yes, fo sure. generally speaking no, but this year - WAY. and no wonder this year was the first time i ever abused drugs.
it felt like EVERYONE let me down and i am super pi##ed! in fact, woke up thinking i need to make an appt. with the ol' shrink 'cause i'm having those "angry conversations" with people in my head. not good.
not to get too deep (and i haven't had enough java yet) but our society has never really taught us how to deal with our anger (that it is ok! but there are ways to express it, etc.etc.) anyway, it's no wonder everyone's pi##ed off, but holding it in, and therefore expressing it in self-destructive ways..
... you know, i was actually thinking about getting a new tattoo. i've been thinking about it for months... all it would say is "Until 70 times 7" which I believe is in Matthew, and Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his neighbor, that the old test. says 7 times, does this still hold true? And Jesus says "I tell you now, you (forgive) until 70 x 7...." (sorry J.C. for slaughtering the translation...)
Anyway, I keep thinking about it.... obviously, it's about forgiveness. Not holding resentments (which we all know what that does to addicts...)
Anyway, was going to get it across the top of my arm, like Angelina Jolie's. Then, I remembered my arms don't look like hers anymore... so I kinda scratched it. :-P
I think if we can feel the anger its a step in the right direction. I have a hard time "feeling" at all. I know that my sis is the opposite and will lash out at people. She doesn't hold it in. I on the other hand will quickly tuck the anger away in an emotional vault where is doesn't go away but seeps out and impacts other areas of my life. Oh, Im nice to people but then go and do things that are destructive to myself.
Remember Anger stems from fear. When we are angry and we either write about it or talk it out with someone we trust, we can always get to what the FEAR it stems from is.
Forgiveness. Its truly an art. It is composed of keeping our boundaries and not letting people walk all over us, letting resentments go from our hearts (not just or heads), and also forgetting but not to the extent that we set ourselves up for letting ourselves get punked again.
Its a work in progress for me. My work is stifled when Im on the pills. I simply am just existing and not doing the important things in takes to keep myself in top condition as a human being.
exactamundo. same here.. and, of course, - i too have a sister who lashes out... i think we talked about this when we first met. my default position (altho i've gotten better..) when anger/hurt/afraid is the self destruct; hers is to destruct anything in her path...
there is a GREAT book on forgiveness i read some time ago, and its really an amazing book. i gave it to a buddy about 6 mo's ago.. i'm gonna email her now and ask for the author again. i need another copy, as well - if anyone's interested i'll tell ya what it is.
letting go of anger is not necessarily letting people off the hook, or saying "oh, ok, you can take a dump on me and that's ok..." it about letting go of the anger about it, so it doesn't become toxic.
i'll get the name of the book... i forgot it. but i remember the first time i read it a peace fell over me..
I have always had a thing with anger, but it got worse after I started using. I don’t just have those conversations in my head, I feel the need to voice them. It’s kind of funny because if my husband and I are out somewhere he will tell ME to say something to someone. I am so much more outspoken (and mean!) than him. Even last night at the ER I had a little ‘chat’ with one of the nurses. I’m not one to complain about the wait, etc. because I know that’s just how it is. But when a friend of the nurse’s shows up and cuts to the front of the line that is NOT okay. I let her know that very clearly.
I don’t just have road rage, I have serious anger. One time a couple of years ago someone did something while I was driving (I can’t remember – cut me off or something). Actually I think it was a series of things that p*ssed me off. I actually followed the guy until he pulled into a parking lot and I got out and banged on his window and started screaming at him. My family is terrified I’m going to get myself killed and to be honest I don’t blame them. In my drinking days I was constantly in the middle of bar fights trying to break them up – even if it was several men. That’s not really an anger thing, but I don’t have that “this could really get me hurt” switch in my head.
I love the idea of your tattoo. I want to find a passage that really touches me and do something similar. I have one on my upper arm (I think you can see it in my profile pic). I also have one on the inside of each forearm. My mother calls me Angelina Jolie. Now if only I LOOKED like her… lol.
I would love to know the author and name of the book. I have a huge, HUGE, problem with forgiveness and letting go. I even let simple disagreements with my husband turn into hours of silence. He is even truly sorry for things but I won’t even talk to him. I need to really work on that. I know it hurts him when I am like that.
i much less angry after the drugs are out of my system, you know just before I use again...what is wrong with me anyways? Missed you Jen, been trying to catch up the week I missed but don't think I will be able too..
me to have been suffering from anger issues! and for myself has never had them! Before the drugs i was a A b student and what u could say a goodie good i started to date this one guy how was on drugs for some odd reason i fell n luv w him and then after a while i started getting beat. I told him to choose the drugs over me and he didnt. I was also haveing trouble at home with my realationship w my mom so i became to wonder what was so great about drugs that he wont give it up! there for a while i knew i didnt feel the pain! not just n my body my mind i didnt feel nething! problem sloved i thought! I used the drugs to get away of bad things n life! now that im going through detox im starting to feel the pain and i became the most angry person only with i get set off on nething lil! If neone could help me it would b god!
Many of us never have learned how to deal with our feelings and anger is one of the most difficult. Anger says in effect "I want something to be different". It is a normal feeling, the issue is how we deal with it. This is a complex issue because there are taboos against anger, there are physiological issues involved, we all are more irritable when we are stressed, there are psychological issues involved i.e. I feel a lot of loss because of choices I have made and my anger can cover my saddness. Men tend to act angry when they are sad, saddness displays vulnerability and vulnerability is no reinforced in men, where aggression is. Many of us are much more sad than we are angry.
When I find myself getting angry I ask myself what am I feeling sad about. I have recently been acting very angry and as I explored the sadness underneath I discovered that there were a lot of losses, including self esteem that were underlying my angry reactivity.
When withdrawing from Oxy I felt very sensitive and angry. There is some physiology invoved in the physical sensitivity and reactivity involved in the process of withdrawl. I could not sleep which made the situation worse. I also felt angry with myself for being in that situation, it is easier to be angry with others sometimes when we are angry with ourselves. I found that my behavior was also not in alignment with my own view of myself and that too made me sad, and I acted angry.
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