Aa
Nauty/tzt Hey you guys!!!
God I love you all. You are just the greatest people. Here I haven't been on for a couple of days and you are still thinking of me. THANK YOU!!!!! Wow! I had a very hard day yesterday. My girlfriend arrived on Fri. to see her parents and then she was headed to Tassahara (a little kind of resort and hotbaths) for a vacation. She is a nurse midwife and my best friend. Her parents are pretty old (dad 80, mom late 70's). Her dad has been dealing with a sich heart and back but doing somewhat ok. Her mom has been bedridden for approx. 3 years now following a massive heart attack. I grew up with her mom being, practically my second mom. We went through junior high and high school together. I practically lived at her house. If we weren't at my house, we were at her's. Her mom was just the classic homemaker. Always either in the kitchen or in her garden which was just BEAUTIFUL!! Anyway, Helen (my friend) got here and her mom was just doing terrible. She called me crying on Fri. I got the message on Sat. but was headed to Santa Cruz for my son's birthday party (paintball! hilarious!! lol). Checked in with her on our way home. Her mom was terrible. I told her I would come over first thing Sunday morning, which I did. She died at around noon.
That's my story why I haven't been on here until now. I know how spiritual you all are....if you could all say a prayer for the family I would so appreciate it. They're doing really, pretty good. Three years ago she wasn't supposed to last a couple of weeks (she was a stubborn old broad.......no one was gonna tell her when SHE was gonna die!! lol), but she hung on for 3 years!! So......needless to say, they were expecting this. You just can never REALLY prepare yourself. I know that you know this tzt because of your mom.
Anyway....I saw that you both were looking for me! Me?!! Little ole me?!! You guys are the greatest. I DID talk to my doctor on Thurs. Nauty. Guess what? He says....."oh sure, we can switch you to a long-acting med with the Norco for breakthrough pain, but we can't do it until NEXT Wed."!!!!! NEXT WED.!!!! I was too embarrassed to say...."UM.....I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH NORCO TO LAST ME UNTIL NEXT WED.!!!" So, you know what I did? I didn't want to but I got my Oxycodone refill. I so didn't want to refill it, but I knew that I didn't have enough Norco to last me until Wed. So I figured that I would have that, at least until we figure out what to take on Wed.
That's my story AND I thank you both so much for caring what my story is!! How sweet you are for caring. Listen, I know you all are trying so hard to go the opposite way, but I can't make it without relief from my pain. Do either of you have any suggestions as to what medicine I should try. Keep in mind that I've tried just about EVERYTHING!!! LOL I've been on Norco, Oxycodone, Fentanyl patch (don't want that! Those patches are a pain in the butt! Who wants to have those on for ever? Not me). The sustained-release meds that I've tried are Oxycontin, Kadian (but I only took one and turned the bottle back in to the doctor's office cuz I didn't like it....but I can't remember why I didn't like it), Methadone (which I had to pry my eye lids open because I was SO, SO, SO tired on that stuff!!) Oxy makes me sleepy too and I hate!!! to be sleepy!!
Any suggestions? I hope that is not inappropriate to ask you all. I apologize if it is. It's just that I do have pain and I need to stay on meds for now anyway. Maybe surgery someday........who knows. Let me know if you have any ideas.
Again..............I so appreciate you all thinking of me!! xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxox
Swany
That's my story why I haven't been on here until now. I know how spiritual you all are....if you could all say a prayer for the family I would so appreciate it. They're doing really, pretty good. Three years ago she wasn't supposed to last a couple of weeks (she was a stubborn old broad.......no one was gonna tell her when SHE was gonna die!! lol), but she hung on for 3 years!! So......needless to say, they were expecting this. You just can never REALLY prepare yourself. I know that you know this tzt because of your mom.
