Addiction: Social Community
My Heart Is Broke! Can't Believe This!
About This Community:

This community is where you can chat with other members about day-to-day issues and topics. This community is not monitored by medical professionals. If you have questions or are in need of support for substance abuse and addiction, please visit our Substance Abuse Addiction Community.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

My Heart Is Broke! Can't Believe This!

I hate men!

My husband and i just got into a fight, and he was saying some really nasty things to me. It ended up him telling me he isn't happy anymore, and he wants a divorce!

Sorry, i know this is not the place for this kind of conversation, but i need someone to talk to! I am sitting here crying so hard, and can't stop! My feelings are so damm hurt. I can't believe him. I have been through so damm much and he knows how depressed i have been, and then ending up in the hospital and all the sh** i have been through. You know what started it, he told me he wants me to lose weight. My God, i am not fat! I have put on a few pounds, but nothing major. I weigh 125, and all cause of the way i look he tells me ignorant things. God guys, why? My heart is broken! I take care of his kids, and i have for 8 years, i have raised them since they were 1 and 2 years old. He tells me i do nothing for him. My whole life revolves around him. This is not fair to me. I can't belive this! I would rather him just rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it, then to have him say the things he said to me tonight. I just wanna die! I am so sick in my stomach right now, He is so damm rude! I am his wife, he is too love me for who i am, right? I went through this same sh** from my first marriage. He would tell me ignorant things and cut me down all the time. I actually started to believe what was being said to me. Now again, with this husband.

I can't take anymore sh**. I don't deserve this! People wonder why i need to take pills, see this is why? I get cut down all the time, treated like sh** and get called ignorant names. Now he wants a divorce cause i put on a few pounds.

My heart is broke, and i just wanna die right now! I have nothing, i am addicted to pills, could have died, and very depressed, and now this. What else, how much more do i have to put up with?

Related Discussions
74 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
He is supposed to support me, that is what husbands are for. I support him in everything, i am so good to him. Even when he don't deserve it! Cause he is my husband, and i am his wife, this is what we are to do for each other. OMG - he said the rudest things to me tonight! When he was saying that he wants me to lose weight i just looked at him and started to cry, he said nothing, just gave me that look like, oh well!!! Then he says, "wanna have sex"? OMG is he nuts? How can he even think like that? Wants a divorce and says nasty things says i am fat, then asks for sex....He needs help!

My heart is so friggin broke! My eyes are swelled from crying, and i just don't know what to do.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i am so sorry, you are not fat, and such a sweet person..i have talked to you many times by email and i know you have been raising his kids for a long time...i have no idea why a person would say something like that....My heart is broken for you right now..

But you know what i am not trying to be ugly , but you sent me a pic of him..And ummm he is not skinny, by far..i hope you find some humor in this...But his stomach is just like my hubbys...And i love him and would not dare say anything about it, except we joke about it..
The nerve..

BUT don't you dare let him get you to take a pill....he is not worth it...NOT!!!!!
you need to get tough, and stop letting people treat you like this...Instead of crying tell him to look in the mirror!!!  get tough..
i really am trying to think of anything right now, and maybe this is not the right thing, but i don't know what to say
STAY STRONG, Please
R2R
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
He has said these things so many times to me in the past too...He knows it breaks my heart, and how much it hurts me. I just feel so sick right now in my stomach, i don't want to cry, i want to be tough, but how do i? When i know that my husband looks at me this way. I am not a strong person, I wish i were. I just feel so weak and depressed. This was just the icing on the cake for me.

Yes, he does have a belly on him, and when i tell him that, all he does is say " yep, and proud of it". He is such an as*...

You know something, my birthday is on Sunday, and i swear to God, he does this every year on my birthday. I can't remember the last time we didn't fight on my b-day. That disgusts me!

I don't ask for much out of life, i really don't! I just want someone to love me for me, for who i am. Why can't i ever have that? Why does this always happen to me?  
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
I found a pill....and i took it! I don't give a sh**  anymore.
Why should i?
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Maybe he is right, all i am is a piece of sh**
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
I am leaving, going for a ride......need to clear my head and get out of this house!

