Aa
No longer friends sad but can't get past it...your advise pls!
Hello all. I have a question for everyone and please feel free give me you honest advise.
I had this friend who I considered her my best friend and from what she said I was also her's. We have known each other for about 3 yrs now and really started hanging out a lot first Jan 2009. We would talk or text on phone daily and always on one of my days off we would go out and do something see a movie, shopping, etc... She didnt drive so I would take her to her doctor's appt and wait on her to get done sometimes 4 and 5 hours spent waiting but that was ok because she was my best friend so I thought. I would go by her house an get her just so she could go get a cappachino from convience store then take her back. We told each other all our problems, feelings good or bad anything. I felt that she was easy to talk to and she would send me cards in mail thanking me for my help. People would talk bad about her and I would ALWAYS take up for her and say thats not cool she is my friend and I always thought she would do the same for me. I never understood why people said the things they did about her until now and believe me it is true what they use to say about her I guess I had to learn the hard way.
Now here is what happen pls tell me what you all think and am I in the wrong.
About 2 months ago she started acting different. She got very distance from me and I thought it was because her ex husband was getting out of jail and they both use to be herion needle junkie. She has been clean 3 yrs that he has been in prison. I thought all that was on her mind b/c he wants her back and she still loves him but cant go back to that life about 4 yrs ago she was on herion and had needle in her arm ran out stuff and took a shoot gun and gut shot herself she was in hospital long time and after that got her disability and put on phsy meds lots of them at that but seem to really help her. Well she would go days without texting or calling so I would leave her be. When she did text or call seems like she always wanted something from me or me to do something for her but b/c she was my friend I would do it. Well we went out one sat to yard sales and we got to talking and I ask her if she was ok b/c she seemed so distance and she said I just have a lot on my mind about my ex husband and about my new boyfriend who she has been with for yr and lives w/him and his mom. So I told her that was cool but if she ever needed to talk no matter what time I am here. She thanked me and I took her home. Well I went to see a friend that both she and I know and I had been there about an hr she sent me a text and because I was busy I didnt text her back well 30 mins later she sent me another one but none of them said anything but hey what ya doing. so I didnt answer that one either b/c I was getting ready to leave and thought I would just call her once I got in car. Well been about 20 more mins and I callled her and when she answered phone she started flipping out on me saying well if you dont want to talk to me then you dont have to and I am so that I bothered you I stopped her and ask what in world she was talking about and she said you dint answer my text and I said well honey I was doing something and I called you back as soon as I got a minute well she still flipped out another 10 minutes and I then told her that I didnt see why she was upset and when she was done acting that way she could call me back and I hung up phone. Well later that night she called me back and said she was sorry for acting that way that she had not taken her mood stablizer meds today. So I said that was ok and left it at that, We talked for few more minutes and got off phone. Well the friends house that I was at earlier that we both know called me and we got to talking I ask her if she noticed a difference in "Jane" and she said yes a big difference and she then said I find it hard to believe that you and "Jane" are still talking and I said what do you mean. Well she then started to tell me that "jane" called her the other day and was talking all kinds of **** about me from I only cared about myself, I ran my mouth and didnt know when to stop talking, I lied to make better for me etc. I was hurt and felt so betrayed by "Jane" I got off the phone w/my friend and called "Jane" and when I ask her about it and if she had said that she was like yes I said that and I was mad at you at the time b/c u would not answer my call or text. I was so mad at this point all that I had did for her things I am not even going to write about all the times I took up for her when others were saying she was crazy, a back stabber etc and that is what I get talked about for no good reason. I went off on her and told her just whaT I thought about all that and her!!! Well at the end of phone call she goes I am sorry but I was mad so really shouldn't matter that I said that stuff b/c I was upset. What gives a person the right to treat people like that and then thank nothing of it. So a day later she sends me a text like nothing had ever happen at all., I called her and said you know I am having a hard time getting past what you said about me I mean I forgive you but I find it hard to forget it and ever time you ask me a question all that pops in my head is that she runs her mouth and lies. Maybe we better take a break and let feeling etc cool down. Well she dont understnad why I said that and still thinks nothing should be wrong or I should not be upset. Since then about a month ago now she sends me all kinds of texts and will ask me questions in them or send me text say you remember that book I let you borrow I need back asap she is acting like an ex that wants all there stuff back and will not leave you alone. I have not answered none of her texts hoping she will get the hint but still has not I wish her no harm and hope she has a happy life but I just dont want nothing else to do with her and want to be left alone. I have moved on why will she not and all her text act as if nothing ever happen surely she dont believe that, Please help me. Thanks for taking time to read an I am sorry I rambled on and on. Take care,,, ~~H~~
