I know that some of us have attempted to quit taking pills (or other DOC) more than once and it got me pondering what made you really quit this time? How many times did it take for you to really quit and why did it take you more than once?
For me this is my second time quitting (my first time was about a year ago and I made it to around 60 days before I relapsed and used for months after). I didn't really understand the "keep your guard up" mentality or really took the "figure out your triggers" to heart. I figured that since I'm strong-willed and smart that's all I needed. I was wrong, really wrong. It, also, took me admitting that I'm an addict and that I'll have to work every single day for the rest of my life to remain clean. I know this sounds cliche, but I really was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I started to HATE the pills. I still hate them!! I was so motivated to get clean and having that mentality has helped for the past month. I'm happy that I'm recognizing my triggers and that I have a clear head to shut that voice up in my head that tells me "just one won't hurt." It's empowering but, honestly, I'm still scared of the addiction and I understand what one pill can do and the downward spiral it can cause.
Lets see, 2 1/2 years divided by 12 months is...that's about 30 times I tried to quit. Why so long, I had other issues that kept me going back, emotional pain and bipolar where the biggest. Near death experiences combined with my family no longer being willing to help me in any way, it was right then or die. It was so bad, no matter how bad sobriety is, it's better than where I was. I likely seem like I regret it at times, but I don't in the slightest. I am focusing on real healing, not masking anything. That is why it is better now. Whether I feel better or not is irrelevant to me. I am better and am truly working one those things that lead me into addiction. I will find balance or die trying, that's better than dying without caring.
I wouldn't even know where to start to count the relapses I have had. the good news is that I kept trying. There is no right or wrong way as long as you don't use. I spent so many wasted years thinking it was a matter of self-control or willpower or something else equally as stupid. It is none of those things. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and it will get you when you least expect it. Guard up is some great advise and it means 24/7.
I am coming up on an anniversary this week and I get real squirrely this time of the year. I cook every couple of weeks for a neighbor man down the street and I went to deliver some lasagna two days ago. I walked in and he had pill bottles sitting on the table next to his chair. Off I went. I started thinking what was in the bottles. What were they for? How many did he have? Could I knock him over the head and steal them? I got so crazy that a half hour later I was sweating and had to leave. And pills are not my DOC. Just goes to show you.
So HappyDays---you keep up the good work. While relapse is not a requirement it does happen. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to work. I wish you the best and stick around!
Some get it on the first try...others never get it and die. Some get a DUI and are scared straight at the thought of jail...others get sent to prison and just continue to use in there. This disease effects us all so differently but oh so the same. Hopefully this is it for you and you do whats necessary to stay clean. You dont have to be a chronic relapser....just continue to work your program and stay humble. It sounds like you've learned the basics...just continue to build on those. Even though I have a little time in...I'm still trying to build on my foundation every day.
My true doc I guess is alcohol. I am an alcoholic who has been in recovery for over 2 1/2 years. I quit drinking , went through DT's and then less than a year later started drinking again. Went through DT's again and have not had a drink since. I never want to go through that hell again! With the opiates, I was more dependent, but felt that it would be a very quick slide out of control due to my history. I liked them way too much, but was taking them as prescribed. It was only a matter of time before I slid right back into the addiction mode. It took me 2 attempts to quit the Vicodin. Two times seems to be my magic number!
I cant even count how many times I stopped and started over my 15 years of use/abuse. Most of those times were due to running short on my scripts and thus not by choice. I actually really TRIED to quit 3 times, 2 of them only lasted a week or so. I did quit once and made it to 47 days. My Dad passed away and my husband lost his job within one week's time. I just was not strong enough then and I relapsed big time and I mean BiG time. My use increased to double the amounts I had been taking before. It has been over 9 months this time and I have NO intention of ever looking back. I have already lost way too much to this addiction and refuse to give any more....guard is UP 24/7 :))
This is my 2nd time, the first time I quit i had to i was with my mom she was getting chemo we were out of town for a week and all I had was 3 xanex and weed, I made it work, when i got home he had his prescription and i was back on it!!
This time I quit because I couldnt find my meds, and I had been wanting to quit for a long time but didnt have the courage...Fear held me back...
So once I couldnt find my meds I PRAYED that if it was Gods will for me to get clean I would, and my primary wouldnt prescribe me my meds...so I bit the bullet got clean and I havnt looked back. I havnt craved pills YET, mostly coke weed liquor etc
What a great post!!!!! Thanks for posting. Not sure how many times I've quit and went back. In the process of doing it again tho. Tapering off as we speak. Nice to know that Im not alone and it's pretty common. Everyone keep your guards up!!!!!!
I've been clean for the most part since 2007. I made a few mistakes along the way of course but I can honestly say I do not want to take pills anymore. I have found that everytime since I went to rehab when I have taken pills nothing good has ever come from it. They do not make me feel good anymore. As long as I have Suboxone to take the physical symptoms away I think I'll be ok
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