Bye guys.......Sorry!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hon you are not fat.He has issues. Don't let the guys set the stage for you to mind f--- yourself. What I see when I see your picture is a beautiful fragile young woman. Honey slow down, Some how you have to calm yourself down. Tomorrow he'll prob sorry for all the shyt he said tonight. You have to be strong, and what ever you do please don't use. Talk to us all you need to. Don't go away. Stay till you calm down. It will be okay. I promise it will.   Cathy
Blank
176495_tn?1301284012

No you are not a piece of sh**.  From your picture and your words you are a beautiful woman and you don't deserve this treatment from this "man".  He should be there beside you as you struggle with all of your issues.  I have my issues and my wife has hers, and I stand right beside her and encourage her and support her.  That is what this "man" should be doing...no, Hopeless...YOU are not a piece of sh**


Jim
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Wish he was as sweet as you are.

Thank you for saying that to me!
Blank
230843_tn?1200201355
Hope~

I remember when I first came on this site, I saw a couple of peeps profiles who I was talking with and I remember thinking..Wow, what a beautiful woman!  You are and as I've gotten to know you, only thru posts of course, I realize you are just as beautiful inside as you are on the outside.

Sometimes men can say the most hurtful stupid *** **** and it will cut us to the core.  There is no excuse for his behavior.  I will say that it seems he has some pent up anger and issues that he needs to deal with.  Maybe something related to your addiction or recent hospital stay that he feels he can't say to you so instead he lets it build up and it manifests itself in pure ugliness.  It probably scared the begeeberz out of him when you were in the hospital and we all know how med deal with vulnerability...(disclaimer...not ALL men) But you see where I'm getting at with this.  

Hopefully you guys can talk when things are cooled off and you can ask what's REALLY on his mind.

Prayers and hugs floating your way!

Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
maybe someday i will find a man who loves me for who i am.

i will be back, need to leave this house for awhile. Can't be here with him.
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
YOU TOOK A PILL!!!!! Geez... I am actually shocked for once... after reading your posts from last week.. one would think you would be afraid to die... I guess this confirms the definition of addiction..
continuing to do something despite harm to yourself or others...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Honey, you can't get everyone all upset for you , and say you used and cut out like this..I got to give you some tough love here sweetie. Its not fair to the others out here struggling. When you feel like your going to go off the deep end email me anytime. I check it on the hour practically 24/7 cause of
my son at sea. Now you have the place in an uproar worring about you. Hon, just the other day you were offering help to others. Hon do you take an anti depressant? I do, and it really helps on stay on an even keel. You know I care about you girl!
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
Don;t go out.. stay and talk... you need to talk not isolate..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I can't help but reach out to you. You can't see the forest for the trees but you have your own strength inside of you. Find it. You're caught up in the pills/bad relationship and I fear a beautiful person is committing slow suicide virtue bad relationship/bad decisions......your husband is NOT supporting you. YOU are worth so much more. I worry about you.....you're in a crisis....you will see the light....do not let him bring you down....look up "passive aggressive behavior" under google. He's doing that to you. Above all else, self preservation. I'm sure you love him but two drowning people can not save each other. I am here. I will help you. Tell me what you need.....just do NOT self destruct...you're too young, too pretty, too much potential.....get through this and everything will be alright....time for you to take care of you. I know you hear that s**t all the time but there's more to it than that.........I'm in a better place. Let me help you if I can.....
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
He does let things build up, he don't complain hardly ever, but then from letting it all build up, BOOM he really explodes! This happens a few times a year. So i know what you are saying. But still, he knows what i am going through and how depressed i have been, and he knows that he really can hurt my feelings by saying  i am fat. There is no excuse, now he wants a divorce? Tomorrow, yes he will talk to me like everything is fine, like nothing happend, this is what he does! But i am not going to blow it off this time. My heart can't take it anymore. I am sick of being put down, all that i do for that man, and his kids. It's not fair to me to gt treated this way!

I am sick of being the good girl i am sick of giving in all the time and i am sick of being treated like this. He knows i am a very weak girl. It is time for me to turn into a bit**...No more nice girl for me! I am done! It don't get me anywhere in life, so from now on i will be known as the bit**...

Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Sorry Ionote,

I will keep this to myself, i knew this wasn't the place to talk about my personal problems!

Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Stay here and talk with everyone..Don't go ride...Think of your son right now..Please...Do not take another pill, he is not worth it...BUT you and your son are ...
r2r
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Atta girl, you didn't leave. Just don't drop a bomb and leave. too many ppl want to talk you thru this. Be a bit--. You prob make a good one lol I say with love and respect. Theres an art to being a good bit--. Stay with us. I know the drill, and the next day they act like nothing happened.
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Thank you, everything you said is true.

If i need anything, i will ask you.

I do need to go get some fresh air now though. When he goes to bed, i will be back!

Thanks again,
Hope
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
No girl I didn't mean that. Talk all you want, just don't cut out. Too many ppl worry and want to help.
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
I will email you later, if i can...

Thanks girl...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Promice you will come back and not take any pills. liver liver liver liver
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Ok,

Sorry Cathy....

He is yelling, i gotta go....Need to get outta here for a bit.

I will be back!
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
I took one pill.....Thats all i had, so no need to worry cause i dont have anymore!

I'll be back, really gotta go for now
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
He's a big schmuck
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Don't go get any. Its friday nite and he's acting like a big ****. You don't deserve it no woman does.
you want to be a bit--  you tell him if that what he wants you will take him to the cleaners and when your finished with him he;ll feel like he was anally assulted with out any lube!!!!~
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
where there is one pill... there are usually more...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Sorry medhelp I didn't mean to say that. I got caught up in the heat of the moment. I'm really a nice girl!!
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
Its ok... don't worry.. wasn't inappropriate at the time..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thanks Steph.
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
I didn't see a thing.. I don't know what you are talking about..LOL
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
LOLOLOLOL
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
i though that would give ya a giggle to lighten the mood..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
what is one pill going to do but make you want more. and I know I woulden't tease myself like that without finishing the job. I'm not buying one pill.We addicts just don't operate like that.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thankyou. cause its getting bed time and I'm not sleepy.Lightning the mood is a good thing cause I get all worked up.
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
There is not alot we can do without her here... Relax and get some rest... after she took the pill she lost her ability to choose... its in the addictions hands now.. not hers or ours...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm not tired yet. But I will relax. maybe a warm bath and some candles. then come back
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
i will be around for a little while..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
What can I say to this?  Hope you need much more help then we can provide.  You need to go get it for yourself.  There is nothing more anyone can do here.  You need to get to that point where you are honest with yourself - you cannot do this alone.  None of us can.  No matter what else is going on in our lives, there is no excuse to use.  If you are really serious about not using, then you must first, make it unavailble to yourself.  Go tell your docs, pharmacies, everyone that you are an addict.  Then get some outside help from a therapist or go to meetings.  Quite using life as an excuse.  God knows I did for long enough.  I am only saying these things because I want to help you.  This is the extent of it though - now you have to go do the work.  There is not one excuse that you can tell me that would make it ok not to get help.  Do not say work or family...you are going to lose that all anyway if you do not get help.  It is time - aren't you sick of all this?  Please hope - do it now.
Blank
259720_tn?1201319150
Hey hope , i know how men can be . I was with a jerk like that for 6yrs. we have a lil girl together. We been apart for 2yrs and still argue .I remember every time we would fight i would pop a vicodin to ease my nerves. But it didnt help. Sometimes we use whats happening in our lives to use med. I know i did. It only hurts us.i know we havent talked yet but i just wanted u to know ive been there and i wish u the best. i read ur post all the time and know ur a strong woman.u will be ok. Take care n god bless. ~Michele~
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
I am NOT asking for anyone to do anything for me, just wanted someone to confide in and someone to talk to is all. I am very honest with myself. I know there is NO excuse to use, but we all DO it. That is what an addict does. Just some people don't admit it, unlike me, i always let others know if i use or not. I could just hide it! My doctors already know, i have already talked with them. So therefore, they are NOT available to me. I found one at the bottom of my purse tonight, had no idea it was there. I have NO more! Everyone knows i am an addict! Trust me. I might use life as an excuse, but don't we all? This is what we do.

