Very Upset, Needed To Vent...Sorry

Hey girls!

Shel, Tz, Mj, Ionote - any of you here?

I am so sorry i wanted to be on earlier today, but as i told all of you i went to visit with my dad today. He is hurtin so bad, the cancer is spreading so fast. The Dr. told us that he has not ever seen cancer spread as fast as it is on him.
He is in so much pain, i took him to the hospital today, mom was working and he didnt want to call and tell her, cause she gets all worked up...Anyway the hospital gave him 4 morophine shots today, and believe it or not it did NOT even touch his pain. The cancer is eating at his hip and working its way up to his brain.

OMG guys, i hate seing him suffer like this. This is so unfair, he is such a great dad. My heart is breaking for him so badly. There is nothing more they can do for him. This makes me sick, for years and years people have been doing fundraisers for the American Cancer Society, and to this day still no cure..

My grandfather (bless his heart) he is gone now, but this is what he did all his life for over 30 years, was raise money for the cancer society...So many others do this as well, so why no freaking cure yet? God, i am sorry, but i am so pissed off right now. Something so bad happening to someone so good!

I can't type anymore right now, i am crying so hard...My heart is broke, and there is nothing i or anyone can do for him...

I will be back later tonight.

Sorry guys,
Just needed to vent a little

Hopeless

[hopeless]

My dad was the one person i could go to and tell anything to. Without him I am going to lose it! He has been the best dad ever...I know we all say this about our dads, ect....but guys, he really was. He has done so much for me in my life time, and now there is nothing i can do for him. I want to take his pain from him and put it all on me, i am the one who should and deserves to be hurtin, not a good man like him.

What kills him the most is that he has never been one to just sit around and do nothing, he has been a very hard worker all his life. They bought a new home about 5 years ago, and to this day he goes outside everyday and does yard work, while in so much pain. My parents yard looks like a vacation resort, he is doing this for my mother so she has something beautiful when he is gone. He loves her so much...he wants the best for her, even if he has to suffer while doing it..

I am so upset, sorry!

Hopeless

[hopeless]

Thank you!  ) :

[lonote]

Hope, my father passed away a year and a half ago. I will say a prayer for you , and your family. I'm soooo sorry  you all are going through this. Your loved very much at the forum here, if theres anything I can do, I'm always here for you.
                                       Cathy

[lady_m]

Omg honey I am so sorry.  My heart is broken for you right now.  I wish we could all be around you in person at this very second.  I HATE to see bad things happen to good people.  We are supposed to believe everything happens for a reason, but it seems like no logical reason could justify that.  I know it doesn't make sense and I know how helpless you feel.  You've got a great dad, but he also has a great daughter.  You love him so much and I know that alone is helping him right now.  Having you there by his side.  There is nothing more important than that.

We are here for you - and if you need to leave and cry and come back, we understand.  But we are here for you always.

[101 Dalmatians]

Reading about what is going on with your dad actually made me cry!  Cancer only seems to get the best people!  I am going to pray for you and your family   everyday!  I sincerely feel for you!  One of my very good friends died of ovarian cancer on September 29th, 2000.  She was only 28 years old!!!  Her name is Lisa and she had 3 small children to leave behind.  I really HATE cancer!!!  I can't even stress that enough.  You know what?  Just thinking about our addictions and withdrawals makes me think all of us aren't in that bad of a situation compared to all the families that loose peoplethey love so much.  My mom had a cancerous tumor in one of her kidneys but God blessed her by seeing to it the cancer was confined and she only had to have that kidney removed.  She was very lucky she didn't have to go through chemo or radiation and she still cancer free as of her last follow up with her doctor.  I can't imagine what you are dealing with right now.  I am going to say a prayer as soon as I get done typing this.  Will you please let all of us know your dad's first name so we can include his name in our prayers?  Well, take care and there are a lot of people who love you!  

[hopeless]

Thank each and every one of you, my dads name is Pete...
He is only 53 years old....GREAT GREAT person inside and out!!!
I Love him so much, God, this hurts!

I might be back on here in a little while, might need a few friends tonight...

Just need to go outside and sit for a bit...

Thank you all for the prayers - Love you all!

