I Need Help With My Mother Addiction I Am Lost

Hello,
Ok so i dont Know what to do .i am 17 years old and a in my second to last year of highschool.my mother has been shooting heroin my hole life.she first started doing opiates*sp* when she was 15 she is now 36 .the longest i have ever been able to remeber her clean and sober is about just under 2 years .and that was about 6 months ago .the only problem is she started drinking.she has been on methodone for about 8 years on and off and now they are de-toxing her the have already droped her from 140 to 30 .i hate to say this but she started shooting dope again and it scares me to death .i dont like to admit this but if my mother dosent get 100% clean she is going to die .she has been in de-tox for drinking 6 times within the past year for her drinking and she still hasnt stoped. her liver is failing and its the scarest thing ever .anyway her methodon clinic told her the only way she can stay on the program is if she gose to rehab for 6 months and she dosent want to so she tryed to go to the only other clinic around and they wont take her so the only other choice she has is to go to the rehab .but now they are telling her they may not take her because they found out she is shooting up again .i love my mother more than life it self she is like my best friend .i know she hasent been able to give been a proper child hood but that dosent make her anyless of a person and i keep asking people for help .such as my counslers and docters and even other family members and they keep telling me its a lost cause like i am just supost to sit here and watch her kill herself .that is not a opion my family needs her. wat are me and my little sister going to do with out her .we have nobody .people keep acting like she is a peace of trash or somthing .well she isnt she is the most kind hearted person she would give you the shirt off her back. its not her fault she has so many good intentions .it just hurts so much when i come home from school and i see her passed out on the bathroom floor skin all yellow and eyes all slacked ....Ok i am ssorry i am just ranting ..wat i really need help with is .what can i do for her if she dosent want help and wont go away .because i will not take nothing for a anwer ..

[nelly1313]

Hun, I know that you do not want to hear this, but there is nothing that you can do for your mother. I myself am an addict and I have kids and a husband. When I was using, not even my family could make me stop.  I love them dearly and would also give a stranger the shirt off my back, but when it comes to addiction theres no helping anyone.  She has to want it. You can however, choose to be there for her and offer her unconditional love(I think it sounds as if you already are). Keep reinforcing to your mother how you feel and how bad it hurts you to see her like that. Don't ever take it personal if she chooses not to quit using. I believe that she is not intentionally trying to hurt you or your family. You probally need to join a group of others in the same situation as you, such as Alateen or Alanon. My prayers are with you and your mother(she is lucky to have a daughter who loves her as much as you do). Don't give up faith and hang in there. If you ever need anything dont hesitate to e-mail me. God bless you

[1234betterlife]

sweetheart,

i do not even know what to say to you. you have broken my heart tonight. i can tell how much you love your mother and i know you are scared. your mother does need an intensive inpatient facility. do you have a hospital facility that has a detox unit in it? it certainly sounds like she qualifies for admission whether she is using or not. they cannot discriminate. is there anyone else in your family that can help you with this? you are so young to be taking this on by yourself and the fact that you came on here to ask for help shows just how much you are trying. you are very mature and she is very lucky to have a daughter like you honey. is it just you and your mother?

[road2recovery]

wow..What a post for a 17 yr old ...Reading your post brought tears to my eyes...I am just about speechless..
there is only one way as i see it, and that is to get her to go no matter what, or you will lose her...
I also agree she is your mother and no one should give up on her...But at the same time she has to want this for herself...
you are suppose to be enjoying what 17 yr olds should be doing right now.. and that makes me sad...you sound like you have a darn good head on your shoulders...But there is no way out of this but for her to go to rehab for 6 months..
I will pray for you and her,
stay strong
and keep us posted
r2r

[nelly1313]

I also wanted to let you know that no matter what anyone says, your mother isn't trash. She has a disease and you have to understand that. Many people in this world don't understand addiction. They think that your'e a worthless piece of s--t! if you use but in all reality, most of us addicts did not choose to be addicted.  Evev if we chose to start using, we all thought that we could stop. Before you know it it's to late.  You however have a very high chance of becoming an addict yourself. Don't ever forget how it makes you feel inside to see your mother the way she is right now.. Would you want your future children to see the same? Many teenagers experiment thinking that they could never become a junkie, well I thought that(both my parents had addictions),and before I knew it here I am with my own children and my own addictions. So even if your mom never gets help make sure to stop the cycle of addiction with her and I bet that would be more help to your moom than anything ever would or could be....Good Luck

[1234betterlife]

please get back with us and let us know how you are. there will always be someone here for you to talk to...sometimes it takes a little time. you can click my name and send me a message or anyone else at any time. i just want you to know that you and your mother are cared for. we all understand this ugly disease called addiction.

