Aa
My story - if you are willing to read it all...
My life story:
When i was 18, thought i met the man of my dreams...We got married when i was 20, i was so happy. (at least thought i was)
We wanted a baby so bad, so we tried and tried, and finally got the news that i was pregnant. God, this was the happiest day of my life.
When i was 5 months pregnant, i started having some problems...ONe day i was standing in my living room and all of a sudden, blood just
started gushing from me (like crazy) of course i paniced, i was home alone that day, so i drove myself to the hospital, when i got there
they did all kinds of tests on me ect. ect...I found out that my gall bladder was bad. they didn't really want to do anything at that time,
since i was 5 months pregnant, so they told me to stay away from certain foods and a few other things to do, which i did. Well 2 days later
they sent me home from the hospital, and the day after i got home, i started the bleeding all over again, i had severe pain, and once again
went back to the hospital, this time i found out that my gall bladder had ruptured inside of me. OMG - i was so scared, they told me, that
they needed to take it out, but the chances of my baby surviving this was very slim. They took me in right away, to remove it...All went okay,
but i was in the hospital for the next 3 months so they could watch my baby on a monitor. Anyway, when i went home after the 3 months, this is
when i should have known i should have left my husband. He was a control freak, and he would yell at me all the time, i would get so sick, and
it is like he got off on watching me be sick. I made it through all this though, i had my son June 3rd, 1993. When i was in labor, the dr.
called my family out in the hall and told them that he didn't think the baby was going to make it, you see they had to brake my water, and
when they did, i guess it was green, which no one told me this at the time, cause they didn't want me to worry, but this meant that the cord
was wrapped around the baby's neck. They took me into delivery, and it ended up all being ok. They saved him. I thank God everyday for my son.
He is my miracle baby...This is why you all hear me talk about him all the time. He is my world, my life, my everything...But this is only
the beginning of my story...
Anyway, we get home from the hospital with my little miracle, and all was well for a few years. Granted me and my husband fault all the time.
He drank alot (beer) and when he did, let me tell you i lived in he**...there was a time he pulled a gun on me, over something so stupid, think it
was because i didn't have the laundry folded yet or something like that. Anyway, This went on and on for years and years. My parents told me to
leave him so many times, but i really did love him so much, he was my first love. I stayed, i really thought i could make things work for us. Boy,
was i wrong...
I am going to skip alot of the gory details, but i lived in he** up until my son was 6 years old. One night, my son and i went grocery shopping,
my husband had went with his friends for the day. So me and my son left around 5:00 that evening and got some groceries. When we got back, it was
around 6:00. My son was hungary so i made him some soup and a sandwich, he sat at the kitchen table eating while i was putting groceries away. while
i was putting them away, my husband came home (drunk) and he said "where were you" i told him i was grocery shopping, he seen me putting the food
away, but still accused me of being out with my friends. He totally flipped out on me. He began smaking me around, he pounched me in my face, my
little boy (who was only 6 yrs. old at the time) said "daddy please stop" of course he didn't stop, he continued beating me in front of my son. I
wasn't even concerned about me, just worried about my boy wathcing all of this. My husband went into the living room and started breaking glass, and
tipping over bookshelves, and coffee tables, along with alot of other things. My little boy yelled "mommy don't worry, i will save you" poor little
guy ran out of the house to go to the neighbors, while yelling "mommy hold on" i am going to call 911 for you. Meanwhile my husband ran outside after
him, and while he was outside, i grabbed the phone, and called 911 myself, i quickly told them what i could befor my husband came back in the house. I
heard him coming back in so i set the phone down behind me, he did not know that i had called and they were still on the phone. 911 heard it all. When
he came back inside, he instantly smacked me and started calling me bit** and alot of other nasty things. The whole time 911 was on the phone, so they
heard it all. In a matter of minutes, the cops were at my house, they came in, and seen me bleeding, and my house wit broken glass all through it. They
took him outside, and came back in and asked me if i wanted to press charges, (which i did) They took him to jail, and kept him there overnight. I called
my friend and she came and helped me clean up the house, and to comfort me. The next day the cops brought him back, he came in and the cop came in with
him, i said what are you doing? He said i am getting my stuff, we are over! At that point, my heart fell to the ground. What was i going to do without
him in my life. There it was my first love was gone from me. I blamed myself for calling the cops on him. He stayed with a friend and every night i would
call him and beg him Please come home, i said i will change, and i am so sorry. I blamed me for everything....This went on and on for months. I went to
counseling and eventually i got over him, and realized that we were over. I though my life was over with, i was nobody without him.
When i was 18, thought i met the man of my dreams...We got married when i was 20, i was so happy. (at least thought i was)
We wanted a baby so bad, so we tried and tried, and finally got the news that i was pregnant. God, this was the happiest day of my life.
