Please Please Help trying to taper still w/d

[sarab7674]

I'm writing b/c I'm absolutely MISERABLE.  I need help and support.  I have about 12 Lortab 10mg/660 left.  I have about 4 Soma (muscle relaxers) left. The combo has been my drug of choice for the last year, starting with 1 5mg Lortab tablet and 1 Soma and eventually getting prescribed four of each a day w/ the Lortab being the 10s.  I, however, have lied and manipulated my way in the last few months into getting much more than than, in the last week I have taken almost 120 Lortabs, prior to that I took 120 in about 3 weeks, prior to that 120 7.5s in 3 weeks so avg of 10-15 a day. I was alson on Oxys 20 in between the weeks I ran out (although def. not my drug of choice, they probably legitimately helped with the pain but ZERO high from them and could care less about them (except thinking well, I don't like those, I could get back on those which would help the pain and maybe help the w/d.  Bottom line, I have taken A LOT of narcs in the last two months and didn't even realize until Wed. when the anxiety got the best of me (due to lying to and manipulating my family and wonderful doctors that believed me).

My mother is here and helping and giving tough love...she wants me to quit cold turkey.  I want to taper since I have them, I went, as of Wed. night, from taking 10-15 a day to 3 a day and feeling HORRIBLE.  I have all the symptoms with the anxiety being the worst.  And...it gets even better...I have meds to help me get through this although if they are helping then w/o meds I can't IMAGINE what it would be like.  I have Klonopin (been on for a long time for anxiety, Seroquel (also for anxiety says my psych...although I know it is a bi-polar drug, but she said it would help w/ my severe anxiety), and Ambien CR that I've been on for over a year.  I do not like any of those drugs so I'm not that worried about getting off of them (except for no sleep if I stop the Ambien).  Oh and my psych, because I've called all week due to anxiety also prescribed Inderal (propanolol) which is a beta blocker for blood pressure.  It is NOT Clonodine or the Catapres patch (that may be better, I know that is the general hospital protocol.

Point is, I'm feeling absolutely crappy.  I've taken baths, tried to drink fluids, just had my first food (if you count soup broth and a few noodles in it as food), and have taken meds to go to sleep.  I'm shaking, I have RLS, I have aches all over, I'm nauseated, and the anxiety my goodness the anxiety.  My husband is also not supportive (he just doesn't understand this) and it kills my heart to know I've hurt him and lied to him.

Someone help.  I can get the stuff for the Thomas recipe but should I only start that when the Lortabs are gone?  Like I said I've been breaking them in half and taking about 3 a day (which gives me about 4 more days) and I still feel miserable.  I thought tapering them would be easier.  If it is and the worst is yet to come God help me.

I think I could be losing my job called in sick last week and this week.  If I go to the hospital I'll have to face everyone I work with...that is the number one problem or I'd probably already gone at least for a CBC and a CMP panel to check my liver function.  But seriously, b/c of the situation, consulting someone from my profession is manditory and I'll be staring one of my close co-workers in the face explaining this.  That, right now, does seem more unbearable than these symptoms (at least most of the time...some other times I think forget it, I don't care if I lose my job...I don't care if I have to explain myself to a co-worker, I can't stand this misery any longer.

Any thoughts?  Thank you so much for any help you can offer.

[wait2long]

you will be happy with your sub choice,,,i have both good and bad experiences with suboxone...BUT,,,this is because i transitioned from methadone...not an easy task...it was a 5 week process with me, not 5 weeks of total withdrawals and sickness...but 5 weeks of SEVERE anxiety, depression and dysphoria...but this is because of the methadone lasting so long in my system...you will not have this problem for that long and probably less in severity also...but once the methadone had cleared itself from my body, i realized it was worth the wait.  i would not be here today, if not for the suboxone...

but also keep in mind...the sub will not work by itself to "cure" you...you will need therapy of some kind to find out what was the cause for your addiction, and learn how to deal with you cravings, triggers etc...learn all you can so when you feel your ready to jump off the sub...youll have the knowledge to keep living your life addiction free...best of luck, and i am certain you will not be sorry that you made this choice...if you have any questions please feel free to ask ANYTHING...there is always someone here to help the best we can...let us know how you do...

[sarab7674]

I don't know what to do.  I'm so conflicted.  I just don't know what to do.  I think if I don't go to the doctor that does the suboxone, I'm just going to figure out a way to get meds until my refill comes do and start all over.  But I don't want to feel MORE horrible from taking the sub.

