. Read the amino acid protocol and the Thomas recipe, they are in the health pages listed in the lower right portion of this page.
I would suggest also that he seek aftercare of some sort ie...NA, AA, addiction counesling, church groups etc.
Good luck.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
As Vicki said it is good news that he wants to get help.  You are very fortunate that he has the trust in you to tell you about his problem.  I also agree that a detox at home is doable, especially with your help and support.  If your still not sure about the route you take you may be able to get more information and support from members if you gave some feedback about how much he was using, how he was using it, how long he has been using and if he's ever detoxed off them before. Keep posting for more advice.
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hello and welcome.how long has he been using and how much?  considering his age, still so young,i would definitely consider a rehab.yes he will meet others who used. he will also receive counseling,will be separated from those he used with, will receive tools to help him remain clean. there is either inpatient which can be up to a 6 or 9 month program. the 28 or 30 days programs are basically just a detox program. the longer ones will deal with more of a lifestyle change and much longer counseling and therapy.
there is also iop (intensive outpatient) these are programs that are usually 3 days a weeks for 3 hrs a day. they are a 12 step recovery plan.
he is young enough to get his life back on track and live a life sobriety.
please keep the lines of communication open with him. that is essential
praying for you
debbie
Blank
52704_tn?1387024397
Call Stan Stokes at Bridging the Gaps in Winchester, Virginia
866-711-1234
http://www.bridgingthegaps.com/

CATUF
2225
Blank
1551327_tn?1389046959
There really isn't much left to say as you have gotten some great advice so far.  I also agree that the 28-30 day program is great and because he has such a young mind that and some IOP may be all he needs, but since he has shown the desire to quit and not been able to the process may have to be longer and necessary.  For some who are using the "substance" as "self medication" there is usually and underlying trauma or mental problem that needs to be adressed.  He will likely be on medicines when he gets out that will be very beneficial however he can choose to go at it med free if he wishes.  In my case my chemical dependency was directly related to PTSD and bipolar disorder.  Once I learned these things and started the "proper medication" for my illness, I have not had any cravings or desire to take any substance.  The bad thing is the "illegal substance" work on depression and anxiety as well as mental disorders.  The even worse thing is it takes them taking everything you have (your health, your money, your family, your spirit) for one to realize they are an enemy and will not stop until they take all of the things I listed above....including one's life....

He is lucky to have someone like you who cares enough to come on here and advicate for him.  Keep coming back and feel free to gather more information and keep us posted....Good Luck
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
thank you all for your comments and advice. i posted early this morning before i left for work..just now getting home and checking online. what a pleasant surprise to have all of this support waiting for me....my heart aches for my son although at times i just want to throw the kid out of my home..he has stolen from myself my husband and his 2 sisters and his job. i dont want to give up on him..he is young and i feel he still has a chance..i know people who had children in rehab several times..i also know someone who lost a daughter to herion..this all scares me to death..i spoke with a phycologist he just started seeing 2 weeks ago(he asked me for him to talk to some one he wants to know why he is making the  dumb decisions he is making) will see him tomorrow and let us know what options will be good for him..the dr did suggest to me for him to go away since our home is quite stressful these days. kids father is  not buying the whole drug addict thing..in his mind he is just a liar and a thief and a good for nothing druggie..and he is not aafraid to say it..very stressful for all of us...i will keep you posted as to the outcome of the drs appt..i believe he was snorting 5 mgs perks daily maybe more  for 2 years..detox 1 time on his own..this time he says is too hard..also he just got stealing again from us that is when he said he wants help so we dont kno what to think..does he want help because he got caught or is it genuine..hard to tell..thank you all again for your support and listening to my rant..
Blank
1551327_tn?1389046959
Let us know how it goes tomorrow.

