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338939 tn?1291343160

The Ugly Side of Addiction.....

Ok, I wasnt going to comment. But, I wanted to share my experience. I dont know your method of partaking in the festivities. I shot my dope. To me any other way was just a waste. I was on dilaudid, heroin, OC's, crack, coke. If it could be liquified, I shot it. I shot dope every day for 3.5 years. Mild compared to others and then more than some. After a year of shooting up I contracted Hep C. Yep, the liver killer. I've had it 2.5 years now. Been to detox in the hospital twice and then to rehab once. 28 day program. Can't say any of that worked for me except made me a text book junkie.

During my stay at the first hospital for detox, the Doctor said "well, you've got Hep C. But dont worry, it wont kill you for 20 years or so." I was 36 then. I'm 38 now. So, I think to myself, wow, by the time I'm 56, I could be dead. Because I am already dying each day until then. I lost everything I had because of my addiction. I lost a great job, family, friends (cept the dope heads), my self respect, my self esteem. The list is endless. Worst of all is I ended up homeless. Yep, living on the streets. Stealing, scamming, anything but selling my body and although I like to think I never would have stooped that far, I know eventually I would have.

I've been to jail around 16 times, give or take a few times. Mostly for misdemeanors. But during my binging, I scored a case. Yep, felony for possession. Oh, dope friends said you'll get probation etc, etc, I got drug court. Which because I wasnt ready to stop cuz I hated being sick. I ignored it. Well, because of drugs and my own stupidity, I am now facing 1-3 years in PRISON. I have been indicted by the grand jury.

I dont know why I feel so compelled to share this with you. But there is no lost causes to me. I do pray and hope for your sake and your family's that you wisen up and get clean. I as of this date have 7 months clean.

Imagine if you continue to go down the dope road, just where you might end up? There are three places that is for the addict who wont listen and those are Jails, Institutions and Death. I've been to 2. Guess whats next?


Please make a "Profound Change" in your life. I had to. But the damage is already done. I waited tooo long.

Peace and love to you,

Carrie
10 Responses
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518031 tn?1295575374
Thanks for sharing, I was on persriction pai meds going to a pain sslecialist, eneded up addicted to morhine, pill form and percs. 32 days ago i decided after 4 yers i have had enough and went c/t, I am sure wasnt near as bad as what you have been through. The uglky side of addiction for me was how i closed the world and family out at of my safe place, with my neds. now that i am sober i went to the mall the other day for the 1st time in 4 years and it was mind blowing at what iwas missing being in my deep dark whole. Keep up the gret work and thatnks for sharing so others can benefit from your nightmare, I use nightmare because that is what my life was....brian
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your story really just scared me. Thank you for putting some fear back in me. I need to be reminded of this "dead end road" scenario every now and again. Best of luck to you.



ProdigalGirl
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Avatar universal
""""there is no lost causes to me.""""

i feel the same way!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
Another reason why GPs should shut up when they don't do the research:

The doctor who said "Hep C won't kill you for another 20 years" is full of septic tank (the solid bits) contents. There's a site in Canada I was told about that is the best I've seen -- they're doing a lot of research up there. Try searching it; if you can't find it, I'll post the address when I relocate it. Unless you've had a biopsy, there's no way to make ANY predictions here. If you don't drink or take massive amounts of,say, Tylenol, Hep C can just sit in there benignly forever. Don't worry about it, other than to get regular bloodwork. See a liver specialist, find out what strain you picked up, and you might be able to eradicate the virus completely on an anti-viral drug cocktail.

Good Luck, and let this doctor treat scabs or something.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Carr - - Really good to hear from you.  So glad that you are still around...you have to be a fighter!!  And also a winner.  I also wrestle with the liver monster. I treated in 1996 at Mayo in the clinical trial for interferon/ribavarin. Last PCR was still undetectable after 13 years. Liver is currently stage four. No stage five available. Go for the treatment as soon as you can. You ask "Why should I treat when facing major jail time?" Because every day that you do not treat - you are getting closer to endgame. And therapy is currently successsful - has been accepted since 2001 by the medical community. Ironically, I contracted the hep c when I did time for a coke deal.....I never put a needle in my arm until I was in prison! Stay in touch - - really good to hear from you....
Helpful - 0
338939 tn?1291343160
I thank you for your replies and congratulations but that is not why I posted the ugly side of my addiction. I didn't do it for sympathy. I did it in hopes that it might help someone that hasn't got it yet. The gumption to stand up to themselves and throw in the towel and stop fighting on the wrong side of a addiction. I have no idea where my "liver" is in all of this as the Doctor that diagnosed me had no clue either, his specialty was detox and addiction. I've yet to see a specialist for the Hep C. Why start treatment when I face major jail time.

As for the courts, because I havent reported in so long they consider every day that I dont test for drugs, another day I am dirty. So as far as they are concerned. I'm still drugging. I've thought long and hard and I can honestly say I have no regrets during my "idiot time". It has made me who I am today. I can only think God let me go through all of this for some higher purpose. Again, thanks and I will also keep you all in my prayers that you continue to win on the good side of addiction and that life prospers for you.

I made my bed and now I must lie in it.

Peace and Love,
Carrie
Helpful - 0
214607 tn?1287677559
All I can say right now, is wow. I truly have no other words left..Oh my god. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you.
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498385 tn?1362449404
j34
Carrie .Awesome job on the clean time. I have lived on the streets to for 2 yrs I am now 9 months clean and my doc was crack. I too ,lied cheated stole and killed myself emotional , spiritually, and it is great to hear your story thanks for sharing it. All the best j
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Avatar universal
Hi carr I would also like to Congratulate you on your clean time... I too shot dope and was homeless at time's for my Heroin.. I would like to add some encouragement.. and advice.. I also have hep C I contracted this 33 years ago.. I hope you speak to another Dr. I was told it takes sometimes 20 years for it to flare up.. I'm now at stage 2 liver and em 52 years old.. I was told my liver should last and something else will probably take me out.. I can not treat although I would.. I have 1 kidney at stage 3 kidney disease.. Please do not feel as if this will be what ends things.. Being clean goes a long way in slowing down the process.. Although you have not said what stage your liver is at.. I hope you get a second opinion..
I would also like to wish you well in drug court.. I will pray that your clean time off Heroin is a testimate to any that will hear your case just how far you have come.. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.. respectfully.. lesa
Helpful - 0
306867 tn?1299249709
Thank you for sharing your story and congrats on 7 months. I truly hope they take in to consideration your clean time and go very, very easy on you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up girl, your doing great.  Hugs,  Mary
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