Promises made, Promises broken

Hello Randoms and all.....

I am so sad that Sally called the stupid doctor and got a new rx for Soma.  She took a bunch last night and I tried to throw her out.  I haven't been this angry in a long time.  Now she is promising me she will only take them as prescribed and as needed, but I don't believe her and I am struggling to hang on.  It was just a few weeks ago she was saying she doesn't even think about it anymore, and I spoke to her several times today and she said she made a mistake last night and won't take any more than the prescribed amt.  

I just read Shelby saying this is a life long struggle.  I am not sure I can hang on this time.  I just let her not work for nearly 6 mos and we don't even have money for the rent on friday, and she goes out and spends my hard earned money on that shyt without talking to me or anything.  The one thing I can say is when I confronted her, she answered honestly right away.  Still, I find myself feeling very betrayed, very hurt, and really not wanting to go through this with her again.  

Last night I told her to get out and she wouldn't. She said she wants a chance to show me she can do it....control it.  I finally agreed today, but with the understanding that she give me time to trust her...because I dont.  Now she is kissing my arse and wanting to be all lovey.  Its really hard, cause I want that too, but I'm still hurt.  Last night I asked her to choose...she was still fricked up on the pills...but anyway, she wont throw them out.  I even said the dreaded...."the pills or me".   That so doesnt work.  The pills win every time.

Just came to vent.  Not even sure how long I will have internet.  The cable is already shut off, cause we cant pay it.  I feel like all the sacrificing for her "health"  meant nothing now and we are right back where we started.  

Love and miss you all.  Hey, I know we have setbacks, but how do we get through over and over and over.  Its so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so sad.  Even though she's been fine all day, I feel like I'm just waiting to catch her taking too many again.  I've kept my promises....now my heart is broken.

Love you all!!!
Debbie

[GoingToMakeIt]

I don't even have the words to say. I'm sorry this has happened. This shows the need for aftercare. Counseling,NA something. She has a problem and needs to get at its root. She needs someone there now more than ever. Today on the addiction side was a lot of discussion about depression, PAWS and relapses. It might benefit you and her to read up on things. I have to run, now but I hope this helps. Take care. Try to forgive. This is a mean battle. It runs deeper than you would think.

[Jade59]

Hi!  I kept up with your story last year and I'm so sorry this happened, but I'm afraid this is what addiction is all about and until she loses what is most important to her, which is you I believe, then she will not change because there are really no serious consequences for her actions when you keep accepting this over and over.......debsally, it's called tough love!

I really wish you all the best.....you're an AWESOME person and you have put up with an amazing amount of ****!   I know you love her, but if this keeps on then eventually there won't even be a friendship left.

Thinking of you...........

[addictedme]

You cant make a decision to quit for her but you can make it dam hard for her to use. You need to take control of the money,,complete control. Every cent must be accounted for and if this isnt acceptable then you have a huge decision to make. No more money,no more drs and no "everythings ok,dont worry". Let her know that you love her and will be there for her but you:ll invest no more in recovery then she will. You WILL NOT be a part of her addiction but you will be a part of her recovery.

[NewLeaf]

Nothing changes unless we do something different.

How can you expect her to change if you never follow through?   She doesn't believe that you will never be there to pick her up again, and again and again, LIKE YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

Nothing changes unless we do something different.

THE ONLY THING WE CAN CHANGE IS OURSELF

One can set change in motion by doing things differently than they have always done them.  

[IBKleen]

It is good to see you posting hun, but sorry for the reason.

Deb, you got some good advise here and as I have told you in the past.....you enable her and put unreasonable expectations on her.

She is an addict and that is her priority..to use. Anything else in her life is secondary.

You were also told that she needs help..professionally. None of that has changed. If we were able to put these drugs down and walk away and never look back, then there would be no need to this site. This is a life long battle.

My heart breaks for you Deb and wish that you did not need this "eye-opener", but please listen to what folks here are telling you. THIS TIME, don't sweep it under the rug or think she is "cured"..she is not.

If there is any way to get her into inpatient treatment or counseling at least, please do it. Look for rehabs in your area, as most have indigent programs.

Last, and not least, take care of Deb.

[girlybuff]

She means those promises.  Don;t believe for a second that she doesn't BUT she cannot keep them because she needs help.  Every addict makes tons of promises that they truly mean but they don't have rational conscious thoughts because the addiction will win every time UNLESS somethng is done about it.
You don;t have to put up with it. It's o way to live.  I am speaking as an addict (who goes to meetings and as a wife of an addict who does not.
She needs to get help.  Make her see that.  The longer you allow yourself to blindly believe that her promises will be kept the more you are enabling her are crippling your relationship.
I suggest you get into some sort of counseling for yourself so you can understand the disease of addiction more and so you can live your life whether she is using or not but that is only IF you choose to stay.
I would check out an Al a Non meeting.    

[tiff78g]

I have watched your story and this just breaks my heart. I had so much faith in your relationship and her recovery. I am thinking of both of you today and I wish you the best with the decisions you must make from this point on.