Anyway....I saw that you both were looking for me! Me?!! Little ole me?!! You guys are the greatest. I DID talk to my doctor on Thurs. Nauty. Guess what? He says....."oh sure, we can switch you to a long-acting med with the Norco for breakthrough pain, but we can't do it until NEXT Wed."!!!!! NEXT WED.!!!! I was too embarrassed to say...."UM.....I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH NORCO TO LAST ME UNTIL NEXT WED.!!!" So, you know what I did? I didn't want to but I got my Oxycodone refill. I so didn't want to refill it, but I knew that I didn't have enough Norco to last me until Wed. So I figured that I would have that, at least until we figure out what to take on Wed.
That's my story AND I thank you both so much for caring what my story is!! How sweet you are for caring. Listen, I know you all are trying so hard to go the opposite way, but I can't make it without relief from my pain. Do either of you have any suggestions as to what medicine I should try. Keep in mind that I've tried just about EVERYTHING!!! LOL I've been on Norco, Oxycodone, Fentanyl patch (don't want that! Those patches are a pain in the butt! Who wants to have those on for ever? Not me). The sustained-release meds that I've tried are Oxycontin, Kadian (but I only took one and turned the bottle back in to the doctor's office cuz I didn't like it....but I can't remember why I didn't like it), Methadone (which I had to pry my eye lids open because I was SO, SO, SO tired on that stuff!!) Oxy makes me sleepy too and I hate!!! to be sleepy!!
Any suggestions? I hope that is not inappropriate to ask you all. I apologize if it is. It's just that I do have pain and I need to stay on meds for now anyway. Maybe surgery someday........who knows. Let me know if you have any ideas.
Again..............I so appreciate you all thinking of me!! xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxox
Swany
You are the sweetest girl!! Little do you know that I read all of YOUR posts, from way, way back. You are one of the people who made ME feel comfortable enough to make that first post. Thank you for the prayers! It means alot to me. Thank you for calling me positive. I used to get made fun of at work because it was a joke that I was always bubbly and happy. Recently I've felt that I was the opposite. So, for you to say that makes me feel like I'm getting back to being myself. Thank you for saying that! You are a sweetheart. How are YOU doing with everything? Because of Eloise and my son's birthday, I wasn't on here for a couple of days. Are you doing ok?
xoxo
Swany
xoxo
Swany
Hey Guys!!! I'm kind of getting worried about how much I love all of you!!! LOL I feel like you are all truly my good friends. It's weird huh? I think being in this situation with these meds makes us all soul bros & sistas like instantly. Because, even though your friends and family that you have in your life TRY to understand......they just can't possibly, REALLY understand. You can only understand fully if you've experienced it.
NautyOne.....I know what you're saying about having the doc run. I'm just going to tell him that I couldn't get my pain under control (because that's the truth) and that I think that I'm ready to try one of those long-acting ones. I always hated every one that I've tried because I always feel tired and like it never gets out of your system. BUT......the alternative is taking too much of the short-acting Norco. That's just plain stupid and terrible for me. I truly feel that I'm only taking them to get rid of my pain so I don't know that I want to say that I'm addicted. Physically dependant.......yes, but addicted......no. I don't know..........hopefully my doc will have an idea.
Thanks to all of you for saying a prayer and for all your kind words. You all are so thoughtful and I just love you all for that. Just like I said........for you all to take the time to think about me, just means the world to me. I'm not sure what is gonna happen for me, but I have a feeling that I will need you guys in the future.......lol. Actually.........I KNOW I will!!
