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216878 tn?1196041120
My Heart Is Broke! Can't Believe This!
I hate men!

My husband and i just got into a fight, and he was saying some really nasty things to me. It ended up him telling me he isn't happy anymore, and he wants a divorce!

Sorry, i know this is not the place for this kind of conversation, but i need someone to talk to! I am sitting here crying so hard, and can't stop! My feelings are so damm hurt. I can't believe him. I have been through so damm much and he knows how depressed i have been, and then ending up in the hospital and all the sh** i have been through. You know what started it, he told me he wants me to lose weight. My God, i am not fat! I have put on a few pounds, but nothing major. I weigh 125, and all cause of the way i look he tells me ignorant things. God guys, why? My heart is broken! I take care of his kids, and i have for 8 years, i have raised them since they were 1 and 2 years old. He tells me i do nothing for him. My whole life revolves around him. This is not fair to me. I can't belive this! I would rather him just rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it, then to have him say the things he said to me tonight. I just wanna die! I am so sick in my stomach right now, He is so damm rude! I am his wife, he is too love me for who i am, right? I went through this same sh** from my first marriage. He would tell me ignorant things and cut me down all the time. I actually started to believe what was being said to me. Now again, with this husband.

I can't take anymore sh**. I don't deserve this! People wonder why i need to take pills, see this is why? I get cut down all the time, treated like sh** and get called ignorant names. Now he wants a divorce cause i put on a few pounds.

My heart is broke, and i just wanna die right now! I have nothing, i am addicted to pills, could have died, and very depressed, and now this. What else, how much more do i have to put up with?

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Page 4 of 4
216878 tn?1196041120
I took one pill.....Thats all i had, so no need to worry cause i dont have anymore!

I'll be back, really gotta go for now
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He's a big schmuck
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Don't go get any. Its friday nite and he's acting like a big ****. You don't deserve it no woman does.
you want to be a bit--  you tell him if that what he wants you will take him to the cleaners and when your finished with him he;ll feel like he was anally assulted with out any lube!!!!~
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182493 tn?1348056515
where there is one pill... there are usually more...
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Sorry medhelp I didn't mean to say that. I got caught up in the heat of the moment. I'm really a nice girl!!
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182493 tn?1348056515
Its ok... don't worry.. wasn't inappropriate at the time..
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Thanks Steph.
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182493 tn?1348056515
I didn't see a thing.. I don't know what you are talking about..LOL
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LOLOLOLOL
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182493 tn?1348056515
i though that would give ya a giggle to lighten the mood..
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what is one pill going to do but make you want more. and I know I woulden't tease myself like that without finishing the job. I'm not buying one pill.We addicts just don't operate like that.
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Thankyou. cause its getting bed time and I'm not sleepy.Lightning the mood is a good thing cause I get all worked up.
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182493 tn?1348056515
There is not alot we can do without her here... Relax and get some rest... after she took the pill she lost her ability to choose... its in the addictions hands now.. not hers or ours...
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I'm not tired yet. But I will relax. maybe a warm bath and some candles. then come back
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182493 tn?1348056515
i will be around for a little while..
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What can I say to this?  Hope you need much more help then we can provide.  You need to go get it for yourself.  There is nothing more anyone can do here.  You need to get to that point where you are honest with yourself - you cannot do this alone.  None of us can.  No matter what else is going on in our lives, there is no excuse to use.  If you are really serious about not using, then you must first, make it unavailble to yourself.  Go tell your docs, pharmacies, everyone that you are an addict.  Then get some outside help from a therapist or go to meetings.  Quite using life as an excuse.  God knows I did for long enough.  I am only saying these things because I want to help you.  This is the extent of it though - now you have to go do the work.  There is not one excuse that you can tell me that would make it ok not to get help.  Do not say work or family...you are going to lose that all anyway if you do not get help.  It is time - aren't you sick of all this?  Please hope - do it now.
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259720 tn?1201319150
Hey hope , i know how men can be . I was with a jerk like that for 6yrs. we have a lil girl together. We been apart for 2yrs and still argue .I remember every time we would fight i would pop a vicodin to ease my nerves. But it didnt help. Sometimes we use whats happening in our lives to use med. I know i did. It only hurts us.i know we havent talked yet but i just wanted u to know ive been there and i wish u the best. i read ur post all the time and know ur a strong woman.u will be ok. Take care n god bless. ~Michele~
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216878 tn?1196041120
I am NOT asking for anyone to do anything for me, just wanted someone to confide in and someone to talk to is all. I am very honest with myself. I know there is NO excuse to use, but we all DO it. That is what an addict does. Just some people don't admit it, unlike me, i always let others know if i use or not. I could just hide it! My doctors already know, i have already talked with them. So therefore, they are NOT available to me. I found one at the bottom of my purse tonight, had no idea it was there. I have NO more! Everyone knows i am an addict! Trust me. I might use life as an excuse, but don't we all? This is what we do.