I hope that he is receptive to going away for a while.  Detox helps but if he hates his self that much for the things he has done it may take a little longer to convince him that there is nothing wrong with him.  He started out as a kind spirit and he can be that kind spirit again.  If he isn't receptive to inpatient treatment at least he will be taking a positive amazing step in the right direction...Good Luck and keep posting.
Blank
1646706_tn?1322170780
I would try to be as supportive as possible. While it's hard to make a proper judgment on whether or not his plea for help is genuine (or, like you said, because he just got caught), the fact is this drug has obviously taken over his life and his addiction has caused him to do things he may not have done otherwise (lie, steal, etc.). From someone who has been in similar shoes to his, the fact that he actually came out and confessed everything to you is a huge step... He could have just given you the cold shoulder but he DID ask for help, so I think you should do everything you can to get him clean and keep him that way. Being called a "good for nothing druggie" is the type of thing that will cause someone in his fragile state to go back to using. The addict's mind says, "Ehh, maybe he's right... oh well," and gives in.
I think he needs as much support as possible. I know you're scared but please don't give up on him. Best of luck.
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
i know how scared you are. i have a 25 yr old son and a 20 yr old daughter who both used. and they both knew kids their age that od and died and others that are in jail. it is heart breaking. they both also stole money,stole jewelry,checks,from me.
has he been in trouble with the police?? you stated earlier..he is in trouble, what kind/
if you do keep him home and he doesnt go to rehab. you have to set up boundarys and guidelines for him. it is your house, i did have to tell my 23 yr. to leave after he continued to use. after i told him to leave he did get clean when he was on his own. he has now been clean for 2 yrs and has had a job for 16 months, longest ever.
that is the question. is he sorry he got caught, or sorry he is using drugs?
that is good he is going to a psychologist.
yes each time they try to detox it gets harder.
please let us know how things go tomorrow.
sending hugs and blessings
debbie
Blank
1445648_tn?1285188549
I wish you the best with your son I've been clean for 25 days and it was no JOKE it took every bit of me to get through it.  I spoke with my doctor yesterday and he told me that although he was glad stopped taking NORCO that the CT detox couyld be very dangerous I told him whatever but thats just me .... the one thing i can say is although I dont know you or your son the biggest key is never let him tell you he needs them period......I told everyone that I ever got pills from to never give them to me again even if I have a bone sticking out of my skin just call 911 hahahaha and let me tell you when my script ran out I made some calls and got ZERO ... the one thing I know for sure is though if your son really does not want this you are wasting your time a forced detox will only result in failure in my opinion..
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I do not know where you live, but there is a great affordable recovery center in southern california that will take him in,, direct msg me if thats a possibility for you.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hello,
I just wanted to say that I went into rehab and had a wonderful experience. Im 36 days clean and attend meetings. It works if you want it to work. Meetings are a must!!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
thanks everyone...we admitted my son to a detox/rehab center this evening after his phyc. recommendation...that was hard..i cant stop crying..we saw so many lost souls there it is heart breaking. i hope this works for him..they said its a 4 day detox. then he is reevaluated and may be admitted to rehab for 30 days..of course not much is discussed with me because he is 21. funny i can pay for it but cant get any info...like alot of you have said if he wants to get better he will...it has to come from him ..since this is all new to me i just went where the dr. recommended ..come to find out its not the greatest of places..dr.thinks detox then meeting with him will help..but it is up to my son i guess..had to pay 500 co pay for the 4 days if he stays 30 days the remainder is paid in full...very sad this drug stuff ..wish you all the best...i want to go to meetings how do i find them?..is there a website?  ..i want my husband to go with me maybe he can then be more  tolerable or understanding of our situation...
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Take him to a clinic that detoxes using suboxone. It really works!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
i think they use suboxone there...isnt that replacing one drug with another..how long does he take it ? just for detox?
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hi. i  was typing a long post last nite when the site does their upgrading around 1:30am and it was lost, hate when that happens
i know the heartbreak about sending your son there. i also brought my son to an inpatient program when he was 17, he was there for 3 months. the first 30 days i couldnt talk to him or see him. i cried and felt like a horrible mother he was crying begging me not to leave him there. it was so sad, but i know in the end it saved his life.
you ,the doctor,your son made the best possible decision. he is safe there and you know he isnt using and will detox and get the help he needs. i hope and pray they keep him for the 30 days. that would really help him tremendously, they get counseling through group sessions and most time individually. they give him the suboxone just during the detox for about 3 days it helps with the withdrawal symptoms.
pray,pray,pray when he is there that he will see this as a blessings and a way to find the light and realise what this addiction has truly done to him.
here is the link for the alanon meetings