Tzt - OMG..........al the 7th graders got 8th grade classes and vs/versa? That is freakin' hilarious!!! Sorry............I don't mean to laugh because that was probably a nightmare!! BUT......man that's funny. What a mess. I don't even see how that happened. So you showed up for class and you had just a whole class of the wrong grade? How funny. Hopefully that's not a preview of things to come this school year!! LOL I am so, so, so proud of you!!! DAY 12!!! Wow........I truly can't imagine not taking any pills through an entire day. How wonderful!!! You have to be so proud of yourself. AND......to do this while teaching middle school?!!!!! That is just absolutely AMAZING!! LOL Those kids can drive you to TAKE pills.........LOL. Ya..........Santa Cruz is awesome! We were up in the mountains at this paintball place. You cannot believe how beautiful it was. Just gorgeous!! Redwoods everywhere (and then 13, 13 year olds looking lke James Bond hiding behind trees and laying in bunkers shooting each other!! LOL). They had such a blast and my husband was the biggest kid of them all! Never playing by the rules (that's no fun....lol) and the kids just couldn't figure out how he got EVERYWHERE! It was really funny. That is so cool about your mom's friend that she still comes to visit you. I bet it makes you feel close to your mom even though she is no longer here physically. That is so funny that you mentioned 1949. We found Eloise's (the one who passed) wedding album from her first marriage in 1949. It was just so COOL! I said that it looked fake. It almost looked staged. The clothes from the 40's? JUST AWESOME!! Just like you said.......the suits, the hats, the gloves.......it was so cool. I'm so glad for you that you feel so wonderful to start out this new schoold year. This year and your students that you have this year will always be special for you. I bet you will always remember this year because it's the year you took control of your life and choose to get healthy and happy. Again..........those students don't know how lucky they are to have you as their teacher.....they really don't. I hope you have a great day today. Write back and tell us all how it went.
Princ - You are too kind. ME? Inspiring YOU? LOL Wow............that really is special to me. Tzt was my savior and I will always be so grateful to her for that. Even though I am not off of these stupid (although they make my pain bearable) pills, I am (I think) back in control. When she answered my post it meant the whole world to me! So......I know what you are saying. I am so grateful that you got up the courage to share. I don't think we could have found a better forum on the web than the wonderfully kind and giving people that we have found here. I said earlier.....these people will be in the midst of w/d's and they will post to someone else to try and reach out and help them. HOW CAN THEY DO THIS?!!!! LOL I have felt w/d........it's the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I'm not sure I would have the strength to write to someone in that state! Yet everyone on here does! I so hope you can muster (sp?..lol) up the courage you need to do whatever it is that you need to do. Only YOU know for sure what that is. I am an open book......lol (as you can see), my husband is the most private person I know, so I know how hard it is for you to share. I hope from reading all these posts that you realize you are among friends and that NO ONE will judge you. I MEAN NO ONE!!! I have found that. I haven't been here for very long, but long enough to know that if you do decide to open up, you won't believe the relief that you will feel. Please think about sharing. I feel worried for you. I can just feel you through your words. I know you can trust the people here. A SENSE OF HUMOR? How can anyone go through life without one?!!! I hear you to the MAX!!!! (I can't believe I just said "to the max"!! lol)
Ok...........will this even fit on the page? LOL Sorry you guys! I rambel WAY, WAY TOO MUCH. I always get cut off of answering machines too.......OK.......love you all......God bless you all too and talk to you later. PS. I speak to my doctor tomorrow..........wish me luck. Any suggestions as to what I should say to him. I know honesty is the best policy, but I'm kind of scared as to what will happen if I'm too honest. Although, I do feel back on track thanks to you all.......especially Tzt.
xoxo
NautyOne.....I know what you're saying about having the doc run. I'm just going to tell him that I couldn't get my pain under control (because that's the truth) and that I think that I'm ready to try one of those long-acting ones. I always hated every one that I've tried because I always feel tired and like it never gets out of your system. BUT......the alternative is taking too much of the short-acting Norco. That's just plain stupid and terrible for me. I truly feel that I'm only taking them to get rid of my pain so I don't know that I want to say that I'm addicted. Physically dependant.......yes, but addicted......no. I don't know..........hopefully my doc will have an idea.
Thanks to all of you for saying a prayer and for all your kind words. You all are so thoughtful and I just love you all for that. Just like I said........for you all to take the time to think about me, just means the world to me. I'm not sure what is gonna happen for me, but I have a feeling that I will need you guys in the future.......lol. Actually.........I KNOW I will!!
