Hi All

[TimH2]

I have really missed everyone and haven't posted for awhile. I just have been so down on myself and can't seem to stick to quitting these damn pills. I go through the horrible w/d's and then break down and find a way to get some more vics. I am on day 3 and still having a real hard time. I feel like such a failure and didn't want to post. I know that something has to give here and just trying to find that missing piece. I am sick of pills and yet still gravitate toward them. I don't feel as though I'm a good support for anyone here. I can't do it myself and how can I help anyone. I know that I'm sounding like a "poor tim" today, but this is how I am feeling. I have no interest in anything.

I did want to say that I do miss you all and have been praying for you. I have to catch up with the posts and see how everyone is doing.

(((((((((((((((friends))))))))))

Love to ya,
Tim

[TimH2]

I love you all and your posts meant so much to me. I was feeling so alone and depressed. This has really helped me this morning and I will keep hanging in there. We are all going through so much and the support here is just fantastic. I don't know what I would do without you guys. I needed a boost and you gave it to me. I pray for you all every night and want everyone to succeed. I will not stay away so long again. I have to learn to bury my pride as it has always been a problem for me. I can't accept personal failure and I am very hard on myself. You all are like a second family to me. I want to hug each one of you.

(((((((Shelby))))))) My lovey dovey who is always there for me
(((((Cali))))))) My good friend and supporter that struggles as well
((((((Lisa)))))) My sweet buddy
(((((Hopey)))) I pray for you each night sweetheart and we are so much alike
(((((tzt)))) My soft touch lady
(((((Desert))))) My kind and compassionate friend
(((((Naughty)))) my new friend
hand shake to Invince
((((((Lonote))))) Always makes me laugh

I thank you from the bottom of my heart

Love ya all,
Tim

[TimH2]

I am so glad I made you smile. It really means a lot to me and I am touched beyond words for the kinds responses I got. I feel so much better now and we will get through this. It is so nice to meet a new friend. I am really blessed!!!

Tim

[NautyOne]

Hi Tim.  I wanted to thank you for last week.  Last wed. I was surfing the forum and I came across a thread about embarassing moments.  I was feeling really bad, really, really, bad.  That post should have had a warning to have depends ready before reading.  I got such a kick out of it.......I literally pee'd my pants.  I had tears streaming down my face I laughed so hard.  It was great, and totally made my evening. You seem like such a great person.  I know you are, and you will get through this.  You have so many people out here that love you.  Remember that.

Nauty........................

[FLaddict]

We will never get that feeling back... not with our tolerances and addictions.. The addiction, the disease.. makes it so that we dont' get that feeling.. ITs the chase.. the vicous cycle.. That feeling is long gone my dears... The feeling that you should chase.. the feeling that is possible to get back is the feeling of being free.. of loving life.. of getting up and not thinking about altering your mind to get through a day.. That feeling is better than the high.. Trust me.. I am living life without pills..  I have chronic pain. At 26 I have arthiritis in my C1-C2. Muscle spasms that last 24 hours sometimes and tension headaches that make even my hair hurt... All of that is worth living through to be free.. Free from the control, free from guilt, free from lies... that eases the pain sometimes..
So time to chase a new feeling... a new high so to speak..

[FLaddict]

Chasing that high is what kills people...  Taking more and more til eventually your body can no longer metabolize the drugs,  I am not saying this to scare you but on one hand I am...  This addiction will kill...  Please talk to your hubby..
I also hope that you will not do that again... I would pick up some milk thistle and any other liver detoxifying herbs that heal tommorrow, drink lots of water... Rest.. You liver will heal but only if you take care of it and stop abusing it.. Milk thistle can help this process.. also good ole H2O..
I will keep tabs on your posts.. If there is anything I can ever personally do.. don't hesitate..  I worked in rehabilitation and recovery for many years and that part come out in me sometimes.. Now is one of those times..

XOXO
Stephanie
Day 64 Zero Pills

[invincible]

When using I would never take more than two at a time, and would never take them again until at least 3 hours had past.  Since most of my use is in secret I was always afraid of OD'ing so I always paced myself, of course if anything would happen to me my wife knew I was using..Not how much but know I was using and would be quick to tell it to the ER if something was wrong with me.. Very important to have the person(s) closest to you know 'just in case'.  Take care of yourself hope, and if you are using tomorrow and later set your cell phone on a 3 or more hour alarm clock and don't abuse any closer that that..Better yet just quit (yea, I wish it was that easy)..

[hopeless]

Hey you 2...