When i was 5 months pregnant, i started having some problems...ONe day i was standing in my living room and all of a sudden, blood just
started gushing from me (like crazy) of course i paniced, i was home alone that day, so i drove myself to the hospital, when i got there
they did all kinds of tests on me ect. ect...I found out that my gall bladder was bad. they didn't really want to do anything at that time,
since i was 5 months pregnant, so they told me to stay away from certain foods and a few other things to do, which i did. Well 2 days later
they sent me home from the hospital, and the day after i got home, i started the bleeding all over again, i had severe pain, and once again
went back to the hospital, this time i found out that my gall bladder had ruptured inside of me. OMG - i was so scared, they told me, that
they needed to take it out, but the chances of my baby surviving this was very slim. They took me in right away, to remove it...All went okay,
but i was in the hospital for the next 3 months so they could watch my baby on a monitor. Anyway, when i went home after the 3 months, this is
when i should have known i should have left my husband. He was a control freak, and he would yell at me all the time, i would get so sick, and
it is like he got off on watching me be sick. I made it through all this though, i had my son June 3rd, 1993. When i was in labor, the dr.
called my family out in the hall and told them that he didn't think the baby was going to make it, you see they had to brake my water, and
when they did, i guess it was green, which no one told me this at the time, cause they didn't want me to worry, but this meant that the cord
was wrapped around the baby's neck. They took me into delivery, and it ended up all being ok. They saved him. I thank God everyday for my son.
He is my miracle baby...This is why you all hear me talk about him all the time. He is my world, my life, my everything...But this is only
the beginning of my story...
Anyway, we get home from the hospital with my little miracle, and all was well for a few years. Granted me and my husband fault all the time.
He drank alot (beer) and when he did, let me tell you i lived in he**...there was a time he pulled a gun on me, over something so stupid, think it
was because i didn't have the laundry folded yet or something like that. Anyway, This went on and on for years and years. My parents told me to
leave him so many times, but i really did love him so much, he was my first love. I stayed, i really thought i could make things work for us. Boy,
was i wrong...
I am going to skip alot of the gory details, but i lived in he** up until my son was 6 years old. One night, my son and i went grocery shopping,
my husband had went with his friends for the day. So me and my son left around 5:00 that evening and got some groceries. When we got back, it was
around 6:00. My son was hungary so i made him some soup and a sandwich, he sat at the kitchen table eating while i was putting groceries away. while
i was putting them away, my husband came home (drunk) and he said "where were you" i told him i was grocery shopping, he seen me putting the food
away, but still accused me of being out with my friends. He totally flipped out on me. He began smaking me around, he pounched me in my face, my
little boy (who was only 6 yrs. old at the time) said "daddy please stop" of course he didn't stop, he continued beating me in front of my son. I
wasn't even concerned about me, just worried about my boy wathcing all of this. My husband went into the living room and started breaking glass, and
tipping over bookshelves, and coffee tables, along with alot of other things. My little boy yelled "mommy don't worry, i will save you" poor little
guy ran out of the house to go to the neighbors, while yelling "mommy hold on" i am going to call 911 for you. Meanwhile my husband ran outside after
him, and while he was outside, i grabbed the phone, and called 911 myself, i quickly told them what i could befor my husband came back in the house. I
heard him coming back in so i set the phone down behind me, he did not know that i had called and they were still on the phone. 911 heard it all. When
he came back inside, he instantly smacked me and started calling me bit** and alot of other nasty things. The whole time 911 was on the phone, so they
heard it all. In a matter of minutes, the cops were at my house, they came in, and seen me bleeding, and my house wit broken glass all through it. They
took him outside, and came back in and asked me if i wanted to press charges, (which i did) They took him to jail, and kept him there overnight. I called
my friend and she came and helped me clean up the house, and to comfort me. The next day the cops brought him back, he came in and the cop came in with
him, i said what are you doing? He said i am getting my stuff, we are over! At that point, my heart fell to the ground. What was i going to do without
him in my life. There it was my first love was gone from me. I blamed myself for calling the cops on him. He stayed with a friend and every night i would
call him and beg him Please come home, i said i will change, and i am so sorry. I blamed me for everything....This went on and on for months. I went to
counseling and eventually i got over him, and realized that we were over. I though my life was over with, i was nobody without him.
Hi hun;
Boy I swear I could have written some of this myself. I feel for you and I know exactly what your feeling. My ex and I have now been done for 5+ yrs and to this day certain things a man will say will set me over the edge. My ex was not so much a physical abuser some but mostly was verbally abusive and I have to say the damage I allowed him to do to me many times I had wished it was physical. If that makes any sense. This man destroyed all hope I had in anything, all self esteem I ever had. Now when I met him I was like WOW, my soul mate. We clicked, and he treated my like a queen. I had never felt about anyone the way I did with him and nobody ever made me feel the way he did. It was only a short lived hapiness. 6 months into our relationship I had given up my own apartment and loved in with him to ( what I thought was his home) turned out it was his fathers and he was there leeching. Anyhow, his father lived elsewhere and this home was kept as a vacation spot. Well I moved in with him, and it all went downhill from there. He stopped working, I could not go anywhere w/o him. If we went out together I had to leave when he wanted to. Everything I wore made me look like a slut. (According to him) and mind you I am as conservative as a person can get.