Tzt - OMG..........al the 7th graders got 8th grade classes and vs/versa? That is freakin' hilarious!!! Sorry............I don't mean to laugh because that was probably a nightmare!! BUT......man that's funny. What a mess. I don't even see how that happened. So you showed up for class and you had just a whole class of the wrong grade? How funny. Hopefully that's not a preview of things to come this school year!! LOL I am so, so, so proud of you!!! DAY 12!!! Wow........I truly can't imagine not taking any pills through an entire day. How wonderful!!! You have to be so proud of yourself. AND......to do this while teaching middle school?!!!!! That is just absolutely AMAZING!! LOL Those kids can drive you to TAKE pills.........LOL. Ya..........Santa Cruz is awesome! We were up in the mountains at this paintball place. You cannot believe how beautiful it was. Just gorgeous!! Redwoods everywhere (and then 13, 13 year olds looking lke James Bond hiding behind trees and laying in bunkers shooting each other!! LOL). They had such a blast and my husband was the biggest kid of them all! Never playing by the rules (that's no fun....lol) and the kids just couldn't figure out how he got EVERYWHERE! It was really funny. That is so cool about your mom's friend that she still comes to visit you. I bet it makes you feel close to your mom even though she is no longer here physically. That is so funny that you mentioned 1949. We found Eloise's (the one who passed) wedding album from her first marriage in 1949. It was just so COOL! I said that it looked fake. It almost looked staged. The clothes from the 40's? JUST AWESOME!! Just like you said.......the suits, the hats, the gloves.......it was so cool. I'm so glad for you that you feel so wonderful to start out this new schoold year. This year and your students that you have this year will always be special for you. I bet you will always remember this year because it's the year you took control of your life and choose to get healthy and happy. Again..........those students don't know how lucky they are to have you as their teacher.....they really don't. I hope you have a great day today. Write back and tell us all how it went.
Princ - You are too kind. ME? Inspiring YOU? LOL Wow............that really is special to me. Tzt was my savior and I will always be so grateful to her for that. Even though I am not off of these stupid (although they make my pain bearable) pills, I am (I think) back in control. When she answered my post it meant the whole world to me! So......I know what you are saying. I am so grateful that you got up the courage to share. I don't think we could have found a better forum on the web than the wonderfully kind and giving people that we have found here. I said earlier.....these people will be in the midst of w/d's and they will post to someone else to try and reach out and help them. HOW CAN THEY DO THIS?!!!! LOL I have felt w/d........it's the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I'm not sure I would have the strength to write to someone in that state! Yet everyone on here does! I so hope you can muster (sp?..lol) up the courage you need to do whatever it is that you need to do. Only YOU know for sure what that is. I am an open book......lol (as you can see), my husband is the most private person I know, so I know how hard it is for you to share. I hope from reading all these posts that you realize you are among friends and that NO ONE will judge you. I MEAN NO ONE!!! I have found that. I haven't been here for very long, but long enough to know that if you do decide to open up, you won't believe the relief that you will feel. Please think about sharing. I feel worried for you. I can just feel you through your words. I know you can trust the people here. A SENSE OF HUMOR? How can anyone go through life without one?!!! I hear you to the MAX!!!! (I can't believe I just said "to the max"!! lol)
Ok...........will this even fit on the page? LOL Sorry you guys! I rambel WAY, WAY TOO MUCH. I always get cut off of answering machines too.......OK.......love you all......God bless you all too and talk to you later. PS. I speak to my doctor tomorrow..........wish me luck. Any suggestions as to what I should say to him. I know honesty is the best policy, but I'm kind of scared as to what will happen if I'm too honest. Although, I do feel back on track thanks to you all.......especially Tzt.
xoxo
You will be in my prayers as will your friend. You have inspired me to post a little bit about myself which is a challenge for me as I am a very private person but when you share it helps everyone better understand where you are coming from. I may do this soon. I hope things get better for you and hope to get to know you and offer whatever help I can in the form of support. I do not know much about how to suggest what is best for you except to say keep your sense of humour as it really helps. God bless.....
Hey there you!! I am so sorry for the loss of your "second mom". She sounds like a wonderful person and mom!! My mom was like that too. The kitchen or the garden. I will say a special prayer for her and all of you who loved her. She sounds like she was very loved and a good person, her journey should be an easy one.
Of course we are going to ask about you!!!! YOU are our SWANY!! LOL!! Isnt it great to feel the love???