Tiffiny

[shelby74]

Hi sweetie,

I wish there were words hun.  I am so, so sorry.  I have failed too many times to count, the thing that has made a difference this time is the after care I am receiving.  I am seeing a therapist and I am now 31 days clean.  There is no way I can do it alone anymore, and it has taken me a long time to realize that.  I feel mentally exhausted but very happy that I have come this far.  I pray that Sally can come to the same realization and get the help she so desperately needs.  You have gone above and beyond. Let her help herself now.  She has to do this for herself.  There is just no other answer.  I am sure if you went to Alanon meetings yourself and maybe talked with people who have gone through the same thing you have, that would help you to heal.  Deb take care of you now!  

love you sweetie and praying for you guys,

shel

[oneeagle]

I dont know the whole history - were soma a problem before?, or was it a pain pill thing? Could make a lot of difference. If soma were her doc I would say to take some form of action. Soma are really tricky to use for a high. The line between high and die is just too close. I have lost friends in this manner. If there is speech slurring or mental confusion while on (howevermany) she is close to respirstory arrest. On the other hand, she may have had an anxiety thing (possibly PAWS related) that she rationalized the soma would help - it even might for that. I wish you all of the best - and I am glad that my wife chose not to give up on me, even though I deserved to be dumped>

[road2recovery]

My heart is broken for you...
I think in your heart you know what you have to do!!!  She is your partner, and you should not have to watch her like a child...i hate to say i had a feeling this would happen because her intake was so high and , she didn't have any kind of aftercare..
She really needs some help, but you have done enough..
Now , it is up to her,
and stick with the question pills or me???  she cannot take them as persribed...And i think you know why...She is an addict..
again i am so sorry, you have been through so much with her, and this is so not fair to you..But now you have to stop enabling her...And take care of deb...
good luck
we are are here for you
r2r

[Mangee]

Talk  about," A rock and a hard place."  You can't lose your faith in either her or yourself. I know it's tough and you have a hard time holding on but she needs you. It seems that every door has closed and there is no way out. I have been reading here for about a year and have seen this scenario many times. Some have been lucky enough that hanging on and not giving up on someone has brought forth fruit. There are failures and those are not the fault of those who have tried their best to help. You feel as if you have reached the point of no return and want to tear her hair out as well as your own. Give it a little longer  and show her you have faith in her because once you let her slip through the cracks she could be gone forever. We all have asked the question,"Why me?" Some of us know the answer and some have to look for it. Be firm and strong and let her know that if there is no let up and no sustained effort on her part, then you will do exactly what you threatened her with and there will be no turning back once your final decision has been made. Be sure that she is looking into your eyes when she gives you a promise. Don't let her look away. Use the,"Look at me when we are talking." The look in your eyes will tell her you mean it. Believe in yourself and your ability to get through to her. In the meantime "Keep the faith."

[debsally]

Thank you all so much.  This is totally a battle and I am searching for the strength.  I will keep you posted.  Thank you all so much for everything you said.  I will take it all in and let it fill me with the strength to make the right decision.....one thing you can be certain and that i have made quite clear....I am taking care of me first and then my son....I don't have the energy to take care of her and if this behavior continues and she keeps getting f*cked up on the soma, I am out.  I can only do so much and I have to think of my 17 year old son that needs me more than anything.

Thanks everyone.  I'll be back as soon as I can.  No internet at home and working all weekend.  The next few days will tell me all I need to know and it is her decision.  My focus is to take care of myself.

Love you all so, so much.

Debbie

[lonote]

Well I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you like the rest. I kinds had a feeling about her that she was telling you what you wanted to hear. If it sounds too good to be true.... Welll you know the story. I'm sorrt your heart is breaking, cause you havee a kind heart. I don't like it when you are being played. but that the addiction. Its time for tough love. screw all the lovey dovy ****. Is to get back in your good graces, Lather, rince, repeat.    Love you back!!!!!!!!!! cathy

[tzt2lady]

Hey sweetie, Im so sorry to hear about the relapse.  I cant add to what has already been said but I can say that Ive been either in recovery or on drugs for over 30 years (luckily most of that has been in recovery) and have never seen an addict who is able to "control" using drugs, espcecially their drug of choice.

I hope that she sees how much better things were while she was clean and makes the choice to get clean again.  You deserve the best and have been through so much already.  Just know you have friends here who care, ok?

Also remember Im just a stones throw away if you ever need to just take a drive south and vent in person, we could do lunch or have coffee.  Im in San Diego and am here for you.
hugs
tzt

[debsally]

The fourth day on the soma, I kicked her out.  She must have known I meant business cause she went to a friends house and called me begging for one more chance.  Said she got rid of the pills. I told her she can come home (reluctantly) as long as there are no pills and she is sober and ready to get a job and also under the understanding that she has to take care of herself.  I will no longer enable.  I am not giving her any more money for anything.  She has $17 to her name and I told her I am not buying cigs or rx's or putting gas in her car.  She has been home since Saturday and is really surprised at how sick she is coming off the soma only having taken it for four days.  I am being supportive to a point.  She has profusely appoligized, and I love her but am still not going to enable anymore.  I told her she is responsible for herself and...as someone here said....I told her I will not participate anymore in her recovery than she is.  She has a therapy appt today at 2pm.  Cant wait to see what her therapist will say, but she is a good therapist and I know she will help her realize why she did what she did.

Thats all for now.  Thinking of you.  We are on day 3.  She has not slept or hardly eaten in that time.  Thank you for your prayers, support, advice, and everything.

Love you all and will keep in touch as much as possible.

Always,

Debbie

[shelby74]

Hi hun,

I am surprised that the Soma is causing here so many withdrawal symptoms.  I lost sleep the first night and then I was okay.  I know everyone is different.  I was taking up to 15 a day too.  Does she take anything else with it? Just curious.  Maybe the Thomas Recipe would help her?  Therapy has really helped me a lot, I hope and pray it helps Sally too.

love you hun,

shel

[debsally]

therapy did help a little.  I still am struggling to get the rent together, an affect of her being off work and me letting her not bring in income while she is "healing".  Pray for me.  I need $1500 by friday or I have to move and we will all have to separate.  She will have to go somewhere, I will have to send my son somewhere, and I will have to go somewhere.

I need help.  Please pray.

Love,

Debbie