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relationship patterns of addicts?
I was curious what certain behavior patters are common within a relationship with an addict. of course everyone's a bit different,but the lying and manipulation  is a huge part of it. I was wondering about the breaking up.get back together.repeat times 10. just trying to get some ideas as what to expect. im excited to focus on myself and not absorb his negative energy anymore. just trying to make a painful situation hurt less and less everyday:)
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495284 tn?1333897642
If you are with an active addict their first love is the drug and we will do whatever it takes to keep that love affair burning.  We are masters at manipulation and lies.  Anytime someone gets to close to figuring us out we turn on them and we do whatever it takes to make them feel like it is their fault or problem.  You become just as sick as we do and that is how we like it.  We feel in control then and it takes the spotlight off us.  We will steal from you and anyone else.  Only until we are ready to stop the insanity will anything change.  It is a brutal, painful life for those who are the loved ones as they get the brunt of our addiction.
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2126672 tn?1335297166
omg...it's as if you have a nanny-cam in my house.  i'm about done with it too.  this is my first long term relationship after the end of my 20 yr marriage and my tolerance (no pun intended) is very low for high maintenance.  the lies, the manipulation, the missing money, the table turning.  over it.  
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82861 tn?1333457511
They'll keep harming us as long as we're willing to stick around and believe the fairy tales they spin to keep us there - or bring us back into the insanity.
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2126672 tn?1335297166
my guy has a vicoden issue.  come hell or high water.  

my favorite (sarcastic) moment was when i finished a 5K 15 minutes before him and he snapped at me in front of the other racers about where we had agreed to meet after.  i was waiting at the finish line to support him...or so i thought.  
he was a college football player (20+ yrs ago) and can't handle his girlfriend beating him in a race.  

here's an idea....get off the pills (that you oh sooooo require for your overall wellness...becasue you feel 'great' on them....great being the opposite of in DT's)  out of the damn recliner (but i'm sooooo tired and have to work so much...harder than anyone else (obviously))  and hit the pavement like i do 3 or 4 days a week.  then maybe you could whip the oncoming diabetes and your pill problem.

i can manage 3 teenage (athletic) kids, full time government job, full time school, running club, and the gym 3-4 days a week....must be the lack of vic
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495284 tn?1333897642
I was once that addict who did just what i wrote.  Today that isnt the case.  I have been in recovery for almost 4 yrs.   That person doesnt live here anymore,  Dont settle for 2nd best here.  You make you the No1 priority.
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1327415 tn?1294061489
what u said about being with an addict/ex addict is intriguing. i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and have only really realised some of the manipulations very recently.
any advice.?
he's been clean 2 years but is going through a bad patch emotionally at the moment. is there anything i can do. apart from NOT sacrificing myself.
he's lovely and we are great together but he struggles every day and he doesn't realise when he manipulates, he seems totally unaware. all i do is try and not be manipulated.
he does try and push me away a lot, not that it works, but he makes it out that i'm clinging.... which i am a bit but not enough for him to go on about it so often.

is the best thing for me to give him all the space he asks for or is that letting him controll me?

thanks
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1327415 tn?1294061489
don't get me wrong by the way.
the good times have always outweighed the bad. he's my man.
i just want to help him become who he wants to be.
he doesn't want to 'damage' me in anyway and i obviously don't want that either. we have helped each other to become better people. he is my best freind. but i feel i have run out of idea's.
how do i help him move on, or does that just need time?
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