Hopeless

[lady_m]

53.  So young, I am so sorry.  You and your father, Pete, are in my prayers.  You still have him right now, today.  Just love him with all your heart every minute that you have.

[hopeless]

I just got off the phone from my mom, and i could hear my dad in the back ground crying, he is such a tough man - in all my life i never have heard him cry, NOT EVER!

OMG - guys, what can i do? He is in so much pain, the hospital did everything they can for him today. NOTHING is helping his pain! Is it fair to let him lay in such pain? There has to be something to help him, he is on morphine patches and has been for a year now, and also the fetanol lolli pops...It just isn't working any more.

The asked him if he would be willing to go to Philly, to try some new expeiramental drugs that are not even out on the market yet, he and my mom said yes, but he is in so much pain to travel...They stopped his Chemo cause it is no longer working. These expiermental drugs, all they MIGHT do is delay the spreading of his cancer, not cure it...They say if it works, (maybe) all it will do is maybe add a few months on to his life...but he is willing to do it, if he could make it there.

I hate this, hate hearing him cry....God please help him, Please God help him!

He is so worried about my mom through this whole thing, cause he has such a huge heart. He is such a thoughtless man, being in so much pain and just worries about mom...

He deserves to live... he is so young...You know what else? He has never drank or did a drug of any sort in his entire life, never even smoked a cigerette..

Why do bad things happen to such good people? I know God has a plan for each and every one of us, but sometimes it just seems so unfair....

I want and need my day, please guys - pray for him (as much as you can) I know you don't know me or him, but maybe just maybe these prayers will help him, even for him to be out of pain. This is all i ask, i know we can't stop the cancer and he is going to die, but maybe the prayers will help him be comfortable and out of such bad pain...

Love you guys
Hopeless

[EmptyWithoutPills]

Oh hun!  I am so sorry to hear this.  There is nothing worse than seeing those we love in pain.  I was at my grandmother's bedside the moment she slipped away, and while it was horrible, I felt blessed to have been there.  I will keep you in my thoughts!!  You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful Dad.  Just try to remember the good times you shared and know that from the way it sounds to me, he had a wonderful life already.  :)  (((HUGS)))

[tzt2lady]

Oh sweetie, what can i say?   I am in tears reading about this.  I knew you were going over to your parents house adn I knew that this was going to tear you up.   I hope he is getting hospice care, is he?   Listen to what they say, ok?  They are trained in how to help the patient and the family.  My mom suffered for almost 6 years and because of her stroke was unable to talk to even tell us where it hurt.  I cared for her and watched her go downhill day by day.  The last ten months she was bedridden and they wanted to put her in a nursing home from the start.  I kept her here in the house she brought me home to when I was born because I knew that was what she wanted.  She was on morphine at the end too and it did little for her.  I will pray for you and your family.  I hate to see anyone go through this.  It does seem to happen to the best, kindest, people.  My grandpa passed away 2 years before my mom and he had lung cancer.  It is so sad and makes me angry that there is still no cure.  My mom was the type who would help everyone.  She worked as a pharmacy clerk and would deliver medicine to those who had trouble leaving their house, on her own time.  I know that your dad is so loved by you and your mom and your strength is going to help him more than you know.  
Just know that we are here for you and you get on here and you write what you are feeling, as much and as often as you need to.  We are here for you.
With a heavy, heavy heart I write these words to you my dearest Hope.
tzt

[tzt2lady]

I didn't even catch the "thoughtless" word becaue I knew you were meaning thoughtful and selfless  --  even in his pain he is still thinking of others.

Honey, stay strong in front of him, as best you can and then come here and fall apart, we are here to catch you......

I am going to pray for him now.

tzt

[hopeless]

I said in this last post that my dad is Thoughtless....I meant Thoughtful!!!!

I can't hardly type tonight

Just wanted to correct that..

me

[rooftrash]

I'm so sorry for your father,you,and your family.I lost my mother and many family members to that horrible disease.I truly know what it is like to watch someone you love so much suffer.I am so sad for you.I send a prayer for you and your father and family.Take care of yourself.God Bless You.Bruce

[lady_m]

I like what tzt2lady said - "stay strong in front of him, as best you can and then come here and fall apart, we are here to catch you...... "

Love him with every part of your heart, pray for him with every part of your soul and just be by his side every chance you have.  

