will suboxone help my husband get his life back?

I am married to a wonderful man that has been on methadone for over 15 years. It was a shock to me when I found out a year into our relationship and was something I thought I would never be part of especially since my dad was a severe alcoholic and I never wanted to end up with someone that had any addiction issues. Well needless so say being a year into the relationship I was in love and thought I could save him, if I knew then what I knew now I would have been spared alot of heartache. I hated that he revolved his life around needing methadone and his day could not start with out it. He falls asleep all the time and as fast a turning off a light switch, his sex drive is low and I believe is greatly affected from using methadone. I gave him an ultimatum about 3 years ago to get off the meth or loose me and his son. He chose to get off and went down on his dose and when he got to about 35 it wasnt going well but I didnt see how bad it was going because I worked really long hours and many weekends too. When he couldnt go to the clinic any more everything went to hell and he could not deal with the withdrawls and started sneaking to buy heroin in the city and little did I know ...you can snort herion. Of course he denied it to the end and it lead to me not being able to stand the sight of him, many things happened in this time period but the lowest point was when he had our 3 year old son in his car and the cops stopped him and he had drugs in his car ( I believe he was in the city buying drugs) he was arrested right in front of my son handcuffed and everything.

The cops were kind enough not to have CPS come get my son and let my husband call a family member that lived in the city to come get my son. Then I was called at work and had to get my son...I was so discusted that he would put my son in that situation that I threw him out. He ended up going into a detox program in a hospital and completed it but it didnt last long. I believed for a short time he was clean but then started seeing all to familiar signs that he was not. We moved to a new state almost 3 years ago and he got back into a methadone clinic here as well, I have tried to accept it and have learned that addiction is a sickness and even though it was brought on by choice once it gets ahold of you its a monster that rules your life.

Dont get me wrong you would never look at my husband and think he did any kind of drug and if you knew him you would think he is a great person and he is , thats why it kills me that he ever went down that path but the issues it does make him have like sleeping all the time and waking up in the middle of the night several times....his lack of motivation ( almost like depression) and lack of sex drive has become worse the past couple of years and i dont feel like we have a life . I told him he is not living he is just existing and I will not deal with any more because its been completely unfair to me and I have delt with this for 10 years already. I feel at this point if im going to feel alone all the time I might as well be alone, I ended up having enough 2 weeks ago and threw him out after coming home several days in a row to find him sleeping on the couch and only gets up to go to the bathroom or smoke or get a snack, Arguing with me saying he works and it tired....thats fine and I work FT as well but that does not mean you come home on a daily basis to a wife and kids and shut off like a light switch til the next day. It got to the point where he was falling asleep 3 hours after sleeping at night on the weekends....like a zombie all the time no desire to do anything and I mean anything. His low sex  drive has gotten as bad as the sleeping and that has been something that has been extremely hard to deal with because I have a normal sex drive and have never had anyone I was with not want to be with me. Its a very bad feeling rejection and I know its the methadone and not me but at the end of the day it still makes me feel unwanted. He has cried to me about his addiction and hates the negative affects it has had on him and worst of all is all the guilt he feels for all the people he has hurt and that too keeps him thinking he cant get passed this. At this point I know as much as I love him I dont want to deal with this anymore and im so done with being taken for granted and him taking his life for granted. We have discussed all this and he knows he has to make a change before he looses everything, I DONT want to go through anything like we did in NY when he tried to get off methadone and I could not handle it again. We have talked about him going to suboxon because even though its another drug it seems not to have all those bad side affects methadone has and also seems easier to get off & that is the ultimate goal. I know he wants more than anything to get clean and live a more normal life and not feel ashamed anymore but I also know that wanting and being able to do it are two different things. If anyone has been in this type of situation and can give me any advise I would greatly appreciate it because I have read alot on suboxone and heard many good things and sucess stories but have read a few negative ones also, I know that everyone has a different situation and different experience. I also believe 100% that a positive attitude of really wanting to get clean has so much to do with successfully getting away from any addiction. I just dont want him to go from a bad situation to a worse one but if a change is not made we will not be able to live together anymore and our marriage will be over. Is suboxone a better choice and does it allow you to live a more normal life? Is it easier to get off suboxone ? Just dont know what to do :( Help!!