No one understands everything going on here, i know that is NO excuse to use, and i am not trying to find an excuse either. My husband said some very hurtful things to me tonight and broke my heart, i just wanted to have some girls to talk to. Nothing more!

From now on, i will NOT mention my personal life on here. I will keep it to myself, or just talk to my family about it!

I have been clean for going on 2 weeks now, ok i slipped and took one pill. I know so many others here who have done the same thing time and time again. Not once did i hear anyone say to them, that There is nothing more anyone can do here. I take this like, you just don't want to hear my problems anymore, and that is fine!

If you only new all that was truely going on, then maybe just maybe you would understand! All i wanted tonight was a shoulder to cry on. A girl to confide in...Someone to tell me that i don't deserve that, and someone to let me know that i am better than that, someone to let me know that i need to stand up to him and show him that i am NOT going to let a man run me down like that no more. This is all i wanted. Guess i should have just kept quiet! Sorry.
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216878 tn?1196041120
What a friggin night, a place i thought i could turn to for support from my so called friends, and this is what i get. I can't believe what i read, i really can't..."There is nothing more anyone can do for you here". Especially when so many others have slipped time and time again, and NOT once was that ever said to them. Unreal!

Thanks, feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on now! The one place i thought i could ALWAYS turn to.

I will continue to email you guys that supported me tonight, and thank you for that!
Done with this place!
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216878 tn?1196041120
Shel, you were the one true friend i thought i had here. How could you say that to me, how could you say there is nothing anyone can do for you here? I have never once heard you say that to anyone else on here when they were having a bad day or when they slipped. I only wanted a friend to confide in tonight is all. I wan't asking for you to do anything, i just wanted some girl talk, nothing major! You make me feel like you just don't want to hear my problems, well that is fine. I just thought that was what this site was for, for support? I reached out tonight, and get that response from you. Thought friends were supposed to be there, and give a shoulder to cry on. Guess i thought wrong.
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Hey girl, I haven't really talked to you much but man......you sound so much like me and my husband....I actually had to laugh!  Not at you, sweetie...but at the whole situation sounding exactly like something me and my hubby would fight about. I am not fat either....not at all...and both hubby and I know it...however, he also knows that's what gets to me, calling me fat when we are fighting. I used to be a porker...and now I am not at all. Don't get me wrong, I know HIS buttons to push, too! And HO HO HO do I push them. I give as good as I recieve. What made me LOL at your post was how your hubby asked for sex. MINE DOES THAT TOO!!!!!! Right after a huge fight, mine does the same thing! Knowing I am still infuriated with him, he asks for sex.
Once, when we were talking a few days after a big fight, I asked him WHY he does that...ask for sex when he knows I am so friggin' mad at him. Here's what he said, and he really said it as honestly and sincerly as he could.
"Baby, I'm a guy. To a guy, sex feels great and its what I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO FOR ME IF I WAS UPSET...so....to me, its how I want to make up with you and tell you I'm sorry and make you feel good."
Simple as that. Men!!!!!!! But, if you think about it, when you aren't still infuriated at your hubby.....I see what he means. Men really DO love sex (obviously) and what he said makes sense to HIM and to another man, probably. Men DO think 'sex makes it all better' because sex to all male species on this planet is....like....oh, I don't know what I mean cuz I'm not a guy..lol..but I do understand what he means, strangely enough. I just can't put it into writing. I hope you get the idea. I don't think he was trying to hurt you or make you madder by wanting sex...I think he was being a MAN and thought it was how you two would make up. Men aren't into the 'talking' and 'feelings' as us women are. They are more into 'actions speak louder than words' and they just will never understand that when we as women are PISSED, the LAST thing we want to think of is SEX with that jerk! lol.
They just don't get that.
MEN. Can't live with 'em, Can't shoot 'em. Well, not supposed to shoot 'em.  ;-)
All I'm trying to say to you is yeah, he's a jerk and yeah, I'd be mad too if I were you, but I think you both do love each other and maybe some counseling would help. DOn't use the fight as an excuse to take pills, hope. It isn't worth it! Please....think about what I said okay? NO MORE PILLS. I mean it. Okay?    :--)
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There is a lot of. caring on this thread. a couple of tough love statments that you didn't like to here, well it was hard to write that on the person. me, shelby . But I sided with you. The guys out here think you are beautiful. Your low esteem won't let you see that you a very pretty woman inside and out. But if someone tells you your very troubled inside, Of course you won't like to hear it. It needs work. And you get definsive,but when you feel like that someone must have struck a chord, and its something to think about. You can't fix this one by your self honey. We're trying to tough love you into getting some help. Theres nothing wrong with needing help. most of the ppl out here with peace of mind in ther lives had to do some work to get it.  I sent you an email  don't be mad.
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216878 tn?1196041120
Pepsiblue, You do sound alot like me and my husband, they are jerks. Mine seriously wants a divorce though. I am to the point that i think i do too...thanks for the post, you had me smiling! At the sex thing. But how can he even think i would do that, why? Telling me i am fat, so why would he want to sleep with me. I'll never be with him that way again, cause all i would be able to do is lay there and think, OMG what is he thinking of my body? I would be too uncomfortable...

