Aa
Newbie to the board...
I am new to this board and am glad I found it. There seems to be a general sense of well being and support here and I applaud you all for that.
My journey with pain killers began back in 2000. It started with three shoulder surgeries with in a year. I had two more over a couple years time span, but didn't experience problems with the drugs until this last year. I had three more surgeries beginning last August thru Dec, which had me on the vic's and perc's through about April. While I never experienced any horrible withdrawls I did notice a huge tolerance and they were controlling me, rather than the other way around. I sought help on my own and had my "assessment" today. I will began an intensive outpatient counseling later this week. I know I have a problem and can identify with alot of what I have read here. They did take the pain away, but also allowed me to engage in daily activities where I would have otherwise been pretty withdrawn. I had some dental work done last week where I was prescribed 12 ES vic's. I used them as prescribed and they lasted me 4 days. 4 months ago they would have been gone in a day. I had the will to ovecome the power they had over me. I know I will probably still have some cravings from time to time, but I think the hardest thing I will have to do is the counseling. I don't open up easily and I don't know what will be expected of me. I want to regain control so I will do this, but I am uneasy about it. And I friggin hate labels, but I guess if the shoe fits I must wear it...
Anyway, this seemed like a good place to receive support and a little guidance from those that have been there and maybe done that. Thanks for reading....
My journey with pain killers began back in 2000. It started with three shoulder surgeries with in a year. I had two more over a couple years time span, but didn't experience problems with the drugs until this last year. I had three more surgeries beginning last August thru Dec, which had me on the vic's and perc's through about April. While I never experienced any horrible withdrawls I did notice a huge tolerance and they were controlling me, rather than the other way around. I sought help on my own and had my "assessment" today. I will began an intensive outpatient counseling later this week. I know I have a problem and can identify with alot of what I have read here. They did take the pain away, but also allowed me to engage in daily activities where I would have otherwise been pretty withdrawn. I had some dental work done last week where I was prescribed 12 ES vic's. I used them as prescribed and they lasted me 4 days. 4 months ago they would have been gone in a day. I had the will to ovecome the power they had over me. I know I will probably still have some cravings from time to time, but I think the hardest thing I will have to do is the counseling. I don't open up easily and I don't know what will be expected of me. I want to regain control so I will do this, but I am uneasy about it. And I friggin hate labels, but I guess if the shoe fits I must wear it...
Anyway, this seemed like a good place to receive support and a little guidance from those that have been there and maybe done that. Thanks for reading....
I would not say this is a forum only for light topics. On this forum we have a gentler approach and certainly can support and answer any questions regarding addiction. The only difference between the forums is "style." We welcome and support everyone here, but we have a different way of approaching this. The reason this forum was created, people on the other forum did not want to sift through posts, other than those pertaining to addiction only. I think we have the best of both worlds here.
I want to welcome you to the forum. I think you have a great plan to seek counseling and get control over your addiction. I wish you the best of luck and you are a nice addition to the forum.
God Bless,
Tim
I want to welcome you to the forum. I think you have a great plan to seek counseling and get control over your addiction. I wish you the best of luck and you are a nice addition to the forum.
God Bless,
Tim
I wanted to comment on your screen name, but was hesitent to speak ok of it. I am sorry for your loss. I have not experienced the loss of a husband, thank the lord! But have experienced the loss of a fiance and god-daughter at 4 years old. the traumatics are earth shattering. I don't mean to bring up old wounds, but I am new here and can have emphathy for what you are going through. I know deep wounds are triggers for sure. . Thank you for sharing about friends. I have sensed that and I think this is better kept to myself. They don't understand, unless they have gone through it. I will get things "off my chest' in here...
Thanks...GV
Thanks...GV
Hi again. Just wanted to respond to what you said about not being comfortable discussing this with your other friends, etc. That is one thing that I have learned over the years - do not tell. Sometimes I would feel that things would be better with me getting them off my chest and confessing, but if anything, I only felt worse. I was never glad that now one more person knew my humilating secret. On top of that, nobody ever tried to help me or even hardly give me any encouragement. They were very uncomfortable even talking about it I could tell, and now will always think of me as a drug addict. Of course, my husband was different - he knew, I mean you cannot live with someone for years and hide this (not usually anyway). My grown children also know. Now that my husband has passed, my children are my biggest supporters.
Okay, I have bent your ear long enough and I must get back to work (I work at home on my computer). Hope to be seeing you around here now that you have found us!