sehttp://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meetings

sending hugs and blessings
debbie
Blank
1725977_tn?1318553228
Best decision ever you made to check him into a detox facility. If he doesn't feel ready to go home after those four days suggest a program. I couldn't have kicked without detox. I give all of you that did it at home and stayed clean a round of applause you are very strong. Because that's a big accomplishment. I would NOT suggest suboxone or methadone after detox. Why go back on a drug you are going to eventually have to kick also? Kind of defeats the purpose. Suboxone was made to be used SHORT term like for two months and I know tons of drs that have ppl on it for two or more years bc they want the insurance money- so corrupt! Anyways best of luck to u and ur son! I have 133 days clean today but had four uyrs before this relapse so I have been around for a long time. Na and aa frown upon suboxone and methadone they do not consider u clean until ur off all substances. I don't agree with that some ppl do need it but if he can go without I suggest it highly!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
i feel a little better today..it has been an emotional few days..more to come i am sure...we went to a meeting last night at the facility..you have to go to this meeting to have visitation privelidges once a week.it was helpful although alot of people have been there before which is discurriging to me..the program that he may be offered is a 21 day program..doesnt seem long enough..i would like to find a meeting for narc. family members..not many offered that i can find online anyway...ok just got a call from my son..he does not want to go to the 21 day program said there are drugs there..people getting kicked out for hot urine...is he lying to get out or is there truth to this  ?...this is such bs...i do know from one parent that while her son was in there he was able to get drugs..do i have him do an outpatient program...or stay there ....scratch the feeling better feeling.....of course i am leaning toward him wanting out...iyiyiy
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
is anyone out there? am i posting in the right place? do i need to start new posts some where else or continue in this same place? not sure of format..ty
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
You're in the right place.  It's just a bit slow right now.  :-)  

On the inpatient vs. outpatient issue, talk to one of the counselors first - or several of them.  I'm really sorry to hear that drugs are making it into the facility but not entirely surprised.  The rehab facility my husband is attending on an outpatient basis forbids visitors from bringing anything inside other than car keys.  No food, beverages, purses, bags, etc.  They were having the same kinds of problems with people smuggling in drugs.  Who knows if your son is lying or not?  He may be trying to get back control - or not.  It's hard to tell in these situations.

Have you checked out any Al-Anon meetings in your area?  It's not just for family members of alcoholics.  There are so many people with cross addictions of alcohol and drugs that Al-Anon welcomes both.  It's all substance abuse and the resulting problems are the same.  There are also Nar-Anon meetings to consider but there don't seem to be as many meetings available since it's a newer program.  They're both the same 12-step programs.  You can also go online and purchase Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, AA and NA books for self-study at home.  