[mr.lucky66]

I wish you the best but don't think this sub is the answer to getting off hydrocodone. It seems to work better when coming off methaone and you may be putting out a fire with gasoline like using methadone to get off hydrocodone. Sometimes there just isn't the right detox drug and you have to make it through in some other way. Sometimes using one drug to get of another is good but I think it's overdone

[DesperateOne]

Does any one know how I can find free or inexpensive suboxone assistance in Orange County, CA? I have an HMO so that is no help. I am addicted to oxycontin and I cannot go through th withdrawals again. Everytime I try to quit I give up after a week or two because I never get any better. Please help me! I will run out of my medication tomorrow and I am desperate. Thanks

[nelly1313]

I would be another good experience.  I was addicted to pain meds(mostly oxycontins for 7-10yrs.  I have been through what you are going through a hundred times atleast. Suboxone was the only way to go.  My dr. told me that I could stay on them as long as I'd like. But, one day I know that I will have to taper off of these. I suggest that if you plan on getting on Sub tomorrow,that you immediatly stop tapering and not take anything else until the sub or if you don't it could put you into immediatly worse w/d. It could also be very hard for the Dr. to determine the right dose for you. The one horrible thing that I have found about the Sub, is that if you ever do experience severe pain, you don't have many options as far as pain relief unless you stop taking the sub. I am going through that situation right now. But other than that, and the extreme nausea,headaches,and sleepiness, when you first begin the sub, it is a miracle drug.. The side effects do go away very shortly after begining the drug(Suboxone). I wish you all the luck in the world and if you need someone to talk to, I am here. I do know exactly what you are experiencing right now. And as far as letting co-workers now, I understand that too.  I too, work in the healthcare industry.  Believe it or not everyone was real understanding when I came clean about my addiction and were very supportive. My employer and co-workers do know that I take Suboxone and are ok with it. As far as you letting them know about your situation, that is up to you. But if you think that losing your job could result from this than I might recommend opening up with your employer. Good luck and my prayers are with you and your family. God does answer prayers...and it looks like you are proof of that. Look how everything is falling in your favor.

[lurker]

I would be the good experience.  I was in withdrawal - took the first dose, had some nausea and then took the second dose and the symptoms went away like magic.  I took 4mg 3x.day for a week. Haven't taken any since Friday and am still feeling just fine.  I wanted to use it for a short period of time if possible.  I will use it for pain if I need it but for the last 48 hrs I've been feeling pretty good.  Good for you for seeking out both sides of the story before deciding what to do.  I personally wish I'd done it a long time ago.

[sarab7674]

Anyone has had an experience good or bad with suboxone?  I would like to hear some of each.  Thank you!

[sarab7674]

You all are the best.  Thank you so much for everything.  I'm in tears as I write this as I feel truly blessed to have all of you.  Please keep me in your prayers.

[TJack]

I too had some nausea the first few days.  That ended thank the Lord.  Then i felt great until i came off the suboxone.  That is when my world crumbled.  I thought i was going to lose my mind.  I was so depressed and the anxiety was awful.  Dr. gave me hydroxcine (sp), that helped some.  Then my pcp dr. gave me Ativan.  That helped more and i did not take more than the 3 a day prescribed.   The depression lasted only a few days but the anxiety hung on for well over 3 weeks.  In fact it just left me a few days ago and i have been off of sub for 4 weeks.   My case could be different. Maybe they tapered me too fast, that is my guess.  As long as i was on the sub i felt great.
Sarab if you already had anxiety problems before any of this, then you will probably have to be given something as needed.  Let them know this.  Just tell them everything and they will help you.  God bless and hang in there. tjack

[lurker]

Congratulations - I was only 18 hours cold turkey when I took my first dose of Suboxone.  It was definitely long enough to get me into full blown withdrawals so perhaps you should take something around noon tomorrow.  You will call at 0900 but you will likely not get into their office until later that day.  Did he talk to you about cost?  I only say that because I have insurance so I only had  a $20 copay and paid $40 for the pills but without insurance they would have been $5 per pill for each 8mg Suboxone.  I just want to be sure you have as much information as possible for Monday.  I will pray that you have as much success as I did with Suboxone.  I took it for a week and have felt great since my second dose (had some nausea with the first one) I am now 24 hours without any and have been feeling pretty good.  I will pray for you = keep posting and keep up the good attitude and you'll do great!!

