Internet computer game addiction

My 23 year old daughter sits in her room till 3 AM playing her interactive computer game with strangers around the world.  She says she loves it and that these people are her friends now although she will never meet them.  She knows she is addicted and I do too.  I suggested she should get outside for fresh air and sunshine and maybe become a volunteer or join a club, she gets mad and tells me I am nagging.  I tell her I love her and that diffuses the anger a bit.  She takes 2 courses at university and is looking for a job but she is picky about what job and I suspect she sabbotages her chances somehow, so she won't get a job and can then spend more hours playing on the Internet.

What is a mother to do?  I think she is showing signs of depression and low self-esteem.  She doesn't have many friends.  She was great as a teenager and I am wondering if she is just going through all that stuff now, at 23.

[1234betterlife]

at 23 most have gotten over the hump and you should be seeing the beginning of an adult. trust me, i have been through 5. i also suspect the game she is playing in world of warcraft. is this right?

[jenny8575309]

OMG, my son is addicted to Runescape, which is like World of Warcraft.  Every freakin moment he is at home he is on that game, until I tell him to get off.  When he does he begs to his friends house or sits around and sulks.. If I tell him to do something he half-***** it so he could get back on the computer... What do I do, he tells me it takes away his melancholy...

[Debby610]

I'm not sure but it sounds like the World of Warcraft,  She says she has to sit for long spells of time just waiting and watching to make sure nothing comes to "kill" her character.  What a waste of a young life.  I'm hoping she gets sick of it.  She is so mature in all areas of her life but this one.  I will take comfort in your words and hope to have the whole mature young lady back soon.  Thanks!

[Savas]

These types of games are insidious, and offer a distraction to those who are unsatisfied or unhappy in there lives. Like anything, they can be a good escape, but done to the point of obsession...

I went through a period like that at that age. It's not easy to become an adult and realize you're just one of the masses, no one "wants you", and you're going to have to struggle to get even a tiny piece of happiness. She's possibly not even aware that this is the problem. Or is, but will deny it.

hopefully she'll realize there are other things she can be good at that actually accomplish something of some significance out there.

[Beargizmo]

My 23 year old stepson is in the same boat (world of warcraft) though he does hold a steady job and works his *** off, most of his non working time his spent on his computer with that game.  If he has a day off, he'll sleep late and then it will be the game all day.  He'll stop for an occasional cigarette (we don't smoke in the house..gotta go out in the garage for that) or a bite to eat, and that's it.

I don't get it..he does have the occasional date, hangs out with friends but every waking moment when not working seems to be on that blasted game.


Jim

[Debby610]

Does anyone know if there are published studies about this topic?  Every few days I try to talk to her about her addiction and I try to interest her in hobbies, volunteering, a job (she says she tries to get a job but I suspect there is self-sabotage going on) but she just says I'm nagging and I should leave her alone.  I have to try to figure something out without getting her so mad that she moves back to her old boyfriend who wants her to smoke pot all the time.  I suspect the pot smoking has a lot to do with it too as it does tend to lower one's motivation.  Today I am calling an addiction counsellor to see what I should do.

[Savas]

Well... it's an obsession, not an addiction, but it doesn't make it any less serious. I know there are papers that have been written about the topic, but I don't think there's been an actual study done per se.
Heavy marijuana use is a classic form of non addictive obsessive avoidance behavior as well. The problem is she feels as if she's accomplishing something by doing this game. She's substituting fantasy successes for real life success.

Frankly, she doesn't have any *reason* to succeed outside of personal desire to excel, which she' s directing at this game. I'm assuming she doesn't pay any bills, and is living at home? Worrying about keeping a home (paying rent) and where your next meal is coming from is a great motivator to succeed.
this is sort of an enabling situation here, if that's the case. I'd say put your foot down and make some demands that you'll stick to that involve her paying her way. Don't do it in terms of "stop doing this game/behavior, but "these bills need to be taken care of". At 23, you should work on shifting the situation of one from child/parent to adult/adult. I'm not saying throw her out on the street....;although if she sits in front of a computer all day, I'm not sure what bills you'd threaten her with hat would have an effect. Other than something to eat to keep her energy up, and a bed to collapse in, computer obsessives don't need much else.