What was i thinking ?

You know it really wasn’t that long ago that I was a normal person. It seems like that was forever ago……

I went to church with my family this morning and I feel like it has changed me and opened my eyes to how bad of a path I was on.

Bowing out and letting my wife take the kids to church on Sundays mornings was one of the first things I did wrong while I was wrapped up in taking pain pills. Though I would have told you that the pills give me so much energy….for some reason I stopped doing everything.  I think they give me a sense of energy when in fact I am as run down as can be..

I got up this morning and started to get ready for church with the rest of the family. My daughter asked “Where are you going” . She is so used to me not going.
When we walked into the church I was overwhelmed with joy and a feeling of “this is where you’re supposed to be”.  My wife and kids were so happy to fit in with all the other family’s like we always had before the pills.

We were in no rush to leave, my daughter (7 years old) ran into her friend from school and we talked with the parents.  Usually I would be in a rush to get out of anything and anywhere I was at so I could get home and worry about the pills.

I know it doesn’t seem like much but for the last 3 days without the pills, I have gone right back to normal life and I’m so happy I don’t know what to do….I cant believe I did this to my family….I really was lying to myself about this condition that makes me need the pills. What a bunch of crap….And how selfish I have been taking pills every 2 hours trying to make myself feel great at all times.

The $40.00 dollars I would usually blow on pills today…I spent taking them to breakfast after church…..A million times better spent…..

WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING…….Well thank God this happened when it has and there is time…..time to fix at least 2 years of damage…

Thanx for letting me vent…

[joangy]

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I feel the exact same way!! My husband is so happy that I actually have energy to go out and do yard work or take my son to the park... it's crazy that I use to take the pills for what I thought was "energy" when really it just brought me down!! YUCK!

I also am coming from the point of view as a child watching my mother fight this awful addiction- we use to go to church every sunday as a family and when her addiction heightened we stopped going to church (or doing anything as a family for that matter!) Your children are so blessed that you have caught this addiction now- I am 27 years old and my mother is still addicted going on 11 years now... she doesn't even have a relationship with my son (her only grandchild).

I am so proud of you- keep up the good work!!

[Coolio Hernendez]

Yeah....were gonna make it......

[dominosarah]

I think you just found the answers you have been looking for.  This is by far the best post i have seen from you.  I am going to do the happy dance for you.  Way to go!!!!!  stay strong          sara

[Mandapanda17]

I can for SURE relate... I had honestly never really prayed in my life until this past week and 1/2....I know it helped, and will keep it up too. About life in general...although I'm sleeping like poo, life is so much different sober...I hated myself on pills.. and thats enough for me to never want to go back. I wish the best for you always!! :)

[gizzy32]

wow, coolio. i agree with sarah your best post by far and it sounds like you know this is it. i asked myself that too, what the hell have i been doing, it just hits you one day. stay strong buddy, im proud of you for doing this. you will pass that 88 days soon.

[lb87]

woohoo good luck in your new path :)

[Coolio Hernendez]

I'm still on the right path. It's so nice outside today a few days and weeks ago i would'nt have noticed.