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should I leave or stay
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should I leave or stay

My husband is in detox now for What I thought was an addiction to somas. Once in detox is has tried to get me to come and get him twice. I have nownfound out that he has been taking roxys also. Our son was permentaley disabled because his dad was so strung out on his cocktail of drugs thatbhe dropped pills in our house which mybson ingested. My husband claims that he became addicted because he couldn't bare the pain of what had happend to our son. However, when I look back and really axamine my husband's past behavior I believe he has had a substance abuse problem since before we were married. Every penny we have is gone. He blames it on the market. I am glad he is in detox and I don't want to harm his recovery in anyway, but I am somangry and honestly I would leave he he hadn't strapped us finacially! How should handle my anger? Should I leave him? He has put me through hell and he seems to only care about himself. It is so easy for him to lie to me! How can I sty with someone who lies?
Tags: Addiction
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1235186_tn?1339127464
hello and welcome. i am so sorry for all the heartache and pain you have had to endure. living with an addict is extremely hard.they can drain all that encompasses you.
addicts are great manipulators,liars and deceivers. he only told you parts of the story, that is why you are just finding out about the roxys.
dont pick him up. let him stay in the detox.
the anger you feel is very normal. the feelings of anger,resentment,
hurt,sadness,hate,bitterness........................are all normal.
is your husband going from a detox center to  an inpatient program?
how long have you been married?  
my husband has been clean for 23 months after a 14 year relapse.
he had been clean for 7 years before we married and 5 years into our marriage before he relapsed.
it is essential that you get support from family,friends,clergy,alanon,
counseling.
you are carrying alot of emotions and baggage. only you can make the decision if you should leave your husband or not.
i want you to know that there is healing and hope.
sending hope,encouragment,hugs,prayers
debbie
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Avatar_m_tn
Debbie,
Thank you for your comment! We do have a counselor. We have been married for 7 years. He is out and he has drug tests 3 times a week and he says he is very determined to stay clean! He knows that this is his one shot! Right now I am going to focus on helping him through this process and we will work out resentments in therapy. I think I have mustered up some compassion for him because of the pain around our son's accident. It was too painful to see how severely disabled he is now. Right now my husband can't stop crying. I take it your husband is now clean! This is such a scarey disease! My brother has also been a user for 15 years. He is now using whatever he can get hisbhamds on, then when he runs out of money he withdrawls! He goes through this cycle every month! I just want my moment to fall to pieces. I am tired of being the strong one who holds everything together!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you so much for your response! He is still in detox at home! Massive headache, crawling legs, no sleep. What can I give him for sleep? He is withdrawing from opiates, benzos and cymbalta!
thank you!
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1235186_tn?1339127464
The detox knew he was taking benzos? They are supposed to be tapered. He can take motrin ,advil for the headaches. Magnesium,potassium supplements for the rls,also eat bananas. Make sure he stay hydrated. For sleep try otc nnatural sleep aids with melatonin,valerian root. Alteril or sleep by nature made. When does he start the outpatient program??
Praying
Debbie
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Avatar_m_tn
He is suppose to start an outpatient program this week. When he was in detox the had him on anticonvulsant drugs. His cousnelor has dotten tough and told him that if he doesn't get her his detox records and start an outpatient program this week she won't play his  games and see him anymore. He is still to to get me to believe that his oxy and xanax addiction didn't cost us any money or take anything away from our family! It ismso weird, I am so  happy to have him back, butnao disgusted with him at the same time! Wnat are the chances that he will stay clean?
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Avatar_m_tn
hello,
can u discuss the xanax addiction?  i just started dating a 30 yr old who was addicted to heroine for a while, went to detox 10 times (he said) has been clean 5 yrs.  I jsut met him last april, he went thru all that oxycotin then heroine and has been clean 5 yrs before mtg me...He now takes suboxone, from his doctor, sees a therapist every week, takes zoloft for depression, all thru his doctor.  

waht he does on his own:  pot daily, somethimes he takes xanax, and says he blacks out for few days...I have never seen him on xanax or any drugs..Only thing Ive seen is him smoking pot, which doesnt bother me at all.  I want to know more about the xanax as thats the only thing that bothers/scares me of a future w him.

