Im married to a woman who has smoked crack at least once or twice a month over a 15 year period, with periods of no use from one to three months, and periods of frequent use (daily) for maybe a month. I have offered her to go to rehab at my expense - she refuses. Our children are now 12 and 13. We have been physically separated for over a year. Now she has multiple sex partners (I just recently confirmed my suspicions) as evidenced by cell phone video,etc..
I have a restraining order against my wife. I also have legal and physical custody of our children. She has visitation if she is not planning on getting high. That visitation is only on Saturday. I have allowed her to have the children even more if she seems to be up to the task.
I am moving forward with the divorce after finding out about the many sex partners and coming to grips with the fact that she is really just a crackhead ho, and as the saying goes, "You cant make a ho a housewife."
Most posts on the subject paint a very dire pic of the future with a crackhead, so, anyone got any stories with happy endings after 15 years of addiction? My wife just had her 38th bitchday, she says shes ready to change - should I believe her?
I whole heartedly agree with Lizzie Lou. I am a recovering addict and my extended and immediate family is FULL of addicts.
I chose to get help for myself (the codependent side of me) a long time ago and it has helped me immensely! Al-Anon, Nar-Anon they both have .org and .com web sites. Online mtgs, lots of help there. I daily.....read meditations, feed my mind new ways of thinking, went to mtgs, and surrounded myself with others who love addicts.
But......I daily struggle with am I "enabling" or "equipping" cause there is a HUGE difference.
I no longer believe "words" Only action. Intentions are one thing, doing is another.
There are happy endings....most of my extended family are in recovery and have been for years and years. Then the younger ones come along, and I need to work my program harder, to make sure I stay healthy myself and help when I can, and not when I can't.
You sound like you are taking care of you and your children. Just remember the woman she is under the influence of drugs and who she can become again w/o drugs makes the diff betwn a ho and a housewife.
None of us are lost causes.......but we can't do for another what they must do for themselves.
Blessings to you~
I am very apreciative of your reply to my post. Your thoughts and experiences really help me to keep this issue focused. My wife is such a smooth talker, and I love her so much I really want to believe her.
This time around I know way too much to fall for her "rope -a-dope" routine.
most addicts are "smooth talkers"...this is something they become very good at as their addiction continues / worsens.
if you want to help her...let her know that you will support her recovery...BUT...you will no long support her addiction.
take care of yourself and your children...none of you asked to live her life of addiction. your wife is an addict...you can't love her clean and UNTIL she hits her bottom, she will choose drugs over you and her kids.
put the responsibility of her addiction and recovery in her hands...100% her choice. becoming an addict is not a choice...but doing something about it is.
Thanks alot Lizzie: I took your advise seriously, and shared it with her.
She is now on a drug/sex mission for the last eifgt days. She took the only child she has custody of with her and went 100 miles away. She has keep the 15 year old out of school for 5 days while she does "her thing". She has not tried to talk to the two children I have or visit with them. She has left a puppy and a cat alone in her apartment for eight days.
I just got my HIV test results , thank God Im negative. My blood test did show low vit.D , one point out of the acceptable range. I take vitamins and muscle milk protein daily. Should I be concerned? Where do I go from here?
How can I help my kids cope?
Thank you very much, I appreciate your time, and words.
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