Could I have hurt my baby?

[CollyDog]

Hey there y'all - I've not been able to post for the past couple of days due to one reason or another but today I seem to have found five minutes and so wanted to share a couple of things!

As most of you who know me and have been holding my hand for the past few weeks are already aware, I am 12 weeks pregnant (a little further down the road than originally thought) ~ I have seen a couple of specialist doctors the past few days because I am considered high-risk for my first pregnancy!  In part because I am an addict and was heavily using pills at conception; secondly, because I will be over 35 when the baby is born; and thirdly because I am a smoker (even though I am trying to stop ~ all I seem to be doing here lately is giving things up!!).

Anyway, needless to say, most of the doctor's were very supportive and understanding as I was totally open and honest about my addiction issues and useage throughout the past two years.  One doctor I saw yesterday (a Neonatologist) was not at all understanding nor was she supportive!  In fact, she was downright mean ~ she scared the **** out of me to be perfectly frank and told me that using the pills, in such high doses, when the baby was conceived could have caused all manner of problems.  She said my risk for congenital birth problems would be 50% higher than a non-user, that my risk for miscarriage is 40% higher, even at this stage in pregnancy, and my risk for a stillbirth is considerably higher than for people who do not take pills during early conception - wow!!  Of course, I was absolutely mortified when I left her office yesterday and the guilt of what I could potentially have done is just kicking my butt.  As if it's not bad enough knowing what I did to my own body, the chances that I could have potentially hurt my unborn child is just way too much to bear.  Of course, I will have all the available tests carried out in due course but, according to all the research I have done myself, I couldn't find any proven studies that what the Neonatologist told me was, in fact, true or can be based on any medical studies.  I am feeling more than a little helpless right now and can almost anticipate how the pills would just make all this go away if only I could take one.  Of course, I will NOT be taking one, today, tomorrow or any other day but the mental part of the addiction is on me full force right now.  What a ride this is guys and it sometimes gets pretty crazy doesn't it?

Does anybody out there know anything different or contradictory to what the doctor is telling me when taking Hydrocodeine and Percocet during conception and for the following eight weeks or so.  Just typing this all down is making me feel really, really bad about myself and the guilt is about overwhelming me.  Sorry this post is not too positive but I would love to hear anyone's comments or experience on this.  I've googled just about every search phrase I could think of and there's nothing to support what the doctor told me. . .maybe she just hates addicts?  Who knows?

I hope all my dear friends are doing well out there and that the toils and tribulations of addiction are not kicking too many butts today.  Hang tough all you guys ~ you are ALL in my prayers.

Love and hugs to y'all
Vicky xx

[itsaloveHATEthing]

Honey, you cannot change the past, but you are changing the future. I think that one doc was just trying to scare you [into not using in the future] by being so harsh. I had a similar situation, although w/ methadone. My son in 15 months old and perfect. Don't be upset, be happy that you care enough for your child to go through one of the toughest things in the world. Generally what I was told is that most people take some sort of altering substance in the first 8 weeks due to not knowing (alcohol, precription, etc)....and also that your body knows better than your mind does if things are OK to have a baby in there, and you would not have even conceived if there was too much of an unwelcome environment. For example, during the worst 2 years of my bingeing, I SHOULD have been pregnant a hundred times in my relationship, but didn't get pregnant  until I stopped for over a year...my body just knew. In my humble, and non-medically certified opinion. Don't worry, just stay clean. You are already a great mom because you are already sacrificing for your little munchkin! Love, Kim

[serenitysaves]

hello, I was on a high dose of methadone with both of my childern and they came out fine.  I'm not sure what all the side effects are with your pain med's, thats why it's good to have your doctors involed.  I give you a lot of credit telling them your past and present to admit that takes some balls.  and of course you can tell your putting your interest aside to help the baby.

If you're takeing a large dose of med's you don't want to stop cold turkey.  The stress can hurt the baby more than the drugs themselves.  So talk to your doctor about that one.

just wanted to say hang in there,
take care, Robin

[JuneSunflower]

That dr should not have been so mean, in my opinion.  You are not the first person to get pregnant on pills, nor will you be the last.  I'm not sure about he congentital birth defects,  I think that is far a lot of other drugs. I think she was giving stats on drug use period, not pain pills.  She is probably new, with not much experience.  All pregnancies run the  risk of everything she mentioned, no matter how healthy mom and baby are. The most important thing you can do, is exercise (walk), eat healthy, take a good prenatal vitamin, take the omega fish oils (important for baby brain development) and get enough rest at night and don't let this dr's opinions stress you out, you being stressed is not good for your baby.  I'm not sure what your doc is, but methadone is approved to be used during prenancy and breastfeeding.  I'm not sure what you are on, but I think methadone is one of the strongest, so if it is ok, how can the less potent, not be, I'm sure there is more to it than that, but remember, you aren't the first female going through this and you won't be the last.  You're baby will be fine.  Have a stress-free wonderful day, oh and drink a lot of water.

