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Avatar universal

Hour 36

I think tapering definitely made a difference.  I know I am far from being out of the woods yet, but it is night and day from last time I quit (or many times for that matter) c/t.  I literally wouldn’t last 3 hours.  I would call in sick to work and immediately be on the phone trying to get more pills.  After tapering this last time I am at hour 36 – while I sit here at work.  My last pill was at 7:30 Sunday night, and I have managed to work Monday and today.  I’m definitely not at my best – have to drag myself out of bed in the morning (that first dose would always be my motivation for getting up and getting going – very hard without it).  I’m tired during the day, have trouble sleeping, a bit of the hot/cold, etc.  The Imodium has worked wonders on my stomach.  I am too far to turn back now – no matter what.  

I know that everyone has to quit their own way, and whatever works for them is what they need to do.  I’m just glad I did the taper, I feel it has helped me be able to do this.  There was a huge difference for me going from 30+ pills/day last time I quit to 2/day this time.  I was going to taper down even more but felt I was ready to face whatever was going to come my way.  I’m glad I did.  

The depression/irritability is not fun at all – but I started my antidepressants a couple of weeks ago (I was on them way before my addiction even started) so I think that is helping.  I was also put on a ‘mood stabilizer’ a few days ago so we’ll see what that does.  I was given Ativan for the anxiety but I only use it if absolutely necessary because of the addiction factor.  My doctor didn’t give me many anyway for that reason (and I’m glad).  Benedryl has actually helped with the sleep and anxiety so I have only had to take the Ativan once so far.  

Everyone else going through this – WE CAN DO IT.  It is the hardest thing in the world to do – but the best thing you can ever do.

Also, I need to get rid of the pills I have.  I was going to flush them but having over 100 of them I felt like that was crazy.  But I can’t keep them – I’m not going to take them so having them hanging around won’t benefit me.  Hubby has them now until I tell him what to do with them.  
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Avatar universal
The cravings are there, but right now my determination is stronger.  I still crave them, I might always crave them, I don't know.  But giving into it right now would make me feel worse than the feeling I would get from the pills.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  And I am sitting here emailing my husband back and forth keeping myself motivated.  I know that when I start to lose that motivation I need to tell him, and jump on this forum - instead of giving in.  Because afterwards I'm so happy I did, and I feel that much stronger.
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221016 tn?1196973461
Thanks for the info. How are your cravings? I might give this a shot because I have just enough pills.
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Avatar universal
Hey Tim,

I know that a lot of people use long/slow tapers, but I think I did a mega-taper.  On Friday the 29th I was still up to about 30+ pills/day of Vicodin ES.  I filled a huge prescription and went on my normal binge.  The only reason I wasn’t taking more is because I knew my husband knew where the bottle was and I was afraid he would say something.  If it weren’t for that I would probably have taken at least 50/day.  Anyway, Friday night I ran out.  I couldn’t get ahold of anyone to get more so I thought, ok, I’ll just quit c/t since I’m out anyway.  Ha.  I woke up Saturday morning and within an hour I was laying in bed crying and screaming.  Within three hours I was driving to buy more pills (the only reason I could get out of bed is because I knew I was getting more).  Of course by the time I drove back home I was a new person.  I felt relief but I also couldn’t shake the feeling I had earlier that morning.  All day I took pill after pill so happy to be back to ‘normal’.  But it finally hit me – I’m always going to have to face that sickness if I didn’t stop.  That was the worst w/d I have ever had, and those three hours scared me.  I told myself I would rather die than feel that way again.  I had to do something.  So I told my husband (he has known of my abuse, just not always the extent of it) I had to wean, I couldn’t do this c/t.  He was also trying to quit and we agreed to taper and do it together.  

The first day of the taper we took 3 pills in the morning and then 2 every 4 hours.  
Day 2 we took 2 pills every 4 hours.
Day 3 we took 2 pills in the morning and then 1 ½ every two hours.
Day 4 it was 1 pill every 4 hours.
Then I realized I didn’t want to “schedule” it anymore, and just listen to my body.  For the next few days I tried to hold out as long as I could between doses and only take one if w/d started to kick in.  My husband agreed and we did this.  We realized we were actually doing better than we thought because we got down to taking 2/day, holding out as long as we could.  You have to be honest with yourself and know that you are truly having w/d and your body is feeling it, not just making yourself think that so you can take one.

A lot of people would think this was too fast, but it worked.  I wanted to taper but I also didn’t want to drag it out.  I’m still feeling some symptoms, but nothing like that Saturday.  I have never been able to work during w/d until this time.  
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214607 tn?1287677559
That is so aweseom. Good for you. You are so right, too late to turn back. Now that you are feeling better and getting through, do not stop. At least you are out of bed and functioning like a normal person. It took me a few days before I could do that. It should be a couple more days, and you will be ok...Take it easy and if you can't get rid of the pills, then give them to someone who wont give em to you. I know myself, and once I started to feel better, completely, I took pills again. I had 42 days clean and did it...I was so mad at myself..but you can do it, you sound very sure in yourself now, and I am proud of you...Keep it up...

xoxo, lisa
Helpful - 0
221016 tn?1196973461
Congrats to you!!! You should be very proud of yourself and to give up over 100 pills, I am so impressed. Can you share your taper with me? I am thinking of trying that again. I have a taper on my micro-word, but I wanted to know what kind of taper you were doing and how long. Keep up the good work.

Best of luck,
Tim
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