No one understands everything going on here, i know that is NO excuse to use, and i am not trying to find an excuse either. My husband said some very hurtful things to me tonight and broke my heart, i just wanted to have some girls to talk to. Nothing more!

From now on, i will NOT mention my personal life on here. I will keep it to myself, or just talk to my family about it!

I have been clean for going on 2 weeks now, ok i slipped and took one pill. I know so many others here who have done the same thing time and time again. Not once did i hear anyone say to them, that There is nothing more anyone can do here. I take this like, you just don't want to hear my problems anymore, and that is fine!

If you only new all that was truely going on, then maybe just maybe you would understand! All i wanted tonight was a shoulder to cry on. A girl to confide in...Someone to tell me that i don't deserve that, and someone to let me know that i am better than that, someone to let me know that i need to stand up to him and show him that i am NOT going to let a man run me down like that no more. This is all i wanted. Guess i should have just kept quiet! Sorry.
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
What a friggin night, a place i thought i could turn to for support from my so called friends, and this is what i get. I can't believe what i read, i really can't..."There is nothing more anyone can do for you here". Especially when so many others have slipped time and time again, and NOT once was that ever said to them. Unreal!

Thanks, feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on now! The one place i thought i could ALWAYS turn to.

I will continue to email you guys that supported me tonight, and thank you for that!
Done with this place!
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Shel, you were the one true friend i thought i had here. How could you say that to me, how could you say there is nothing anyone can do for you here? I have never once heard you say that to anyone else on here when they were having a bad day or when they slipped. I only wanted a friend to confide in tonight is all. I wan't asking for you to do anything, i just wanted some girl talk, nothing major! You make me feel like you just don't want to hear my problems, well that is fine. I just thought that was what this site was for, for support? I reached out tonight, and get that response from you. Thought friends were supposed to be there, and give a shoulder to cry on. Guess i thought wrong.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Hey girl, I haven't really talked to you much but man......you sound so much like me and my husband....I actually had to laugh!  Not at you, sweetie...but at the whole situation sounding exactly like something me and my hubby would fight about. I am not fat either....not at all...and both hubby and I know it...however, he also knows that's what gets to me, calling me fat when we are fighting. I used to be a porker...and now I am not at all. Don't get me wrong, I know HIS buttons to push, too! And HO HO HO do I push them. I give as good as I recieve. What made me LOL at your post was how your hubby asked for sex. MINE DOES THAT TOO!!!!!! Right after a huge fight, mine does the same thing! Knowing I am still infuriated with him, he asks for sex.
Once, when we were talking a few days after a big fight, I asked him WHY he does that...ask for sex when he knows I am so friggin' mad at him. Here's what he said, and he really said it as honestly and sincerly as he could.
"Baby, I'm a guy. To a guy, sex feels great and its what I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO FOR ME IF I WAS UPSET...so....to me, its how I want to make up with you and tell you I'm sorry and make you feel good."
Simple as that. Men!!!!!!! But, if you think about it, when you aren't still infuriated at your hubby.....I see what he means. Men really DO love sex (obviously) and what he said makes sense to HIM and to another man, probably. Men DO think 'sex makes it all better' because sex to all male species on this planet is....like....oh, I don't know what I mean cuz I'm not a guy..lol..but I do understand what he means, strangely enough. I just can't put it into writing. I hope you get the idea. I don't think he was trying to hurt you or make you madder by wanting sex...I think he was being a MAN and thought it was how you two would make up. Men aren't into the 'talking' and 'feelings' as us women are. They are more into 'actions speak louder than words' and they just will never understand that when we as women are PISSED, the LAST thing we want to think of is SEX with that jerk! lol.
They just don't get that.
MEN. Can't live with 'em, Can't shoot 'em. Well, not supposed to shoot 'em.  ;-)
All I'm trying to say to you is yeah, he's a jerk and yeah, I'd be mad too if I were you, but I think you both do love each other and maybe some counseling would help. DOn't use the fight as an excuse to take pills, hope. It isn't worth it! Please....think about what I said okay? NO MORE PILLS. I mean it. Okay?    :--)
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
There is a lot of. caring on this thread. a couple of tough love statments that you didn't like to here, well it was hard to write that on the person. me, shelby . But I sided with you. The guys out here think you are beautiful. Your low esteem won't let you see that you a very pretty woman inside and out. But if someone tells you your very troubled inside, Of course you won't like to hear it. It needs work. And you get definsive,but when you feel like that someone must have struck a chord, and its something to think about. You can't fix this one by your self honey. We're trying to tough love you into getting some help. Theres nothing wrong with needing help. most of the ppl out here with peace of mind in ther lives had to do some work to get it.  I sent you an email  don't be mad.
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Pepsiblue, You do sound alot like me and my husband, they are jerks. Mine seriously wants a divorce though. I am to the point that i think i do too...thanks for the post, you had me smiling! At the sex thing. But how can he even think i would do that, why? Telling me i am fat, so why would he want to sleep with me. I'll never be with him that way again, cause all i would be able to do is lay there and think, OMG what is he thinking of my body? I would be too uncomfortable...