[CollyDog]

Thanks for your responses and support guys.  I sure do appreciate all your words and they are very encouraging.  Just by way of background, I have been off the pills for almost four weeks now and went through c/t withdrawals before I even realized I was pregnant - no wonder they were so horrific eh:  withdrawals and morning sickness all at the same time!!  I had already made the decision to quit and that's when I realized I might be pregnant - duh!!  Spent too much time in a drug-induced haze prior to that to even think about being pregnant.

I am taking lots of supplements including the fish oils, folic acid and a high-potency pre-natal vitamin.

ItsaloveHatething:  I particularly like your description of the body not allowing the baby to even be conceived if it wasn't the right circumstances.

Thanks for posting guys - I don't think I've "written" with any of you before but it's nice to hear y'all.

Hugs, Vicky xx

[lucyred68]

i took hydrocodone before i knew i was pregnant also.  the dr. even prescribed it for me when i was pregnant.  he said it would not harm the baby and that if i didn't take it during the last two weeks of pregnancy, she would be fine.  she was perfect.  no wd's, no defects. and really smart.  you, and your baby will be fine, and i am praing for both of you.  just continue to take care.  quitting smoking now will probably help though.  Luv, Lucy

[CollyDog]

Hey there dahlin - I've missed you bunches girl and I wish I knew how to get a hold of you, without putting personal emails on here, for obvious reasons.  I would have let you know what was going on as I figured you'd be worrying but just didn't get chance to post with running to three doctor's appointments in two days and work comittments too.  Stressed, who me??

Bubba is doing as well as Bubba always does when it comes to something stressful - he collapses, has a total meltdown for five minutes, remembers he has an extremely tough and independent wife, and realizes that his flapping, flailing and waffling does nothing but make me become even more tough and independent.  This is a man who has done four tours of Iraq in charge of 26 guys and brings them all through it unscathed but cannot, for the life of him, control his emotions about his unborn child or his little helpless wifey!!  I am just kidding sweetie - his good-hearted picking at me and his unconditional love for me and the baby are just to die for and I wouldn't have it any other way.  He really is an amazing man girl and I feel so blessed right now about all this stuff is falling into place that it's not even funny.  I remember a dear friend of mine once told me that "one day I would be very happy that I'd had to walk down this path of addiction" - at the time, I disagreed with her wholeheartedly but now, I am beginning to believe she was right. . .

I am eating but not very much and only junk like candy, ice-cream and oh, fish (how could I forget).  If I never see another fish again, it would be too soon.

Girl, I've been keeping up with your posts but just haven't had time to respond.  Tell me what's going on sweetie - I sense something is bothering you?

Love ya bunches and hugs right back at ya Sister (as we say down in Hillbilly land)
Vicky xx

[CollyDog]

Hey there hon - thanks for your comments and posting your experience with this very issue.  More than anything girl, thanks for the prayers.  The quitting smoking is about as tough as quitting the pills just not as severe on the withdrawals. . .I think I can honestly say that "I have an addictive personality" - go figure!

I've not seen you around for a little while and trust that all is well?

Hugs
Vicky x

[CollyDog]

I am going to send you an email after a while sweet lady, OK?

You hang on in there.

Love ya too
Vic xx

[nurseintrouble]

Hey you,
Sorry, I have not been posting lately, things are crazy at work.  I think I said congratulations already but I'll say it again "CONGRATULATIONS!!".

Speak with your primary OBGYN about what the Neonatologist said and get his/her opinion.  I agree with the others about this doctor trying to scare you.  Remain calm and keep your thoughts positive.  I don't have much experience with OBGYN, so I don't want to give you wrong advice.  Trust your primary OB, if he/she said you're good, then you should be good.  

Quitting smoking is a b*tch!  I know because I am also trying to quit.  The brain can only take so many changes at one time, so after I am clean for 30 days I'll try and quit.  I am on day 20 today, so 10 more days of cigarettes.  I swear, if anyone asks me to give up red wine, I think I'll rip their throat out.

Some days are harder than others, some days I really want to take a pill and feel "better".  I know the feeling "better" is fake and I avoid the places where the pills are like the plague on those days.

Vicky, relax and enjoy your pregnancy!  Your husband sounds wonderful, I love big men that can be big hearted babies.

