Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Many people come on this Forum everyday and ask for advice and support for many things that have to do with Addiction. When you come on here are you looking for someone to help you that will pat you on the back and help you make excuses to as why you keep relapsing or are unable to quit and tell you its okay I am sure you feel bad enough about it all you dont need me telling you anything negative Or would you rather have someone that calls you out and Holds you accountable for it all and give you advice that has helped them get clean .
the 3 things I have learned that have helped me are
#1  Get Rid of Your Pill source
Red flag yourself with pharmacy cancel refills tell your doctor tell your friends and drug dealer Change your phone # if you have to.
And the reason for this is Because day 2 of your Wds this Lil voice will say its okay just take 1 pill it will help you But as we all know 1 pill is never enough and If You have a pill source when you are going through WDs if alls you have to do is make a call to get pills you will.
And the cycle starts again we relapse.

#2 tell your secret get support
This is important because lets face it Detoxing is horrible you need Physical support someone that you can get support from and also be help accountable with No More Lying and also so you cant tell one of your many lies to get pills maybe they have some for a physical condition tell them you are an addict and you are not to be trusted How many times have you told a big whopper of a lie to have a friend give you pain pills OMG I have toothache I have hurt back ect..,. and if you tell them you are addict you will be help accountable .

#3 Aftercare  Na meeting getting a sponsor Group Therapy Church Pastor Therapy
many people dont want to go to NA so wont even try any other forms of Aftercare
Its so important so you can get the tools necessary to stay clean Physical wds are hard but mental WDS are where the real work begins and thats AFTERCARE!

ADDICTION is horrible there is nothing great or sweet about it.
We are at war and trying to free ourselves from this Chain around our Lives.

I asked a question in the beginning of this post about What kind of person you would like advice from.?

We are in a fight for our lives many people will not make it what kind of person do you want helping you one that sugar coats it all and tells you better luck next time its okay you will do better I am sure next try or one that pushes you and holds you accountable and tells you exactly what you need to hear THE TRUTH!

Many people come on here and ridicule others on this Forum for the way they try and help.They say they are too harsh they are a bully. Addiction is not a game its not! Its people fighting for their lives
So what i am asking you is what Voice will you listen to ?

The One I Listened to was the one That Told me To $hit or get off the pot! Flush those left over pills or dont BUT make up your mind already . that's the Voice I heard in the back of my head when I was struggling to win this Battle The harsh one not the pat on the back or sugar coating one.


I make a choice everyday when I get up not to use and to Go to my meeting and to keep pushing through each day and It does get better.
I know this is a long post maybe too long Thank you for reading it It was just some thoughts I had today and I felt I needed to say it.
Dont Ridicule people that come on here and support people If its not what you want to hear then dont listen Take what you need from this forum and leave the rest for those who do need it.
I am 105 days Clean because I did listen to the Bully and the person that held me accountable.
Thank you!:)))

[Dane74]

Great post!! I needed and still do I still need the type of person to give me$h!t, to tell me straight up, to tell me I am failing, to tell me I better $h!t or get off the pot!!! Those type of posters are the ones who know best, who have been there done that, have years of experience , that's  what I need, I do not need anyone to tell me it will be ok, because it will not!! As Vicki said this is not "candy land", we need a harsh wake up call, and if you can slap the crap out of me over your PC I need that too! I just want to say thank you to my friends who have the guts to tell me like it is, ( you know who you are) I need the brutal honestly with a little love of course!! So thank you to my dear friends who keep me in check, and FYI I need a little A$$ kicking at this moment!!!

[Sonrissa]

As usual, my dear friend, well said!  I have always maintained that when we first come here looking for help, looking for support, looking for understanding, looking for a way out of this horrid mess, we put our personal lives, our deepest, darkest secrets on this very public forum! We will get many different responses. Some of them will be harsh, some of them will be sugar coated, some of them may not be what we want to hear! But, they may be what we need to hear! They may be exactly what we need to save our lives!

The bottom line is be open to any and all advice and support! Take what you need, what you can apply to yourself and your own personal situation! Leave the rest for someone else who may read and find something that they can use! We may not always like the perceived tone or spirit of the reply, but if there is one thing that I have learned from the nearly 6 months that I have been around here, is that there are wonderful folks here who have been there, who have seen it all! They know what they are taking about! It is through them, and their advice and support, that I have been able to come as far as I have! I did not always like or feel warm and fuzzy about the replies I got, but I know now, that they were exactly what I needed to be successful, at least thus far!

Thanks Conhall for saying what needed to be said, and allowing me to add in my perspective!

[waterLilly7]

thanks for this post. It is so dead on true I can't even add to it.

hugs,
Lily

[conhall]

I am always available to Give a Lil ArSe kicking You doing okay what is going on?