If men were looking at me or commented to him anything nice about me, it was later said to me that its only b/c you look like a tramp and thats what they want. Then I found out I was pregnant....the day I found out all I could do was cry, and it was not from happiness. I knew the relationship I was in was not a good one. He was happy as he**. Then he must have felt I was not and accused me of not wanting to have his baby. I already had a younger son at this time from a previous relationship who at the time was only 3. He had witnessed many many nights of fighrting, me being thrown out of the house and locked out. My ex would also remove parts from my car so I could not leave as we were out in the country and not close to town where everyone I knew was. I too started to make up stories to my friends and family why I was not visiting as I used to or why I would not go out with the girls as I once did, etc. Once I found out I was pregnant I used that as my excuse, and played the rest was just fine. Everyone knew different. This man had a rep and many knew. I was warned a few months after already being with this *** but you know how that goes.
Reading your story just really hit home and I guess I never really typed out my story on paper before and thought now would be a good time.
I was making plans by the time I was 2 mos pregnant to move out..without his knowledge. My plan was a few friends of mine were going to pick me up and load up what I had in his home and move it to my new place while he was at work, at one of the many jobs he had. Most of my stuff was in storage ( thank god) like bigger stuff, furniture etc b/c his dads home already had all this in it. Well I woke up one morning and he was sitting at My computer, and in My email. Well one of my friends who I was very close with and had worked for prior to meeting him her and her husband are who were going to borrow me the money to move into a home they had inherited from a recently passed aunt. They were going to rent this house to me. Well he saw the email and all hit the fan that day. He said your leaving are you? I had no idea what to say. Then he of course wanted to throw me out right there. Here I was pregnant, no where to go and no money as he made me quit my job. (I allowed him I should say)
I then tried to call my one friend who was helping me out, he went down to the basement and cut all the phone wires. yes cut them all. No phone at all. Here I was now what. Eventually I went to a neighbors and used their phone and my friend picked me up. I stayed with my friend and her husband for a couple weeks. He would call, and also show up at their business where I had worked. He had been tossed out more than once. If he called the house they would not allow him to get through to me. I felt so torn. I loved him, he was showing me ( at least I thought) that he really did love me too and wanted me to come back home. Well by this point I was caught between him and my friends. Of course I ended up choosing him. Went back to all the same stuff not long after, he was back to being himself. I could not dare call my friends, how could I after I went back to him?
I called for some housing assistance and DID get myself my own place and some friends came with a truck and we loaded everything I had there up and moved it to my new place. He of course said F U, stay gone blah blah blah. I moved all myself with the help of a few friends and while I was pregnant. He showed up one day and all he did was yell at me and tell me how I would never be anything to anyone. He then had met some girl and was engaged to her within 2 weeks of dating. My head was spinning, my heart aching more than ever. Here I was pregnant with his child, he asked me to marry him also at about the 7mo mark we were together. I at least was smart enough to say no at that point and said not yet its too fast. Welll, this girl he was with....they were together a few months. He would still call me, or come by when he was drunk and cry and tell me how sorry he was and that he wanted me back. Also to please give him some time to let this girl down. I thought what??????? Let her down? I am carrying your child, you put me thorugh hell and back and now your crying and want me but yet want to let her down easy? I was just in shock! Well this went on and on for months he was with many women, and always still would make a point to pop into my work or call or show up at my door. Said that I was to never be with anyone else, I was his and only his. I at the time thought this meant he really did love me and was having some issues with himself. No the man was sick, controlling and to this day is still the same. Has had 3 marriages since us, all of which he only has dated the girl a few months. Our son is now almost 8 and with his recent marriage his new wife is as sick as he is. This man had nothing to do with our son all these ytears unless of course he wasnt busy getting laid by the 4 dozen women he has been with just since I have known him. I went into counseling and all of that too. it helped majorly but to this day things strike me that I think back to those days of him and lots of things I still struggle with to this day bc of him.
Anyhow, all of a sudden I receive papers he wants custody of our son. All these years it has been my son and I and rarely him having anything to do with our son. His new wife and my ex both have my son calling her mom, and when my ex calls he refers to her as mom as well. he will leave a message for our son saying things like:
"hey bud its dad, give mom and I a call when you get home". The new wife is loaded with money. They buy expensive things for our son, do not answer the ohone when I call and delete any messages I leave for my son.
In the court papers my ex is seeking:
Full custody/primary placement
8000.00 of c.s arrearage debt he wants cancelled
current support cancelled
our sons last name changed from mine to his last name
Me to pay HIM child support should he get custody of our son
Boy I swear I could have written some of this myself. I feel for you and I know exactly what your feeling. My ex and I have now been done for 5+ yrs and to this day certain things a man will say will set me over the edge. My ex was not so much a physical abuser some but mostly was verbally abusive and I have to say the damage I allowed him to do to me many times I had wished it was physical. If that makes any sense. This man destroyed all hope I had in anything, all self esteem I ever had. Now when I met him I was like WOW, my soul mate. We clicked, and he treated my like a queen. I had never felt about anyone the way I did with him and nobody ever made me feel the way he did. It was only a short lived hapiness. 6 months into our relationship I had given up my own apartment and loved in with him to ( what I thought was his home) turned out it was his fathers and he was there leeching. Anyhow, his father lived elsewhere and this home was kept as a vacation spot. Well I moved in with him, and it all went downhill from there. He stopped working, I could not go anywhere w/o him. If we went out together I had to leave when he wanted to. Everything I wore made me look like a slut. (According to him) and mind you I am as conservative as a person can get.
