Can I be Honest???

[TimH2]

I would not be as honest on the other board.

[ilikevics]

Take care and I hope you feel better tomorrow.  Sleep tight.

Sheri

[ilikevics]

You really don't have to explain to me, I completely understand.  We just need to figure out how to get you there.

[ilikevics]

My hubby and I actually separated this year.  I was having some issues with the kids, he has one who lives with us and I have two, none together.  He was having extreme issues with my vicodin use, and when he actually broke down and cried, I can't tell you how small I felt.  I love this man more than anything in the world, he is truly my soul mate, and I was tearing him up.  I was forced to take a long hard look at myself, and I really didn't like what I saw.  We are trying to work things out, I have quit the vics, and I do miss them.  It is weird for me, and I am very lucky, I don't crave for them.

[ilikevics]

I got the same feeling from them too, but for me it was more of an energy burst.  I started taking them regularly last year due to personal issues at home and they made it bearable, I can do this, I can get through this, etc.  I know exactly what you mean.

[ilikevics]

Sometimes I have pain legit enough to need them, but it is tolerable without.  I like the energy I felt they gave me.  And last year really sucked for me in my personal life, and I felt they made everything easier to deal with.

[TimH2]

Thank you, I needed that right now. I am feeling sick and am going to bed. I don't like the w/ds. You are a really nice person and I know your life will be what you want it to be. Thanks so much for holding my hand tonight. I really did need it.

God Bless,
Tim

[TimH2]

My liver is great and I had all the blood work. I just can't quit for my wife because this has a real hold on me. I would like to tell you I will do it for my family. I can't feel happiness anymore without pills. I really can't and that scares the **** out of me.

[hopeless]

I take them for the same reasons...they calm me down and make me happy too.

I get this feeling like "everything will be ok"...this is what i miss so damm bad.

Without them, i feel lost!  Like a NOBODY! I need them to get through each day, to have that feeling. Now without ANY i am awful, not myself, wanna lock myself in a room and stay alone... I hate this feeling i wanna get better, but God, i love how they make me feel...Does it ever get better?

Me

[ilikevics]

Then don't say anything to him.  What do you see yourself doing?  If I may ask......

I only quit for my hubby.  It was killing him.  He hated it.  I don't really need them, I wanted them, and sometimes I still do, but he means the world to me and I just can't continue to be selfish like that anymore.  And omg, my liver.  Geez.

Sheri

[TimH2]

I really want to do this, I don't like being a addict. I want to live my life and not have to go through this anymore.

[TimH2]

I think there is something missing in my brain chemistry. I am going to look into it. The reason I take the pills is because they calm me down and make me happy.

[ilikevics]

That sucks, not that you love him, but the situation you are in.

[TimH2]

My liver is great and I had all the blood work. I just can't quit for my wife because this has a real hold on me. I would like to tell you I will do it for my family. I can't feel happiness anymore without pills. I really can't and that scares the **** out of me.

[ilikevics]

Wow.  I saw my doc last August, he did the MRI and gave me a script for 90 10 mgs good for a year.  I have refills sitting waiting, they expire in September and I promised the hubby not to go get them.  So far i haven't.

[ilikevics]

I can really relate to your situation, believe me.  I don't golf with my prescribing doc, but I have a very prominent business in a small community and it would probably be devastating to me if anyone new how much I really like vicodin.  I was just thinking that maybe you not tell him, and go elsewhere was all.

[TimH2]

When I run out I tell him my back is hurting. He makes me come into the office and gives me 50. If I want more (I always do) I have to go in for a visit. This is a 3 hr thing. He gives me examinations and after all the ****, I get my lousy 50.

[TimH2]

Hardee har har.....no   LOL

[TimH2]

He is really a good friend and we golf and get together at other functions. You have to put yourself in my shoes. He would be so much more than pissed at me. You really have to look at it from his point of view. He would be more than upset with me and I think it would ruin our friendship. I would lose my MD,

[TimH2]

It is and I do love this man. He is like a father to me and to hurt him would kill me.

[ilikevics]

c/t sucks, done it enough myself over the past year between hook ups

[hopeless]

Didn't you flush?
You are kidding me...  ( - :

Hardy Har Har.....

[TimH2]

Hmmmmm, I don't trust ya

[TimH2]

I did that today and looked for docs in my area for sub. I was floored when he came up. I just can't tell him. I would rather go cold turkey then to ever let him know this. I have had scripts from him and also got it other ways. If he ever knew it would kill me.

[ilikevics]

I think not wanting to ask for help is a guy thing honestly.  Men are supposed to be tough, blah blah blah.  And I think for some, it is really hard.  You can get past it I bet.  There is no shame in asking for help.  I read earlier that your doc is your friend, go out of town to a sub doc.  If you need the help, ask.