Dumped by sponsor

Hey guys:

I just want to vent. Guess what happened? My sponsor dumped me.. Not only did she dump me, but it was THREE DAYS before my 2 year anniversary, which was yesterday.

I am struggling between being bitter and hurt and seeing the good in all of it because God must want to move me to the next level.

She said that my illness (I have Hep C) and the drama in my life is too much for her to handle and she needs to take care of herself. I understand, but seems to me that if my sponsee had an illness, I'd take 30 minutes out of my life to look it up on the internet and learn about it. And also, if I had a sponsee, I wouldn't leave them before the biggest anniversary of their life...I'd make my selfish *** wait until it was over so I didn't rob her of the joy she so rightly deserves.

Ho hum.

Any input?

[joann1975]

Well, I think it was pretty crappy in my opinion. I mean even if you were to much for her (not saying you are....don't know you .... don't know the whole situation) I think she should have waited until your anniversary and I think she should have at least had a stand in sponsor until you found a new one.

Sorry about the situation... but congrats on 2 years! Everything that happens is for a reason....some good will come of this.... you just may not know what it is now!

Best of luck to you and again congrats on 2 years! Great job!!!
JoAnn

[marcatj]

you know, you never know what someone is going through..

while yes, i agree it's crappy, 98% of what people do is usually about themselves, and NOT about you.

so Stay Strong!!!! and congrats to you on 2 years... that's wonderful and amazing, and you should feel PROUD.

and hopefully, if the Universe works in a perfect order (like I think it does) then this situation is only making room now for a better one..

again - remember, this is very likely about HER, and very likely has little or nothing to really do with you or your situation..

keep up the good work!!

:)
mj

[HelloKelle]

Thanks, guys for the support.

xo
Kelle

[Savas]

I'd suggest asking your group about a new sponsor.

Likely your sponsor is having problems in her own life that's making it difficult to cope. Even though she said your problems are to much don't take it personally. Placing blame on another when you're feeling inadequate is common behavior. She probably feels guilty.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Wow what a big shot of rejection at least it would be for me but I think it sounds as if she has alot on her plate and wants to care for herself and for this I don't think she should be faulted. Whether it be her weakness or if you have an extra ordinary amount of "Drama" in your life whichever the case it is about her caring for her and is that not the whole purpose of getting clean. I don't know you so please by all means do not take this as a personal attack it is just an unconnected veiw point.... Mike

[Mikeinthesouth]

Congrats on the two years that is a large triumph...

[triedeverymed]

Don't sweat that. It happens all the time, sponsees dump sponsors and vice vesra. Some people just don't have good "people skills" and communicate things in a gruff sort of way. Your sponsor sounds like one of them.
Look at the time you did have together as a learning and growing experience and seek out a new sposor with different qualities. That way when you move forward things will be approached in a new and exciting way.
I had 2 sponsors, the first was such a Nazi I couldn't handle it. I love my current sponsor, she's like a Mom to me. I have 3 sponsees who I adore but I did have 4 at one point and I had to drop her. She was causing a lot of problems that weren't really there and she didn't want to work the program. I knew I wasn't doing her any good so I told her she would be better with someone who had a similar personality. She took it fine and we still talk from time to time. But as a sponsor you do have to look out for yourself first as do you. Sometimes sponsors can't handle all that life thows their way and she may have had issues you aren't aware of and used your illness as an excuse.
Don't take it personally because it was her problem not yours that she couldn't sponsor you anymore. Find a new, better sponsor and keep moving ahead in your recovery. Because your recovery is all that matters!!
Hang in there and keep your chin up, it's not your fault!!

[triedeverymed]

oops- HAPPY 2 YEARS!!!!!!!!!

[Savas]

Heh heh... I pity the person who got me for a sponsor. My wife finds me impossible and as she puts it, "Strange and weird" to deal with on a good day. Likely they'd end up doing a tour on an Alaskan fishing boat just to get away from me. :)

[Savas]

That's right...two years today? Congrats!

I'm not sure how long it's been for me, but it's about three? I think. Maybe. I'm not very good at keeping track of dates or length of time. :)

[lonote]

Not all sponsers are perfect. Sory you got dumped,as you put it. Move on. There will be another door opened when one closes on you, and this one will prob be better, more sensitive and compationate to your plight. Take your time and choose carefully. I once had a sponser whom I told things in confidence, and turned around and ran her mouth. Haven't had one since, my loss. There are plenty of great clean folks, that has what it takes be to a good sponser. Good luck to you. And dont take it personal because you have an illness.  Cathy

[mrwjd]

I've seen this with an old friend and her 12-steppin' friends.  One of the main things learned in a 12-step program is that you have to take care of yourself.  That's all very well, and of course you are the best judge of whether you can do it next week or it's urgent right now, to keep your stability.  I get it.

Still, I can't help being shocked sometimes by this exact kind of happening, where someone tells someone off, or dumps them, or whatever, and it appears kind of random.  I guess all you can think is that, whatever she told you about it, the responsibility of being a sponsor might just, for right now, have been the straw breaking the camel's back.  

My advice isn't necessarily any good, but I think I would want another sponsor right away, and start out by sharing this with her/him.  You've shared it on the forum, but it might help to have a sponsor to go over the events and your feelings with.  You could even tell the sponsor at the start that you're going to have trouble trusting sponsors for a while--just have it out on the table.  If that puts him/her off, you need a different one, anyway.

Good luck.

[triedeverymed]

Just checking in, have you found a new sponsor yet? Anyone showing any potential?
Good luck

[HelloKelle]

No, no sponsor yet. I've kept myself inside a rather small circle of friends and aquaintences, so it's gonna be awhile before I find just the right one. I'm gonna have to put in some extra legwork by going to different meetings and reaching out to meet other women. Geez..it was such a feat to meet and become friends with the ladies I already have in my life. I can't imagine doing it again. But it's gonna have to be "back to basics" for me.

Alot of you had responded earlier that it's really about her and her life rather than mine. I agree with that and I know that that's what she's prob feeling. She's overwhelmed and doesn't need my problems on top of her own. I would be the same way if I had a sponsee that had so much drama that it was draining the life out of me. I'd have to drop her to save myself and I guess that's what she did.

I just never expected it in a million years, that's all.

Thanks to all of you for your support

[Mangee]

Goode news and bad news. The good news your two year anniversary. The bad news being dumped by your sponsor. That is now in the past and it is time to move on. You have to be proud of yourself because you have done what you no doubt thought was impossible two years ago. That in itself is an accomplishment that many on this and the other site are striving for. You are a role model to success and many will look to you for help and advice. Find yourself a new sponsor and keep walking that walk. Be a showpiece for others that would dearly love to be in your place. Accomplishments like yours are not that easy to come by and you should hold your head high regardless of the fact that you feel abandoned. Your sposor is there wheny you usually need a lift but remember it is you and your perseverence that got you this far.