If men were looking at me or commented to him anything nice about me, it was later said to me that its only b/c you look like a tramp and thats what they want. Then I found out I was pregnant....the day I found out all I could do was cry, and it was not from happiness. I knew the relationship I was in was not a good one. He was happy as he**. Then he must have felt I was not and accused me of not wanting to have his baby. I already had a younger son at this time from a previous relationship who at the time was only 3. He had witnessed many many nights of fighrting, me being thrown out of the house and locked out. My ex would also remove parts from my car so I could not leave as we were out in the country and not close to town where everyone I knew was. I too started to make up stories to my friends and family why I was not visiting as I used to or why I would not go out with the girls as I once did, etc. Once I found out I was pregnant I used that as my excuse, and played the rest was just fine. Everyone knew different. This man had a rep and many knew. I was warned a few months after already being with this *** but you know how that goes.
Reading your story just really hit home and I guess I never really typed out my story on paper before and thought now would be a good time.
I was making plans by the time I was 2 mos pregnant to move out..without his knowledge. My plan was a few friends of mine were going to pick me up and load up what I had in his home and move it to my new place while he was at work, at one of the many jobs he had. Most of my stuff was in storage ( thank god) like bigger stuff, furniture etc b/c his dads home already had all this in it. Well I woke up one morning and he was sitting at My computer, and in My email. Well one of my friends who I was very close with and had worked for prior to meeting him her and her husband are who were going to borrow me the money to move into a home they had inherited from a recently passed aunt. They were going to rent this house to me. Well he saw the email and all hit the fan that day. He said your leaving are you? I had no idea what to say. Then he of course wanted to throw me out right there. Here I was pregnant, no where to go and no money as he made me quit my job. (I allowed him I should say)
I then tried to call my one friend who was helping me out, he went down to the basement and cut all the phone wires. yes cut them all. No phone at all. Here I was now what. Eventually I went to a neighbors and used their phone and my friend picked me up. I stayed with my friend and her husband for a couple weeks. He would call, and also show up at their business where I had worked. He had been tossed out more than once. If he called the house they would not allow him to get through to me. I felt so torn. I loved him, he was showing me ( at least I thought) that he really did love me too and wanted me to come back home. Well by this point I was caught between him and my friends. Of course I ended up choosing him. Went back to all the same stuff not long after, he was back to being himself. I could not dare call my friends, how could I after I went back to him?
I called for some housing assistance and DID get myself my own place and some friends came with a truck and we loaded everything I had there up and moved it to my new place. He of course said F U, stay gone blah blah blah. I moved all myself with the help of a few friends and while I was pregnant. He showed up one day and all he did was yell at me and tell me how I would never be anything to anyone. He then had met some girl and was engaged to her within 2 weeks of dating. My head was spinning, my heart aching more than ever. Here I was pregnant with his child, he asked me to marry him also at about the 7mo mark we were together. I at least was smart enough to say no at that point and said not yet its too fast. Welll, this girl he was with....they were together a few months. He would still call me, or come by when he was drunk and cry and tell me how sorry he was and that he wanted me back. Also to please give him some time to let this girl down. I thought what??????? Let her down? I am carrying your child, you put me thorugh hell and back and now your crying and want me but yet want to let her down easy? I was just in shock! Well this went on and on for months he was with many women, and always still would make a point to pop into my work or call or show up at my door. Said that I was to never be with anyone else, I was his and only his. I at the time thought this meant he really did love me and was having some issues with himself. No the man was sick, controlling and to this day is still the same. Has had 3 marriages since us, all of which he only has dated the girl a few months. Our son is now almost 8 and with his recent marriage his new wife is as sick as he is. This man had nothing to do with our son all these ytears unless of course he wasnt busy getting laid by the 4 dozen women he has been with just since I have known him. I went into counseling and all of that too. it helped majorly but to this day things strike me that I think back to those days of him and lots of things I still struggle with to this day bc of him.
Anyhow, all of a sudden I receive papers he wants custody of our son. All these years it has been my son and I and rarely him having anything to do with our son. His new wife and my ex both have my son calling her mom, and when my ex calls he refers to her as mom as well. he will leave a message for our son saying things like:
"hey bud its dad, give mom and I a call when you get home". The new wife is loaded with money. They buy expensive things for our son, do not answer the ohone when I call and delete any messages I leave for my son.