If you've never attended an AA or NA meeting, try one!  You can attend any meeting labeled "open."  You'll learn what both you and your son are dealing with.  True, you'll hear some terrible, horrible stories, but you'll also be incredibly uplifted by the successes.  As family members, we have just as much work to do as the addict.  Even if the addict relapses, we have to continue working toward our own recovery.
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hi sorry i didnt get back to you last night. mom your son will manipulate you in anyway he can. my son would complain about the food, the showers, the beds,the air conditioner......you get the point. he doesnt want to be there. so there is an indication that he hasnt totally submitted to the authority or hasnt totally admitted to himself that he has a problem.
there could very possibly be drugs in the facility. that would be up to your son to decide if he would continue to participate in that  behavior or does he want to get his life back on track. if you have health insurance have you called them to find out about an intensive outpatient program? they go usually 3 days a week for 3 hrs each and run for a few months and do get drug tested.so in many ways this is a better program because it is longer.
he is 21 so he doesnt have to listen to you or the counselors,but hopefully he will admit to himself and you that he does need and want the help.
21 days is 21 days, very short in the span of things. even if he does stay there is much work to do when he leaves there. that is really only the detoxing part, then he has to work on his longterm recovery.
blessings to you, you are in my thoughts and prayers
debbie
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
well what does he do after the 21 days? besides meetings and seeing a therapist and hopefully getting a job...we are hoping he will start an exercise program and eat better than he has been. what kind of limits can we set? as far as going out and so called friends. if i could i would lock him in his room for a few months just to try to save him..we have taken his pc(we paid for it so we feel it is our choice) would it be reasonable to take his phone and try to have him stay in at least temporarily...i know he is 21 but it is our home..what can we do to help without totally pissing him off?
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
have they re-evaluated him yet?  is he staying for 21 more days?
yes as long as he is in your home you can set boundarys and rules.
insist on the counseling,meetings, a job,give him a curfew, no drinking either. many times this is a trigger and they can easily switch addictions. exercising and eating right are crucial.
he should change his "friends" he used with, places he used and the things he did while using.
he has to begin to make his own good decisions about his life and future. did he take any college classes? this might be a good idea.
the phone? you could always check who he calls.  
i know about wanting to keep them locked up i went through that with my son and my daughter. when they reach the legal age, it is so hard to see them make the wrong decisions and then they have to live with the consequences there of. both my children got arrested for pot and cocaine and had to be on probation and go to iop ordered by the court. i was actually happy because i know it helped them stay clean. we teach them right and wrong and try to guide them but ultimately they have a free will  to choice.
i have entrusted my children into the hands of the LORD and hope and pray that HE
watches over them and protects them. i talk to them and have open communication with them.  they both live on their own so that is very hard for me. i cant control where they are who their with and what they do. they are 20 and 25.i want my daughter 20 to move back in but its her choice.
also ,did you check into the intensive outpatient programs?
praying for you and your family
debbie
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
debbie thank you for all your input it is greatly appreciated..he is starting a 21 day today after 4-5 day detox..but nothing much will happen until monday i guess..he is afraid..he is thinking alot about his old girlfriend(she broke up with him she does not use drugs and was sick of his lies) he has been attlending comm. college floundering to say the least not many credits achieved..he actually asked to go to a different school due to association with drugs..its everywhere in his life..i have not checked into out patient is that something he can do after the 21 day?...i will do some searching..thank you for your prayers and concern..i dont know which friends are users and which are not sometimes..
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
thank you to all of you for your responses and continued support..we have our first  visitation today(once a week) look forward to seeing him. hope to keep him positive about staying.
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
i am happy that he is staying it will benefit him. ask him to be patient there and to learn as much as he can about living a life of recovery. he is thinking about his old girlfriend. yes as they are getting clean many of the things they did during their use is remembered, who they hurt, what they did (stealing), why they used. they are usually asked to keep a journal.
these are good things. it lets them see what the addiction has actually done to themselves ,familys, relationships and their life.
just encourage him let him know that is the best place for him right now. tell him just to focus on his recovery.
i am continuing to pray for you all
with love
debbie  
Blank
495284_tn?1333897642
Are you going to be attending any type of counseling/therapy?  This would be a good time for you also as you will learn the tools you need to help yourself and your son.  It is very easy to enable an addict even when you dont think you are.   Recovery is a slow process.  I think Intensive Out Patient would be good for him.  We have to change our playmates and playground to be successful in this.  Enjoy the day with him~~sara
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
we had a very good visit..he is upbeat and emotional..he has recognized the hurt he has caused the family..said he did not care about stealing from us(at the time of stealing) only about getting high..he see all walks of life in there..i think hope and pray this will be a positive experience for him. i am going to attend nar anon meetings and take it from there..if i feel the need for additional counciling i will get it...i would like to do atleast a few family sessions with his therapist..
Blank
1725977_tn?1318553228
Most hospitals do outpatient programs along with spectrum and advocates. I don't know if you have any health systems out near you like that. I'm glad he decided to do the 21 day program. There may be drugs in detox. I heard there were when I was there but I didn't see them bc I was there to get clean. I am 32 and my fiancee had me ob somewhat of a lockdown when I got home so you definitely can set boundaries w ur son! I was only allowed to drive to meetings and straight home. I had to change my phone number and delete all my numbers. Just a cpl tricks for ya!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
definatly taking the phone away for as long as possible.will get a new number when we give it back. we took his pc away already....i need all the tricks you can teach me ;)  thank you
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
Never forget it's YOUR house and you get to set the rules.  You just want to make them very clear from the outset and try not to create new ones every single day.  Go ahead and write them down so everyone knows exactly what is required and what the consequences are for breaking them.  Nobody does well when he's trying to hit a moving target.  Talk to his counselor to get some more ideas.  Once you find a Nar-Anon sponsor, that person can also help you with the boundary issue.