thanks again for the post.
Hope
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Shelbys straightforwardness,is that she home emotional, her hubbys being a jerk she's in tears trying to put her life together, She is in a bad way yet gives you some words of wisdom in a tough love way. Of course she the one person you can always turn to, And she'll be there. tonight  she's having a rough time herself. Of course she cares for you silly! And so do I! for what its worth,
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Cathy,

I did NOT need tough love tonight. I needed a friend to support me! I have been through enough fuc** he** tonight and trust me, did NOT need to come here and get tough love! Just wanted some giel talk. I came here, told what my husband said to me, crying, he wants a divorce, my heart is broke. I don't think this was the time for tough love.

Now if i would have came here and said "Hey guys, i just took 20 friggin pills" then yes, i would have needed tough love. I didn't do that though! I came here, crying cause my husband broke my heart tonight, what i needed was a friend. There was NO need to say "There is nothing anyone can do for you here". All i wanted was a friend tonight, sorry! I thought i could come here and find that, boy guess i am fuc**** stupid! There was NO need to say that "there is nothing anyone can do for you here" so whatever! This was a completley different thing tonight, NOT drug related!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
who said that? theres nothing cando for you I was telling you not to leave to stay
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Now wait a second, girls....All hope wanted was some girl talk about what happened to her tonight. I don't even know her and I knew that much just by reading. She just wanted some support and some of her friends to do what all us ladies want our pals to do when our man is a jerk------and that's rally around her and give a sympathetic ear, or some advice on men (and what arses they can be! lol)
Yeah, she screwed up and fell into temptation and self-medication to make herself feel better. That doesn't mean we need to send her packing to Betty Ford center, does it? Why couldn't you all just see her post for what it was....nothing more or less than what it was? A friend of yours husband was being a jerk and she wanted support! Period! This is the addiction community forum....this is the forum where we can talk about day to day stuff, what we watch on TV, and what we are making for supper, and when our MAN IS BEING A JERK! Why would anyone of you ladies...HER FRIENDS...tell her such a thing like 'there is nothing we can do for you here'......HUH?!?!?!?!
That was wrong, ladies. I really think that was not 'tough love' I think that was just plain out of line.
Okay, so go on now and attack me, I'm sure you all will. FLaddict, I know you are a moderator and will have my post here removed, and thats fine, but I am only speaking my mind and defending this girl Hope (who I really barely know here) because I see what she means when she says her friends here hurt her. I can see why she was hurt.
Hope, if you are able to read this before it gets deleted.....I do see where you are coming from and I'd be hurt, too. God, now watch they'll tell us we both need help. lol (just joking, ladies)
And I hope I didn't offend you by my post to you (hope) because I was really trying to give you advice on why men can be such jerks about the whole sex thing. I think that's the advice you were looking for when you posted in the first place........not a bunch of women coming down on you for screwing up.
Okay ladies-----blast me away.  (((ducking)))) BUT keep in mind, I really am only trying to help and I am not trying to make her feel any worse than she already does......ahem......hint, hint ladies......
K. attack!!!!!!!!    ;)
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
who said there is nothing we can do for you   for the 3rd time?
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Read Ionote, Shelby said it...scrool up
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
wrong about me. I don't have a prob with what you are saying. She needs support from the grils.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Well she having a bad night its no excuse we've been wanting to see you happy for months. If i was outta line i'm sorry.
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Pepsiblue,

