At my breaking Point

[MissBecca24]

I have done so good all day not taking more than I need and just now it was so hard not to just open the bottle. Hubbs and I got into a big one because I feel that he needs to voice that he cares more often I think that I expect him to be at my beck and call because im sick. Maybe its that im scared he will leave or that im just needing attention I dont know which one. All I know is im sick if hearing that he doesnt know what to do when a bill is past due, or when something bothers me . I didnt take them but I had to come here because its my strength not to. I just started crying and it was like a flood of emotions, blaming myself, him and anything else in myway. Im so sick of being like this , HELP
Becca

[1eagle]

It was a good choice to fire up your "puter instead of your pill bottle. Remember that it can be the pills/abstinence that prompts you to get into it with your hubby. It is really quite common with the issues that we all face. Someone else here just gave hubby the bottle to dole out. It might be okay to actually get him involved in this. What better way to really know that he does care. And maybe you should have him check out this site so that he can relate to your struggle and pain a little better. No one here will tell you that it is easy...but most will tell you that it is necessary. Blame the fates, the illness, and the mediacation. You don't need to blame yourself. Hang in there.

[Joey28]

I have been through this also do yourself a favor and go dump the pills in the toilet ASAP !!! I was on Norco's and Ms-Contin for approximatly 4 years i shattered a vert and smashed two discs L4 and L5 anyways numerous surgeries and injections later the pain went away but I was hooked on the pills bad. No matter how much tapering you do you will go through 4-7 days of misery sorry but it's the truth trust me around the 4th day things will be looking better.

I suggest the following,

1, Eat no matter how bad you feel if you don't the symptoms will get worse.
2, Go get some Immodium AD from the grocery store and take 3 at a time 3 times a day.
3, Drink as much water as you can stand.
4, If you have a hot tub or spa heat it up and keep it hot you will need it.
5, The most important go see your Dr and explain what you are doing and get a Rx for Ambien CR the worst part of this nasty detox it sleeping it is just about impossible and deffinently complicates things.
6, If your husband isn't willing to help I would suggest a hotel for a few days to get some privacy.
7, THROW ANY PILLS YOU HAVE AWAY TAKING MORE WILL PROLONG THE PUNISHMENT !!

[Zurich42]

Hey there -

I think you should include your husband in your withdrawal process - let him help and feel 'useful' to you - perhaps providing you the 'care' that you want from him.  It's hard for a person to second guess another person's needs - especially if that other person is in pain.  My boyfriend doesn't know 'when' I'm in pain - I just get quiet (and in the past, take a pill or 2).  Now - I tell him.  Ironically, I am having a lot more syjptoms with the withdrawal process than I am any of the pain - not sure why.  

I believe innately we are here to 'help one another' - almost everyone I know wants to help someone (an excellent representation of that is right here on this forum).  Thus - have him help you through this - it will make you closer.  If you can beat this together - you can beat anything.

Hugs, Marie

[MissBecca24]

After taking a little walk I feel better, In a perfect world without Cancer I would dump the pills but I cant dump them because I am in severe pain , Just need to learn not to run to them to make me happy! I talked to Chris and said that I was sorry. He is so amazing and he takes the heat for alot! Thank you all so very much for the help and kind words!

Becca

[Joey28]

I must appologize if the cancer is really the issue and the pain is real don't feel bad about what you are doing just be honest and only take the medication when needed 99 % of the people on this site have abused the stuff including myself after all of my surgeries the pain subsided but the pills didn't I liked them at that point.

Maybe try talking with your Dr about some kind of time released stuff the MS-Contin I took during the bad days worked well and the best thing it didn't give "myself" the effect that other pain meds did so in turn I was less likely to abuse it.

Is the Cancer treatable or terminal maybe this is question I should leave alone but I have a lot of experience with cancer paitents all family members two of them I took care of for a long time while working and raising a young family so if you have any questions feel free to ask !!!

Joey

[MissBecca24]

You are more than welcome to ask questions I need someone to get it all out to , MY husband deployed to Iraq in Sept last year and two days later I was diagnosed, I had some tests done but assured him that I would be fine so he went with his guys. It is treatable, They are getting ready to do a marrow transplant in my femur . The pain is unreal but I have started taking the meds even when its not that bad , I get upset at my husband I take one I get stressed out at everyday things and I take one see where im going?/ thats why im here , I have only taken two today so proud of myself!!!  THanks for the kind words, you all are great!!
Becca

[MissBecca24]

I go to the doc this week and I am going to ask about the time released stuff thanks so much thats a great idea!