thanks again for the post.
Hope
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Shelbys straightforwardness,is that she home emotional, her hubbys being a jerk she's in tears trying to put her life together, She is in a bad way yet gives you some words of wisdom in a tough love way. Of course she the one person you can always turn to, And she'll be there. tonight  she's having a rough time herself. Of course she cares for you silly! And so do I! for what its worth,
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216878 tn?1196041120
Cathy,

I did NOT need tough love tonight. I needed a friend to support me! I have been through enough fuc** he** tonight and trust me, did NOT need to come here and get tough love! Just wanted some giel talk. I came here, told what my husband said to me, crying, he wants a divorce, my heart is broke. I don't think this was the time for tough love.

Now if i would have came here and said "Hey guys, i just took 20 friggin pills" then yes, i would have needed tough love. I didn't do that though! I came here, crying cause my husband broke my heart tonight, what i needed was a friend. There was NO need to say "There is nothing anyone can do for you here". All i wanted was a friend tonight, sorry! I thought i could come here and find that, boy guess i am fuc**** stupid! There was NO need to say that "there is nothing anyone can do for you here" so whatever! This was a completley different thing tonight, NOT drug related!
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who said that? theres nothing cando for you I was telling you not to leave to stay
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Now wait a second, girls....All hope wanted was some girl talk about what happened to her tonight. I don't even know her and I knew that much just by reading. She just wanted some support and some of her friends to do what all us ladies want our pals to do when our man is a jerk------and that's rally around her and give a sympathetic ear, or some advice on men (and what arses they can be! lol)
Yeah, she screwed up and fell into temptation and self-medication to make herself feel better. That doesn't mean we need to send her packing to Betty Ford center, does it? Why couldn't you all just see her post for what it was....nothing more or less than what it was? A friend of yours husband was being a jerk and she wanted support! Period! This is the addiction community forum....this is the forum where we can talk about day to day stuff, what we watch on TV, and what we are making for supper, and when our MAN IS BEING A JERK! Why would anyone of you ladies...HER FRIENDS...tell her such a thing like 'there is nothing we can do for you here'......HUH?!?!?!?!
That was wrong, ladies. I really think that was not 'tough love' I think that was just plain out of line.
Okay, so go on now and attack me, I'm sure you all will. FLaddict, I know you are a moderator and will have my post here removed, and thats fine, but I am only speaking my mind and defending this girl Hope (who I really barely know here) because I see what she means when she says her friends here hurt her. I can see why she was hurt.
Hope, if you are able to read this before it gets deleted.....I do see where you are coming from and I'd be hurt, too. God, now watch they'll tell us we both need help. lol (just joking, ladies)
And I hope I didn't offend you by my post to you (hope) because I was really trying to give you advice on why men can be such jerks about the whole sex thing. I think that's the advice you were looking for when you posted in the first place........not a bunch of women coming down on you for screwing up.
Okay ladies-----blast me away.  (((ducking)))) BUT keep in mind, I really am only trying to help and I am not trying to make her feel any worse than she already does......ahem......hint, hint ladies......
K. attack!!!!!!!!    ;)
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who said there is nothing we can do for you   for the 3rd time?
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216878 tn?1196041120
Read Ionote, Shelby said it...scrool up
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wrong about me. I don't have a prob with what you are saying. She needs support from the grils.
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Well she having a bad night its no excuse we've been wanting to see you happy for months. If i was outta line i'm sorry.
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216878 tn?1196041120
Pepsiblue,