Thank you for understanding and saying what you did...You are exactly right! This is all i needed tonight, i did not need a lecture, i got enough of that tonight from my husband. I am glad you get it, and why and how that had me upset.

Don't worry no one will attack you, you are just saying how you felt.

I need to go to bed now, my eyes are killing me here.

Thank you so much for understanding what i am going through, and trying to explain it to others on here.

Thank you very much...
Good Night,
Hope
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
OMG...okay, you are my long lost twin...LOL! While I just finished posting my post to you/everyone...I saw that you had posted back to me (which I am glad to have made ya smile. you remind me so much of myself, I thought of what would make ME smile if I were you and it worked I see... :--) ) But I see you posted to everyone exactly what I just did to all of them....YOU did NOT want to come here to be judged and looked down on for the pill slip up. You wanted your girls to rally around you and give you advice and tell you what a jerk your hubby is. I was right cuz you posted pretty much the same thing I did! lol
And, to answer your question.....he doesn't think you are fat, sweetie. He knows you're a hottie and he also knows he's damned lucky to have ya. He only says that to **** you off and push yer buttons. Like I told you. Mine does the same thing, and I do the same thing to him. You are hurt and angry right now...but I bet you will feel differently tomorrow. You love him, you know you do. Right now, you wanna kill him...lol....but I know you love him cuz you and him are exactly like me and my husband. Lemme tell ya.....there are days......aaaaarrrggghhhh.......but then I remember the times he did something so innocently sweet for me...that he didn't even realize he was doing it....ooohhh, like when I cut my finger on glass in the sink and he washed it off and put a band-aid on it for me...(oh, and he blew on it, too lol)....or when I was sick with the flu and he rode a bike (his truck was broke down at the time) in the middle of winter, on icy streets all the way to the store to get me some chicken soup, which he made for me and blew on every spoonful before he fed it to me.....you know? ANd I bet your man has done sweet things for you, too.....when your anger clears up you'll think about it. You guys are just having a real hard time right now.....and it will pass. Think of the good times.....think happy thoughts.....(think of pouring honey on him near a red ant hill....) now I know that made you smile.  ;--) lol
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
Cathy,

I just replyed back to your email...

I am going to bed now, so i will talk to you tomorrow...

good night,
Hope
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
G'nite...sweet dreams. Hey...while he's sleeping tonight you can dip his hand in warm water and make him pee all over himself. lol.
Get some sleep.......things will be better in the morning. Think of the guilt you can lay on him to get a really good B-day present! huh...huh....think about it......lol

Nite!
Laura
Blank
216878_tn?1196041120
YUP...another laugh....

Thanks! needed that!

Once again, you are right...He can be sweet and has done sweet things like that. But ewwwwwww, right now i am still hurting.

Would love to talk to you more tomorrow if you are around. Here is my email addy.

***@****

had to space it cause they don't let you post it on here.

so send me an email if you want.

Ok girl, talk to you tomorrow. Really do need to go to bed now, gonna need tooth picks to hold my eyes open...LOL

Thanks again for making me laugh, and for understanding what i needed to night!   ( - :

Good night,
Hope
Blank
176495_tn?1301284012

Here's hoping you get a restful night's sleep and a peaceful tomorrow.