I've started attending a family aftercare group at my husband's rehab facility and it's the best thing I've ever done.  It's the same 12-step program as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon but with far more interaction and brainstorming for specific solutions to whatever problem is on deck for that meeting.  Does your son's rehab facility offer anything similar?  If so, take advantage of it while you can.

As your son learns to cope in a world where he is surrounded by drugs and temptation, the rules and restrictions can drop off as he gets stronger and earns your trust.  I think it's important to give him some hope that he CAN earn back privileges and trust rather than being in lockdown for an undefined length of time.

Remember that your son has to completely change his life.  That's a tall order for anyone but add in the chemical changes in the brain that come with addiction and detox and it becomes a frightening, seemingly impossible prospect.  I love what Sara said about changing playmates and playgrounds.  That's very true, and it's only one part of recovery.

It sounds like you're both on the right track.  I look forward to more updates!
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
i think it will be difficult for him to change friends..he will put up with the rules for a few weeks then he will want more freedom..i am thinking he should skip college classes for fall semester and concentrate on working.unless he cannot find work.he did say he was concerned going back to same school due to connections there.what are the consequences for not adhering to rules? everything has already been taken away from him...i havent heard from him since visitation sunday hope he is still there.
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
OK, consequences.  This is where it gets tough on you.  Everything has not yet been taken away from him.  He still has a roof over his head, regular meals, medical care, clothing, a college education... all these things you provide at your discretion.  He is now legally an adult and you can legally withhold any and all support.  You are establishing house rules that you can live with so something has to happen if he does not live by those rules.  If he decides to use again, you may have to ask him to leave.  If you aren't prepared to do that and he knows you aren't prepared to do that, there's no point in establishing those rules.  It's no different than what he would be faced with at a sober-living halfway house.

It's called "tough love" for a reason and I think it's tougher on the sober family members than it is on the addict.  Do you have any opportunity to speak to your son's counselor? I think it would be beneficial to make an appointment to discuss some of these issues.  Remember, the house rules are really more about you than they are about your son.  It's what you are comfortable living with in your own home.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
i think i can ask to speak to his counselor  one time while he is in there..he has to ok it of course and he may be present for the meeting not sure. i will check today and try to see  her/him next week.
i went to my first nar-anon meeting last night..it was depressing enlightening and discuriging all in one...dont know what to think yet..we only have 3 groups in my area i will check them all out..i did not speak my daughter went with me she did not speak either..we just listened..i kinda feel like there is no hope..so many relapses..good for short periods then they are right back into it..i hate to be negative but the odds are against the addict by far....i do have a very different prospective of a drug user since my son became one..
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
That's a real shame your contact with counselors is so limited.  I guess I'm lucky that the rehab program my husband is in welcomes questions and contact with any and all family members.

Does your son's facility offer groups for family members that are similar to Nar-Anon?  I've noticed a similar issue with Al-Anon groups outside the rehab facility.  There seems to be more relapse and despair, and they aren't quite as well-organized but then many of the people in those groups are struggling without professional help.  Maybe that's why it seems like there aren't so many success stories in groups outside a rehab facility.