Thank you for understanding and saying what you did...You are exactly right! This is all i needed tonight, i did not need a lecture, i got enough of that tonight from my husband. I am glad you get it, and why and how that had me upset.

Don't worry no one will attack you, you are just saying how you felt.

I need to go to bed now, my eyes are killing me here.

Thank you so much for understanding what i am going through, and trying to explain it to others on here.

Thank you very much...
Good Night,
Hope
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OMG...okay, you are my long lost twin...LOL! While I just finished posting my post to you/everyone...I saw that you had posted back to me (which I am glad to have made ya smile. you remind me so much of myself, I thought of what would make ME smile if I were you and it worked I see... :--) ) But I see you posted to everyone exactly what I just did to all of them....YOU did NOT want to come here to be judged and looked down on for the pill slip up. You wanted your girls to rally around you and give you advice and tell you what a jerk your hubby is. I was right cuz you posted pretty much the same thing I did! lol
And, to answer your question.....he doesn't think you are fat, sweetie. He knows you're a hottie and he also knows he's damned lucky to have ya. He only says that to **** you off and push yer buttons. Like I told you. Mine does the same thing, and I do the same thing to him. You are hurt and angry right now...but I bet you will feel differently tomorrow. You love him, you know you do. Right now, you wanna kill him...lol....but I know you love him cuz you and him are exactly like me and my husband. Lemme tell ya.....there are days......aaaaarrrggghhhh.......but then I remember the times he did something so innocently sweet for me...that he didn't even realize he was doing it....ooohhh, like when I cut my finger on glass in the sink and he washed it off and put a band-aid on it for me...(oh, and he blew on it, too lol)....or when I was sick with the flu and he rode a bike (his truck was broke down at the time) in the middle of winter, on icy streets all the way to the store to get me some chicken soup, which he made for me and blew on every spoonful before he fed it to me.....you know? ANd I bet your man has done sweet things for you, too.....when your anger clears up you'll think about it. You guys are just having a real hard time right now.....and it will pass. Think of the good times.....think happy thoughts.....(think of pouring honey on him near a red ant hill....) now I know that made you smile.  ;--) lol
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216878 tn?1196041120
Cathy,

I just replyed back to your email...

I am going to bed now, so i will talk to you tomorrow...

good night,
Hope
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G'nite...sweet dreams. Hey...while he's sleeping tonight you can dip his hand in warm water and make him pee all over himself. lol.
Get some sleep.......things will be better in the morning. Think of the guilt you can lay on him to get a really good B-day present! huh...huh....think about it......lol

Nite!
Laura
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216878 tn?1196041120
YUP...another laugh....

Thanks! needed that!

Once again, you are right...He can be sweet and has done sweet things like that. But ewwwwwww, right now i am still hurting.

Would love to talk to you more tomorrow if you are around. Here is my email addy.

***@****

had to space it cause they don't let you post it on here.

so send me an email if you want.

