My story updated

[TimH2]

I just wanted to let my friends and friends to be how this began.

I always had a fondness for painkillers. I used to get them legit when I had a tooth prob or any other everyday probs that might arise. I was watching "Intervention" one night and I wish that the power was out. I learned for the first time that you could buy meds on the net with only filling out a questionaire. I decided "Hey, I will try that and if needed I will take a few." What a mistake that was!!!
I was in an accident a few months later and was given painkillers. I had a legit reason, but I also made out to the doc that it was worse than it was. I have tried to quit more than once and failed. I actually made it to 24 days. I felt so much better, but I still craved the pills. I am now on my 4th try and hope to make it. I had a docs appt this morning and he asked me if I've had any pain. It was so natural to say yes. I also wanted a rx for Chantrix? for quitting smoking. It was found that it actually helps with w/d's. He also gave me a rx for flexeril because my back muscles were so tight. I filled all the rx's. I will never lie to any one on this board. This is going to sound crazy...........I took the norcs and went out to my back yard ( 2 1/2 acres) and buried them. I put them in a zip lock and an old tool box. I have to admit that I was not strong enough not have it filled. I realize this and know that this is a vulnerable point in my recover. I am going to try the Chantrix and keep on fighting. It would be so hard to go out in the woods to dip them up. I marked the tree with a tiny point of day glow. I know this probably sound crazy to you all. I am determined to beat this and know that I am weak. It is the toughest road for me right now. I am happy that they are not in reach. I would be too tired to go retrieve them anyway. Please all in recovery, keep on fighting.

Love to all,
Tim

[TimH2]

Thanks for the support and I appreciate you suggestion. I am going to get rid of them today.

Peace to you,
Tim

[addictedme]

PS,,sounds like you DO have determination,,I"m glad that YOU understood my post to be positive. Stay strong

[addictedme]

That wasnt a very nice comment. My post was to give tim another opinion to think about and I happened to agree with Holly. Telling people not to pay attention to someone cause YOU dont like what they said is wrong but you have a nice day

[TimH2]

I think Holly is right and I will be digging and flushing in the morn. It is too dangerous for them to be near me. My addiction was controlling me when I filled them. I like what you said about flushing is determination and burying is reservation. I appreciate all suggestions. I hope you are having a good night.

Thanks so much!
Tim

[grievingwidow]

I was not referring to you at all when I told Tim to not let anyone tell him what to do, I was referring to all of us.  It just seemed to me that he was confident regarding his decision to bury them,  and I just did not want any of us to be a reason for him to start doubting himself.  I promise I was not making any type of snide remark to you in any way.  Please do not pay attention to "addictedme".

Love, Cindy

[addictedme]

Your right, flushing them would be determination,burying them is a reservation." just in case"? Also understand,,,in here it seems that if someone doesnt like your suggestion then its "dont let anyone tell you what to do"

[TimH2]

Cindy,

Thanks for your support and I think Holly might be right. I am not going out there now and it would be such a pain to dig them up. I thought about taking some when the rx was in my hand and honestly didn't touch one. I knew they had to be out of my reach and really hard to access. It is at the back of my property line and it is conservation land. He gets mushy out there and the bugs are awful, lol.

It is the East coast and really beautiful. I go back and forth between homes during the summer. It is so much quieter at my residence. You should plan a trip to Cape Cod. I can give you some nice areas where you will have an ocean view.

Thanks so much for your support,

Hug to ya,
Tim

[hollyhobby]

It was merely a suggestion.

Peace,
Holly

[grievingwidow]

I don't think it was such a bad idea to bury them, if it makes you feel better to know that you have them just in case.  My dad used to carry a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket after he quit smoking but he never touched them, it made it easier for him to just know that they were there.  Anyway, whatever works for you Tim, don't let anyone here tell you what is best for you.  I personally could have not even had the willpower at this point to bury them like you did.

That is so neat how your family has a summer place on the Cape.  That is my dream.  That is the East coast, right?  I live in Texas and have always been more inclined to daydream about living on the east coast as opposed to the west.  I think I would even make a good New Yorker sometimes!

Talk to you later.

Love, Cindy

[TimH2]

You are right and I will dispense of them in the morning. I am just too wiped out right now. I really thank you for the support. I do not want this to ruin my sobriety and I seriously want to be clean.

