Well I am around 3 1/2 months sober. Methadone maintenance and heroin was what I used. So essentially my brain is swiss cheese. I can barely hold a conversation that last longer than 1 minute. After that is becomes just plain awful. Any suggestions? I know I can just truck through this and eventually I will be ok. But christ I can not imagine a year of this. I mean this is seriously debilitating.
I've been off pretty high dose methadone for about the same amount of time, maybe 4 months. I feel what you're saying. I have a hard time getting motivated or having any feeling of excitement. It's as if my adrenaline is gone. I think all the struggle of getting off the methadone pushed my limits for that first 90 days. I'm not just recovering from the methadone, but the stress effects of detox. Exercise and doing things whether I feel like it or not, is what is making it better for me. Creating new memories and new interests are slowly helping me get bits of enthusiasm, but if I sit around too much, I feel brain dead. Will power was not enough to get me clean and neither is staying clean. I keep reminding myself to not just stand there, do something. There was only one motivation when I used, I'm having to learn to be motivated toward other things. Read about Erikson's stages of development or Gorski's Relapse Prevention, keep focused on recovery, just keep growing. I don't think I'm crazy and I can't afford to be bored so I focus on recovery and personal growth in every free minute. Every time I want to do something bad, I dive into something good. I think there's a lot of progress, but it takes time for the feeling to catch up with the action. 12 step meetings and talking with friends helps me let it go, for a while anyway. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone, and as for me, I'm gonna stay sober if it kills me, the pills would kill me for sure. Thankful to be alive, that means there's posibilities. Hope you feel better.
Thanks for the responses. I realized that I was just not being very pro active in my recovery, at all. My plan was just to hold out until school starts in a couple of months. This plan was unrealistic, and since I basically do nothing it has led to self esteem issues. I guess I felt that when I had 6 months I would feel more comfortable in social situations.
I have philosophical issues with the 12 step programs I am not going to lie. I was once clean and sober with the programs help for 18 months. I guess I am going to have to overlook the differences I have and just join.
I know for a fact, if I didn't change my thinking and instinctual behavior, I'll always seek the fantasy, the escape. I have issues with meetings sometimes too. That's part of learning to deal without escaping. There are other programs and private counseling. I like group counseling a lot. I think it's normal to just want things to be normal, but after years of checking out, I have to create normal. I'm not saying that I feel great at 4 1/2 months, but continuing to meet with other addicts reminds me how insane I had become. Progress over perfection, I have to focus on the journey and forget about any destination, I'm not sure there is one. Only growth creates new memories. When we first ride a bike, we are so full of ourselves as children. I must keep growing and building up my self esteem with new experiences. Do what it takes, but never forget why you quit.
Are you taking " l- tyrosine " !!!!! It works for brain fog, try that vitamin, it works on dopamine and neurological aspects of the brain. I got it day 25 and wish I had it day 1. Check back after u try it $7.99 for 100 pills, it's part of thompsons, big part....if u don't want 10 things to buy, start with this. In time u will be itself as u knew u, before u used.
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