Apx 2 months ago I found out that my 18 y/o son was using herion. I found out when going through my bank account he had fraudulently cashed apx $2000 worth of checks. I gave him an ultimatum- you stop using, go to rehab, and enroll in school and I wont press charges. He stayed clean for almost 2 mo found a new group of raver friends, and now has tested positive for extasy. I feel like he has left me no other choice but to press charges. He knew what the consequenes were and knew that we were randomly checking weekly. Am I making the right decision by pressing charges?
This is a tough situation to be in for sure. Whether to be part of a criminal record for your son. Maybe you can talk to a lawyer and wee if you can have it put before the courts to demand rehab/no record or jail? If you could give him a taste of jail (when he first get's charged) but give him a way out, it might help him. The thing is that jail does nothing IMO to rehabilitate a person, but does serve as a learning experience on how to use, and making more friends that are using, so it's counter productive. Can you or have you been involved with an addiction's therapist that could be part of another intervention, that gives the ultimatum of rehab or leaving the house?
Hello and welcome. I understand what a hard decision this is to make. Did he go to rehab or school? If not he didn't fufill your requirements either way. I had money stolen, credit cards stolen, checks cashed, jewelry stolen and pawned by my 2 oldest children during their addictions. it is a tough spot to be in. Does he still live with you? If you press charges and he goes to jail what do you hope will happen? If he lives with you I would just kick him out. If you press charges he will more than likely get out of jail on ror. jail is not rehab.
Has he ever been arrested before?
He has no prior convictions. I just feel that he wont trust that I mean what I say if I dont follow through. He lives with his dad and has been kicked out. He has gone to rehab for 2 weeks, only because we drive him there. He says its stupid. He did register for school, which took his dad and I both to get him to follow through with that. He missed several apts. and would decide the line was too long etc. School is to start on monday. He left without any of his book etc.
I thought the threat of jail would keep him clean. But I know it was only a matter of time before he started using club drugs once he started hanging out with his rave friends.
I am sorry. I know the heartache and worry it causes. I went through the same things. Made them get jobs, which would only last a short time, sign up for school, then they wouldn't go and would quit. We can't make them get clean. They don't care about our threats, they care about getting high . That is good that his dad made him leave. Let him fend for himself, live on the streets with no where to go and see if that changes him. When they are in active addiction they really aren't capable of holding down a job and definitely can't go to school and sit through classes and do homework to pass a class. They just can't. Their mind, body, emotions are too messed up to function with any normalcy. My son is 27 and has been clean for 3 1/2 years and is doing great. My daughter who is 21 has been in rehab for 4 months. They both decided on their own to get clean and take control of their lives. I tried to help them, yes made apps for them, drove them, took them to counseling, made them go to outpatient rehab and nothing I did really helped. Sadly until they are tired of the lifestyle is when they do something about it and take the necessary steps to work a recovery program. Mom there is always hope...dont give up hope. Tell him you love him, that you will support his recovery not enable his addiction. You should check into alanon for yourself.
We as moms want to fix everything for our children, at a certain point we enable their addiction.
When did his dad kick him out?
I wouldn't want you to be sorry later that he has a police record. That would follow him the rest of his life. My daughter stole so much of my gold and diamonds. I didn't realize some of it was gone until about 2 months after she went to rehab. I hadley of my things that hadn't already been stolen in a safe deposit box. I was so upset and mad again when I realized it. I asked her and she was so ashamed and sorry. She said mom I was an addict and a liar. Please forgive me for all the hurts, pain and sorrows I have caused. Guess what? I told her I forgave her and I was so proud of her for going to rehab. She is doing so awesome. She is in a Christian long term program.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,
We are always here to encourage and support,
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