Love, Cindy
Okay, I have bent your ear long enough and I must get back to work (I work at home on my computer). Hope to be seeing you around here now that you have found us!
Love, Cindy
Thank you - and those prayers go both ways.
The good news is I am going to beat this thing. I'm not going back. I finally faced the point where I either had to bury this addiction or it was going to bury me. In the last year I spun out of control, and I was spinning fast. I turned into someone I was never supposed to be. And I was playing with fire. I pushed death's buttons a few too many times and I knew pretty soon my luck was going to run out.
At the ripe ol' age of 30 I don't think my basket can hold any more lemons. The worst part is I put most of those lemons there myself.
This is day 8 of being clean for me. I have probably learned more in the last 8 days than I have in months, years. Last year when I got clean I wasn't there yet. My intentions were good, but I wasn't ready to give it up. And until you're truly ready I don't think you can truly beat it. But I'm more ready now than ever.
You have to find a counseler that you click with. My counseler I saw last year was amazing. There was just that connection right away and nothing was forced. I went from not knowing what I was going to say, to doing all the talking. On the other hand last week I went to a psychiatrist that made 30 minutes feel like a year. I just wanted to get out of that room. My primary doc has always handled my depression issues/meds, etc. but I figured with everything I am dealing with maybe a "professional" in that area would be a better choice. But with every question I would answer he would stare at me in this odd way like he was trying to figure something out. I don't know what. Even the way he looked at me made me just want to turn away. I found myself speaking nervously and just trying to say anything to keep the conversation going. Plus the fact that he would be staring at me with these huge expressionless eyes while typing away on his computer about me was driving me insane! He just didn't "fit" with me. It really does make all the difference in the world between helping you or just taking you through the motions.
You took that step and it was hard, but you did it. Just don't let anything get in the way of what you really want.
The good news is I am going to beat this thing. I'm not going back. I finally faced the point where I either had to bury this addiction or it was going to bury me. In the last year I spun out of control, and I was spinning fast. I turned into someone I was never supposed to be. And I was playing with fire. I pushed death's buttons a few too many times and I knew pretty soon my luck was going to run out.
At the ripe ol' age of 30 I don't think my basket can hold any more lemons. The worst part is I put most of those lemons there myself.
This is day 8 of being clean for me. I have probably learned more in the last 8 days than I have in months, years. Last year when I got clean I wasn't there yet. My intentions were good, but I wasn't ready to give it up. And until you're truly ready I don't think you can truly beat it. But I'm more ready now than ever.
You have to find a counseler that you click with. My counseler I saw last year was amazing. There was just that connection right away and nothing was forced. I went from not knowing what I was going to say, to doing all the talking. On the other hand last week I went to a psychiatrist that made 30 minutes feel like a year. I just wanted to get out of that room. My primary doc has always handled my depression issues/meds, etc. but I figured with everything I am dealing with maybe a "professional" in that area would be a better choice. But with every question I would answer he would stare at me in this odd way like he was trying to figure something out. I don't know what. Even the way he looked at me made me just want to turn away. I found myself speaking nervously and just trying to say anything to keep the conversation going. Plus the fact that he would be staring at me with these huge expressionless eyes while typing away on his computer about me was driving me insane! He just didn't "fit" with me. It really does make all the difference in the world between helping you or just taking you through the motions.
You took that step and it was hard, but you did it. Just don't let anything get in the way of what you really want.
Thank you for responding as well. I read over both forums. I felt more comfortable here for now. I am not going through the wd's or looking for alternative treatments etc...just need some daily encouragment from others who have been there. My husband knows about this issue and that's about it. This isn't something I feel comfortable sharing with "the girls' or anyone else yet or maybe even ever. It was a private battle, private problem and will be a private problem solving. Except for what I feel will be the wonderful support I see happening across this board.
THANK YOU!!
I am sorry you are battling the demons again. I will say a little prayer for some inner strength to come your way.
I wonder if I will ever be in the position again. I know I will at some point have to take pills again. I already cancelled one surgery because I wanted to get my head screwed on straight first. A replacement of one of the shoulders is inevitable. Maybe sooner rather than later. Can you believe that **** at the age of 32??? Some people are dealt a few lemons than. I wonder how many of us got here because of those lemons. Our baskets are only so big, ya know.