Take care sweetie,
Caitlin (AKA Nurse)

[Marce4]

Hey...I've never posted to you but want you to know that being forthright with your Dr DID take a lot of guts....you did the right thing.  Even if the neonatologist was giving you fact, he/she had no right to make you feel badly about this.....look forward and pray. Get all the testing you need to give you peace of mind.  I got totally blasted at my brother-in-law's wedding before I knew I was pregnant with my first (I was about 4 weeks) and I felt so guilty!  My OB said it was amazing the number of women who abused alcohol/drugs prior to realizing they were pregnant. What's important is that we stop!  I am an L&D/Prenatal testing nurse and I have seen it all.  You are heading in the right direction and odd are your baby will be ok!  The neonatologist is obligated to give you the worst case scenario but they should have done this in a much more compassionate manner! I've seen many an MD with a less than stellar bedside manner! Good Luck and keep us posted!
Peace,
Marcie

[lunachick]

hun i was taking about 30-40 lortabs during the time I conceived and withing the first month of pregnancy and no doctor told me anything like that. That doctor obviously had her own opinions about the situation and was just trying to scare you. I quit c/t as soon as I found out i was pregnant and everything was fine...had a beautiful healthy baby who's six months (in the 95th percentile) and who is highly intelligent for her age!

[Dimboy]

Hey there....im not sure if you are still awake and i dont have a lot of info about your question...but i know that what you do as of today WILL make a difference....So Cheer up, don't look back and plan a future...Doctors do their jobs....some do it differently than others...some are nice and others are not. Please don't let this get you...you will be a great mom....Stress will not help the baby.
If you are still smoking...please try to kick that...i kicked it after smoking for 12 years straight and i cant recall a day that i didnt smoke. Ive been nicotine free for almost 2 months....im saying almost cause u know i DON'T count :P

[CollyDog]

Golly man, is there anything you haven't quit here recently?  I want some of your willpower and I want it now.  Kicking the pills is one thing but quitting the cigarettes is a completely different ball-game. . .isn't it?  Aaaarrgggghhhhhhhhhhh - I am about over all this "giving up" stuff - what can I have in copious amounts that is actually good for me?  Oh, right, yeah nothing. . . .

Thanks for not counting. . .things you've gone and quit!  You're the best man - have a great weekend.

Hugs, Vic

[CollyDog]

Hey Stranger - thanks for your post honey.  We've missed your posts - how are things with you girl?  Are you feeling good/better? I am sorry work is way too busy - I know the feeling hon, I really do!

I also love big men that are big babies at heart - I definitely got me one of them.  He is to die for and I am very blessed - plus, he told me last night that he's convinced he will make the prettiest baby that's ever been born.  Go figure, of course, it has nothing to do with me. . .men. . .you gotta love em.

Have a wonderful weekend sweetie and let us know what's going on in your world.  I care. . .

Hugs, Vicky
xx

[nurseintrouble]

Man, just catching up on everyones posts.  I am doing great.  I am on day 24 clean (I just had to stop and count on my calendar).  Between work, school and my boyfriend I haven't even had time to think about the pills.  My boss is out of town and that left me in charge of the candy store.  I haven't allowed myself to go anywhere near the narcs, and have been passing that off to the other nurse managers.  I told myself that I am going to quit smoking at day 30, I think that is going to be harder than giving up the pills!  I am totally off the xanax now and tapering down off the effexor.  Hopefully I will be drug free by mid October.

Just so you all know, I do come on when I have a free minute.  I sometimes try and post but it seems that I am always interupted.  By the time I get back I have lost my train of thought or someone said the same thing I was about to post.

I am so happy that everyone seems to be staying strong.  I am at work now and of course I have to run.  I promise to try and post more often.  Know that I am well and I hope the same is true for everyone on this forum.

Love you guys,
Cait

[feedup...]

Hey Hon,,,I am so sorry you are going through all this...I just went through it...I will tell you my story and it is not meant to scare you in anyway...just thoughts...
I found out about a month ago I was going to be a mommy again...I am high risk also and been on vicodine for about  4 years....and I smoke...but cut down when I found out...I was scared to death to tell anyone...and I was stressed everyday..I didnt know what to do...so I slowly started tampering off the meds...I went to my first baby doctors appointment last week and saw the baby on ultrasound, the baby died and we never knew it...You wouldnt believe what I have been feeling about this...I really dont know if the meds and smoking hurt the baby,,,I was 10 weeks along...
Your doctor should have been more sensative to the situation, its hard for any human to admit when they have a problem and when they do, it should be love and understanding in my opinion...but its hard for us to get a reaction like that from our doctor because of all the guilt and pain we are feeling in the first place...my doctor was pretty sensative to me so I got lucky.  But she never told me the pain killers where the reason...the baby had a birth defect on it and wouldnt have made it...
I have talked to other women who were on pain meds through their whole pregnancy and had heathy babys....I dont know why it happened but I have been very depressed and havent eaten well in a week.  I am still having somewhat withdraw symptoms also so that may be a contributing factor also.  
You quiting means you are very strongwilled lady and care more for your baby...but not all women can quit...because we are addicts and its a hard thing to overcome weather you are with a child or not.  
I can tell you this and every women that gets on here....tell your doctor everything...and if you have a problem dont wait to tell them...they are there to help you out.  
Again I am not saying the painkillers and smoking was the cause, could have been something in me or Gods will...who knows...I just know that this experience has opened my eyes to alot of my bad habits and the need to get healthy.  
I hope everything turns out well for you...take care