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225156 tn?1198893504

Super Human and Vicodin

I'm new to this site (and addiction) - but have a question for all...
Have you wondered WHY you got addicted? I mean, if I look back - I honestly believe it was more to do with 'expectations' of myself - becoming a super human work-aholic (which I was before the Vicodin - but with the Vicodin I actually became a super sized Human).  To be honest, Vicodin kills the pain of Rheumatoid - but it also kicks one into gear and all of a sudden EVERYTHING is done.  I assume that's the real 'high' and that's why I got addicted (and not because my pain subsided so much that I could actually super vacuum the house).  
Please respond with your truthful answers - I really want to know.  There's got to be an underlying psychological response to addiction - like, perhaps, something is missing in one's life? (I've read that - I'm just not sure what's missing in my life - I'm lucky, I've got the love of my life supporting me through this, and although I've lost family members, I define healthy boundaries with the rest of them due to their own addictions).  
What are we masking? what are we substituting drugs for???  I apologize if this is an ignorant question - and only offer that I will study on my own (promise!).  But if you have some thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them...and for those that are 'recovered', you're wonderful for just being who you are....
Thanks~!
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225156 tn?1198893504
I wonder...wonder...wonder...wonder.  When I started 'abusing' and asking my doctor for more it was due to a 2 mile walk that I wanted to do 'everyday' without being in pain or having pain afterwards.  Ideally, the V helped me speed up that 2 mile walk - as well as the vacuuming.  I had so much to do - too much actually (for 1 person) and the constant pressure of excelling was driving me nuts.  Perhaps those are my 2 reasons - not sure.  It probably stems from childhood experiences, etc., or self-esteem - but I'd think I was old enough to be past that by now (perhaps it is better said that I've come to terms with it and moved on).  I too liked the pills in the beginning - but hate them now.

1Eagle - a fractured spine is tough - I've seen those in the ED (I work in healthcare - and oh the stories I could tell about negative experiences in the ED from 'this' side are mind boggling...ego-centric doctors, charge nurses that were just flat out evil and liked hearing themselves yell....uneducated phlebotomists not finding a vein...don't get me started..).  

As for anyone's 'story' - we've all done things in our life that perhaps weren't for the best.  Mom and Dad didn't give me a rule book to follow - which I find challenging almost daily.  I like to think that I can accept a person for who they are 'now' and not 'then'...

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Avatar universal
I really started the pill thing in the vietnam era. A couple of ARVN pilots showed me how to empty darvon capsules and get the little 30mg codeine ball out...that was the formulary back then. And the horse was out of the barn. I wasn't taking them for physical pain at all. I don't really recall being in anything but toothache pains at that time. Now after that adventure I did manage to fracture my spine in three places, 50% stenosis also, and I don't have trouble getting the danm things at all...but now I do know thats not the answer for me. You got me thinking...and its scary...I feel like I had to say goodbye to one too many good people around that time in my life.  Classically there isn't an ignorant question. In fact I will be anxiously watching your responses because that is a question that a lot of us should have answered by now. I checked out some other literature the other day...it's rather surprising that the shrinks can profile most of us rather dramatically. It even mentioned that many of us have had a negative experience with the professional medical people at some point in our lives. I felt like asking"how did you know that about me?'. I actually will put up a profile shortly...I've just always been in a different position than most folks. Smuggling and things that we kept pretty secret, so I have a hard time opening up entirely...but yes, I did have several negative encounters with Doc's.I guess that the statutes are all history by now, and they don't involve murder, so maybe I can just do that.
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
ohh for me I think it was a little of everything , I was trying to disconnect for events in my life I would rather not remeber.I liked the feeling. I was fun ... I as well used for the super woman effect .I had the energy to work 14 hours days ,take care of my kids, clean my home ....(guess what I found I can do the without the drugs too ).
It kept me from feeling . The odd part is all of the things ,I liked the pills for in the beginning i resented them for in the end .
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