Addictive Relationship

I posted a question about addictive relationships a few days ago because I felt I kind of identified with what I have learned about them. More reading has revealed to me that I am not strictly fitting that profile and that's good news, but....

I have been in a quandry the past few weeks over being involved in a criminal case against a former abuser. He is being sentenced for Domestic Violence against the woman he left me for. She thought she was "special" and that it was my fault for his displeasure with, and abuse against me. I was subpoeaned to testify in the current case because she recanted after realizing her gravy train was derailing. I have no doubt that the violence in their case is mutual, but something still must be done to protect the children involved.

Well, when he saw me at the hearings leading up to trial he decided to plead guilty. The prosecutor and victim's advocate have been encouraging me to submit a victim's impact statement so that the presiding judge can see his history and the impact his abuse ( most of it mental ) has had on the lives of others in order to sentence him appropriately.

After procrastinating for days, I finally took the statement to the prosecutor's office today. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do and prayed all the way to the courthouse. Then I sat outside in the hallway at the courthouse and prayed for a sign if it wasn't the right thing to do. (I want to see him get help too and didn't want to come off as vindictive). Nothing came to me, so after a couple of minutes I took the statement in a dropped it off.

I got home and turned the TV on and Ellen Degeneris was hosting Mary Murphy of "So You Think You Can Dance", and she told her story of years of abuse by her husband, denial by her parents, and her journey to recovery. Her pain was so obvious as she fought back tears. It was like the answer to a prayer. Just what I needed to hear. I feel like I absolutely did the right thing. If he's truly remorseful, he'll accept the facts. If he's not remorseful, nothing I do is going to make a difference. But NOT doing anything is something I'd probably regret all my life.

Submitting that statement was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Probably second to enduring protracted withdrawl (withdrawal) from Opiates. I still have some victim mentality going on and lingering sentimental feelings about the relationship I had with that man. But it's done. The mental abuse I was subjected to in that relationship is the reason I kept taking pain meds long after they stopped helping the pain. I was trying to escape the emotional pain. It's probably perfect timing to finally get to address that abuse now that I'm off the opiats and doing so much better. Now to decide whether to attend the sentencing...

So that's my story for today.

[mtgoat911]

i am so glad you are out of all that chaos!!! wish you well in your recovery and your new life

[ginsa]

Thank you for your kind words. Still not quite out of the chaos, but beginning to see a way out.