[sarab7674]

You mentioned that even with suboxone your anxiety and depression were rough.  I have been treated since for over 10 years for anxiety and depression so this is just exacerbating this.  Will I be able to take my anxiety and depression meds with the suboxone or no?  Does anyone know?

[sarab7674]

I just found out from my insurance that this doctor I was talking about going to, who is a Suboxone dr., is covered by my insurance.  I'm trying to look at all of this positive, that my prayers are being answered.

[sarab7674]

Thank you all so much for your help.  Right now feels so horrible.  I am still tapering but I guess if I want the suboxone to work I have to go cold turkey tommorrow?  To be ready for Mon. morning.  I say this because I called a doctor in town (there were two listed, one that I myself am familiar with referring to as I work in a hospital and the other one I knew the name but that is about it.  The one that I just knew the name actually had an after hours call line and he, the doc himself, called me back.  He said to call his office at 9am and say that I spoke with him, and that he said it was urgent to get me in.  So I guess I'm feeling positive about that.

What I'm not feeling positive about is going, after tomorrow at 9 am cold turkery, no more tapering I guess.  My God, please help me.

Thanks to all of you for your help.

[TJack]

First thing Monday a.m. see if you have an Adapt Research office in your town.
They will be hooked up with the suboxone dr.  If you qualify, they will take you for free of charge.  The sub is even free.  Counseling and dr.  My town is 21,000 people and we have one.  It is a nationwide study going on.  I had to wait a couple of months to get in but my pcp wrote me scripts to hold me.  She was aware of my wait to get into the sub study.  Hang in there.  Monday will be here before you know it.  I know things are always worse on a weekend.  i have been off the suboxone 4 weeks today.  woohoo.  Finally this past week my old self started coming back to me.  I almost feel normal now, if i could only get  my sleep straightened out.  That messed up a couple of years ago and i am blaming it on menopause.  Keep posting and be on the phone, or better yet be at their door on Monday a.m.  TJack

[sarab7674]

I've got a call in to a suboxone doctor but of course it is the weekend so I don't know if they'll return my call since I'm not a current patient.  I'm just going to pray they will.  Even if they tell me I'll have to technically wait until Monday I have enough Lortab until then.

Thanks for all the comments and support.  Keep 'em coming if you have time...they are helping tremendously.

[TJack]

I am feeling for you Hun.  Been through a little of that and even with the suboxone the anxiety and depression was awful.  But, not as awful as what you are going through.  Can you get into see a suboxone dr.?  Look it up on the web,it will tell you what dr. in your area can treat with it.  Not all drs. can, they have special training.   In an hour after a sub you will feel fine.  Sounds good,huh?  Of course you have to eventually taper off of them, but it isn't as bad as what you are experiencing.   I'm thinking of you.  Keep posting. We are all pulling for you.  I will pray for you too.  TJack

[IBKleen]

Don't beat yourself up. That is all in the past. You have admitted that you have a problem and you are willing to do something about it. Just concentrate on that for now.

That is a rough taper you've got going on there..you are going down fast with that amount. In any case, you are headed in the right direction.

Get yourself some immodium for the stomach stuff that may happen and perhaps an OTC sleeping aid. Make certain that you stay hydrated at all costs. Try and keep yourself busy in any way you can to divert your thoughts. Take hot baths whenever you can..heck, stay in the tub if you have to!! The w/d's will probably last about 5 or 6 days. My experience is that day 3 is the roughest and it gets better from there.

I am praying that you get through this. Thank GOD that you have support there with you.

Take care of yourself. If you want to vent, scream, chat..whatever..this is the place.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[sarab7674]

I think maybe I had 15 I'm not sure, feel to crappy to count them.  I (and my mom) have broken them all in half and if I go from 4 today and tomorrow three  10mg 1/2s for two days then 2 1/2s for two days.  So like 6-7 more days.  And yes, I'm trying to taper from the HUGE amt. I was taking.

Thanks for the welcome.  I'm just trying to hang in there.  I have my mom and husband here (who has started being supportive) and also my two very young  1 1/2 and 2 1/2 that are sick and crying most of the day which I have to say is driving my anxiety through the roof.  Add that to the guilt I'm putting on myself....that I can't even take care of my kids.  Along with the guilt that I lied to my family who unknowingly helped this, lied to the nice doctor that I went to who believed in me and I just feel horrible mentally and physically.  Why the heck did I let this get this far??????????

[IBKleen]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum.

Can I ask a question? Are you trying to taper from the large amount you were taking with 12 pills left?