Definitely check out different meetings and even give some Al-Anon groups a visit.  It's the same 12-step program as Nar-Anon but there are a whole lot more Al-Anon groups available than there are Nar-Anon.  You will be welcomed into either one, or both.

I know you must be overwhelmed with information and advice right now.  Believe me, I understand the despair and confusion.  Just keep going!  Really, you're doing very well even though it probably doesn't feel that way right now.  Rome wasn't built in a day and addicts and their families don't recover in a day.  All you can do is focus on one day at a time and remain sane for that one day.  It's the same thing your son has to do - remain sober one day at a time or even one hour or one minute at a time.  :-)
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hey just give the place a call and ask if he is still there. can he call you if he wants to?
yes our prospective does change doesnt it.addiction doesnt discriminate it takes all prisoners, old,young,chrisitan,muslin,jew,asian,european,white.........fill in the blank, it spans the globe. it is a monster from the pits of hell.
yes relapse is so very real and that is the scary part, they can be clean for 1,2,5,10 years and there is always that possibility of relapse. that is why aftercare,counseling,support groups are so important. if he was using with his "friends" he needs to stay away from them. bad company corrupts good character. if he wants to stay clean he will need to do many things differently. mom if he wants to get high, he can find the drugs anywhere,school,work, ........ he has to make that choice to stay clean.
have you checked into the intensive outpatient when he comes out? call your insurance company is the place he is now through them? ask them about something for when he gets out..
this is all new to you and you will learn along the way, how to learn to live with it. tough love is hard, we can become enablers, he will want privileges back and freedom yes he will have to earn it. as long as he lives in your house.
sending hugs and prayers
debbie
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
i gave a call and left a message with my concerns hope to here from them soon...i was told when he checked in that if i called they could not tell me if he was still there or not..
privicey issue...although monday they called for additional payment for him to stay in rehab..so he was still there monday..if i am paying i should something geez..
Blank
1725977_tn?1318553228
It is difficult to get rid of friends u were using with but he has to do it in order to stay clean. I have made new friends. He is young. He will too. I am 32 and it was not the easiest thing to do but it was necessary! I luckily have some childhood friends that have never used and a very supportive man in my life and amazing parents just like you! If you feel like ur catching him in a story have him call me. You can't fool another addict that's for sure!
Blank
82861_tn?1333457511
Hmmmm... rehab hospitals operate just like any other hospital.  If they can't give you any information it's because your son did not sign a release allowing them to do so.  I doubt it was an oversight on the part of the facility but it wouldn't hurt to check.  It may have been your son's choice to keep you out of the information loop.  If your son signed a HIPPA release allowing them to give you information, they usually give you a PIN number to identify yourself over the phone.  Just one more thing to deal with, right?  Hang in there!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My oldest son was 22 when he admitted he had a problem. He was a son who never gave me a days trouble throughout his teenage years. It was the hardest thing I have ever went through ...watching the one I gave birth to, literally killing himself. He was hooked on major amounts of oxycotin, hydrocodone, percocets, etc...anything with "opiates" except heroine. He was also going to be a new daddy. With all this wrapped up into this...it was awful. My husband's dad had just passed away..then my husband lost his job, our daughter was a new single mom living in our home, and here we had a son hooked on pills in amounts WAY beyond what he could afford. I