I had this friend who I considered her my best friend and from what she said I was also her's. We have known each other for about 3 yrs now and really started hanging out a lot first Jan 2009. We would talk or text on phone daily and always on one of my days off we would go out and do something see a movie, shopping, etc... She didnt drive so I would take her to her doctor's appt and wait on her to get done sometimes 4 and 5 hours spent waiting but that was ok because she was my best friend so I thought. I would go by her house an get her just so she could go get a cappachino from convience store then take her back. We told each other all our problems, feelings good or bad anything. I felt that she was easy to talk to and she would send me cards in mail thanking me for my help. People would talk bad about her and I would ALWAYS take up for her and say thats not cool she is my friend and I always thought she would do the same for me. I never understood why people said the things they did about her until now and believe me it is true what they use to say about her I guess I had to learn the hard way.
Now here is what happen pls tell me what you all think and am I in the wrong.
About 2 months ago she started acting different. She got very distance from me and I thought it was because her ex husband was getting out of jail and they both use to be herion needle junkie. She has been clean 3 yrs that he has been in prison. I thought all that was on her mind b/c he wants her back and she still loves him but cant go back to that life about 4 yrs ago she was on herion and had needle in her arm ran out stuff and took a shoot gun and gut shot herself she was in hospital long time and after that got her disability and put on phsy meds lots of them at that but seem to really help her. Well she would go days without texting or calling so I would leave her be. When she did text or call seems like she always wanted something from me or me to do something for her but b/c she was my friend I would do it. Well we went out one sat to yard sales and we got to talking and I ask her if she was ok b/c she seemed so distance and she said I just have a lot on my mind about my ex husband and about my new boyfriend who she has been with for yr and lives w/him and his mom. So I told her that was cool but if she ever needed to talk no matter what time I am here. She thanked me and I took her home. Well I went to see a friend that both she and I know and I had been there about an hr she sent me a text and because I was busy I didnt text her back well 30 mins later she sent me another one but none of them said anything but hey what ya doing. so I didnt answer that one either b/c I was getting ready to leave and thought I would just call her once I got in car. Well been about 20 more mins and I callled her and when she answered phone she started flipping out on me saying well if you dont want to talk to me then you dont have to and I am so that I bothered you I stopped her and ask what in world she was talking about and she said you dint answer my text and I said well honey I was doing something and I called you back as soon as I got a minute well she still flipped out another 10 minutes and I then told her that I didnt see why she was upset and when she was done acting that way she could call me back and I hung up phone. Well later that night she called me back and said she was sorry for acting that way that she had not taken her mood stablizer meds today. So I said that was ok and left it at that, We talked for few more minutes and got off phone. Well the friends house that I was at earlier that we both know called me and we got to talking I ask her if she noticed a difference in "Jane" and she said yes a big difference and she then said I find it hard to believe that you and "Jane" are still talking and I said what do you mean. Well she then started to tell me that "jane" called her the other day and was talking all kinds of **** about me from I only cared about myself, I ran my mouth and didnt know when to stop talking, I lied to make better for me etc. I was hurt and felt so betrayed by "Jane" I got off the phone w/my friend and called "Jane" and when I ask her about it and if she had said that she was like yes I said that and I was mad at you at the time b/c u would not answer my call or text. I was so mad at this point all that I had did for her things I am not even going to write about all the times I took up for her when others were saying she was crazy, a back stabber etc and that is what I get talked about for no good reason. I went off on her and told her just whaT I thought about all that and her!!! Well at the end of phone call she goes I am sorry but I was mad so really shouldn't