A friend "dumped" me after I confessed my addiction

[newstart730]

A couple months ago, before I found this forum, I told one of my best friends that I was struggling with a norco addiction.  I spilled my heart out to her, and I felt like it was the first step for me by voicing my struggle to another person.  I got clean, relapsed, and got clean again (all with the help of the forum)- however, she has never called to check up on me or see how I was doing or anything.  During a recent conversation I told her that I was upset because my mother told me that she hates my father and wishes he would die.  My "friend" said that she is tired of hearing about my drama and I depress her.  She said that I'm a "crazy, irrational pain pill addict" and she doesn't want me in her life because she doesn't want drama.  The irony here is that she is a complete drama queen, and I have always been completely "there" for her.  Other than admitting my addiction and telling her how upset I was about my mother's horrible statement, I rarely share "downer" stories with her.  I feel like I listened to her problems for years, and then she used my confession of my addiction to disown me as a friend.  Also, the times I was a downer to her were when I was clean!  Not using!  I feel so betrayed and hurt.  Part of me is internalizing the pain- I think that maybe she's right and I am a worthless person.  I know this is very negative thinking, and I'm trying to steer my thoughts a different direction. I am realizing that she wasn't really a friend at all- it was a one-way street, but I am crushed.  She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and I considered her as a life-long friend.  Telling her about my addiction was one of the hardest things I've ever done- I've never felt so vulnerable- and I feel like I was sucker-punched in the gut because I confessed.  Has anyone experienced a loss like this?  If I lost a friend because of stupid/dangerous behavior as a result of my addiction, I feel like I could understand that.  This just plain hurts.

[whitie]

the others read my mind as to what to say.


dont sound like  you can appease her even by being clean. apparently she has no clue about how many famous people,politicians and athletes have become addicted to pain pills. flat out decent people that get addicted,just because tehy are prescribed pain meds.


addiction has no guidelines as to whom it picks as ITS friend.  maybe one day when she gets injured or has a serious illness,she will find out that her  new best friend use to be ours.......

[newstart730]

I think you are close to the truth in that it brought up her own issues.  In my opinion, she is a complete alcoholic and has been since she was 13 years old. She has gone through some very traumatic experiences, but she usually chooses to distance herself instead of reaching out for help.  I think she doesn't want to feel like she is emotionally indebted to someone else.  I guess that means that she expects me to be the same way, which, obviously, I'm not.  Despite her problems, I loved her as a friend and I wrongly expected the same in return.

[jollyman069]

sadly enough some ppl don't know how to handle the situation, of being told that a "friend of thiers is an addict. well they are the one that should question if they are a true friend? why would afriend treat a friend like tht just because they are having a problem with something? addiction is a horrible thing ll of us can attest to that...doesn't make us any lessa person or friend....it is hard but do not let ppl like that get you down...deciding to take a stand and fight your addicition should be applauded..it is probably the hardest thing you will ever do!  I know it was for me...good luck..God Bless...brian

[tray_c]

This story makes me wonder if your friend has some feelings of her own that may "mirror" your behavior. She may have some skeletons in her closet and your confession hit close to home. I could be way off base though. My best friend came over and kept me busy while I was going through WD's. Thats what you need. Count your blessings that she moved on, because you need real friends in your corner at this time not friends that are all about their own needs. I have had my share of friends like that, its hard. I have very few close friends now, but they are real. Good luck, stay strong.

[newstart730]

thanks so much guys- I'm feeling a bit better today.  I was just so down from the shock of her cruel, unkind words yesterday.  Is it me, or do things usually seem better after a good night's rest?  I realize that she was truly an awful friend, and this is just the icing on the cake. I have many spectacular friends that I can count on.  Still, I'm going to take my time and choose wisely when telling others about my addiction.  

[avisg]

You do it On your own speed and time just becuase it was negative this time does not mean it will be next time .:)

[newstart730]

thank you so much for the support- you have no idea how much it means to me right now :)  I have other friends and loved ones who I know love and support me.  However, I feel shaken by this and I feel VERY apprehensive about telling anyone else who is close to me about my addiction and recovery as a result.  I know that everyone says that coming clean with the people in your life is part of recovery, but now I am very scared to do that.  I know it's a silly question, but what's the benefit?  Especially if the outcome is what I just experienced

[avisg]

ohhhh I have known many people that always have some drama but when you try to talk about something in your life they somehow manage to turn it back around into there drama.Now that you are clean you will find out who much you dont want people like that in your life .Its time for you to move on into more healthy relationships .I would see it as a blessing in disguise you are fine just the way you are!

[BornofOsiris]

you are not worthless nobdy in this world is!...your friends just sounds like she has her own problems? A true friend would be there for you! you did the right by telling her and you should be proud of yourself. Dont worry you will always find new friends

[NautyOne]

All I can say is that its times and things like this when you find out who your friends.  Feel fortunate you did find out.  I know that doesn't make you feel better to know this, but you are better off without this person.  I can imagine how you must feel opening up to someone like that only to get the big "diss"  I have found that the biggest drama queens are usually the one's to say things like that.  They don't like it when someone steals there thunder....

I am very sorry about your friend, but its really about you and getting your life in control.  granted, it's always more comforting when we have someone's support to help us through.  This person is an a$$.  You will be much better without them.  I know that's easy for me to say, but you have saved yourself a lot less grief down the road.

Stick with this forum ....keep reading as much as you can.  I promise you will get support here.  

Luv,
Nauty............

[allaboutmary]

Sounds like your friend is one of those people that only wants to hear about her own drama ........if it's not about her she's not interested.  Sorry your friend turned out to be a jerk, but you did the right thing telling her about your addiction.  A true friend would give support.
You should be very proud of your clean time. Try and stay focused on that and to heck with her.