Thank you so very much, i am so grateful ro have such wonderful friends who really care about me.
I am also worried, i really am! Just so scared to tell him! I know i need to though...I am NOT going to do that to myself ever again. I had to learn the hard way, and i never want to feel or go through this again, NOT EVER!

I think i am going to talk to my husband tomorrw and let him know i have been using again. I don't know what got into me yesterday! But i do know it was just horrible! You see i just can't get that feeling like i used to be able to get from just taking one. So i was taking so many trying to get that feeling. You know what i mean?

But i am done with doing that, I really am! No matter what the situation is that i am in, no matter how depressed i feel or whatever, i am not doing it no more! I know i need help, and i seriously got to look into it! Which i am going to do! I was so scared last night and think it opened my eyes! Not the whole way, but enough to know that i can't take pills that way ever again.

Thank both of you so very much for caring! And i am going to talk to him tomorrow and let him know what i have been doing. I have a beautiful son who is my life, and he needs his mom. I need to be here for him to see him graduate and get married and all of that. So after last night, i opened my eyes and i know what i need to do now.

Again, Thank both of you...It means so much to me! More than you will ever know!

I will keep you posted and let you know after i tell my hubby. I am sure he will understand, he always has in the past. Just was afraid to disapoint him again. But i know now i can't screw around with this, this is a very serious issue!

Thanks guys..

Luv, Hope

[invincible]

Ditto Fladdict, I agree with you completely...

Hope, please get some help and/or at least tell your husband..He really needs to know just in case...

[FLaddict]

After reading the above about last night you have me very worried about you.. The constant vomitting and diareeah is not a good sign.. The large amount of pills could seriously be hurting you physically. Please talk to your hubby, God forbid anything should happen and he found you and did not know what was happening, he would not be able to let any medical personel know what was happening so they could help you and save you if your liver or kidneys were shutting down.
Reading this made me feel physically ill and brought tears to my eyes.  You really need help here Hope..  Your husband wants to help you and hold you and support you.. I know mine sure did. Reading your story put me if your shoes.. I can't imagine putting my husband in that position to find me if I had hurt myself unintentionally.. The thought ripped my heart out.. Please Hope... save your life...

XOXO

[hopeless]

Ok, and thank you!

I won't ever forget it, no need to worry bout that!

I love you too, and don't you ever forget it either!

good night honey
luv u,
hope

[shelby74]

hopey if you need me - call me!

love you too and do not ever forget that!

night sweetheart

[hopeless]

Listen, i am fine...

You go lay down and rest...

I am actually going to go get a long hot bath, and go lay down and watch some tv and fall alseep!

I will pop on tomorrow so we can talk some more!
Don't worry about me either, i am fine! Take care of yourself, you hear me?

Talk to you tomorrow sweetie!  Nighty Night!!!
I luv you,
Hopey

[shelby74]

that's more like it! LOL

[hopeless]

LOL - ya ya i will take the blame!!! hehe

Hey Tim, it is all my fault, don't yell at our Shelbs....She did nothing wrong! LOL

[shelby74]

honey are you ok?  i need to lay down for a bit.

[shelby74]

it was all your fault hope! LOL  leave me out of this. :)

[shelby74]

yes I do - it means the same to me.  you have been there for me too hun - lots and lots of nights.  and you have been there for others.  

[hopeless]

OMG i know....We destroyed his thread!    LOL

Sorry Timmy! Got a little carried away here!

[hopeless]

You are my Rock, my Guiding star, and so much more! You are always there for me, and you just dont understand what that truely means to me!

[shelby74]

nope! you do not owe me a thing - well one thing you could do though - is start to think of a plan for recovery - will you do that for me?  I am going to do the same...ok?

LOL - and yes he does - he is greedy like that - god hope what did we do to his thread?? LOL

[hopeless]

I'll never leave you alone (with Tim) he is too much to handle, he needs as many of us girls as he can get...LOL

And....I DO need to thank you, I feel like i owe you so much more than just a Thank you, i owe you so so so much more..

[shelby74]

I dont know and that is what we have to learn - the only way we can learn that is by getting help.  one way or the other.  I want everything you want too - trust me!

[hopeless]

How do we feel happy again? How can we go on living our everyday life without pills?

I wish i knew how to do this without them, you see with them i (used to) feel good and happy and alive! Without them i feel lonely, quiet, dead inside....

Arrrggghhhh - This is so hard! I want to be happy again, i want to feel that goodness inside and be able to laugh like i did when i was younger. I can't remember what that feeling feels like anymore.

Sometimes i look at people and see them laughing and happy, and i tell myself, they have to be on pills cause no one can be happy like that without them, do you ever do that?

[shelby74]

and you never have to thank me - I wanted to help you - you mean the world to me.