Turn to us, turn to God.  It seems so unfair, but your wonderful father can't be going through this for nothing.  There has to be a reason.  There has to be a plan.  God has great plans for great people, even if the path to that greatness is through pain.  There is nothing to make it easier for you to see him go through this, because you love him.  He's a good father, and a good man period.  I feel that.  

If you don't know what to say to him, just tell him you love him.  You can't ever tell him that enough.  And I am so glad he has you and your mother while he is going through this.  No matter how much pain he is in, having you and your mom there is helping him so much.

Keep holding his hand... and we'll hold yours.

[tzt2lady]

If your mom is overwhelmed, talk to his doctor.   I know with my mom I had to insist that more be done.  I sometimes had to throw a bit of a fit to get action.  Do not hesitate to ask questions and demand answers.  There were times when I just couldnt go on while caring for my mom..........and then I felt bad because she was in so much pain and I was breaking down.  I was alone for the most part because my siblings weren't helping out but the last 6 months she was here my older sister stepped up and when I crumbled, she would talk to the docs.  When she crumbled, I'd step up to continue the fight.  I have prayed and will continue to pray.  Tomorrow morning I will do a special prayer at sunrise for your dad, Pete.  He is younger than my sons dad.  So young.
My mom didn't drink or smoke.  DIdn't cuss, went to church, practiced our Native customs and ceremonies and then the stroke happened.   I worked with a medicine man the entire time as well as a spiritual advisor for our tribe who told me that there were things my mom's spirit were taking care of that I would never understand here on earth, in this life.    It didn't help a whole lot at the time but it sure does now.
And the yard, those plants he has cared for, those are so important and will bring so much healing to your mom.  I just watered the yard here at mom's where I continue to live after caring for her.   Her plants. Her roses.  I feel close to her when I care for them, even though I am clueless about plants and everything I have tried to grow doesn't flourish, I swear her spirit must be keeping her plants alive.
I'm here for you sweetheart and am so, so, sorry that this is happening in your life.  It shouldn't happen this way.  
huge hugs amidst tears,
tzt

[hopeless]

Oh you guys mean so much to me...I truely mean this from the bottom of my heart...

All of your prayers are so GREATFULLY appreciated!

I am feeling a little better now, just hurts knowing how much pain he is in right at this moment, but i know God will take care of him from here on out...It is out of our hands and in his now...

Having you guys to turn to for emotional support is helping me. I don't cry in front of him, i stay strong...I know i need to do this for him...But the second i leave there, I break down!

I will be going there again tomorrow, to sit with him, and get him anything he might need. He loves milkshakes, so i told him tomorrow i would go get him one and spend some time with him. My mom has to go to work everyday, so he is alone during the day. But tomorrow is going to be a father - daughter day.

Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart!

Love you
Hopeless

[TimH2]

Hi sweetheart,

I wish I could just hug you. I know the pain you are going through right now. My mother's cancer moved very fast too!! She was gone in 3 months. We were all with her and I know it meant so much to her. Spend as much time as you can with him. You are a wonderful daughter and he is a loving father. He is more worried about you and your Mom. I will pray for Pete and my brother in Florida will have his prayer warriors praying for your Dad. You Dad has to be a wonderful man because his daughter is so loving and kind. It is so hard to be strong, I know, but it will hurt your Dad to see you so distraught. Read to him, bring up memories of your times together. He will love to talk about everything with you. Tell him how much you love him and what he has meant to you from your first memory. Pick flowers from his garden everyday and put them near him. I am here for your as everyone else is. My heart is with you and my prayers for Pete will be everyday. I will pray that his pain will diminish and he will be able to enjoy his days on earth. I will also pray for a miracle, I do believe in miracles.

(((((((Hope)))))))

Love,
Tim

[tzt2lady]

Tim,
Your suggestions come straight from your heart, I can tell.  You have lived through this and helped you mother so much with the transition she made.  All the things you mention are so important and are the exact things that helped me with my mother..    Your mom also must have been a wonderful and loving woman to have such a beautiful son as yourself.  

tzt