matter that I said that stuff b/c I was upset. What gives a person the right to treat people like that and then thank nothing of it. So a day later she sends me a text like nothing had ever happen at all., I called her and said you know I am having a hard time getting past what you said about me I mean I forgive you but I find it hard to forget it and ever time you ask me a question all that pops in my head is that she runs her mouth and lies. Maybe we better take a break and let feeling etc cool down. Well she dont understnad why I said that and still thinks nothing should be wrong or I should not be upset. Since then about a month ago now she sends me all kinds of texts and will ask me questions in them or send me text say you remember that book I let you borrow I need back asap she is acting like an ex that wants all there stuff back and will not leave you alone. I have not answered none of her texts hoping she will get the hint but still has not I wish her no harm and hope she has a happy life but I just dont want nothing else to do with her and want to be left alone. I have moved on why will she not and all her text act as if nothing ever happen surely she dont believe that, Please help me. Thanks for taking time to read an I am sorry I rambled on and on. Take care,,, ~~H~~
I agree with Sara and tell her straight out she is harassing you and if she contacts you again she will press charges for harassment .It really hard to do but I had to do it to someone this spring who I thought was a really good friend . It turned out I was wrong .she kept calling over and over and over until I got nasty and was the last time I heard from her
COMMUNITY LEADER
Call her instead of texting and give it to her straight up. Ignoring her isnt working. If she doesnt quit then and keeps harrassing you contact the authorities or put a block on your phone.
Hang tough... Hopefully 'she' will give up SOON!
Try not to put "WIND into HER SAIL" (i.e. don't respond)
Remember the old saying... "With friends like these.. who NEEDS enemies" ???
I know it's tough.... cuz you have such a BIG HEART... but remember also.. that YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.... FIRST!
You are the most important person in the world...KNOW THAT! (and OWN IT!)
Much love and support your way..
Always and forever!
Try not to put "WIND into HER SAIL" (i.e. don't respond)
Remember the old saying... "With friends like these.. who NEEDS enemies" ???
I know it's tough.... cuz you have such a BIG HEART... but remember also.. that YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.... FIRST!
You are the most important person in the world...KNOW THAT! (and OWN IT!)
Much love and support your way..
Always and forever!
You know its sad she will jsut not get that I dont want to talk to her or nothing to do with her,,, she has sent me over 22 texts in last few days which I have not answered one of them even one said her grandson was sick... I prayed for him but didnt answer her... Last text I sent ask her to please leave me alone... I am so tired of this... I hate to change my nmber I have had same number for years and I have a huge family and they all have that number.,,,
Holliee
You don't have to go into details if you don't want to. If she doesn't get the message you can change your #. You know as well as I do that a true friend is someone who is there for you at anytime someone how knows everything about you and will not judge you. What she did is extremely immature and has broken your trust. I personally would speak my mind to her tell her not to even try to stay in contacted with you. If you are afraid of her I would just change your # or try to have her # blocked. Hang in there and stand your ground sweetie
X0x0 Melissa
You don't have to go into details if you don't want to. If she doesn't get the message you can change your #. You know as well as I do that a true friend is someone who is there for you at anytime someone how knows everything about you and will not judge you. What she did is extremely immature and has broken your trust. I personally would speak my mind to her tell her not to even try to stay in contacted with you. If you are afraid of her I would just change your # or try to have her # blocked. Hang in there and stand your ground sweetie
X0x0 Melissa
you know it been a long time since all this happen and she texted me today saying hi whaT u doing? I still didnt answer her and sent me another text saying it's rude not to answer someone text well I had finally had enough so I sent her text saying please leave me alone I wish you no harm and just want to be left alone... I thought that would make her leave me alone but no it didnt she sends me one back saying she dont understand why I do not want to talk to her... What should I do I just want to be left alone by her
Just text her back with three word, 'Leave me alone!!' That should get the message through to her. You can't rely on her intelligence to understand why you haven't answered her back because it seems like she refuses to believe you don't want to be friends with her any more. Those three words should be enough, hopefully.
Stay strong girl... Remember you don't have to respond to her texts or her phone calls.. You will be better off without her in your life hurting you... You are a kind and caring person who DESERVES to have GOOD FRIENDS... not people that use you...
Happy THANKSGIVING GIRL!
Be HAPPY and HEALTHY... you're the BEST!