was becoming a basketcase. I had to watch him hit bottom. I couldn't DO IT FOR HIM. So many people want to 'fix" it for those they love. Part of getting help is admitting you need help. Until he said "I want help" I couldn't do a thing. It wasn't until his daughter was born (our second grandchild) that his girlfriend had kicked him out...I didn't want him back at our house...that sounds awful but I couldn't stand to be around him. And even in the midst of this awful addiction he 'found' small bits of pride at times and slept in his truck because he didn't want us to know he wasn't with her and the baby. We told him he could stay here but I didn't enable him in anyway...If he needed food...I gave him food. No money. If he said the baby needed diapers...I would buy them. I wouldn't even give his gf money. Finally...one day he called me at work...and said "I can't live like this...I don't want to live. I need help." I grabbed that sentence and ran with it...I said "TELLL MEWHAT YOU'LL DO AND WE'LL DO IT!" ...He didn't have insurance...so he said he wasn't checking into a facility. He made good money building (contractor work) but he was in way over his head with payments and had the best credit but ruined it through all this. He said he would go to the methadone clinic here in our area...they have counseling and there's a dr there along with nurses. I work in the medical field with doctors. So I asked them their opinion on this. All had mixed opinions. But I got more "Yea's" than "Nays"...He asked me to go with him his first day. You would have to know my son and my family in order to realize how shocking this addiction was to us. I sat there that day (in nursing scrubs) in the waiting room with him...During his session he was withdrawing badly...he was hateful...and looked as if he was just slowly melting away as I looked at him talk to the counselor there. Luckily, the counselor there was an older man who became a major influence in my son's life. My son's a Christian...so was this man. My son works hard every day of his life, he wasn't your average "pill head"...even though I know he had to steal something in order to have the amounts he had been addicted too. He snorted his habit also. He made triple what me and his dad made annually and he snorted the majority of it.
We live in a small town...and the investigators were after several of the big dealers and watching my son and his friends...my husband even went to the undercover and told them..practically begged them to bust him prior to him finally getting help...because I just knew we were going to find him dead in his sleep or ??? ...sadly there were times I felt death would be easier to deal with than the hell we were going through with his addiction and how it interferes with EVERYONE in a family. He walked into banks and borrowed money with no problem for his habit only....when the economy came crashing down and his occupation being a contractor the "instant" walk in and get a loan stopped without a co signer...he knew the loan officer well enough to tell them that my mom would sign for him and walked out of the bank with the money . My mom works for the bank. It got to the point I was having to intervene in EVERYTHING he did. From his bosses to my family...I had to tell my Granny because she had pain medication for her back...I had to tell her to hide them...well that was alittle too late...I found out he had already stole over half of a 120# bottle . It's terrible..it's awful! They will lie, steal and stab their best friends back for the next pill(s).
Today he is doing wonderful!!!!! He's the son I once knew. He's building his reputation back little by little. It was a shock to so many that knew him....but yet when it came out...then alot of things came clear...He had stole from them or stories didn't match up. He and his gf live with their daughter. He is a wonderful daddy. He is on the last dose of methadone and is going to be dropping from that dose soon. He's done it slowly but he has jumped down too fast several times and had to reinstate to a dose to keep him on the right path. He hates taking the methadone. It's a daily 13.00 ...He's done that now for 2 1/2 years. This November will be 3. He plans to be completely off.