In the court papers my ex is seeking:
Full custody/primary placement
8000.00 of c.s arrearage debt he wants cancelled
current support cancelled
our sons last name changed from mine to his last name
Me to pay HIM child support should he get custody of our son
All of this is just making me sick. They call on my weeks with our son and mention to him things going on say a carnival or something and do not speak to me, they tell our son and have our son ask me if he can go.
We had a set visitation put in place when he filed for custody. So it is alternate weeks right now.
The wife hates me, and I never even did anything to her. She does not want me calling when it is their family time with our son, she tried to claim our son on her taxes this year which I turned her in and blew that out of the water. She nor he wanted me to get his income taxes as he is on intercept for the child support he owes.
The man has 2 harley davidsons, a boat, a brand new truck now, snowmobiles, etc. He does pay now current support but nothing on his back support. He is ordered 25.00/mo on those, BIG WHOOP!
Anyhow....she calls our son hers....its all just sick, sick sick sick. They are trying to elminate me from my sons life. Is what it is. I know it, they know it but how do I prove it.
Anyhow...like I said I so understand how you feel b.c right now I feel this way too. They have all the money and here I am a single mom and on disability and live in low income housing.
Although my kids have everything, ps2s, game stations, name brand clothing, etc...I still cannot compete with things they do and I wouldnt if I could. I do not believe in buying someone. They recently bought our son a go cart too. I feel as if my son is being ripped form me and nothing I can do about it. I never have said no to him going to see his father, I have allowed him to have him extra if he wanted, all this started right before I got the papers. He was planning all this from the start I beleive. Spending more time with our son out of the blue, then bam I am served with custody papers.
I never say negative to our son, although sometimes he has overheard things but his father constantly calls me a CU** in front of our son, so does the wife. She never has anything good to say about me either. She has emailed me numerous of times, and tells me how my ex gags at the though of ever being with me, and she said well I told him sometimes we dont see so well in the dark. She has said how embarrased my son will be of his mother with no man in her life, no job etc. None of this is her business anyhow. I eventually called the cops and filed a complaint, then she did also 5 minutes later, YES 5 mins later. My answering machine has myself and my boys on it, whos else has this? yes she does. beofre was just her voice.
It is all very strange and scary. I am saddened that I just let him go with his dad so freely as I did but I did it for my son at the time, not for any other reason. Now look what I did. Is how I feel. I fell right into my ex's and his sick wifes plan and fed them our son anytime they wanted him. Now here I sit in a spot I NEVER in a million years thought I would be. Him fighting me for custody. My addiction nobody knows about but, it scares me just the same.
I never did any of this either while we were together. It was after...but I had back surgery in 03 which is what started my vicodin roller coaster.
Sorry this is so long, but I did want you to know I feel your pain and it is all close to home. I do know though that your son knows you did the things you did to keep him happy. I would not beat myself up over that hun. But I know how we are as mothers, it just is easier said than done. I am here if you ever want to just talk it out. I also ask that anyone who has read this please prays for hope and I both and our children. The thought of my ex getting our son full time is scary. The man hates women. He hated his own mother. He is a woman abuser, a theif, very very mean man. He steals from his own family has even stole from his father whom recently passed a week ago.
My worst fear is right in front of me now, and my next is that if my ex gained custody our son will be the next HIM. I fear this so. My son and I have always been close, as I said it was always just him and I up until the past 8 months. Now I feel as if he is being ripped from me and he calls HER mommy, and stuff. What does a mother say? I say nothing as to not confuse him or tell him he cannot call her mom, he doesnt understand.
How sick can a pair of people be?
Hope:
My thoughts and prayers are with you, please say a few for my son and I as well and again anytime you just need to talk just holler hun.
Love
tracy
We had a set visitation put in place when he filed for custody. So it is alternate weeks right now.
The wife hates me, and I never even did anything to her. She does not want me calling when it is their family time with our son, she tried to claim our son on her taxes this year which I turned her in and blew that out of the water. She nor he wanted me to get his income taxes as he is on intercept for the child support he owes.
The man has 2 harley davidsons, a boat, a brand new truck now, snowmobiles, etc. He does pay now current support but nothing on his back support. He is ordered 25.00/mo on those, BIG WHOOP!
Anyhow....she calls our son hers....its all just sick, sick sick sick. They are trying to elminate me from my sons life. Is what it is. I know it, they know it but how do I prove it.
Anyhow...like I said I so understand how you feel b.c right now I feel this way too. They have all the money and here I am a single mom and on disability and live in low income housing.
Although my kids have everything, ps2s, game stations, name brand clothing, etc...I still cannot compete with things they do and I wouldnt if I could. I do not believe in buying someone. They recently bought our son a go cart too. I feel as if my son is being ripped form me and nothing I can do about it. I never have said no to him going to see his father, I have allowed him to have him extra if he wanted, all this started right before I got the papers. He was planning all this from the start I beleive. Spending more time with our son out of the blue, then bam I am served with custody papers.