[IBKleen]

Hi hun!

Your post really hit me, as I am sure it will others.

My drug of choice is also heroin, although I have been clean from it many years.

What it took for me to get clean was 4 jail stays and 3 rehabs. I entered my last rehab under court order, kicking and screaming. As addicts, we usually have to hit rock bottom before we get the message. By that I mean we have to be get arrested, lose everything, essentially backed into a corner. What finally worked for me was the fact that I had lost everything and I was facing prison time. I was tired and I was beat and I finally just gave up.

Your mom is not a bad person..she does bad things. I applaud you for standing by her.

As it was said..you cannot help her. She has to want it. She has to get to the point were she just does not want to live like this anymore. But, again, it has to be HER that makes that move.

All you can do is let her know that you love her (which you have done), let her know that you will be there and pray that she gets the help she needs. In the meantime, you need to protect yourself and your little sister.

There is no such thing as a lost cause and I will pray that she gets help.

It is wonderful that you came here and shared your story with us. I know you are trying hard to help her.

Take care of yourself. Hope to see you post again.

[ChronicCaroline]

Hi there strong one,

I was in your place, and I know the utter anguish your heart is feeling and it hurts bad I know. Just like the others said all you can do now is always love her for who she is inside...your mommy. My was an addict to just about everything she touched, especially heroin and alcohol like your mom. I can't tell you all the times I talked, yelled, cried, screamed, begged her to please stop. So angry over all the times she would leave for days on her binges. Just like your mom she was such a good mom when she wanted to be. There was sober mom, drunk mom, doped up mom, and coke mom. The four faces of Eve. My mom was a slave to her addiction, like most addicts. The only person that can stop her is her, and thats the part that drove me nuts.
Since you are very mature and understand the impact of what may lie ahead I am going to tell you that my mother did not win her battle with her addiction. She to had a weak liver due to i.v. drug use, she contracted hepatitis c, but she was in full remission at the time of her death. She had recieved a prescription of methadone from a pain management doctor. Was she really in that much pain to need methadone for treatment? Maybe, but since she was an addict, I could see her using that as an excuse to get her the next best high. She was a master manipulator. Well, that next high lasted about two weeks before she passed away...she overdosed. My dad went to wake her for dinner and she had allready passed. This is not to make you scared or depress you. You know the realities anyhow, your a smart girl. I just want you to know that I walked in your shoes. I know the anger, dissapointment, fear, frustration, and sadness you have in your heart for your mom. I know that every five minutes or so your brain is saying why? and How? about your mom.
My mother was my best friend and all I had other than my two young children. My whole world fell to pieces even more than it had allready. That was a couple years ago and I still go through the "I wish I would have....". I had to learn it was all in her to get clean, not all in me.
Your mom has got to want to be sober for her and love herself and you to know how better her life could be drug free. Thats the problem, they think they are better and think they feel better with the drugs. They are flesh and bone, they are not stronger than the drug. It will win if they don't fight back.
I can tell you that one positive thing experiencing the pain I went through because of my mothers addiction, I will never ever let my kids feel that or even know what having a mother as addict means. Other than to share a story to educate them on why drugs destroy your life. They were old enough to know and understand that Grandma is heaven and still deal with it today.

I will pray for your mothers sobriety and pray for God to keep blessing you with the outstanding strength he has given you so far! Best of everything to you! Keep us posted  

[ChronicCaroline]

By the way,

Keep on doing regular counseling, and go to N.A. and AA meetings. They helped me a bunch and I still go till this day!!