Warm wishes,
Tim

[hollyhobby]

I want you to be successful so I am just concerned.  You admitted that filling the rx. wasn't a good idea and burying them is not truly getting rid of them, is it?  They say that a good judge of future behavior is past behavior.  Do you really want that temptation?  If I were you, I would get off this computer, right now, go dig them up and dispose of them.  Don't let this, not so good idea, ruin your recovery Tim.  You have nine days behind you.  Show yourself how serious you are about staying clean.

Good luck.

Peace,
Holly

[TimH2]

I did have pills when I relapsed. I have made my mind up that they are gone. My back yard is all woods and to get to where I buried them, it really is hard. It was not a good move on my part to fill th rx. I just did and then decided to get rid of them and plan never dig them up. My wife stays at our summer home and I am home alone in our residence. This really was the only option, I could not just flush them. I had a really weak moment and know it was a set back, I have not used in 9 days. I am praying that the Chantix will help too!!!

Thanks so much for your response.

Tim

[tzt2lady]

Your post doesn't sound crazy at all.  As a matter of fact, that day that Shelby was having bad cravings, I actually thought of telling her to bury her hubby's pills but then thought that might not be possible for her cuz her hubby might find out.

We do what we gotta do hun.  I am so glad you didn't take them and I admire your honesty.  

love and hugs
tzt

PS  You are an awesome writer and a poet (who may not know it lol!!))

[TimH2]

Thanks my friend. It was the only way to get them out of here. It feels great to know you thought of that too. LOL  Great minds....................think alike.

Thanks for the compliment! I thought your poem was great and you are most definitely a good writer. I should go to your class :)  You would be such a nice teach, kind and understanding. You have a real soft touch.

Thanks for the support and understanding. I couldn't say no to it.

Hugs to you,

Tim

[hollyhobby]

This is a serious and legit question.  When you have relapsed in the past, did you have pills on hand then too?  I just find that hard to understand how you could have them within such close proximity.  As an addict, I would move a mountain to get to them if the need arose.  Are you sure this was a good move on your part?  Seems to me that you are playing with fire so maybe you ought to rethink that decision and just get rid of them.  Put the temptation away.

Peace,
Holly

[road2recovery]

i use to smoke less than a pack a day...Then after my surgery and everything that happened, i quit for about 10 days after the 13 i spent in the hospital, and picked it back up and worst..i think it had alot to do with me being depressed....
i don't know but i am going to start taking it tommorrow, and since it helps with w/d's and cravings maybe i can kill 2 birds with one stone....
i read alot about it and it also does something to the receptors in the brain for cravings of nicotine...
if you feel like you need to go digging PLEASE post..
WE will talk you out of it..
R2R

[TimH2]

No digging until posting!!! I am confident in my strength, although my writing has been awful. lol

[TimH2]

I had no choice. If my wife new that I filled a norco rx, I don't even want to think about it. It would be a pain to go out and get it. Forget about when it turns dark, there is no way I am digging it up. I know that I should not have fille it at all. I am an addict and this is a fight. Your story inspired me and I read it when I got home from the pharm. It is out of my reach and that is a good thing. I don't think that I will ever dig it up.

[road2recovery]

so glad you buried them...YOU can do this...Let me know about the chantix, i also filled mine yesterday, and my pharmacist said it helps with all addictions...SO we shall see..i have got to quit smoking..Since i havn't been working much i smoke more , this crazy..When i didn;'t take pills i barely smoked..Why do these pills make you want to smoke so much...
Damn i hope this medicine works cause i really want to quit and so does my family..
Good luck
R2R

[TimH2]

I don't know why they make you smoke. Maybe they have a deal with the cig companys LOL. I am going to read up on it before I make the plunge. We shall see how it works. Maybe we can quit together? It will sure make it easier to have a buddy. I smoke 3-4 a day, when I am stressed it is more.

Hug to ya,
Tim
'

[emilyanne]

I admire your honesty!! I've never heard of Chantrix...what is it? I am so proud of you for burying your script...it doesn't sound crazy that you burried it...I used to hide my bottle in my husbands work truck without him even knowing, so that when he left for work, they'd go with him, and I wouldn't have access to them all day!
If you EVER feel the need to go dig them up, which you will because you're human, COME HERE FIRST!!! I am so so proud of you for being honest...we never would have know had you not told us, but now that you have, we can check up on you!! You CAN do this, Bud!! If I could do it, then you certainly can!! Keep fighting, because you are over the worst part!! It's the mental cravings that will do you in if you let them, as you know, but you have too much to live for to go through this again! Luv ya, bro #2!! So proud of you!