I never say negative to our son, although sometimes he has overheard things but his father constantly calls me a CU** in front of our son, so does the wife. She never has anything good to say about me either. She has emailed me numerous of times, and tells me how my ex gags at the though of ever being with me, and she said well I told him sometimes we dont see so well in the dark. She has said how embarrased my son will be of his mother with no man in her life, no job etc. None of this is her business anyhow. I eventually called the cops and filed a complaint, then she did also 5 minutes later, YES 5 mins later. My answering machine has myself and my boys on it, whos else has this? yes she does. beofre was just her voice.
It is all very strange and scary. I am saddened that I just let him go with his dad so freely as I did but I did it for my son at the time, not for any other reason. Now look what I did. Is how I feel. I fell right into my ex's and his sick wifes plan and fed them our son anytime they wanted him. Now here I sit in a spot I NEVER in a million years thought I would be. Him fighting me for custody. My addiction nobody knows about but, it scares me just the same.
I never did any of this either while we were together. It was after...but I had back surgery in 03 which is what started my vicodin roller coaster.
Sorry this is so long, but I did want you to know I feel your pain and it is all close to home. I do know though that your son knows you did the things you did to keep him happy. I would not beat myself up over that hun. But I know how we are as mothers, it just is easier said than done. I am here if you ever want to just talk it out. I also ask that anyone who has read this please prays for hope and I both and our children. The thought of my ex getting our son full time is scary. The man hates women. He hated his own mother. He is a woman abuser, a theif, very very mean man. He steals from his own family has even stole from his father whom recently passed a week ago.
My worst fear is right in front of me now, and my next is that if my ex gained custody our son will be the next HIM. I fear this so. My son and I have always been close, as I said it was always just him and I up until the past 8 months. Now I feel as if he is being ripped from me and he calls HER mommy, and stuff. What does a mother say? I say nothing as to not confuse him or tell him he cannot call her mom, he doesnt understand.
How sick can a pair of people be?
Hope:
My thoughts and prayers are with you, please say a few for my son and I as well and again anytime you just need to talk just holler hun.
Love
tracy
Sweetie, I just had a similar conversation with my stepdaughter this morning. When we meet the man of our dreams and especially when we have child with him, we want nothing less than the best for them. The best is both parents who are loving of each other and nurturing yet firm with the children. Love and guidance with the kids but also they need to see their parents respect one another and treat each other fairly. We all want the fairytale ending and we want mommy, daddy, and babies to all live together and be happy. When it doesn't happen, no matter whos to blame, we feel like we have somehow failed our kids.
I have two sons from 2 different dads. The oldest son's dad never took me to court when we split up and he and I have always maintained a great relationship. He never stopped coming over and asking our boy to go with him places. At first our son didn't want to go,he wanted mama so he stayed with me most of the time. Then when he was 8 he chose to live with his dad. By then I was in a new relationship and had a 3 yr boy with my new man, and things weren't looking good. When I left this relationship the man did take me to court and got 50% custody and to tell the truth, it broke my heart at the time but I knew his dad made good money and could provide much better than I as I was still working my way through college, waitressing on weekends, etc.
So I moved out, my daughter stayed with me, my older boy went to live with his dad, and my youngest was literally snatched out of my arms every Sunday night until Thursday evening. My boys aren't very close because they really haven't grown up together (and they are polar opposites personality wise) and this, when I think of it, break my heart. I sometimes smell my neighbors cooking dinner and feel sad because my babies aren't here.
But then I look on the other side. So many kids have it so much worse. I teach kids who have neither parent and who live in a group home. They never really want to take their good assignments home because there isn't really anyone to show it too.
I guess what Im saying is that your boy has two parents who love him and guess what? Soon it won't be up to your ex. In fact, you could probably go to court now and get custody if you wanted to. Perhaps you could try writing your ex a letter explaining this since it seems he doesn't communicate very well and resorts to yelling.
And sweetie I am so sorry that he ever laid a hand on you. It is awful, I went through the same thing and was stalked foa almost 2 years by my first hubby.
Just know that you son knows you love him and that you are there for him I know it will never be the same as having him with you all the time but just savor and enjoy the time you do have. And talk to us, we are here for you and we all love and care about you sooooo much.
hugs
tzt
I have two sons from 2 different dads. The oldest son's dad never took me to court when we split up and he and I have always maintained a great relationship. He never stopped coming over and asking our boy to go with him places. At first our son didn't want to go,he wanted mama so he stayed with me most of the time. Then when he was 8 he chose to live with his dad. By then I was in a new relationship and had a 3 yr boy with my new man, and things weren't looking good. When I left this relationship the man did take me to court and got 50% custody and to tell the truth, it broke my heart at the time but I knew his dad made good money and could provide much better than I as I was still working my way through college, waitressing on weekends, etc.
So I moved out, my daughter stayed with me, my older boy went to live with his dad, and my youngest was literally snatched out of my arms every Sunday night until Thursday evening. My boys aren't very close because they really haven't grown up together (and they are polar opposites personality wise) and this, when I think of it, break my heart. I sometimes smell my neighbors cooking dinner and feel sad because my babies aren't here.
