Today I'm going to clean out my medicine cabinet

[lady_m]

I was looking in my medicine cabinet at all of the empty bottles of norco, vicodin, darvocet, etc I have.  I couldn't even count them.  And that's not including the empty ones I have in my kitchen cabinet, too.  Quite a collection.  So today I need to get rid of them all.  I don't know why I've always kept them (even if they didn't have any refills on them).  When I was looking at these bottles it was unreal.  The amount of them.  The different doctors, the different pharmacies, the different drugs.  

I never realized how out of control I was until I took a step back and really looked at everything.  It's scary.

[hopeless]

It's funny you say this, i also have so many empty pill bottles laying around, i was just looking at mine this morning and was hoping maybe justmaybe i would open one of them bottles and find a pill in there. I looked and nothing, no more pills, they were all gone. So i asked myself, "why do i have all these empty bottles laying around" the only answer i could give myself is cause it reminded me of how many i took and from how many different Dr.'s i got them from. I acutally just counted 14 bottles here, most of them had 120 pills in it. When i add all them up and look at the dates on all the bottles, it amazes me how many i have taken in such a short amount of time. So from like May of this year, i have taken roughy 1,680 and thats just what i had got, that is included what i have gotten from my friends. WOW - this is nuts!

For some reason i can't throw away my empty bottles - why? Why do i need to have them here? Makes no sense...

Oh God, i need to stop dwelling on these pills, i need to not let them win...
The scary part is, is that tomorrow i have a way of getting some if i want them, and the way i feel right now, i am so scared i am going to just say "Heck with it and take them"...Then someday i will run out again, and be rightback where i am at now all over again. I just can't seem to stop this nasty cycle...

Oh well, whatever...needed to get this out, feel better now...

Hope

[hopeless]

Sorry - i said i have taken roughly 1,680 pills since May, and that IS NOT counting what i got from my friends...

I said that was counting what i got from friends.

Damm - I have taken alot!!!!

[lady_m]

I didn't think of adding up how many were from the bottles - I can't even imagine.  Like you a lot of mine were 120 or 180 pills at a time.  Yet I was always out and buying elsewhere.  I really wonder how many I have taken.  

Hang in there, and are so right about getting a temporary fix just to have to start over again.  I figured why not just do it one last time and never have to worry again?  And they saw each time you w/d it is worse so that alone scares me!