[VOsRose]

Hi, honey.  I'm so sorry that you're having to watch your mother kill herself with drug addiction.  Understand, addiction is a disease that knows no social or economic barriers.  People who are addicts are NOT trash.  They are sick.  

It is true that you cannot make a person get help and get clean.  They have to want it.  However, I believe that almost everyone who is deep in an addiction would want help if they knew how to get it and were confident they would get well.  Many addicts fear the physical withdrawal from the drug...and that is a legitmate fear.  However, there are so many medications out now that help alleviate the worst of the symptoms.

Have you ever watched the show "Intervention" on A&E?  Try looking up their website.  The web address is:   http://www.aetv.com/intervention/

These people do some great work with people and getting them help.  It certainly sounds like you and your mother/family would be a great candidate.  

Please keep us posted on any efforts and successes or failures.  Try to find some peace.  Prayer helps.

xoxoxo
Rosie

[beachtowel]

Welcome, and I would like to say that you articulate your words very well.........
I too was a Heroin addict for many years so I know the addict that has taken your Mom from you....

It amazes me that the Methadone Clinic really cares that your mom gets some help through rehab instead of just taking her money and giving her Methadone.....

Your mom is 36 still a very young women........
But her clock is ticking darling and she needs to get some help.....the problem is nobody can help her until she is ready to ask for help........

I am sorry to say that people think of her as a peace of trash because her 17 year old daughter is the Adult in the house and she has left many victims during her addiction..........
She has lied, stolen, manipulated others so that her addiction could be satisfied........
Darling you still know and even see glimpes of your mother others only see the addict.......
I know more than anything in this world you would love that person back who the addict in her has stolen from you....she is still in there way down deep inside of her but it will take a lot of work to get her free.....


Heroin addiction is one of the strongest addictions of any of the drug families.......
It is the hardest to get off and most importantly to stay off.....that is why all these times
she has relapsed and goes right back to it.......

with long time Heroin abuse first what is highly recommended is to go to a behavior rehab then a drug rehab because the Heroin addict won't hear a thing going into drug rehab........
First the brain must heal and professional counseling has to change the addicts thinking........
I also understand that they want her into a six month program with Heroin anything less is totally
a waste of time.......
You sound like you still love her very much and want to help and support her in anyway it takes...
I wish you the best if you have any questions ever please feel free to ask....I don't generally use
the community forum side I am on the addiction side of the form most of the time.....

Sit your mom down when she is half way straight which will have to be the instant she opens her eyes...in the moring and have a mom to daughter talk with her.....find out what her intentions are....
Find out where she stands with her habit and if that will remain the #1 priority in her life.......
Dont be pissed if she tells you she wants to contine her habit......its the addict you will be talking too....
good luck to you I wish I could have some magic words to tell you.......

[CarolinaLee]

Hi Hon,
Reading this is pretty tough, but do know that there are millions of others that have gone through th same thing and you aren't alone. I would strongly suggest that you seek out an NARCANON meeting or ALANON for help on this. Fist of all, this isn't your's or your moms fault. At one time in her life she made a decision to take the drug, but she didn't make the choice to become addicted to the drug. I have had a problem with addiction and have to work every day to not let it come back into my life, but it is something I wanted and nobody could tell me any different when I was using. I understand very much that you don't want to lose your mom and to be honest, I am sure you are very angry at life for this. You didn't choose to be put into this situation and shouldn't have to deal with this at such a young age. Now, something you really need to read is the serenity prayer and take it to heart. You can only control what happens in your own life and not what your mom is choosing to do. I realize you love your mom more than anything and wan't to make her better, but you can't make her want to do anything if she really doesn't want to. This is about as severe as it gets, but the only way you can make your mom quit using is to have her arrested and have a judge make her stay clean and go to counciling. This would be very tough, but may be the only thing you can do to force her to get help. Otherwise, there just aren't many options. Remember, your mom is sick and her thoughts and life are being controlled by a terrible disease. I hope and pray for you and hope she gets the help she needs. If there is anyway she could begin attending some NA meetings and talking to other people who understand would be a very good first step, but she has to stick with it and really want to quit. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR MOM!!!!