god bless
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Hello and welcome.
How long has he been on suboxone??
What is a concern is that he is still self-medicating with the xanax.  "He blacks out for a few days"??
  As in doesn't remember what he does?? That is a very serious problem.
Is his doctor aware of this?  
You don't see him on xanax?? It could make him sleepy.
He really should be attending a support group na or aa.
I would recommend alanon for you.
Debbie
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Your husband doesn't seem ready to admit what his addiction has done to the family. He isn't taking the responsibility of his actions or the consequences there of. Of course it affects your family in very many ways. Finnancially. Pills on the street are very expensive,the lies,deceit,loss of trust there are many factors that have affected your family.
Relapse is possible.he need to want to be clean and continue to work his recovery on a daily basis.
Please go to alanon. It will help you with your recovery.
Hugs and continued prayers
Debbie
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82861_tn?1333457511
Detox is only the first step of recovery and your husband hasn't even completed that process.  The emotional storm lasts for weeks to months depending on the substance abused and how long it was abused.  His brain is sick and it's trying to remember how to manufacture the chemicals that were suppressed by the drugs.  It's a slow, painful process.  

As for the sleep issue, that's going to take a long time as well.  Over-the-counter melatonin can help but in the early weeks there really isn't any help for it.  Hot baths, preferably with Epsom salts, helps with the restless legs and anxiety.  Anyone in detox just has to accept that time is the only cure to withdrawal symptoms.

Recovery is slow but it's the psychological work that makes it stick.  Some people get on a merry-go-round of recovery and relapse, others may relapse for a short time and get right back on the wagon, and still others never recover.  The important thing for you to know is that all that work is entirely up to your husband.  If he really wants recovery, he'll give himself up to it.  His decision has nothing to do with how much he does or doesn't love you.

Now for you.  We family members get just as sick as the addicts in our lives and we need recovery care just as much as they do.  Al-anon can be a huge help in that process.  Also ask the clinic that your husband will be going to for outpatient care if they offer aftercare for family members.  If they do, DO IT!  By the time my husband went into rehab I was so eaten up with suppressed anger I could barely function.  Without aftercare I would probably still be stuck in that place.  

It's really easy to sit back and think that the addict has to do all the work.  "He's the one with the problem, not me!"  Wrong.  There's a reason that addiction is called a family disease.  It sends it's tentacles into the lives of every single person in his life.  The changes we make to our own behavior to accommodate their addiction happen so slowly that we often don't even recognize it.  Aftercare and Al-Anon can help you make sure that never happens to you again.
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Avatar_f_tn
I know what you are going through. I know how hard it is to leave the ones we love. I just lost my best friend (my brother) to a Roxy and alcohol overdose in the last few months... and I have tried for years to help him. I dont do drugs or even drink havent for years because of what I saw alcohol and everything turn him and alot of other beautiful people into= wasted lives!
anyway the answer may not be what you want to hear but it is this simple you are a mother and your child has done nothing wrong... so keep it that way and give your son a fighting chance. Your husband will understand once he is actually sober but until then your only focus is giving your son the world! PS. addiction is a powerful disease and your husband may not be home for a long time but you need to do what is right for you and your son...Ive been there. and there is no waiting or helping we cant help addicts we dont have the right tools.. leave it up to the professionals.
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Avatar_m_tn
xanax is terrible! Worse than the oxys! Google it! When coming off they could die from a seizure! I use to take xanax at night to help me sleep. Then I read about them and I got rid of them immediately! I have found that yoga and meditAtion help so much more! My husband use tto tell me thatbhe hates xanax and come to find out he LOVED them. Actually I thunk he almost loved them more than us! His Dr. amd thearpist are very holistic! They don't want him on methadone or suboxone, which I am in total agreement with! I am still here because we have three kids. twins who are almost 4 and another who will be 3. I am just very angry. We worked sonhard to have this family. 5 IVF treatments. He knows how important health is to me and he watched my sister divorce her husband because of addiction and my brother also abuses drugs! I so hate pills with a passion!
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Avatar_m_tn
Well said! I loaded up at Whole Foods tonight! I am seeing a couselor for support amd have some great friends whom have  been helping me. I am going to go to my first meeting next week. I am also doing yoga and meditation to take care of myself. In addition I am looking tomstartma new career. One thay is more flexible and hopefully more lucratuve just in case. I have been a stay at home mom and before that I was a teacher! T,his would not support me and my kids if I need tomkick him out! Is it okaybto express my anger to him or should I wait until he is more clear headed? I want to beat him! I actaully secretly grin every time he has to run to the bathroom!
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82861_tn?1333457511
Wow!  You're really grabbing the bull the horns!  Congratulations on all the life changes you're making.  Not many people are even willing to think about biting off that big of a bite.  :-)

Anger is normal.  Even though it's a scary and uncomfortable emotion, it's normal in these situations.  The hard part is figuring out how to control it and let it out in a way that doesn't cause harm to yourself or someone else.  

