Anger Problem Solved?

Came on this post with clonazapam addiction , which then turned into alcohol issues , then marriage issues. I ranted, lashed out, insulted and made some freinds, lost a few more , but to make a long story short , whatever the outcome is , whether I stay sober ( misserable) or if and when I quit mt pill addiction ( hello anziety ) I gained some valuable insight about myself. See I have always known I have been rude and insulting and even prone to starting fights, just downright an a** ****. but have always just had the attitude, I dont give a **** like me or not I just dont care, I am who I am!! But it was not until I seen it here iooking me right in the face , the humilityof it all I knew I can not go on being this insensitive walking talking timebomb. I made a decission to put a halt to this way of acting/ thinking, By no means am I implying I will be peoples doormat, but each waking day I will be nice to people who deserve it, and walk away from trouble people, unless I have no choice, and never judge anyperson until I know what that person may have or is experiencing with their life. Im glad I came on this site. I got to see myself as others do, and did not like what I seen.     SWAGGER

[want2bme]

wow..That is pretty impressive that you are wanting to make these changes.  I have always had issues with anxiety even as a little girl..I know it has everything to do with how I was raised never the less....I have taken xananx..klonopin..and to tell you the truth they only made things worse for me anxiety wise....it was like I was suppressing the anxiety until it built up and I had NO control over it..I decided not to take the crap anymore and went a few years without anything..I will tell you they were not very great years but I made it through it.  I finally had enough went to the Dr and asked about something else...She suggested something called celexa which I take now and I will tell you it has changed my brain.  I know that sounds really f..... up but it did.  I still have issues with anxiety but I feel like it does not control me like it used to..hate the fact that I take a medication to make my brain "normal" .  But it has helped..THe others are not very helpful to me in the long run for the anxiety.  I hope this has helped a little one way or another..Please dont mistake what I am saying or encouraging you to go get a script to celexa I am just wanting you to know that there are better ways to control anxiety.

[swagger39]

Celexa is an antidressent right? I dont recall that one , but have taken some all w bad side effects which as a male would be too embarasing to post on an open forum. But I think you get my drift, anyway I will bring it up next dr apointment.I totally agree about the anxiety meds. I did not have anxiety until I tried to quit a few times. I used them for sleep. my braln has never been normal. When I was 4 in 1964, I got severe meningitis that left severe nervous system damage, I was at one point dead , but somehow I came back around. My opinion? in my case- its not alcohol/ pills etc, that make me the monster I became-Its Me that made me who and what I became. Granted the substances add fuel to the fire if you will, but the real issue at hand is this brain of mine. And I also wish benzos were never invented in the first place, I agree 100% about your point of view on the anxiety issue, swagger

[10356]

Hello Swagger. Reading your post has gained you more respect from me and a apology that you thought I was judging you. It does not take a lot for someone that has been on the other end of a person like you described to recognize the anger issues involved.. I appreciate you coming out to the forum for as you gain a insight into yourself and gain support you also leave valuable information and experiences for those to come who may be dealing with the same issues. I hope you accept that I write in goodwill and I wish you the very best on your journey. lesa

[swagger39]

I dont recall you judging me as over the last week I have had so many negative issues with so many post, all that I brought on to myself. That is one big reason I decided to take this action. As I stated I saw myself as others see me and it was just plain ugly. I appreciate your sincerity.  swagger

[want2bme]

My doctor discussed the celexa would have the least effect on any sexual disfunctions~I do not think it has affected me in this department at all.  Sorry to be so frank but just geting that out of the way.  I have not heard from any men who take this maybe somebody will chime in and give you thier personal story.  Yes...I do believe it is an antidepressant in the zoloft family.

[swagger39]

Zoloft, yes that was one of them I used~uuuhhg. Prozac, Wellbutrin , others as well, all of them killed it. And the doctor always would tell me the same thing, I most likely just dont tolerate them well. Anti anxiety meds on the other hand have total opposite effect. Geez I feel really uncomfortable on an open forum about the subject matter. Im just really happy they allow you to lead a normal or at least a better life quality. I dont object to your being frank ,its just, well an open forum. You would not want to hear how I talk when Im around other guys, frank would be a huge understatement, Thank you for your insight.........swagger

[Beccabeccalynn]

Hey swag, just checking in. Nice post dare I say there is growth there :) I made cupcakes today which is huge given my current condition. ( I even cleaned up the mess) any who, just thought I would share.
Becca

[swagger39]

Hey Becca , I was just wondering how you were? Thanks for sharing!! I had just left you a note not very long ago. I sure wish I could talk to you about Oregon someday. As I stated before I spent a big chunk of my life there, in the same area you are at. The Willamatte valley to the coastal range. Many great memories. Thanks for checking in. cupcakes lol........your freind swag

[vicki595]

Who are you and what did you do with Swag???     LOL

[Dav125]

Swagger, I just walked in and have to say thumbs up my friend. The positives you threw out for all to see are nothing but impressive...Glad to hear you found value to be had here. I certainly did and love to hear about others that have as well...You have a pleasant and rewarding fourth!  David

[swagger39]

You know I cant tell you who I am , But I left him at white castle, hour ago or so, hes a slider addict too, you want him back?