I hear ya on the talking bit..When I had my assessment today, I was asking questions and responding in ways that I think she felt that I was being argumentative or something. I wasn't, I was just information gathering. Then she wanted to delve into my personal history (again a few lemons) and I wasn't ready to talk) so she took that as non- communicative. It was a little bit of a tense few hours, but what I really wanted to tell her, was that I brought my own butt in there to deal with what I saw as a problem...then I felt bad when I left cuz I asked for help, then when she tried to assess the situation it may not have been exactly to my liking...UGH. I look forward to better days. Since I never went through tough wd's, I think today and taking that first step was one of the hardest...
Thank you Cali, for responding.
I am sorry you are battling the demons again. I will say a little prayer for some inner strength to come your way.
I wonder if I will ever be in the position again. I know I will at some point have to take pills again. I already cancelled one surgery because I wanted to get my head screwed on straight first. A replacement of one of the shoulders is inevitable. Maybe sooner rather than later. Can you believe that **** at the age of 32??? Some people are dealt a few lemons than. I wonder how many of us got here because of those lemons. Our baskets are only so big, ya know.
I hear ya on the talking bit..When I had my assessment today, I was asking questions and responding in ways that I think she felt that I was being argumentative or something. I wasn't, I was just information gathering. Then she wanted to delve into my personal history (again a few lemons) and I wasn't ready to talk) so she took that as non- communicative. It was a little bit of a tense few hours, but what I really wanted to tell her, was that I brought my own butt in there to deal with what I saw as a problem...then I felt bad when I left cuz I asked for help, then when she tried to assess the situation it may not have been exactly to my liking...UGH. I look forward to better days. Since I never went through tough wd's, I think today and taking that first step was one of the hardest...
Thank you Cali, for responding.
Hi there, so glad you have found us and shared your story. We are all here to provide support for you. It sounds like you have a very strong will though - wish I could say the same for me, there was a time when I thought I was a strong person. Anyways, welcome and I also wanted to let you know there is another forum that is strictly dedicated to addiction and recovery issues - if you will notice at the top of this page you will see the words Addiction Forum highlighted in blue. Then, the forum that we are currently on was set up for the purpose of general conversation or things of a lighter nature, like poems, chitchat, just to say hello, etc. Both forums are wonderful - I usually go back and forth between both which I think a lot of us do. Since you are new, just wanted to make sure you were aware of the two forums.
Love, Cindy
Love, Cindy
First off - welcome!!
It sounds like you are really taking control of your situation and that is great. You know the problem and you decided how you were going to fix it. I can already tell by your first post that you are a strong, intelligent person. We all ended up here for a different reason, but like they say - same story, different details.
I thought the same thing with counseling. I don't open up easily. Once I get to know someone it is a different story, but until that point I don't really get into my deep personal self (although you would never know that around here.. lol). But a year ago when I came to the realization that I was an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills I reluctantly went. I figured I'd give it a shot, but that I would probably feel like a fool and sit there not saying anything for an hour. But I went and within 10 minutes I was pouring my heart out. When my hour was up I didn't want to leave. It felt so good. I never ever expected to feel that way.
Now that I am again battling the pill addiction I have also thought about going back. No matter how strong you are, you can never have too much support.
The label thing is hard. I would be able to admit I was "addictED" to something, but it took a long time to be able to actually call myself an ADDICT. It still jolts me a bit to say it. But like you said - if the shoe fits.....
Thank you for sharing your story and giving us the opportunity to get to know you. I look forward to talking to you more.
Jen
It sounds like you are really taking control of your situation and that is great. You know the problem and you decided how you were going to fix it. I can already tell by your first post that you are a strong, intelligent person. We all ended up here for a different reason, but like they say - same story, different details.
I thought the same thing with counseling. I don't open up easily. Once I get to know someone it is a different story, but until that point I don't really get into my deep personal self (although you would never know that around here.. lol). But a year ago when I came to the realization that I was an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills I reluctantly went. I figured I'd give it a shot, but that I would probably feel like a fool and sit there not saying anything for an hour. But I went and within 10 minutes I was pouring my heart out. When my hour was up I didn't want to leave. It felt so good. I never ever expected to feel that way.
Now that I am again battling the pill addiction I have also thought about going back. No matter how strong you are, you can never have too much support.
The label thing is hard. I would be able to admit I was "addictED" to something, but it took a long time to be able to actually call myself an ADDICT. It still jolts me a bit to say it. But like you said - if the shoe fits.....
Thank you for sharing your story and giving us the opportunity to get to know you. I look forward to talking to you more.
Jen
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