[atthebeach]

hello as i read your post i saw what my life had been up until 13 months ago. i married a man 21 years ago i had met in church. i knew he had a heroin background but he had been clean for 5 yrs. if i knew then what i know now i would have walked away  i didn't know about addiction. he was clean for another 5 yrs. into our marriage. then i started noticing things that didnt seem right. he finally admitted he was using morphine pills. cried sorry sorry sorry wont happen again. i believed 6 months later again. i had a son from a previous marriage, who was 5 when we married, i was widowed and we had a daughter together. lies, deceit, money missing. he became very broken emotionally. but was a very functional addict worked no problem. then after 5 yrs of this he said i want to go on methadone for 1 yr. i didn't know anything about it but he said it would help him stop using other drugs. by this point i had 2 more sons. then started 10 yrs. of his methadone use. i didnt know it was an everyday thing. a new addiction. at first i was nervous he would overdose, get into a car accident, get stabbed or shot when he was trying to cop because he wasnt only using the meth. there was lots more in the mix,coke,xanax,drinking. screaming, fighting, hating, lying, deceiving, stealing, lots of financial problems. then my son started using coke at age of 15. my husband became violent, he wouldnt leave the house, he said i pay the bills. i never worked outside the home. my husband also hid his addiction well. none of our family or friends knew. about 5 yrs. ago i tried to kick him out again and  he went and slept in an extra bedroom we had. i now hated him and wanted him to die so i didn't have to divorce him and he would be out of my life. our family was so dysfunctional my 2 young sons were having so many problems, in school ,emotionally, physically we were a mess. my daughter was 16 and she started using coke. i had him arrested once for bottles of meth. i found at the house that he bought off the street and he actually got a letter from the clinic stating he was on meth. legally even though they werent his bottles. the drugs were more important than us. two yrs. ago after a horrible fight he left. for 1 yr. he didn't live with us. i was ready to file for divorce. he had become suicidal. i wanted it all to end. so as a very broken, shell of a man that i had married he agreed to go into a christian drug and alcohol program. he stayed for 3 months. i am so thankful to the Lord to say that he has been clean now for 13 months and our family is healing. my son & daughter had gotten clean before my husband. he is in great shape now mentally, physically,spiritually,emotionally. we are healing day by day. it is definitely a miracle. i was getting ready to file for divorce i wanted him dead i hated him so much for what he had done to our marriage and our family. by the grace of God, much prayer, tears, help from our church we are moving forward together as a family. he is now volunteering in the rehab that he was in. i would not suggest him going on the suboxone it is just another addiction. does he want to stop? he has to want it. my husband was sick and tired of the love affair and bondage to the meth bottle that he had. he hadnt been on vacation with us for years and years because ( he always had to work) couldn't leave his bottle.  i am so sorry for you because i know the pain, loneliness,fear,worry, hate,concern for your children that you have. he had to be broken and tired before he will stop. can you have an intervention with some family or friends. i told my family, his family, our pastor, our church, i called all his doctors, went to the methadone clinic with him and together we set up a detox for him. i took control of all our money, he couldn't touch any of it. i basically gave him no choice but to get clean. and thank God he finally saw and felt what the 14 years of hell had been.
you are not alone.
God bless you,
debbie

[jaytoni]

Reading your story made me tear up....it is heart breaking what addiction dose to an addict and 100 times worse the pain it causes their family and loved ones. I have been through so many different feelings and am grateful that I never had to deal with him using any other drugs while going to the clinic because the meth alone is enough to wreck everything in its path. I am also grateful that my kids have always been on the right path and my two oldest 17 & 13 are honor students my little guy is 6. My 17 year old is getting ready for college to major in scientific engineering and I couldn't be more proud as a parent , although I do feel a lot of regret and guilt for letting my kids see me deal with a man that has an addiction and letting them see me not think I deserved better. Especially my 13 year old daughter, I pray she never falls in love with any man that has any addictions because I know that people that do sell themselves short on so many aspects in a relationship .  In the end was any of it worth it?? I know if I could go back I would have walked away if I only knew the rewards would not compare to the heartache and the devastation it leaves that never completely heals. There was a time when I would have to sleep with my wallet because he would take money from me and ofcourse he would say he didn't ....and treat me like crap for even suggesting he did. one of the lowest points was when he pawned his wedding ring to buy street meth when he stopped going to the clinic. I was so disgusted that anyone could be that weak .....this was after I kicked him out because he got arrested with my youngest son . His family asked me to come see him in the city where he was staying with him and I noticed he kept trying to hide his hand and when I forced him to show me his hand he said he had taken it off and could not remember where but he said it was somewhere and that I was crazy. That's the day I went home and left him right where he was , his family was so disappointed in him as well. That's .when he went into detox and I didn't see him for over a month. I do believe he wants to quit but I don't think he is strong willed enough to get through the W/D once he gets to a low dose and going back to that situation will be the end of everything . I get so frustrated at him because I feel like is you want to get clean you have to just man up and deal with the process but then I don't know what it is like to detox and feel the pain and sickness of it and from all the stories I hear it sounds like pure Hell and I don't know if its also part excuses not to do it or if its really that bad to detox. Thank you for your story :)