But then I look on the other side. So many kids have it so much worse. I teach kids who have neither parent and who live in a group home. They never really want to take their good assignments home because there isn't really anyone to show it too.
I guess what Im saying is that your boy has two parents who love him and guess what? Soon it won't be up to your ex. In fact, you could probably go to court now and get custody if you wanted to. Perhaps you could try writing your ex a letter explaining this since it seems he doesn't communicate very well and resorts to yelling.
And sweetie I am so sorry that he ever laid a hand on you. It is awful, I went through the same thing and was stalked foa almost 2 years by my first hubby.
Just know that you son knows you love him and that you are there for him I know it will never be the same as having him with you all the time but just savor and enjoy the time you do have. And talk to us, we are here for you and we all love and care about you sooooo much.
hugs
tzt
Thank you for reading my story, i know it was long, so anyone that actually sat there and read word for word, i commend!!!!
I am trying to get strong again, i will NOT let my ex ruin me any longer...Have done this for way to many years now...It is time for me to move on and not dwell on this any longer...I just love my son, and found it so hard to let go of everything he has been through in his life. He is fine though...He is such a happy kid, and i thank God everyday for that. He could have ended up so disturbed, and depressed, but ;he didn't. He is very smart, and loves his football (that is his life right now) he wants to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers when he gets out of school. I really believe he can do it, He gets straight A's in school and has already been offered several scholarships for different colleges, it is amazing and he is only in 9th grade. He is a GREAT football player, He works out everyday, and also like i mentioned before he got the Presidential National Fitness Award from his school. No one has ever gotten that here before. He is very athlete, and works hard at it...
Okay, here i am babbling on about my son again, sorry!!!!
Thank you again, for reading and responding to me....
PS - by the way, I know God loves me, and i am NOT ashamed to say it....He is who gives me the power everyday to deal with what i do and to be able to make it from one day to the next...
Again, thanks for listening to me...
Love, Hope
I am trying to get strong again, i will NOT let my ex ruin me any longer...Have done this for way to many years now...It is time for me to move on and not dwell on this any longer...I just love my son, and found it so hard to let go of everything he has been through in his life. He is fine though...He is such a happy kid, and i thank God everyday for that. He could have ended up so disturbed, and depressed, but ;he didn't. He is very smart, and loves his football (that is his life right now) he wants to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers when he gets out of school. I really believe he can do it, He gets straight A's in school and has already been offered several scholarships for different colleges, it is amazing and he is only in 9th grade. He is a GREAT football player, He works out everyday, and also like i mentioned before he got the Presidential National Fitness Award from his school. No one has ever gotten that here before. He is very athlete, and works hard at it...
Okay, here i am babbling on about my son again, sorry!!!!
Thank you again, for reading and responding to me....
PS - by the way, I know God loves me, and i am NOT ashamed to say it....He is who gives me the power everyday to deal with what i do and to be able to make it from one day to the next...
Again, thanks for listening to me...
Love, Hope
I read your story...obviously you are a strong person who feels very deep. You will be ok I promise...you are loved and your time will come. I won't say God loves you because I don't know how folks on this site feel but He does.
Fresh who me?? Never sir! I am a lady thank you very much! :)
8:20 am, mtn ( I dont want em to yell at me so I am trying to remember this - argh!)
8:20 am, mtn ( I dont want em to yell at me so I am trying to remember this - argh!)
well at least you admit there is a problem! :)
Oh and i have to put a time on this important post of mine! 8:06 am, mtn.
Oh and i have to put a time on this important post of mine! 8:06 am, mtn.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can't begin to know the pain you have gone through. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man and you are responsible for that. Your ex is a worthless piece of **** and thank God you left him. I will never respect a man that hits a woman. You have worked so hard on improving your life. I think this has made you stronger than you will ever know. Your son has a mother he loves and respects. He will eventually turn on his father, it always turns out that way. Your ex has had a profound effect on your self-esteem and you can not let the past control your future. Take back your power right now!!! You have anew life now, a loving son and husband. Don't let the ex get the best of you. Have you had a heart to heart with your son? I would not say anything to your son against your husband, but I would let him know how much you miss him. Can he spend the summers with you? I wish you were here, I would give you a big hug. You are one of the finest ladies I have met on the forum. I look forward to seeing your posts and we have had some good times. I pray that you move forward and take care of the legal issues. I am sure you have an attorney or know of one.
Hope=kind, loving, intelligent, insighful, loyal and the best mom/wife ever. Of course, the best flushin sis I know!!!
(((((((((((((((((hope)))))))))))))))))))))))
Love to ya,
Tim
Hope=kind, loving, intelligent, insighful, loyal and the best mom/wife ever. Of course, the best flushin sis I know!!!
(((((((((((((((((hope)))))))))))))))))))))))
Love to ya,
Tim
I think she is going to be just fine - she just needs time to process this **** like the rest of us.