Becca

[Joey28]

Keep in mind if you abuse the time release stuff it's much harder to quit and they will not work as well in the future PLEASE DO NOT ABUSE THEM AND DON'T CHEW THEM UP all of the young kids today and a lot of adults are chewing them to get high and dropping dead all over make your Dr educate about what you are taking before filling the Rx do not rely on the Pharmacist to do it.

You can beat the cancer so when you do you will want to free of the pain meds if all possible to enjoy life with your family and friends.

Have a great night and good luck in life.

Joey

[MissBecca24]

ewww chew it ? hell no id be to scared to im not that brave! lol so dont worry about that it wont happen! its mainly looking at these damn bottles that so it to me! so I have put them up and im going to cook my love some dinner! have a great night

Becca

[avisg]

hun, you have cancer you are going to need some pain meds ,so no flushing ..I agree the time released might be a really good idea. My son had cancer he has been cancer free for 14 months.
So good things do happen. You have the added pressure of hubby just coming back from Iraq that puts so much stress on a marriage. I know mine has been as well and he may be going back in April.
Where is your family ?
avis

[MissBecca24]

we are stationed at Ft hood Tx, My dad died of Lung Cancer 2 years ago and well lets just say that my mom eats a bottle ofpain meds every few days so thats a no go , I have an aunt that im very close to and im very close to my inlaws they are all in MIssissippi though far away! We are all we have here !
Im not going to flush but I am going to set times to take them and not take them just whenever i think that will help also! thanks so much

Becca

[1eagle]

Thats a good thing about the net, you don't have to be right next to anyone anymore to keep in touch. If the mister has been deployed I would think that you are experienced with that. Didn't you keep in  touch with him via computer? During Vietnam a person only had snail mail to fall back on...never made or recieved a phone call...certainly never thought that you could keep in touch in rather real time as we do today. You have some good advice here. I think that including your loved one here is really good advice. I may have become a little more cynical about mankinds innate goodness, but its sure good to hear that opinion expressed. Maybe I can even return to optimism. It would be refreshing. Good luck to you. And I do really mean that.

[Silhouette62]

Gosh you guys make me feel bad cause I had no pain when I started taking pills. Just started takin them for fun. I admire you becca, cause you could just take them with an excuse that you have cancer and you don't do that! You should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work and I'll say some prayers for you. Your story made me wanna stay strong in my own recovery. Thanx!

[Zurich42]

Smart Plan - very smart plan:  Not flushing them - rather, setting 'times' to take them and sticking to those times.  I'm proud of you!!!  

[lonote]

I'm Cathy and I've been reading your posts. I just wanted to say hi to you and welcome! Another person to add to my prayers. I just slipped up here recently, and jumping back on board. Thats all for now. We  will talk some time.   Lonote

[1eagle]

Funny thing isn't it? For quite a long time when i did them for the warm fuzzies I was actually jealous of those that had  a "free ride" so to speak with the scripts. I am there now and I would give anything to not have the experience. You really have to be careful what you wish for. It might just bite you in the ***. Had to reinforce the compliments to Becca, it takes a special type of person to go that route. Back to nam again. I saw so many people that got trashed. So many crawled into a liquor bottle or syringe or whatever. They quit life. As f***** up as that adventure was it wasn't worth checking out of the world for.........neither is a little ache or pain either. Everybody stay strong. As we used to say ..."walk with God, but let him walk point".

[MissBecca24]

Today has been good only 2 so far and 6 hours in between! YAY. Its cold outside to I have two pair of sox on ha ha I look like a goober but it helps the pain! I hope that all of you are feeling good and having a blessed day!!

Becca

[1eagle]

Way to go. Especially if you are like me and do not care much for the cold. My aches and pains are so much worse when the weather gets chilly. I can't help but be tempted. But I also know that I just can't go there again. Just think how good you will feel when it's six days instead of hours. That longest journey always starts with the first step. BTW that is not original and I know it. Shameless plagerizer.

[lostlake]

Good job Becka. Keep up the good work. We are all here for ya. I am in CA and I think 50 is cold out. What are the temp where your at.

[MissBecca24]

Its been around 35 in the Am and up to 50 or 60 during the day. Thats cold lol but on Thanksgiving night it was sleeting like mad! Weather here is weird you never know from one minute to the next. Big step today I told Chris that I had been taking alot more than needed and that im trying really hard not to ! THAT WAS A HUGE STEP!!!

[1eagle]

It was a very good move to include Chris in this one. It also means that you are doing a lot better by feeling good enough about yourself to open up to him. It will be easier if you have mutual support and all.Keep on taking baby steps or huge giant ones. Just keep going forward.