I have to admit I did the same thing when my husband was detoxing.  I secretly reveled in his sickness and cheered on every moan and groan and hoped he felt at least half as bad as he made me feel for years.  I look back on that and I'm ashamed of myself.  He didn't "make" me feel bad.  That was all me.  I let my life be governed by his actions which made it real easy to blame him entirely for how awful it was.  My own happiness or unhappiness was entirely in my hands.

So for now, take your anger out on a phone book or a pillow until you can learn how to use it constructively.  Sorry - I know that isn't what you want to hear right now!  :-)
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for your comment! You are right, I deep down know that I shouldn't kick him while he is already so down right now! It is weird I am half proud of him and half disgusted! I feel with every as
ect of my life, but him! I just don't know how to what he has down to the kids and I, meaning taking our money and using for what I now know ere most likely pills. Do you go to Al-anon still? What should I expect? How long has your husband been clean? Thanks for the support right now. i am just relieved that the lies and seeing him high all the time are over!
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Avatar_m_tn
i just to say sorry for all the typos! I am not use to typing on and Ipad and it doesn't have spell check!
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495284_tn?1333897642
You have been given some really good advice so i am just going to add my support in here!

It is okay to be mad at your husband and not trust him.  Your feelings are all justified.  I did like the part about secretly enjoying watching him take trips to the bathroom!!  lol  Your emotions will be all over the place right now.  Recovery is a slow process and needs to be.  You have to take the time to deal with your pain, find a place for it and move on.  Focus on your recovery as you have taken the brunt of his addiction.  You deserve to start living again.  As for your husband, his actions will speak louder than words right now.  He needs to get real honest about his addiction and only he can do that.  You have asked about staying or leaving.........in time you will have that answer.  Thru recovery care you will find you again.  You are worth it~~~sara
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82861_tn?1333457511
My hubs is almost 8 months sober.  The rehab facility he was at offers on year of aftercare for both the patient and adult and teenage family members.  It really is incredibly helpful.  Our family meetings are basically Al-Anon meetings on steroids.  LOL!  We keep each other honest and call out evasive behavior.  My husband's sponsor is a meeting facilitator at the facility and he is majorly hard-core with his sponsees. They talk every single day and it's a whole lot more than just checking in.  They study the Big Book together and those conversations can sometimes go on for more than an hour.  That's on top of AA meetings too.  So many wonderful things have happened in the past 8 months that I'm still in shock and disbelief not only that he's sober but that he's working so hard to stay that way.

Think of Al-Anon as a self-improvement program.  None of us is perfect so we can all use a little self-improvement, right?  Meetings are about us; not the addict or alcoholic.  Al-Anon is just more strict than rehab aftercare about never telling anyone else what to do and how to live their life.  Statements like, "You should do X" are not supposed happen.  In fact, it's the same 12-step program used in AA and NA with sponsors and all.  You are not required to speak if you don't want to.  

Meetings are self-supporting by the group so they pass the plate around for donations to cover rent for  meeting space, literature for new attendees and that sort of thing.  The money is all used for that particular meeting because Al-Anon (and all "Anon" organizations) have no higher corporate type structure.  It's all local.  Here's a website to help you find meetings in your area:  http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/  Try out some different locations and see which ones you like.  You aren't required to agree with everything Al-Anon teaches, so take what resonates and leave the rest.

