Nother Random New Member is back

Hehehehe...I see we still have drama...gotta love it.  I've been off for awhile, but thought I'd pop back in and say hello.  I had been doing so good!  I really took charge of things, counseling, meetings, clean!  For me it was all or nothing. Then an unexpected surgery for ENDO and I was on meds for two weeks.  Now here I am two weeks after that surgery having what was a scheduled surgery this Tuesday!  

UGH!!!! The cycle starts again...It's not as bad as before, I'm alot more in control and I have a lot more tools in my tool box, but I am struggling and VERY fearful of the future!  I really don't want to get into that **** all over again.  I'm trying my damndest to take the pills for pain and not for high, but **** that's hard when they are right there and it's so easy to take, "just one more"....Then you do that and you run out early then your screwed!..I know I'm not telling a new story, just going over the reader board in my head..

Sooo, just venting my friends, nice to be back..After Tuesday, I will be one handed so I'll be scarce again. Hope everyone is well!!!

[OpiateGrrl]

hey blue.. im so sorry that you had to have surgery.. i cannot even fathom how difficult it is to stop opiates especially when you actually NEED the pills for pain.. but the high part is just too tempting at times.. Have you ever tried suboxone? I'm on my second day and so far im doing quite well.. this is my third time here as well.. and i realize that relapse is part of the recovery process.. but being so dependent on little while pills is quite terrifying.. i wish you luck and shall keep you in my prayers:)

[blueyz]

I appreciate your feedback...No, I've never been on Sub.  I've never needed it.  Long story short, I had been on Vix on Percs off and on for several years with no abuse issues, then last year I had three back to back surgeries and then it was GAME ON....There were alot of other issues at play as well, I ended up having to give up my career due to the injuries and my bio-mom died, so mentally I was not in great shape either.  I started abusing the pills and when it came time to stop I realized they had consumed me.  I did stop on my own and sought counseling, went to meetings and got clean and felt great!   I have never experienced W/D except for maybe lethargy but that was cuz I was used to doing everything on the lil pills..But I got over that and liked who I was so much better!

So for now, I'm back on the pills until this next surgery and recovery is done with and I will have to start all over again..I realize more than EVER why I don't like the little biieottches!  They are the devil, but right now, a necessary evil!...

[TimH2]

Great to see you back!!!! I just returned too after a month off. I am crazy at work and will post you tomorrow.  

Tim

[blueyz]

Thanks Bud..Have a good night at work..Congrats on your sobriety!

[tzt2lady]

I am so glad all of our "random members" are rambling back home again!    You are truly an inspiration and I can relate to the feelings of having to go back on meds for surgery!  Gosh, thats how I got back on last time.  Im clean since Aug 9 and was told I may have to have another minor surgery.   Im going to talk to the surgeon tomorrow to see what the heck the deal is.   They are really going to have to convince me I need more surgery and what the alternatives are to narcotics.   I have gone through wayyy to much to go back now.
Anyway, its so good to see you again and I wish you all the best in your continued surgery.
Read the basic text about how we proceed when meds are inevitable..............I forget which chapter.  A sponsor or trusted recovering addict can help out lots.
hugs
tzt

[blueyz]

Thanks girl...I appreciate your comments...It does suck, I was really happy and so proud of my progress but it is what it is.  Congrats on your clean time!  That is great.  I know that I will have to be on these for awhile after the surgery unfortunately.  This is a pretty major shoulder surgery and won't be an easy or quick recovery.  I just wish it was over with already so I could put it behind me.  The thing I have to look forward to is the last surgery took care of the endo, so now we can start a family.  That is my motivation for moving on and away from the meds.  We have been trying for awhile and now the Dr. says it should be smooth sailing.  We can't wait to have a little one and that keeps me focused!

Thanks again for your kind words...Now YOU are the inspiration!!!!

[tzt2lady]

ahhhh, hun, then its worth everything you need to walk through, to hear those little pitter-patter of tiny feet running through the house.   You will get through just fine, you are a bright woman who knows what it takes to recover.   Im excited for you regarding your new from the doctor about the smooth sailing.   Thats so awesome!

take good care, my friend!
TZT

[shelby74]

It is great to see you posting again and I am so sorry to hear about your struggles.  Just one more pill, that is always what did me in.  I know there are times when we are all going to need pain relief, I just hope and pray that you will make it through this as fast as possible.

all my best,

shel

[bettie1976]

so...you gonna tell me now how close we live? this has been driving me insane. :)

[blueyz]

Possibly within spittin distance....Okay, well about 20 miles or so...small world!

[bettie1976]

really? do you go to aa meetings?