[atthebeach]

my husband went cold turkey from the meth at 20mg and also from xanax not even sure how much of that he was taking. he went into the hospital to detox. they called me and said his blood pressure was 220/125 they were afraid he was going to have a stroke. he has high blood pressure and sleep apnea. i know his use definitely made those issues way worse. because of his lies and his self induced stress of having to constantly make up stories. the sleep apnea was worse because the methadone and xanax depressed his symptom. anyway they gave him suboxene in the hospital for just 5 days. then he went to the rehab. and he was sick,sick,sick. i didnt go see him for the first month. even after 1 month he looked like death warmed over. he had lost 20 lbs. from diarrhea,not eating,vomiting,wasnt sleeping,could even barely walk. it was horrible. he knew the withdrawal would be bad that is another reason his anxiety and blood pressure were so high. anyway, he stuck it out. methadone and xanax two of the worst to withdrawal from. it really took him a good 3 months to get better. 6 months later he was still very foggy and couldnt remember things. it was terrible. they know about the withdrawals that is why they continue to use, but the longer they use the worse the withdrawals it is a catch 22. THEY HAVE TO REALLY WANT TO DETOX.  they put the poison and toxins in their bodys for so long and then want it to be better in one day. no such luck. my husband always hid his addictions. he would always deny, so we constantly fought when i would find pills and the extra bottles. he always told me he wasnt using anymore. so my 2 older ones did as daddy did not as he said. i too slept with my money in my pillowcase, so sad, my husband also sold wedding ring and other jewelry. when my children were using then all three could blame the other one. i was having such horrible panic attacks i had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital a few times, they thought i was having strokes, could talk, walk. the stress was killing me. one time i was at toys r us with my then 2 & 4 yr olds. they took me to the hospital in an ambulance and i had to leave my boys at the store with a cop. so heartbreaking what addiction does. that is great your kids are doing so well. your situation is different in that you know he is on the methadone and i suppose you have somewhat agreed to it. so there wasnt as much discord between you and him. when my husband decided to finally start to detox he and i went to the meth clinic together and said he wanted to detox. the doctor laughed and said nobody comes off meth. great. our government dollars at work. we insisted and they put him on a slow detox about 2mg every couple weeks. that took about 8 months he started around 100mg. the lower you get they say the worse it gets. that is why your husband always goes back up. did you think about the intervention part or giving him an ultimatium? he has to be tired of it by now, it would seem . they have to go there everyday. they are prisoners to those clinics. i pray that he will be strong and want to do what he knows he needs to do.
God bless you,
debbie

[gavin4785]

I am on suboxone, and have been for a year.  I'm an ex-heroin addict, and I have suffered for a long time.  Since a month into taking suboxone, I have and now feel no desire to use ANY opiates.  It also does NOT make me fall asleep or be depressed.  If anything it acts more like a motivational tool, but without a tangible "high."  It is NOTHING like methadone though.  It will help you, but you need to also go to counseling at least once or twice a week.

Give him a chance if he does agree to do the suboxone instead.  It might take a few months to a year, but after that year, I think he'll be very happy with his life, and you will be happy as well.  It has a high success rate too.

-Gavin

[Moke64916]

Suboxone is way different than methadone.  Suboxone you don't feel high while taking it, yet it eases the withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms.  He can be totally functional on suboxone.  And if he tries to slip up by taking some other opiate, it won't get him high.  The suboxone will kick out any other opiate he takes.  You can't get high on other opiates while taking suboxone.  It helped me out.  Now I don't take it anymore.  I'm completely drug free.  Suboxone is a great medication.  The withdrawls from it aren't as severe as methadone.  Plus if you  gradually taper off the suboxone you won't experience any withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms.  Suboxone is a great choice.  I'd advise him to see a suboxone doctor.  

[minda123]

