Everyone who has ever had a dog calls him Rover or Boy.. I call my dog Sex. He is truly a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said "Yeah, I'd like one too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He just winked at me and said "You must have been quite a kid".
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at my wedding. He told me that I would have to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex". He said he was not interested in my personal life and he would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone at the wedding would enjoy having Sex there.
The next day, we were married by a justiceof the peace. My family had been barred from church. My wife and I took Sex along with us on our honeymoon. When I checked us in to the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a seperate room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room, as long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." "Funny... I seem to have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking so disappointed. I told him I had planed to have Sex in the contest.
"I had hoped to have sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's not a big deal anymore."
When my wife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for the custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "This court room is not a confessional, stick to the case please." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me.. He said that's not unusual. It happens to a lot of people..
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around for him. A cop came over and asked me "What I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him I was looking for Sex. Well, now I've been thrown in jail, divorced and I have had more troubles with that damned dog then I ever gambled for.
The other day, I went for my first visit with a psychiatrist and she asked me, "What it was that was causing me problems?" I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like loosing your best friend and I feel so lonely." The doctor said, "Look mister, you and I both know that sex is a man's best friend... Why don't you get yourself a DOG?!"
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