The cravings are there, but right now my determination is stronger. I still crave them, I might always crave them, I don't know. But giving into it right now would make me feel worse than the feeling I would get from the pills. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And I am sitting here emailing my husband back and forth keeping myself motivated. I know that when I start to lose that motivation I need to tell him, and jump on this forum - instead of giving in. Because afterwards I'm so happy I did, and I feel that much stronger.
Thanks for the info. How are your cravings? I might give this a shot because I have just enough pills.
Hey Tim,
I know that a lot of people use long/slow tapers, but I think I did a mega-taper. On Friday the 29th I was still up to about 30+ pills/day of Vicodin ES. I filled a huge prescription and went on my normal binge. The only reason I wasn’t taking more is because I knew my husband knew where the bottle was and I was afraid he would say something. If it weren’t for that I would probably have taken at least 50/day. Anyway, Friday night I ran out. I couldn’t get ahold of anyone to get more so I thought, ok, I’ll just quit c/t since I’m out anyway. Ha. I woke up Saturday morning and within an hour I was laying in bed crying and screaming. Within three hours I was driving to buy more pills (the only reason I could get out of bed is because I knew I was getting more). Of course by the time I drove back home I was a new person. I felt relief but I also couldn’t shake the feeling I had earlier that morning. All day I took pill after pill so happy to be back to ‘normal’. But it finally hit me – I’m always going to have to face that sickness if I didn’t stop. That was the worst w/d I have ever had, and those three hours scared me. I told myself I would rather die than feel that way again. I had to do something. So I told my husband (he has known of my abuse, just not always the extent of it) I had to wean, I couldn’t do this c/t. He was also trying to quit and we agreed to taper and do it together.
The first day of the taper we took 3 pills in the morning and then 2 every 4 hours.
Day 2 we took 2 pills every 4 hours.
Day 3 we took 2 pills in the morning and then 1 ½ every two hours.
Day 4 it was 1 pill every 4 hours.
Then I realized I didn’t want to “schedule” it anymore, and just listen to my body. For the next few days I tried to hold out as long as I could between doses and only take one if w/d started to kick in. My husband agreed and we did this. We realized we were actually doing better than we thought because we got down to taking 2/day, holding out as long as we could. You have to be honest with yourself and know that you are truly having w/d and your body is feeling it, not just making yourself think that so you can take one.
A lot of people would think this was too fast, but it worked. I wanted to taper but I also didn’t want to drag it out. I’m still feeling some symptoms, but nothing like that Saturday. I have never been able to work during w/d until this time.
That is so aweseom. Good for you. You are so right, too late to turn back. Now that you are feeling better and getting through, do not stop. At least you are out of bed and functioning like a normal person. It took me a few days before I could do that. It should be a couple more days, and you will be ok...Take it easy and if you can't get rid of the pills, then give them to someone who wont give em to you. I know myself, and once I started to feel better, completely, I took pills again. I had 42 days clean and did it...I was so mad at myself..but you can do it, you sound very sure in yourself now, and I am proud of you...Keep it up...
xoxo, lisa
Congrats to you!!! You should be very proud of yourself and to give up over 100 pills, I am so impressed. Can you share your taper with me? I am thinking of trying that again. I have a taper on my micro-word, but I wanted to know what kind of taper you were doing and how long. Keep up the good work.
Best of luck,
Tim