Jim
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
PLEASE read my e-mail from this morning. Just take a moment and read it.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I realize I do not know you and I have been wondering why you seemed so down. I thought it might be from  the pills. You talked about enjoying your family and some of the other activities etc. I wondered what void you seemed to need to fill. I looked at your picture and you are such a beautful young woman.
I am going to try to keep this short. I started pills truthfully because my husband treated me horribly many years ago about 20 now. Nothing I did was ever enough and I was the one doing it all. I also looked after his kids from a previous marriage and our child that I had with him. He did nothing but drink and take pills and blame me or take all of his anger about life out on me. I started taking some of his pills as I always felt sad and depressed and frankly exhausted as they gave me energy and dulled the pain I felt inside. The next thing you know I needed them more and more. He was so abusive and it only got worse. He didn't hit me but the words were so painful. He always told me no one would ever want me etc. etc. He threaten to divorce me many times. He held it over my head like a carrot when I needed him the most.  Long story short as I said, I ended the marriage. He left first but that is because he knew that I was done. I had secretly went to a lawyer to find out what I could do financially. I ended up improving my job. It took a number of years as I was worried about my son. His daughters were older so I wasn't as worried about them and they were moving out anyhow.
It was the best thing I ever did in my life. After hell on wheels for a year, as I was so sad, crying all of the time, missing him as I loved him with all of my heart, feeling all sorts of tihngs and taking pills, I started walking everyday. I began to feel good again, got off of the pills, felt happy. I did feel lonely but I was focusing on me and getting healthy and knew that I was not ready for another relationship as I would only attrack another abuser. I would have settled as I was too needy.
I raised my boys (I ended up adopting a boy who had wonderful parents who were older and could not look after him)  so that is why I say boys. After 3 years I ended up accidently meeting a man that was the complete opposite of anyone that I thought I would ever date. My EX husband was a handsome jocky guy and this guy was not. I feel deeply in like of him and later it turned to love. I developed a relationship slowly and I told him my boys had to come first. I never allowed him to stay overnight as I did not want my boys to wake up to me with another man. I felt that would be too hard. He waited and was very reliable and helped me. After almost 10 years, my boys moved and so he and I got married. My boys gave me away at the wedding and love him. I have never been happier. I suffer from arthritis and therefore got back into the pain pills over the last three years mainly due to the high stress job. Just like my EX, I could feel myself feeling unhappy and I recognized it was the job this time which seemed to make my pain worse. It is funny my physical pain seems less bearable when I am unhappy. So I pay attention to what is creating the need.
The reason I share this is because you are in control of your destiny. Your husband should never treat you that way for any reason even if you did something that was not right. I don't mean to be hurtful but maybe him divorcing you is a good thing for you. Maybe this is why you got started on the pills...maybe you are dying inside just like I was. Sweetheart this is not going to happen all at once, but find the strength to stand up for yourself and move on. When you do you will become a healthier, happier person and you will attract another healthy and happy person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
God has given you a chance to see that your life is not okay and what the pills are doing to you. Listen to your little voice. You know inside what you feel and likely why. Life is too short. I am 50 and my only regret is that I didn't have the strength to get out of that horrible relationship sooner as I was 39 when I had the courage to get out.  Please don't wait too long. Get counselling. I had an excellent counsellor and she helped me save my life. You are so precious and beautiful. I can tell this.You deserve to have a futuer with a man who loves you in a healthy way and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. But the only person who can change that is you and it won't be easy. I am worried about you. I do not know you or your husband and maybe he is a good guy but I don't think so. He may have some good points but the bad ones are unacceptable. Stay connected to us as whatever you do we will still care about you. Please don't get back on the pills as this will only make things worse. Please go and search out a counsellor? I do not know if it costs or how your area works but it will help you so much if you get someone good. My counsellor gave me homework each week and I literally watched myself grow into a healthy, dynamic woman that had been buried with the weight of an abusive person who took out all of his needs on me. God bless sweetie and please know I am thinking about you. XO
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
***@****
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
After all of trhose words I meant to say that you had every right to share what happened and it doesn't matter what this site is called as it all relates to addiction. Our lives makes us addicts and you need support. I am hear for you and if you want to write to me please feel free. I believe that the posts were meant to help you honey but it didn't feel that way to you. I don't know how to share an email as I have not been on this site for too long but if you could let me know I will happily do that.
Take care and I hope things are better today.
I have taken a pill from the bottom of my purse, found one in my dresser drawer and looked for one when down many times hoping I had just one. I then continued to manage to stay off the stuff. It is not the right thing to do but it is the human thing we do. Hugs.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I never meant to hurt you with what I posted.  The only reason I posted it was to maybe push you to get some help.  I know that your hubby was acting like an *** - but maybe look at it from his side too.  He has seen you go through a lot lately.  Maybe he is scared.  I do not know him but I know men do not react the same way we do to stressful situations.  Who knows maybe he is just being an as*h***.  I hope and pray that he is treating you better today.  Hope, you know I would never say anything to hurt you.  I have watched you suffer so much lately and of course it is just fine to come here and have girl talk but the fact of the matter is honey - you still used yesterday.  So that is where the girl talk ends and now you need help.  I know it was just one pill but that is how mine started everytime - one pill.  I could see you going through the same vicious cycle again.  THE ONLY REASON I WAS PUSHY is because I did not want to see you hurt yet again by your addiction.  Anytime you want to talk about girl stuff - I am here - you know that.  How can I just sit by and let you destroy yourself though?  What kind of friend would I be?  I have probably lost my family to drugs - I can't see the same happen to you.  I love you no matter what and I am sorry if I hurt you.
Blank
225213_tn?1213738290
I took Shel's post as an attempt to get you to go get help.   How powerless do you think we feel when you are in a hospital talking about liver problems?  Good lord, Hopey, your life is on the line.  Your life!      Your body cant tolerate any more drug abue.  You only have one liver.   Shel loves you and noone is saying dont talk about your personal stuff here.  Thats what the forum is for.   What would you say to Shel if you were in her shoes and she was you?     We all want you to live, to value life.     We see that little life flame flickering and we will do or say anything we can in an attempt to help you through this stuff.
hugs
tzt
Blank
225213_tn?1213738290
Yeah, your words ring true in some cases but what would you say to her if she was contemplating suicide???   She cant use anymore.   Period.    She brought it to an addiction issue and not just a girl talk when she said she used.    We have known her for months and love her dearly.   Her liver may require surgery to function properly because of drug abuse, and she took a pill.   So should those of us who know and love her just girl talk at this point or should we try to help her save her life.