What I'm trying to say is...There is Hope. I've watched the friends he had lose everything they have including their children or any visitation. Their businesses, trucks repo'd etc...it's a sad thing to watch. But at the same time...this made me realize...drug addiction isn't just in "troubled homes"...its all across America in good homes too! Sadly I have seen more good homes disturbed by this than bad. I will pray for your son.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
nona69 thank you for taking the time for writing a long post..very encouraging indeed...glad your son found his way..you are correct it is everywhere..i really didnt have much of a clue since it was not affecting us until recently..just seeing the packed rehab was a real eye opener for me..i  looked down upon people who are just like my son..another eye opener..this is certainly a learning process..some one here said if god brings you to it he will bring you through it...i guess that is what is happening with most of us right now....NO ONE said it was going to be easy..thanks again to all responders..we visit with my son this afternoon..we are looking forward to a good visit..visiting is hard in itself..i will post to let you know how it went..
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hi just checking on how things are?
how did your visit go today?
praying
debbie
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
hi debbie, the visit did not go real well..it was great to see him...but he was not positive like the week before..and was talking about staying with some one he met after rehab..we want him to come home...scary ..he is not talking about leaving just how long and boring it is... same thing over and over.. his bday is this week and i think he tried to contact his old gf..so he is not a happy camper..my heart aches for him..
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
i am sorry your visit didnt go that well. that is to be expected. he will have so many emotions coming and going, one day sad, one day mad. his body is going through alot now and it will take time for him to think clearly again and sort out his emotions. remember he is coming to terms with all the things he has done during his use (not very pretty).
of course you want him to come home. we want to protect our children...... we think if they are with us each and every day we can protect them from all the harm in the world. well that is very hard isnt it? he was living with you and he still got on the wrong path for awhile. i told you earlier my son 25 and my daughter 20 also used for a few years. it was so painful,so hurtful, it caused me so much anxiety and worry. i wanted to hold them in my lap and coddle them as i did when they were small. obviously i couldnt do that. i just hoped and prayed they would be safe and come to their senses. i talked to them, tried to reason with them...... they had to come to the realisation on their own that they were headed for destruction and death. yes they both lost friends to overdoses and some to jail.
i thank the LORD they are both doing great now.
it has been about 14 days now, realistically he cant get an apt now with anyone he has no job or no money so yes he will have to come home. it is not advisable for them to have any relationships with those they meet in rehab,na/aa. the facilities almost adivce against this. they also dont advice they have a relationship with a bf or gf for about a year.
thanks for keeping us posted.
keep the faith, keep praying, trusting,hoping,believing.
sending hugs and blessings
debbie
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
hey mom, how are things going havent heard from you in a week. how are you doing?
praying
debbie
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
sorry i havent been around...after several attempts to meet with my sons counselor we finally met with him this afternoon..my son gets out tomorrow...the  counselor suggested intensive outpatient therapy  3 days a week 2-3 hours a day..my son needed alittle push but has decided to do it..he was alittle upset saying he didnt know anything about it until that very moment(which we find hard to believe) i do think that had we not had that meeting today he would have turned down the IOT and went for the weekly therapy sessions  ..i think my son is just sick of the group stuff that does not pertain to him..like marriage issues, children etc. he wants to do one on one with his physcoligist from before he went in.. so we will attempt to do that as well..i think the longer he does IOT the better reinforcement..cant wait for him to come home but i am scared to death at the same time for him to get out...he seems ready and looks awesome..should he try to get to a meeting tomorrow?everyday right?  i know this may be enabling him but i printed out all the meetings in the area for the week...he will not have access to the computer or cell phone for awhile..please keep praying for him..
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
so happy to hear all is well, i was a bit nervous when you didnt post back.
that is awesome the IOP (intensive out patient) is great.
what did the counselors there suggest once he gets out besides the IOP?
i think  the IOP 3 x a week, and the individual counseling 1 x a week and if he does one or 2 meetings.
of course you are excited and of course you are scared to death. that is to be expected.  "he seems ready and looks great" that is wonderful.
the road to recovery is a marathon not a sprint. he has started his journey. i am so glad that everything has worked out as it has. the LORD has heard and answered your prayers.
please keep us posted.
sending hugs and prayers :)
debbie  
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
basically the counselor said the same... IOP and as many meetings as he can..we suggested he see his own dr. from before.. .dont know how long we can do the IOP it is going to end up being quite expensive weekly between that and the private counsel           ( shooting for atleast a month)..we will see how it goes..keep up the prayers...thanks
Blank
1235186_tn?1339127464
he should also look for a job. idle time is the devils workshop. it is better for him to stay busy. also have him look into going back to school in january.
Blank
1666434_tn?1325265950
Glad to hear that everything is going well too, I certainly agree with getting him motivated to get a job or focused on something that he has an interest in.  Keeps them from being idle.  Keep us posted.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Addiction: Living with an Addict Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Addiction Answerers
1235186_tn?1339127464
Blank
atthebeach
on the beach, NJ
271792_tn?1334983257
Blank
IBKleen
Cumberland Plateau, TN
495284_tn?1333897642
Blank
dominosarah
City of Dominatrix, MN
5347058_tn?1381192026
Blank
ariley13
Boston, MA
4113881_tn?1401895587
Blank
ActingBrandNew
Torrance, CA
3197167_tn?1348972206
Blank
clean_in_ks
KS