WHAT SHOULD I DO

I am so torn right now.My 17year old is on her way to college in aug she of course applied to schools all over the US. I told her over and over I think she should at least consider places like now more then 5 hours away ."Of course she was likee nooooooooooooooo I will be fineeeee".Yes now that she is two months from leaving she is melting down crying all of the time it dose not help that she has a serous boyfriend now that she didnt have when she first started looking .She had such a break down last night I cryed  .Do i insist she goes or do I let her look into a closer school I told her she should at least do a semster and see what she thinks then if she wants she can look into something closer She has cryed more this week then she has in her whole life. We are going to vist the school next week I hope it helps.This is so hard watching my child in pain.

[dominosarah]

You are both feeling the empty nest syndrome right now....this is very common at this point.  Doesnt make you feel any better watching your child feel this way.....Go and look at the school and she will be able to make more of a decision after she has seen it.  The boyfriend thing always puts a twist into the picture too.  I remember when mine left for college.......she cried and cried and so did i but it all worked out.  Now she wouldnt move back to save her soul!!!!

[allaboutmary]

I think you have the right idea of her going for 1 semester. So many things can change by Aug.  I know it must not be easy watching your child cry.  Just keep reminding her she can change schools, that it's not forever, and to just give it a try. Hang in there girl.

[liscamdave]

I can honestly say the one and only regret I have in my life is not having gone away to school. I got accepted to Penn State Main right out of high school, which is pretty hard to do. I had a full ride there and couldn't go because I lived with my grandmother who was developing dimensia and I had to take care of her, so I had to go to a Penn St branch campus and commute. I used to visit friends that went to the main campus and it was just like another little world there. THe experiences you gain from going away to school are life long memories..I wish I could have made those memories for myself.. I will make sure my daughters both go away to school. Doesn't necessarily have to be 5 hrs away, but I don't want them commuting..unless they truly want to. I will do whats in my power to convince them to go and have that experience. Your daughter should go away, in my opinion. But, like sarah said, its empty nest syndrome and most certainly the fear of the unknown. Neither of you know what to expect and its life changing. I am sure she will adjust and if not, after the first semeseter she can transfer...its not the end of her college career if she changes schools...alot of kids do it. Good luck girl.

[NautyOne]

Yep, sounds like a little separation anxiety to me.  The boyfriend surely doesn't help the mix, but I think going down there and seeing the school might help.  If she is still having meltdowns after that......uh, ???.......1sememster sounds like a good Idea.  I think once she actually sees it and gets there......she'll do fine. Then you will be back with the question .......cause you will being having meltdowns because you be missing your baby.....lol.

I wish you luck on this one.  These are things that make me thankful I am not a Mom !..:-)
Luv,
Nauty...............

[avisg]

Thank you everyone I really needed to hear these things .Seeing your child in pain is far worse then any pain I have ever felt .

[debsally]

Seeing your child in pain is the hardest thing.  It is hard not to get emotional and loose your balance in order to fix their feelings.  Try reminding her why she made that decision in the first place.  Try to focus on that it is not permanent.  Visit the school and help her see what an amazing experience it will be.  The boyfriend may stay or not but in this economy, an education is vital.  There is so much to learn and she will make new friends.

Even though she is afraid of this big change, try to be the voice of reason.  Being sensitive to her feelings but not drawn in.  You know how we girls get really emotional.  I am defiately for trying it for a semester.  Its not that long and if she is miserable, she can transfer.  

And for you, I am in the middle of empty nest myself.  You have to take care of yourself, and make sure you have good support!!!  Almost like recovery, you take one day at a time, letting go a little at a time.  Be positive and dont freak out when things go wrong. You survived and so will she.

Good luck!!!!!

With love,

Debbie

[LateAugust]

Do I ever have the same opinion as others LOL?!   First and foremost I hope you know I truly understand how much it hurts to see your child cry, so I am not trying to mitigate your concerns in any way.  With our oldest daughter she also was accepted to a lot of schools,  altho she was committed to a medical degree (she was certain, but we weren't!)  most kids will change their minds  15 times before their Assoc. Degree is completed!!  Financially, unless this school is in your state  the out of state tuition doubles the cost of college,  also having her closer to home reduces expenses which is a necessity for most people now.  My opinion,  17 is really young to make a decision of how far they want to be away from home to attend their first year of college, lord knows  their moods change daily!, and so does their need for independence or the  lack of confidence from one day to the next.    

Personally  I would play the "bad guy" and tell her I think it is best she complete her AA closer to home,   which gives her time to mature and determine what  bach or master's degree she really wants to complete for the career she will be pursuing.   I would take the decision out of her hands,  keep her close for one more year  and perhaps at 18 she will have a clearer decision of what is best for her and her education.  And mom will be more comfortable as well.

[flmagi]

If the school she's due to go to, was picked by her, with a calm, logical, level head and prior to the boyfriend in the picture, then that is the school she really wants to go to. If she changes schools under emotional duress, she may regret it later. The 1 semester tester idea is a good one.
Good luck to you both.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Tell the little one that she can't grow up. It just isn't allowed.

It is a great idea to go to the college and scope it out. I remember doing this with my sisters when they first were going away to college. Also say Hi to her from me.

[LIZZIE LOU]

we wanted our last to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay away...lol.  ended up only 45 minutes away...ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr...he was home EVERY weekend for the first two years.

personally...i would make her do the one semester.  two weeks at college and she'll be saying "what boyfriend?"  :)

[Rebecca_]

I was once her.  Please encourage her to give it a try before making up her mind - this will prevent any resentment or regret.