Hope, hang in there.    Leave the man if you need to but dont kill yourself over him.    
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
pepsi has not been here to see the whole story I think.  We have all been through a lot together.  The only thing I was expressiong to Hope was my concern.  It was not meant to hurt her in any way.  I know it is sometimes hard to hear, but I would feel worse if her liver gave out and I was talking girl talk with her.  It is hard to see her using again.  Hope do you think your words don't affect us?  I know you are mad at me but if I am going to be true to you - then I have to do what I have to do.  You hate me fine...but I just want you to live and be happy again.  That's it.
Blank
225213_tn?1213738290
Shel I know exactly where you were coming from and that you love and care for Hope so much.   So do I.   It is hard to see her like this cuz we DO care so much.    I swear I wish I could just go get her and keep her with me for a couple of months until this shizit is out of her system.   We would be hittin  some meetings and I just know she would be happy.
Anyway, Shel, we have a bit of a history with Hopey and I know how much you care.   She knows too on some level.
hugs
tzt
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I am going too then.  I will be happy to go to meetings with you guys.  God knows we all need help.  I would not even ask her either - i would drag her a** into the plane and make her go.  

hugs,

me
Blank
182493_tn?1348056515
I just wanted to say..that no matter what feelings may have been hurt.. by posting the way you did last night.. shows alot of growth.. and that you are well on your way if you keep up this fight...

XOXO
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
... what Fladdict said.  :-)
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thank you - both of you.  It means a lot to me.

shel
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Addiction: Social Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
Top Addiction Answerers
1827057_tn?1397523877
Blank
ricart70
IN
3197167_tn?1348972206
Blank
clean_in_ks
KS
1926359_tn?1331591739
Blank
lulu747
Vancouver
4522800_tn?1405696702
Blank
VICourageous
ID
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
weaver71
Other
6942344_tn?1410169826
Blank
Amandag78
Perth, Australia