[conhall]

Sonrissa You are one of the first peeps on here that reached out to me and told me I could do this :))))
You will always be welcome to post and add your Prospective!
Sending You a cool Breeze and some sunshine Girl Much Love for you :)))

[dominosarah]

The truth is very painful in the beginning.  Emotions are all over the place while we are detoxing.  You learn after awhile how to "word" your words to be the most effective.  I have taken it in the shorts many a times for my bluntness but that is okay.  Coddling someone isnt helping them at all.  The oh poor you thing is when you break a leg or something.  I have found nothing glamorous about this addiction.  It is a dead end road literally and i have said goodbye to a few friends on this forum who didnt make it out alive.  It is heartbreaking.   There isnt one of us that is exempt from this.  What i have found in recovery is many blessings, everyday~~~sara

[conhall]

Sara you have always been one of the people on here I admire and all your post I always read even when Its not for me I read and store the info.
Best quote You gave me its on a piece of post it note on my  bathroom mirror I wont toss it its old and Fray but its important to me
It says "Physical W/D is the easy part of getting clean the real work starts with the mental part of W/D.
Guard your sobriety your life depends on it.
I am sure I will never forget those words.
Thank you :)))))

[candy_17]

I'm one that's always needed and responded to the truth, I don't like anything sugar coated.

[Brightfutureahead]

Sarah you are right, you definitely do 'word your words' very effectively. Your posts are very graceful and to the point...a delicate balance indeed.

Conhall...congrats on your 100+ days...amazing!!! Your post is great. You know really, it seems as though most of us feel the same about being honest and reaching out to others, especially to those just starting out...but think about it, those that are just starting don't have that perspective and the experiences yet...so many (myself included in the beginning- many of us I'm sure) will feel turned off, or feel like they have to defend themselves when they are hit with those honesty comments (which are the best ones!)...unfortunately it just seems like those reactions and feelings of defensiveness are part of the whole process- the nature of the beast in a way. Now that we are on the 'other side' of course we'll say we would want the honest, straight-up person giving the advice. We've reaped the benefits of having had that happen. We 'get it' and appreciate it now...you just don't have that when you're starting out..(again, not generalizing- some ppl I should say).

I'm commenting not to disagree- I think this post is great and spot-on. Just taking a different perspective on things...I think what you are pointing out is so so true. I'm sure many (including myself) will read this post and take so much from it

[conhall]

Brightfuture, Thanks for your perspective I always appreciate hearing the other side of things :)))
You are doing great and I see you posting and now helping others way to go! keep doing what u do :) I am proud of u

[dominosarah]

You are right, in the beginning we get very defensive.  It's that fight or flight thing.  We know what has been said is the truth but we are determined to get our point across,  It is that control thing!!!

I am called alot of things, never graceful, so thank you!!

[drifter0213]

i broke the insanity circle breaking myself down and rebuilding my life because i belived change was possible! congrats everyone!

[drifter0213]

soon as i opened up and reached out for help my life was spared a horrible untimely death

[conhall]

Drifter Congrats to you and yes Change is possible it always is and I am glad you are doing good stay positive and keep pushing for a better life You can do it! :)

[dominosarah]

We are so lucky to have you here~

[conhall]

what a Great day Today :))) I spent time with My son had senior pictures done then Lunch. Life is Great! Time has a way of going by so fast just yesterday it seems he was My Lil Kindergarten dude man o Man I am so proud of this young man.
I am glad I have these moments and I am Clean I see things now and appreciate them more. The Future and the possibilities are endless and going to be amazing!

[Free2agoodhome]

Great post...

My beginnings were different and thats why I'm posting ..to reflect that..

I never relapsed over and over..I never looked for excuses to stay using..I never looked for a pat on the back...

I came here to be around recovering people in the hope it would help me get the strength I needed to quit.......read recovery stories to give me hope ....and maybe make some clean friends...

Tough love works with me when I consider the source...someone with just months of sobriety poking their finger in my chest telling me how I'm going to hell in an handbasket..... because I am not following their "one size fits all" recovery plan,? ,,..sorry........ but a turn off for me,,,,

I am also different in the repsect that I have no secret to tell anyone..
I shared with my sponsor , you guys and thats it...no one else is aware I needed to take time to detox or how bad I was,,,,In my case there is no point in it...My kids ?  , My mom ? My doctor?  for what purpose?

About 14 days or so clean,,,,I was up late grinding on what happend to me that day with the dealer , who's number was still in my phone,,,and how  things went...and thought   hmmm    "I should share this with my new Medhelp family"  ;-)

but after I posted

My profile and all my posts were scrutinized..i was told I was not being honest..and that my chances were slim for recovery if I didnt go to more than one meeting per week,,,ouch.,..

...after I posted , what I got was an investigation and a  lecture... It was hard for me to belive the one place I knew I would find comfort and friends comes some hardcore , baseless critisim about my recovery from someone who I don't even know, or who knows my story....helpful to me?   Heck No.... damaging in my case...I started to leave this forum and never come back,,,

What I needed to hear?  ... I felt terrible for half a day

So to your post Cornhall yes ...this program or recovery is based on brutal honesty..especially with ourselves then others...I get that..and sometiems  I need it as well...You are good at it and a blessing to many..

The tough love style has it's place,,,but shouldbe used with caution and consider the source...

Conhall you received exactly what you needed when you needed it,,,and thats the bottom line,..you're clean and helping others..and thats way OK in my book,,,....a great recovery story...

Free~

[Sonrissa]

I'm glad you didn't leave! It would have been like a part of me was ripped off! The part that couldn't survive without the other! I shudder at the thought!

Ok, I'm going to my happy place right now! (smile)