In my aftercare meetings we use a little more of a troubleshooting method for specific situations a person might be experiencing.  It's more about breaking down what didn't work and finding different ways that do work.  See, we family members fall into harmful behaviors too just like our addict loved ones.  Just as it takes time for them to change, it takes time for us to change.  Having others in your exact shoes help you along that process is a huge help and as a bonus, you just might make some lifelong friends too.  Give it a try - you have nothing to lose, right?  :-)
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Avatar_m_tn
I really appreciate all the advice! I am still in so much shock! I had no idea what he was doing and what he was taking! He told me that he was depressed from our son's accident and that the anti-depresents made him tired. He said that he took muscle relaxers once in a while for his shoulder. Come to find out he was taking xanax, somas, oxys, cymbalta, and valium. He was taking up to 10 pills a day. He could have killed someone while driving! This is so much for me to swallow. He would get scripts from his Dr. and trade up. He swears that his addiction didn't affect his work or us finacially! I just can't believe he would even attempt to say something so stupid. He is now going to NA meetings. He has an appt. with a holistic out-patient program tomorrow! I think that is whatbwe need. I obviously need to get out an get a life, but my children are very young and my one son now requires a nurse! I guess I am just venting. I have decided to stay for now. I will at least give him chance to recovery. Our kids love him so much and I would love to give them a healthy family, but I can not take a relaspe!!! And he better startb owning so more stuff soon because Inam tired of listening to him gripe around about how bad he feels and how much he needs sleep! I am going to try an al-anon meeting next week when I have some help with the kids. I alos have an appointment with our therapist on Friday. Until then I have this thread, which I am grateful too! Thank you all! Laura
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82861_tn?1333457511
Good for you!  I think you've made a wise decision to adopt a wait and see attitude.  That gives you both time to heal.  Separation and divorce isn't usually a great idea in the middle of a crisis situation.  That option is always there waiting for you if it's really what you think it's the best thing for you and the children.

Try to remember that recovery is a long process and your husband has barely begun.  His brain is sick and it's going to take quite a while for it to start manufacturing the chemicals that the drugs have replaced for so long.  His thought processes aren't going to make any sense to you (or him) for a while.  If he regularly attends NA meetings and actually works the program with a sponsor, there is a great deal of hope for his recovery.  Try to step back and let them be the ones to help him see the damage he's done.  Believe me, they keep each other honest!  Making amends is part of the 12-steps but a lot of work has to be done before he reaches that step.

If you want to know what happens in an NA or AA meeting, check around for a meeting labeled "open."  That means it is open to non-addicts/ alcoholics.  You can't speak at those meetings, but you can attend and listen.  Doing so helped me understand addiction, better understand my husband, understand how the program and recovery works, and also gave me a great deal of hope.

We tend to want their recovery immediately - right freaking NOW!  We also want them to own the pain they caused us right freaking now.  Rarely does that happen. That's what Al-anon is for.  I find myself so much more forgiving of others and even myself than I used to be.  People are born flawed and that includes me.  We all walk a different path and it's not my place to direct anyone's future, including my husband's.  It IS my place to direct my own future and be responsible for my own happiness.

Many Al-Anon meetings use books by Melody Beattie as study guides.  I know Amazon carries them but they should be available at any book seller.  "The Language of Letting Go" is a good one to start with.  It can help you wrap your mind around dealing with a substance abuser.

Take it one day at a time and don't forget to stop and smell the roses!  :-)
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi, In response to debbie>> (Hello and welcome.
How long has he been on suboxone??
What is a concern is that he is still self-medicating with the xanax.  "He blacks out for a few days"??
  As in doesn't remember what he does?? That is a very serious problem.
Is his doctor aware of this?  
You don't see him on xanax?? It could make him sleepy.
He really should be attending a support group na or aa.
I would recommend alanon for you.
Debbie)                        

                                                                                                          Thank you for responding.  I'm already turned off by the drama this life will bring to mine, which is pretty calm...(0% of me says, politel move on form this man, 10% says, maybe its not so bad...ugh

SUBOXONE: how long? DONT KNOW ..he explained how it works to me 3 wks ago, id venture to say 5 yrs, as long as hes been clean?  ill aks him...

XANAX: TOLD ME TOOK clonipin (SP?) in sept. Then 3 wks ago said he took xanax...said he.."blacks out" I asked what that meant, he said, cant remember talking or texting ppl, sees his phone to see"  I didnt ask if Dr knows hes taking xanx...ill ask...

He has always told me I am the kind of girl he would take to his family, would marry, im a good girl, has said "we should get married" a lot...he loves im so innocent etc...(im not that innocent, had plenty of lovers, had nights out drinking etc, but never had an addiction to drugs or alcohol)

This man comes from very wealthy family, which is part of why I am in denial I think...Ive never been around drug addicts, only seen in movies, never seen him on drugs, its a story he has told me , but its like reading a book or a film about someone else...I havent seen the ugly truth so its almost like i dont believe it...Sept, having dinner at his familys gorgeous home, seen all the world wide trips hes been on with them, toured me thru the family home where he lived his entire life, showing me everything in each room, details of his life...its hard to grasp the years he was on heroine...perhaps if he came from a very poor family, perhaps if I saw him when he was at a shelter or on heroine, perhaps that would be the slap in the face I need to believe its true...I tell myself, 'well, he can just stop the pills that and we can get married and have gorgeous babies and build a house and love each other...(my dream)  

ME: I didnt know any of this pills popping from April till Sept..It was Sept.I decided hearing of the heroine and pills now was to much for me, I aggressivley tried push him out of mine, date others, but he always stayed in touch, I NEVER caleld him first or chased etc...I NEVER saw him take pills and dont know the activity level...