[Beccabeccalynn]

As always I want you to be yourself, amazing how many facets we have as people. The key is finding one that is rewarding to us and others.
Becca

[swagger39]

So how was the day at the beach? Pepper mentioned something about that earlier.You have a pleasant rewarding fourth as well. I have sun-mon off, that in itself is rewarding enough for me, well the new laptop w windows 7 kinda is in there somewhere too!  swagger

[Dav125]

Your coming back to life...I'm tickled to death over this..Forward my friend,,forward!

[vicki595]

LOL  No,leave him at White Castle !!    YOU can stick around !!!!

Seriously,you sound good,calm,introspective and very likeable!  You'll be okay...it's all baby steps.  Alcohol and pills contribute so much to our moods and behaviours;which you know.  Sounds like you're on track now...

Any plans for the rest of the weekend or are you working?

V.

[Dav125]

Had a great time,,going back out tommorrow. Do a cookout and stuff..Man, I can't say enough about how happy I am to see how quickly you grabbed that crap by the (insert word) and decided change was what you were going to throw at it..Just good all the way around...

[swagger39]

Plans no!, working ? I worked today, alone cleaning the plant, did not accomplish much, very tired, dont even know why Im still up. Last week took a huge toll on my entire? ( cant think of the right word) but anyhow I was a stress-mess and drained! Tommorow and monday will be the first 2 days in a row I have had off since????? Yes Im thrilled and thanks for asking. I just hope white castle stays open on the fourth~~kidding!!!!......SWAG

[vicki595]

Have a good time,whatever you two do...We're going to put some meat in the smoker
(MMMM) and have the neighbors over. It's our tradition...and only small fireworks. It's
so dry here I worry about fires!!!

Good night~
V.

[swagger39]

Good mornin to all, I wont say Happy fourth or Merry x mas or any of that stuff because its just like repeating what everyone else says. How about just Happy Day? So is anybody hurting today? Is anybody need to talk ? How about that 4th of July thing anyway, does anybody ( really ) observe it for its true meaning or any holiday for that matter ? I see so many people ( not here of course ) but just out there running around doing the wooo hooo, Happy this or Merry that with out even giving the holidays true meaning a passing thought. I see so many just use the holidays for an an excuse to party and act up. Has any one ever taken the time to salute the vets on veterans day or is it just another day to not have to work and run down and buy cases of keystone and wooo hooo it up ? Has any one truly given thanks for thanksgiving? If you have done so , then I salute you. I know I am just babbling away here , but I woke up this morning thinking about what I will observe tonight in my neighborhood, drinking fighting hooping it up fireworks etc mostly by people whom do not even give  independence or freedom or the birth of our free nation a passing thought. Everyone Have A Happy Day on this Fourth Day of July. And the 5 th and 6th and so on. swag.

[dominosarah]

Growing up military like i did i fully understand what the 4th of July is all about.  Tonight when i look to the heavens i will say an extra thank you to my dad for serving this country he was so proud of~~~~Happy 4th dad.  You are loved and missed~~~~~

[swagger39]

Sorry for your loss sara, I hope nobody looks upon my last post as an insult, as it was not directed at nobody personally, its not an angry statement, just simply my observation and thoughts. My father was also burried with full military honors, I myself served and my thoughts and prayers go out to all those who have served. I get kinda teary eyed myself on Veterans day, especially if I see people doing what I mentioned on the first post I made today......swagg  

[dominosarah]

I know what you mean.  I look at my ridiculous neighbors drunker than all get out, lighting fireworks and not having a clue what this day really means.  All it is to them is a day off and a party.  I also get furious when the flag goes by and caps are not removed and no hand over the heart.  Now i may get angry!!!

[swagger39]

So we agree to agree? I must do my weekly wal mart shopping now, but I will be back. Please dont be angry because I brought this up. did not mean to hit a sore spot.

[dominosarah]

Oh its all good!!  Have fun shopping at Walmart!!!  I get to go to work today!!!

[swagger39]

Im back, it was more work than fun, stopped at white castle-eat. So you have to work today of all days? Is it hard work.? I also wanted to add to the prior post that I find nothing more emotionally moving than when they play ( taps ) for a fallen veteran!!! swagg

[Beccabeccalynn]

Hello fellow patriots. I the one who cries when they sing the national anthem. So it's the fourth and I am home of course. I was invited to a BBQ and actually felt a bit like going but I know that there will me pot and lots of booze there and while they aren't my drug of choice I felt it best to not mess around testing my sobriety considering how depressed I have been. Idk maybe I should go get out and eat visit I could always leave if they get to rowdy. Crap I feel d@mned if I do or if I don't.
Becca

[swagger39]

Hi Becca I would not go, way too much temptation there, you are too good a person for that, with you being depressed and all that first beer might be tempting, please dont do it. Btw I just bought a scanner so im uploading pics and goin bananas cuz I cant find my Oregon pics. I sent this post 10 min ago and they deleted it? I dont want to see anything bad cross paths with you, your too good a person, take care of number1 BECCA!!!  keep posting ......SWAGG

[dominosarah]

Hi Swag!!  Hows it going tonight?