Ok girl, talk to you tomorrow. Really do need to go to bed now, gonna need tooth picks to hold my eyes open...LOL

Thanks again for making me laugh, and for understanding what i needed to night!   ( - :

Good night,
Hope
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176495 tn?1301284012

Here's hoping you get a restful night's sleep and a peaceful tomorrow.


Jim
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PLEASE read my e-mail from this morning. Just take a moment and read it.
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I realize I do not know you and I have been wondering why you seemed so down. I thought it might be from  the pills. You talked about enjoying your family and some of the other activities etc. I wondered what void you seemed to need to fill. I looked at your picture and you are such a beautful young woman.
I am going to try to keep this short. I started pills truthfully because my husband treated me horribly many years ago about 20 now. Nothing I did was ever enough and I was the one doing it all. I also looked after his kids from a previous marriage and our child that I had with him. He did nothing but drink and take pills and blame me or take all of his anger about life out on me. I started taking some of his pills as I always felt sad and depressed and frankly exhausted as they gave me energy and dulled the pain I felt inside. The next thing you know I needed them more and more. He was so abusive and it only got worse. He didn't hit me but the words were so painful. He always told me no one would ever want me etc. etc. He threaten to divorce me many times. He held it over my head like a carrot when I needed him the most.  Long story short as I said, I ended the marriage. He left first but that is because he knew that I was done. I had secretly went to a lawyer to find out what I could do financially. I ended up improving my job. It took a number of years as I was worried about my son. His daughters were older so I wasn't as worried about them and they were moving out anyhow.
It was the best thing I ever did in my life. After hell on wheels for a year, as I was so sad, crying all of the time, missing him as I loved him with all of my heart, feeling all sorts of tihngs and taking pills, I started walking everyday. I began to feel good again, got off of the pills, felt happy. I did feel lonely but I was focusing on me and getting healthy and knew that I was not ready for another relationship as I would only attrack another abuser. I would have settled as I was too needy.
I raised my boys (I ended up adopting a boy who had wonderful parents who were older and could not look after him)  so that is why I say boys. After 3 years I ended up accidently meeting a man that was the complete opposite of anyone that I thought I would ever date. My EX husband was a handsome jocky guy and this guy was not. I feel deeply in like of him and later it turned to love. I developed a relationship slowly and I told him my boys had to come first. I never allowed him to stay overnight as I did not want my boys to wake up to me with another man. I felt that would be too hard. He waited and was very reliable and helped me. After almost 10 years, my boys moved and so he and I got married. My boys gave me away at the wedding and love him. I have never been happier. I suffer from arthritis and therefore got back into the pain pills over the last three years mainly due to the high stress job. Just like my EX, I could feel myself feeling unhappy and I recognized it was the job this time which seemed to make my pain worse. It is funny my physical pain seems less bearable when I am unhappy. So I pay attention to what is creating the need.
The reason I share this is because you are in control of your destiny. Your husband should never treat you that way for any reason even if you did something that was not right. I don't mean to be hurtful but maybe him divorcing you is a good thing for you. Maybe this is why you got started on the pills...maybe you are dying inside just like I was. Sweetheart this is not going to happen all at once, but find the strength to stand up for yourself and move on. When you do you will become a healthier, happier person and you will attract another healthy and happy person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
God has given you a chance to see that your life is not okay and what the pills are doing to you. Listen to your little voice. You know inside what you feel and likely why. Life is too short. I am 50 and my only regret is that I didn't have the strength to get out of that horrible relationship sooner as I was 39 when I had the courage to get out.  Please don't wait too long. Get counselling. I had an excellent counsellor and she helped me save my life. You are so precious and beautiful. I can tell this.You deserve to have a futuer with a man who loves you in a healthy way and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. But the only person who can change that is you and it won't be easy. I am worried about you. I do not know you or your husband and maybe he is a good guy but I don't think so. He may have some good points but the bad ones are unacceptable. Stay connected to us as whatever you do we will still care about you. Please don't get back on the pills as this will only make things worse. Please go and search out a counsellor? I do not know if it costs or how your area works but it will help you so much if you get someone good. My counsellor gave me homework each week and I literally watched myself grow into a healthy, dynamic woman that had been buried with the weight of an abusive person who took out all of his needs on me. God bless sweetie and please know I am thinking about you. XO
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***@****
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After all of trhose words I meant to say that you had every right to share what happened and it doesn't matter what this site is called as it all relates to addiction. Our lives makes us addicts and you need support. I am hear for you and if you want to write to me please feel free. I believe that the posts were meant to help you honey but it didn't feel that way to you. I don't know how to share an email as I have not been on this site for too long but if you could let me know I will happily do that.
Take care and I hope things are better today.
I have taken a pill from the bottom of my purse, found one in my dresser drawer and looked for one when down many times hoping I had just one. I then continued to manage to stay off the stuff. It is not the right thing to do but it is the human thing we do. Hugs.
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I never meant to hurt you with what I posted.  The only reason I posted it was to maybe push you to get some help.  I know that your hubby was acting like an *** - but maybe look at it from his side too.  He has seen you go through a lot lately.  Maybe he is scared.  I do not know him but I know men do not react the same way we do to stressful situations.  Who knows maybe he is just being an as*h***.  I hope and pray that he is treating you better today.  Hope, you know I would never say anything to hurt you.  I have watched you suffer so much lately and of course it is just fine to come here and have girl talk but the fact of the matter is honey - you still used yesterday.  So that is where the girl talk ends and now you need help.  I know it was just one pill but that is how mine started everytime - one pill.  I could see you going through the same vicious cycle again.  THE ONLY REASON I WAS PUSHY is because I did not want to see you hurt yet again by your addiction.  Anytime you want to talk about girl stuff - I am here - you know that.  How can I just sit by and let you destroy yourself though?  What kind of friend would I be?  I have probably lost my family to drugs - I can't see the same happen to you.  I love you no matter what and I am sorry if I hurt you.
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225213 tn?1213738290
I took Shel's post as an attempt to get you to go get help.   How powerless do you think we feel when you are in a hospital talking about liver problems?  Good lord, Hopey, your life is on the line.  Your life!      Your body cant tolerate any more drug abue.  You only have one liver.   Shel loves you and noone is saying dont talk about your personal stuff here.  Thats what the forum is for.   What would you say to Shel if you were in her shoes and she was you?     We all want you to live, to value life.     We see that little life flame flickering and we will do or say anything we can in an attempt to help you through this stuff.
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tzt
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225213 tn?1213738290
Yeah, your words ring true in some cases but what would you say to her if she was contemplating suicide???   She cant use anymore.   Period.    She brought it to an addiction issue and not just a girl talk when she said she used.    We have known her for months and love her dearly.   Her liver may require surgery to function properly because of drug abuse, and she took a pill.   So should those of us who know and love her just girl talk at this point or should we try to help her save her life.