Mid Dec 2011 rolls round, I told him I was gonna move 5 hours north to country area to get to know a man better who just moved there, (natural reaction coming) he begged me stay, wanted relationship w me.  Said I'm type we would marry, he loves me, thats why he took me his parents for dinner sept, etc...said he loves my innocence, smarts, drive etc  (im sure he sees me as the good one in his life vs the pill poppers he wishes he could quit)  I told him "you just want me cause im leaving, its a natural reaction, you jsut want me cuz you know ill be gone etc" he said "maybe it took this for  him to realize how great I am, etc"  

I know I cant be someones angel enough to sober them up, I know he has to do it on his own.  He asked me to move in with him, I declined, he asked me instead of moving to country 5 hours away, move closer to him (he is 45 mins from me) and lives in country. advised me on towns, jobs there etc...He introduced me to his sister who lives cross country, tells his family all about me etc...

I said Ide be interested in dating him, that I would stay in my area, we spent 4 days thru xmas together, then 3 days thru new years together.  Had gret time together, told me he hadnt taken xanax in a while (10 days) my qick response?  "thats a while?"


Again, i think he gets depressed, takes the pills to sleep and zone out, but I dont see these times...His mood has never changed while around me...closest I saw was 2 wks ago when he had headache and asked if I had tylenol, but he  was fine besides a normal headache...he never gets mad, mood stays the same, so hard for me to graps this...quite frankly, ide never know unless he told me...

Ive dated alcoholics before and have seen them sit and drink, hide their bottles, get sloppy drunk, throw up, hang over, fall all over the floor, its disgusting...if I saw that in him, it would be a good slap in the face I need to see the problems...
so for me, Im a basic woman, looking for love in all the wrong places it appears
  
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Avatar_m_tn
Hello,
Thank you do much for sharing so candidly...am I smart to move on and look to date someone else and leave him 100% and tell him?

I wonder if I should keep him in my life and date others too?  Honestly, its tough hearing about his addiction, says he has nothing to hide from me, but clearly he knows im not into pills, pot etc...and i dont believe hes gonna be 100% clean or 100% honest about his use as he knows it will push me away.  so as a woman, who wants marriage and kids with a solid, safe, drug free ome, I feel he is not the one...

Either thru his therarpy, or just who he is, his openness to me about his feelings for me is refreshing and I wonder if I will ever get that again...Maybe ill just tell him I will date others cuz I cant rely in his stability due to pills?

I dont know...thoughts?
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Avatar_m_tn
You won't know the truth unless you drug test him! I would move on, but that is just me! The pain is not worth it! What he relapses and you are married with children, what if his family cuts you off from the money! My husband has caused us to loose everything, he kept blaming it on the market. We do still have a beautifuk home, but that is because my family has money thatnk god, or I don't know where we would be! This is such a scarey disease and it happens so slowly and they lie so well. Please talk to a therapist who specializes in drug abuse. I am not qualified to give you an appropriate response! I am clearly upset so take my opinion for what it is worth! Good luck and trust your gut! I feel for you!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks for reply, doesnt it feel good to have people to talk with? I know it feels good to me, I just joined this week and love hearing from other people at different stages in these same scenarios...

I have thot 'what if he has a bad day, week or month?  Is he gonna run out and pop pills?'  I cant imagine the deceit and pain that would cause...

I want a man who can match me on many levels, and im not pointing fingers, yes I get depressed, and ive seen a nutritionist who helps me with nutrients and vitamins, holistic...And im not saying his depression is my concern, its how we deal whit it that is my concern...

ive been laid off since march 2010 from a 70k position/benefits/car pd for/cell pd for etc...now i get 383 dollars/wk from unemployment that ends in 1 week...so ive been depressed, moved into a teeny, tiny 400 sqf t apt...no family within 1,000 miles etc...I understand the market and the changes in life style, and no i dont have kids which I can only imagine is horrifying at times in your situation, BUT there must be something in each of us that keeps us strong and going in the right direction... faith, hope, love?