[swagger39]

Ya mean there is still someone up besides me in the midwest? Im gettin ready to hit the rack soon I suppose. I bought a scanner/printer today and have uploaded a boatload of pics, just keepin busy. Snallpepper done called it a night. Check out my pics if you get some spare time, I could not find some I really wanted to add. I been worried about Becca , she seems to be reaching out for help, shes such a sweet person and I hope she did not do what she was implying, From   her messages and her post she seems very independent and above average in the smarts dept, but them demons still want her back, I dont know what to tell her. Shes gonna do what shes gonna do right? Did you put up a thread about favorite movies? I can go there for days. So how was your work today?      SWAGGER

[dominosarah]

I havent posted on the movie thread yet.  I am tired tonight and will be going to bed soon.  I checked out your pics.  It is always fun to see who we are talking too and get a glimpse into their world!!  Work was busy tonight.  We closed early so that was nice.  My neighbors are being loud and obnoxious tonight.  They seem to think we all want to listen to their stupidity.......I may have to yell out the window yet!!!  LOL

[swagger39]

It really bites to know anyone on the web can see the pics if they by chance happen onto this site and they recognize you. I worry about that and I cant get invites from freinds no more as I accidently deleted some thru the computer changeover. Its quiet here now you must live in a rough part of Minnesota. What you think about pics, give me one last post before you hit the rack.   swagg

[Beccabeccalynn]

Hey all I did go last night but only for the fireworks and I stayed outside sat with the kids didn't drink and didn't feel like it but am glad that I stayed with the kids and played it safe. I ended up with three kids last night strewn all over my postage stamp apartment. Thanks for the good advice swag just knowing that someone is pulling for me helps tons.
Becca

[swagger39]

Im so glad to hear from you Becca , Postage stamp apartment???? You have a very unique way with words and sayings and stuff. I think that is one of the reasons I admire you so much. I hope ( for real ) you get over this deppression thing and start living the life you deserve. BTW, your cupcake remarks the other night made me smile, it was just so ??? I never made a cupcake in my life, but the way you said it , it was hillarious, Im not making fun of it or you, but it touched me. I do hope you stay in touch and I accidently deleted a few people from freinds list, I need you back on it. I know you do this with Iphone, thats gotta be rough , your one tough( cupcake ) Becca. Swagger

[dominosarah]

You can set your pics to friends only Swag.  There is a setting by each pic.......

[swagger39]

I know Sara but my freinds list is kind of small, hope that changes in time , I seem to connect with many and want to share with them as well. So how is your day going. Did you get any good sleep w all the bs goin on?

[dominosarah]

They must of ran out of fireworks shortly after i went to bed as it got quiet!!!  The longer you are on this site the more you will meet and then your friends list gets huge!!

[swagger39]

Ifinally got my laptop back from pepper. I realize what you are saying about the freinds list as the same applies in all aspects in life not just here, but I was only implying that statement because of the privacy issue on pics. My list is in fact growing , this woman name Sara just added to it.......Im clownin Sara.....Thanks. And this cool woman Sway accepted my invite, thanks to her as well, Im sure shes watching! I see pepper called me a computer hog ( guilty ) but oh well this makes me happy and I paid for it. swagg

[dominosarah]

Maybe pepper needs a laptop too!!!

[swagger39]

Sara that aint gonna happen. Ya see shes a money hog, Besides she dont know about spyware, updates- maintainance in general, so it would not be a good idea and she has all the time she needs with this one while Im at work......I say to her , dont mess with my off days, this is my time, she likes watching tv anyway so why all the fuss,  swagg

[Beccabeccalynn]

Hey guys just checking in. Swag you can friend me and I will accept I don't think I can do the picture thing with my iPhone. Maybe what pepper is saying with out saying it is that she wants to feel as importat as the computer, you should have date night with no computer like in the old days, my ex stopped doing this kind of special stuff with me when we got sober and it was really one of the things that I missed. Just a thought from one woman to one man. Relationships really need nurture in sobriety, a lot of us damaged relationships while using. Come to think of it relationships need nurture regaurdless.
Am I rambling? Went for the first swim of the season withy son Blaise and that felt kind of pro-active. I hope Blaise stays over anouther night.
Becca

[swagger39]

My nightly connection with Becca, now Im really feelin good, as you stated she has been feeling neglected by the computer. I do need to give/take somewhat, Since my surgery over a year ago I started buying dvds like crazy and I have 100s of them that we have not watched and 100s more to be seen again. I should set aside time for that. I have to work tue thru fri 1.30 to 11.30 pm but thats 3 hrs from pacific time so I dont want to miss your nightly post, 12.00 am would be 9-00 pm in Oregon right? Your around then I hope, I need my Becca fix too!! Girl were do you get all your insight? Also do they have computers at the college or library in Salem? Keep me posted Becca swagg.

[swagger39]

I got to make a store run, but did youget my invite, I sent twice? Hope to hear from ya again tonight......swagg