You are strong hope and don't you forget it!
luv u,
me
You are strong hope and don't you forget it!
luv u,
me
Please do not ever feel weak. You must be a strong woman to have survived the abuse from your first husband. You should be very proud. Your story touched my heart, thank you for sharing.
you are so strong to be able to get out of the abusive relationship and deal w/ your ex. don't think so poorly of yourself. i feel i missed time w/ my daughter too, because since i've been abusing pills, she had to live w/ my ex. i know how you are feeling...my story is VERY similar to yours. just know that you can get past all these things...your son will love you no matter what and you're not a bad person.
start smiling k? :D
start smiling k? :D
ah honey.. i love ya, girl..
(and trust me.. there will be times you will need to knock it into my head, too!)
xoxoxoox
luv ya...
:-)
me
(and trust me.. there will be times you will need to knock it into my head, too!)
xoxoxoox
luv ya...
:-)
me
og my gosh! We have so much in common. I'm so sorry of what you thru. I too was in an abusive relationship. My first husband busted my jaws,cheated on with my so called friend. I really went thru alot of the same s--- you have been thru. Hopeless please don't hate yourself. In fact stop saying that tonight. Please for me. You say it so much you believe it.You have to de-program that out of your mind and start saying you love yourself untill you believe it! You have to. You such a beautiful young woman inside and out. You can do this , I did it. And tho I sometimes I think i'm worthless and a loser, cuz I live in a 3 bdrm appartment and I should have a beautiful home, been there and done it all and lost it in my divorce. Greg my husband doesn't make a whole lot of money, but he is a good man Knows everything about me and loves me unconditionally. He's a bill collector for the county, and plays the blues by night. So I guess I can live in a little s--- shack as long as i'm loved and happy. Honey we can re-program you. Start by telling yourself you are okay.PLEASE? You will be much happier. I can go on forever but i'm gonna stop or the moment. Babygirl I just want you to be well and happy!
Great post and hope great response...good work ladies ( I got that from the movie 28 days! lol)
love you guys,
me
love you guys,
me
You are so right! I am going to move on from this day forward. I will not let him win by ruining me. See he would love to know that i am miserable right now. I refuse to let him win. I am better than that, and always have been. Maybe just maybe, i had to go through all that to learn how to handle my everyday life better. It was he**, but if anything it should have made me stronger. so instead of sitting here day after day letting him win, i am going to move on...I am going to be the person the God intends for me to be, and that is a strong, willfull, and hopefull girl. I need to stay focused and move on, i am going to do this. It may take time, but anything can be achieved, right? We have so many wonderful people here who have proved that.
Mj, thank you for knocking that into my head....Needed someone to do it for me.
love you
Hope
Mj, thank you for knocking that into my head....Needed someone to do it for me.
love you
Hope
i don't know what to say.. except i am sorry. it is alot...
an interesting thing occurred to me tho, as i read it. this is exactly why you want to be sober now.. that was then, this is now. you want to look forward - "live" forward, and not in the past.
i am in NO WAY lessening what you have gone through... no one can ever imagine the pain felt in someone else's shoes, especially when it comes to a child... but i want you to take your power back. not feel "your ex-husband made you" into anything.. because now, you don't have to be.. don't give that to him. you are too good...
so.. once the drama of the day settles, please look forward love - not backward. it will only keep you in chains...
love you sweet pea..
xox
mj
an interesting thing occurred to me tho, as i read it. this is exactly why you want to be sober now.. that was then, this is now. you want to look forward - "live" forward, and not in the past.
i am in NO WAY lessening what you have gone through... no one can ever imagine the pain felt in someone else's shoes, especially when it comes to a child... but i want you to take your power back. not feel "your ex-husband made you" into anything.. because now, you don't have to be.. don't give that to him. you are too good...
so.. once the drama of the day settles, please look forward love - not backward. it will only keep you in chains...
love you sweet pea..
xox
mj
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read it. I know it is a tad long.
I really do hate myself, i hate for what i let him do to me, and for how many years i let him. I just can't seem to get over it all. It haunts me every day of my life.
One of these days though, i will be strong enough - i will get my life the way it was intended to be. I know this is not what God has in store for me. I just need to figure it out. I ask myself all the time,
"Why was i put here on earth"? Cause i just don't know! What good am i to others? I seem to be nothing but a burden to everyone close to me. So i just ask myself time and time again, "why was i put here" "what is my purpose on earth"...I can't wait to find out, i am 35 years old, and feel like i have never accomplished anything in my life. Maybe someday i will...
Love you
Hope
I really do hate myself, i hate for what i let him do to me, and for how many years i let him. I just can't seem to get over it all. It haunts me every day of my life.
One of these days though, i will be strong enough - i will get my life the way it was intended to be. I know this is not what God has in store for me. I just need to figure it out. I ask myself all the time,
"Why was i put here on earth"? Cause i just don't know! What good am i to others? I seem to be nothing but a burden to everyone close to me. So i just ask myself time and time again, "why was i put here" "what is my purpose on earth"...I can't wait to find out, i am 35 years old, and feel like i have never accomplished anything in my life. Maybe someday i will...
Love you
Hope
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Social Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