Believe me when I say I understand how you feel about addiction. I too grew up surrounded by alcoholics and hated it, and swore Id never be one or with one. I do not drink to this day (im 29) because of this. So imagine my suprise when I found myself hooked on pain medicine prescribed for a life long, degenerative condition in the spine. Me? Im not one of THOSE people, those junkies?! I was shocked hurt embarrassed... But let me tell you, long term opiate use, whether its heroin or a pain pill, causes changes in the brain. Long term changes. For some, the brain NEVER heals back, it never produces dopamine correctly again, which means your husband will NOT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY< OR FUNCTION AS A PRODUCTIVE PERSON EVER AGAIN WITHOUT AN OPIATE. Believe me, Ive had children thru natural childbirth and nearly died, and would still choose that over withdrawal from opiates ANY DAY!! Because yes, it truly IS THAT  BAD. So I can ASSURE YOU, just by your husband AGREEING to kick methadone (the WORST WITHDRAW OF ALL AND THE LONGEST) for you is a HUGE INDICATOR of how big his love is for you. Because I promise you, he KNEW just HOW HORRIBLE he would feel FOR MONTHS TO YEARS DETOXING, yet he STILL TRIED-FOR YOU!
Yes, it would be best if he could be 100% clean. But just from the history, I can guess that he was on it long enough that the damage to his brain is permanent. If you get on the net, and do some looking around, you can read more about long term opiate brain damage and how it affects the brain, and you will start to understand WHY he cant just stop. Try googling suboxone, there is a website that tells about this. I will try to find the site and post it here for you.
I just want you to know, I have now been on BOTH sides of addiction, and believe me, until it happened to me, I always thought addiction was a cop out, just a word junkies used to excuse the unexcusable. I am now realizing that it CAN happen to anyone, and that it truly is a HORRIBLE disease, brain damage, NOT a lack of moral character or will power.
I tried and tried to quit on my own, but like your husband, I always went back, because you literally are SO sick, SO miserable, to the point of SUICIDE, that YOU CANT function, no matter how you try.
Believe me when I tell you hes SICK. He is ill. Think about it. What SANE, healthy rational person would live like that! He is a man with a chronic illness, and like any chronic illness, it CANT BE CURED. BUT, it CAN BE MANAGED like any other illness. With medication. It is much more than him WANTING to be off the methadone. If his brain has been damaged it doesnt matter how much he wants it, it wont be doable. Im sure many people want to stop thier meds, but cant. He is the same way. You need to look at this as a medical condition, treatable by medication.I understand how hard this can be to accept for you. But you must think of the fact that this is heart wrenching for him to. He loves you and knows he is letting you down by being ill. But he cant help it, and THIS makes him feel like a iece of **** loser, like less of a man. This loss of his manhood and low self esteem probably has more to do with his sex drive than the methadone, although it can affect it too.
Now, with that said, something else you need to realize is he sounds very depressed. He feels bad about himself, like a weakling, like less of a man. He CAN sense your disappoinment in him, your lack of support. Depression IS a HUGE FACTOR in oversleeping and lack of sexdrive. This too cant be cured, but CAN be MANAGED with medication.
Like I said, I grew up around alcoholics and drug addicts, was actually abandoned several times for years by my mother, so I do get how you feel. Having experienced addiction myself now, I can also understand how your husband feels. This is going to be hard and inconvienent for your family. But its just as hard on him, but with the added guilt of knowing its HIS fault you are suffering, and he IS helpless to stop it. Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and in health. It is worse, and he is sick. I know how it is to live with an addict. I think you should consider a counsler and a support group for people just like you. And maybe a family or marriage therepist. But heres the thing. He LOVES you. And will want to make you happy. You need to decide whether you are in for the long hall, and if so, get in therepy to deal with your anger and feelings towards him and addiction. Because by yelling at him, making him feel guilty for somthing he truly cant help, by throwing him out, you are basically yelling at him FOR BEING SICK. If he needed insulin, would you yell at him or throw him out because its disruptive and inconvienent? It is counterproductive and actually damaging for you to throw him out or yell at him for being sick. I understand how you feel. But consider the fact that the more you do this, the WORSE his depression gets, THE WORSE his sex drive gets, the INCREASED CHANCE OF HIM RELAPSING. If you cant accept him being sick for the rest of his life, then you need to tell him that so you both can move on. This yoyoing is bad on his health and yours. What if he quits again for you, and this time when he relapses it costs him his life? The highest chance of OD by the way is after one gets high after quitting. What I am saying is whats going on is dangerous to him. Addiction combined with depression can kill. So with counseling, you need to decide once and for all whether you can accept this, and support and love him anyways, or let him go so you can both be happy. This is a life long illness, and its stressful and many relationships dont survive. But if you want him to survive, the yo yo ing needs to stop.
Think about it. He was stable, and you pushed him into stopping medication he needs to please you, and he coulve died.
Moving on to suboxone. Yes, I think it can improve things in certain areas. For one, it is much more convienent. No standing in line at 5am. He will have a Rx. For 2, it is more speedy than sedating. However, for some patients onmethadone, it isnt effective as the methadone is stronger, so it may not work for him. You wont know til you try.
The best advice I can give you is he needs to be treated for depression, try the suboxone, and go to counseling, both together and seperately. Living with an adict is hard, so check out support groups like alanon.
Above all, SUPPORT HIM 100%, or leave him. Stop shaming him for a disease he cant control. Remember, he loves you, and this is hard for him too. He tried for you with disasterous deadly results. Can you try for him too?
Be in or be out, but get off the fence and dont berate him for being ill.Good luck.
m

[minda123]

Believe me, I used to think it was an excuse to, but after finding myself accidently hooked on pain meds, I can assure you, Id rather die, or have twins with no anestetic, than ever detox again. It IS THAT bad.