Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
scared
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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scared

Hi, I'm new here.  I googled "my son is a heroin addict" while sitting here filed with fear not knowing what to do and this site popped up. I know I'm not alone with this struggle of being a parent of an addict but I feel so alone and sad at the moment.  My son is 18 and had been using heroin for the past two years and injecting for a little over a year.  There has been overdoses, suicide attempts, emergency rooms, mental hospitals, medical detoxes,  residential programs and outpatient programs.  He claims to have 62 days today but I do not believe it. He had been out of residential rehab for a month and since then he has physically been declining, loosing weight and showing signs of illness. He moved in worth my friends to get away from his younger brother who uses and I'm so worried he is going to mess things up.
I know I can not fix this and I believe he wants to get better but do not understand why his will is not enough.  This is killing me inside.  People always say to me you are so strong and handling this so well but I'm not.  I'm dying watching my son kill himself and I feel so alone.  I'm angry too. I miss my son,  I miss the family we were before my sons became addicts. Yes my other two sons are addicts too.
Well it's time to pick him up from rehab.
Tags: HEROIN, scared, Sad, angry, drug addiction, son, worried about my son, alanon
6 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Hi and really feel bad about what your going through. Heroin is a very addictive drug and most likely the top of the list to kick and may be a life long struggle. Most of his stopping will need to come from him and you standing by his side may or may not help as the physical need can be over powering all mental suggestions. Rehab is a great help.
People do things for a reason. Ive had my problems in life with various things but stayed away from the big hitters in life for love of my mother. Im just wondering why all of your children on using heroin? Its not my business and am not pushing the blame on you, as can tell your very torn by this and are sensitive but the answer to this might give you some insight on how to help them stay clean from a mothers perspective.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Hello and welcome. no you are not alone. It is in no way your fault that your children use. My husband was a recovering addict when we married and was clean for 11 years and relapsed. My two oldest children also used. Instead of running far away from drugs they went to the same thing that was tearing our family apart. Children who have no addicts in their family use. It is a choice. Many times they use to self medicate because of an underlying chemical imbalance, peer pressure, or emotional pain or wounds. You didn't make them start and you can't make them stop.
Have you been to alanon? Don't enable them. If you other sons are still using kick them out. It is hard but they have to feel the consequences of their wrong choices. When I kicked them out it forced them to get clean. My husband and son have been in recovery for 3 years and my daughter has been in victory outreach a Christian rehab for 7 months and is doing awesome. You son probably needs a long term program.
If he is exhibiting the same behaviors he is probably using again.
We are here to support and encourage you,
Keep the faith,
There is always hope,
Sending prayers,
Debbie
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Thank you for your message.  At this point not all of my sons use heroin.  My son D that I am so torn up about does. He has a twin who has been clean for 20 months from everything but heroin.  And my younger son who has been using is using alcohol and weed, he had 18 months and relapsed this past summer when he stopped taking his meds for bipolar.  He seems to self medicate,  and is a minor  with mental illness so I have not found it in me to kick him out. My father was an addict, his gather was an alcoholic and my children's father is an Addict. I raised my son alone. They had very little contact with their father. They did not grow up seeing their family using drugs or drinking alcohol. I raised them in the church which was never forced on them,  they loved it till jr high and now have returned to.  It is natural to want to understand why all three of my sons are addicts, I blamed myself for years but have learned, the blame game is useless.  I believe it is part genetics and part enviroment. And that my sons are so close in age, D is a twin and younger brother is 20 months younger.  They all share friends and have used together.  
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Debbie, Thank you for your message.  I'm sorry you have to stuggle with this also.  Let me say I feel much better today. My son I mentioned does not live with me anymore his twin who had 20 months clean does and their younger brother who just turned 17 does live with me also. .  Younger brother has mental illness so it is hard for me to kick him out.
I have gone to alanon in the past,  even ran a group,  I've even been on the board of an alano club in our area as the non addict alanon member.  
I'm going to return to meetings,  I've been going to support meetings at my sons rehab and church which helps me tremendously.  We attend a recovery church and lots of our friends in recovery attend there also.  So it is great.  
I will stay strong and not give up hope.
Thank you again for your message.
Dona
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When I reread my message I noticed a mistake.  D's twin has been clean for 20 months and used everything under the sun but I don't believe he used heroin.
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They say that addiction is a family disease, and it's been my experience that it would help to have a family member involved in the family program in order to support recovery. You've mentioned that your son has gone to residential and outpatient rehab, was there a family program where you were involved with being open to him talking about his feelings of how his childhood / adolescence affected him into acting out? This of course is not a blame game, it's not a game period. It' s life and death.  I know from my own experience how much it helps, or hurts, to have or not have family present and involved in an honest and open dialogue about how this early use has come about. Alanon of course helps, but the family program in a rehab, with an Addictions Counselor at the helm, takes the program to another level, and makes it personal for the addict and the relative(s). Of course it covers what would be learned in Alanon alone. I agree that a 30 day program, in many cases is not nearly enough time for an long time user of IV drugs (such as I was). A long term program 90 days or longer, with a clean and sober half way house would be the optimal amount of support required to beat this particular demon. A complete change of scenery or state can also help. This type of program allows for the addict to obtain employment and start their lives with the kind of structure and support that they need, 24/7. I pray for the very best help for your boys. as well as the best advice for you, from a  professional dedicated to working extensively within a family unit. Peace be with you. If you ever would like to chat further, please know, I've lived through a long term iv heroin habit myself. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. (((hugs))) Liz
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