Hope, hang in there.    Leave the man if you need to but dont kill yourself over him.    
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pepsi has not been here to see the whole story I think.  We have all been through a lot together.  The only thing I was expressiong to Hope was my concern.  It was not meant to hurt her in any way.  I know it is sometimes hard to hear, but I would feel worse if her liver gave out and I was talking girl talk with her.  It is hard to see her using again.  Hope do you think your words don't affect us?  I know you are mad at me but if I am going to be true to you - then I have to do what I have to do.  You hate me fine...but I just want you to live and be happy again.  That's it.
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225213 tn?1213738290
Shel I know exactly where you were coming from and that you love and care for Hope so much.   So do I.   It is hard to see her like this cuz we DO care so much.    I swear I wish I could just go get her and keep her with me for a couple of months until this shizit is out of her system.   We would be hittin  some meetings and I just know she would be happy.
Anyway, Shel, we have a bit of a history with Hopey and I know how much you care.   She knows too on some level.
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I am going too then.  I will be happy to go to meetings with you guys.  God knows we all need help.  I would not even ask her either - i would drag her a** into the plane and make her go.  

hugs,

me
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182493 tn?1348056515
I just wanted to say..that no matter what feelings may have been hurt.. by posting the way you did last night.. shows alot of growth.. and that you are well on your way if you keep up this fight...

XOXO
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... what Fladdict said.  :-)
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Thank you - both of you.  It means a lot to me.

shel
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