I hope this time I listen to my gut early on, end it now and stop the madness...hell, i need someone to take care of me, to give to me, to add to my life in a positive way, not me attack the addiction scenerio...

feel like he isnt growing as a man, I want to create the conditions in my life for a safe/drug free/honest future with a man where we can grow together and constantly be open in love together... I feel he isnt the one...

I dont know how else to say this to you, but I dont know how you are doing it...you are so strong!  You have been given the strength of a heard of elephants to endure and take care of your babies...Thats the mother in you, God bless and keep the faith baby!


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Avatar_m_tn
I also just joined. I want the same things you do! However, I made a poor choice and now I have no choice, but to be strong! He has this one chance and if not I will call my dad tell him everything and beg for his help until I can provide for these kids. Funny we had 5 ivf treatments to get these kids and now I don't what I have gotten myself into. My husband liked to have a good time when we first started dating. He would drink. He would smoke pot. He pooped pills a few times and I told him no pills! I really thought he stopped. I don't know! he says the pills got out of control when our son almost died and he is now disabled. I am just angry because he seems like he has an attitude and down playing his addiction! I know he just got out of detox, but he better get a new appreciative attitude soon!

I am so sorry that you are far from your family! I understand how hard that is! Do you have a friend thatbyou feel close enough to talk to? You deserve the best and remember we teach people how to treat us! Love yourself and wait for a worth while man to come along! Trust me Being alone is much better than taking care of some man!

You be strong! Trust you gut and learn from my misfortune! I am not feeling sorry for myself! This will end well. We will either repair our marriage or I will move on! Something good will come from this situation! It has too!
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495284_tn?1333897642
You 2 dont need anyone to take care of you.  You are both very strong even tho it doesnt feel like it right now.  Think about your wants and needs as there is a difference.  I always think about needs as needing food and shelter to survive.  Wants are different.  You dont need a man in your life but you want one..did that make sense?!!  Find your strengths and weaknesses and work on them both.  Being okay in our skin is what is important.  Set boundries with the addict in your life and stick to them.  You are what is important~~~sara
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Avatar_m_tn
THANK YOU SO MUCH...I have one friend ive told all to.  she says "do you really want a life wondering about him?"  she said "if its gonna bother you now, its gonna always bother you"  and thing is I know that, its pretty basic...there was a time at 20 yrs old, I wouldnt even consider marrying a man who smoked pot...or who drank regularly..I am 40+...This is my first encounter with hard drugs...if I had know from  the jump, i would have walked away..now ive slept with this man, hes courted me, bot me gifts, taken me to his familys, loaned me his car when mine was in shop
introduced me to his family (sept)

(Dec) introduce me 2 his work guys, told me how he expressed his love for me to his male friends etc....I was willing to leave all that past experience in the past, but then during xmas he took xanax...WTF?

i read a ton last night on naabt.org...a place i found thru this site...it explains alot about tolerance, dependence and addiction etc...

I told my man In Nov> if something happened when he was a child that he is running from, im sure it wasnt his fault and he needs to forgive, love himself and talk to someone...Dec> when i told him i was gonna leave to be closer to a man who wants a relationship with me, he sat me down and told me about the thing that happened.  Opened right up to me...he in fact had been molested as a child by family member...he hasnt toild his parents but his psychiatrist has been told and they discuss...his Dr is a man just few yrs older than him, so thats gotta be a good match for him to discuss....obviously, now i get why he turned to oxys in the first place... especially if it was a man who did this to him when he was a little boy...
I now have a much bigger heart for his issues...I knew to ask this because I watched Dr. Drew alot and I listened to him...

I love this man, I want the best for him, and again if I had known about the heroine and pills I would not have started w him...Now I know...My heart is big, open, and willing to receive..I do love myself alot and I know me, I will eventually let him go if he persists with the pills...hope I dont take 4 yrs to see it...im not gettin any younger and want a man and family...

god bless us all,
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Good advice about setting boundaries. What would you suggest? As of now, I have told him that ifnhe has a dirty drug test he is out of here! I am frustrated because he doesn't seem too remorseful! He seems to be full of excuses and critizing me! I am trying to give it time since I know he is still detoxing. One good thing is that he has started walking and he is going tk a nightly NA meeting. Tomorrow he meets with his therapist! One day at a time right? Thanks for the support!
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