Today was my students' first day back. It went ok, crazy as usual, all the schedules got messed up in the computer, 7th graders were assigned 8th grade classes, etc. etc.
I am on day 12, I think. I feel pretty good. Its like walking a high wire, as long as I dont look down and just keep doing the next indicated step, Im fine. When I think about being without the pills I get a bit obsessive. I am so glad I am able to start the school year feeling clean and healthy. I mean, I always performed my job well but after work, I would just come home and crash. If I get home at 5 pm, thats a lot of hours to just lay around. I know when I get more of my energy back I can start planning activities again for my evenings. (-: I'm getting ME back!!!!
Im sorry I dont know what other meds there are for you back, sweetie. You listed the ones I know of. Dang, you HAVE tried everything. I have heard horror stories about those fetanyl patches and was afraid they might put you on those. Im glad you wont get those, withdrawals are awful I hear.
So Santa Cruz, huh? It sure is pretty there. I hope your lil (or not so little) one had fun.
Im glad you were able to be there for your girlfriend. Friends like that are priceless.
My mom has a friend she had since she was a teenager. This lady is in her 70's and even though my mom couldn't talk, she would visit regularly and she and I would chat, that made my mom happy. Now the woman comes to see me once in awhile. We look at old pictures of them in their 1949 skirt-suits with matching hats and shoes. They look SO frickin' COOL!! \
Anyway, Swany, Im glad you saw your doc and you are on your way to working this pain mgt issue out.
hugs
tzt
Of course we are going to ask about you!!!! YOU are our SWANY!! LOL!! Isnt it great to feel the love???
Today was my students' first day back. It went ok, crazy as usual, all the schedules got messed up in the computer, 7th graders were assigned 8th grade classes, etc. etc.
I am on day 12, I think. I feel pretty good. Its like walking a high wire, as long as I dont look down and just keep doing the next indicated step, Im fine. When I think about being without the pills I get a bit obsessive. I am so glad I am able to start the school year feeling clean and healthy. I mean, I always performed my job well but after work, I would just come home and crash. If I get home at 5 pm, thats a lot of hours to just lay around. I know when I get more of my energy back I can start planning activities again for my evenings. (-: I'm getting ME back!!!!
Im sorry I dont know what other meds there are for you back, sweetie. You listed the ones I know of. Dang, you HAVE tried everything. I have heard horror stories about those fetanyl patches and was afraid they might put you on those. Im glad you wont get those, withdrawals are awful I hear.
So Santa Cruz, huh? It sure is pretty there. I hope your lil (or not so little) one had fun.
Im glad you were able to be there for your girlfriend. Friends like that are priceless.
My mom has a friend she had since she was a teenager. This lady is in her 70's and even though my mom couldn't talk, she would visit regularly and she and I would chat, that made my mom happy. Now the woman comes to see me once in awhile. We look at old pictures of them in their 1949 skirt-suits with matching hats and shoes. They look SO frickin' COOL!! \
Anyway, Swany, Im glad you saw your doc and you are on your way to working this pain mgt issue out.
hugs
tzt
Sorry for your loss. Will say a prayer for the family. I must tell you dear that i am a bit concerned. When I read your posts and you going to your doctor and telling him you dont' want to be a slave to your meds anymore that worries me. Did you go in and talk to the doc? Was anything brought up about addiction? or possible dependence? You know.....Doctor's get very scared when that subject gets brought up and tend to bolt or is going to make a serious effort to reduce your meds. I dont know for sure. what happen at the appt.???
Nauty.............
Nauty.............
Hi Swany,
I only have a few minutes but I just wanted to say how sorry I was for the pain you and your girlfriend have been going through. I am going to pray for you guys lots tonight.
You are such a positive, wonderful person - I love that you have joined our little forum.
I wish you guys all the best.
luv,
shel
I only have a few minutes but I just wanted to say how sorry I was for the pain you and your girlfriend have been going through. I am going to pray for you guys lots tonight.
You are such a positive, wonderful person - I love that you have joined our little forum.
I wish you guys all the best.
luv,
shel
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