Happy THANKSGIVING GIRL!
Be HAPPY and HEALTHY... you're the BEST!
you know the part that gets me the most is that she seems to think that nothing ever happen or no reason for me to be upset about anything. Like she sent me a text today
"hey have not heard from you in weeks and your not answering my texts..are you ok? Is your sugar been high and there no reason for you not to answer me back???"
Why does she not get it that i dont want to text or talk.... I see no reason too.. She really believes that nothing happen for me to be mad about.. That bothers me also...Cause the next time she flipped out it could be real bad and its not healthy for me in friendship like that...
"hey have not heard from you in weeks and your not answering my texts..are you ok? Is your sugar been high and there no reason for you not to answer me back???"
Why does she not get it that i dont want to text or talk.... I see no reason too.. She really believes that nothing happen for me to be mad about.. That bothers me also...Cause the next time she flipped out it could be real bad and its not healthy for me in friendship like that...
Sounds like she has a severe personality disorder. Could be schizophrenia or the like. The mood swings she has displayed could hide a myriad of possible problems none of which you have to feel guilty about. The fact that she shot herself should have been warning enough and the moment you found out about it is when you should have backed away. As it is just let it be and if she persists in harrassing you as it seems she has started doing, get a court order to have her cease and desist.
thanks guys for all support means a lot...I have left her alone and I never answer her texts at alll no matter what the text say./......
Again THAnks made me feel better to hear from you all
Again THAnks made me feel better to hear from you all
She really sounds with her psych history and gun shot to be a pretty disturbed woman. With some people like that they really can't tolerate the intimacy of the relationship. Everything see fine and then all of a sudden they turn on you.
That happens with a certain type of friend. The friendship seems great and then there is this change where you become to them a totally bad person. Stay away from her. She can't help it. She is so very empty that your "fullness" makes her envious and she needs to attack you. It will only get worse.
You have done nothing wrong. She is a very wounded person.
That happens with a certain type of friend. The friendship seems great and then there is this change where you become to them a totally bad person. Stay away from her. She can't help it. She is so very empty that your "fullness" makes her envious and she needs to attack you. It will only get worse.
You have done nothing wrong. She is a very wounded person.
I agree with Queen...and I've been in your shows...TWICE! (i have a hard time learning)...i had to 'break up" with friends before...and omg...it was worse than breaking up with an insecure boyfriend...but that's what they are...insecure!
The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to continue to ignore her...she'll go away...whatever you have of hers, mail it back to her...and forget about her. I know its easier said than done, but believe me, you'll be happier in the long run.
Like i said I had to do this myself...actually it was more than twice...but one of them was simply for my own mental health as that "friend" starting using and I am not going to risk my sobriety for it!
Yes, you are sad, feel it...its a time of greif for you right now...you lost a friend (even if she wasn't a good one)...its ok to feel sad...but feel it, heal it and let it go.
We're all here for you!
(((hugs)))
The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to continue to ignore her...she'll go away...whatever you have of hers, mail it back to her...and forget about her. I know its easier said than done, but believe me, you'll be happier in the long run.
Like i said I had to do this myself...actually it was more than twice...but one of them was simply for my own mental health as that "friend" starting using and I am not going to risk my sobriety for it!
Yes, you are sad, feel it...its a time of greif for you right now...you lost a friend (even if she wasn't a good one)...its ok to feel sad...but feel it, heal it and let it go.
We're all here for you!
(((hugs)))
Hey Holliee girl.. I don't think she's a "FRIEND" cuz "friends" dont treat you like that...
You need to move on.. I know it's tough.. cuz you have a very giving heart.. but sometimes we just need to LET GO...
Old saying: "With friends like that.. who needs enemies!"
Hang in there hon,,, and know that you have a lot of TRUE friends here on MedHelp!
And.. have a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING... and BIG HUGS AND SLOBBERS to you and your pups!
You need to move on.. I know it's tough.. cuz you have a very giving heart.. but sometimes we just need to LET GO...
Old saying: "With friends like that.. who needs enemies!"
Hang in there hon,,, and know that you have a lot of TRUE friends here on MedHelp!
And.. have a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING... and BIG HUGS AND SLOBBERS to you and your pups!
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