Addiction: Social Community
When will it end??
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When will it end??

I need to share this....I became addicted to Lortab 10s after giving birth to my daughter via c-section.  Well, actually I was prescribed 30 Percocet, but those didn't last long and I was able to attain 10s almost constantly for a while.  They helped so much with my pain, especially all my new mommy pains.  I mean, I did gain almost 75 lbs. when I was pregnant.  And I've never been a very energetic person, and that was the greatest thing about them.  I could finally feel good and productive as a new wife and mom.  Honestly not knowing that these are addictive, I became a monster........just unbelievable, not me at all.  They were so easy for me to get.  After about 6 or 7 months, I was not going anywhere but my parents' (for pills), I stopped answering calls from my best friends, and had many close calls with losing my husband and daughter. When my money or supply would be gone for a short while, I would search for my father's pills and steal a handful, even though I KNEW he would know, snatched money from his wallet any chance I got.  The one time in my life that my mother finally got a good amount of money in her bank account, I would steal 2 or 3 hundred dollars every week from her atm as I was running errands for her!  I am a terrible person for that, I know that wasn't the real me, but I hate myself for everything I've done.  Well needless to say, I had left my father's pills alone because he caught me quite a few times, threatening to never interact with me again.  But the obvious reason I didn't need his is because I could get my own at the time, because a few weeks ago when I ran out, I couldn't stop myself from finding his and going nuts.  My father rarely takes his, just hides them from me...He made the mistake of trusting me again because over a period of two weeks I went back into my dad's bottle and stole at least 50 Hydros.  I knew he was gonna know, so I figured if I was already going to be in trouble with him I might as well take more.  I could not control myself, I knew what I was doing was wrong on so many levels.  It took him awhile to find out, but when he did he cut off all ties with me.  This happened about 2 weeks ago, after my father found out, I decided it was time to quit.  I'd said I was going to quit many, many times over the past 16 months I've been addicted, to my mother, who knew I was spiraling downward, with a little help from her occasionally...my amazing husband, who I've loved since high school and who I've also tortured with my addiction.  I never tried to quit......I became a heartless, cold thief and liar.  I feel like I have to share this here because my parents still don't know how much I've stolen from them and when my mother tries to console me during withdrawals, I can't really talk to her, she has no idea.  I am so ashamed.  My mother has always been my best friend, I was OUT OF CONTROL!  She could never forgive me if she knew what I had done to supply my habit.  Well today was my daughter's 1st birthday, my father did not come to her party, and I haven't had an opiate in 13 days.  I feel semi-positive, but I was hoping my agony of withdrawals would have been over by now.  The first couple days I quit, I had some Ultrams, which are non narcotic and worked wonders.  I felt great.  But then when I ran out of those, I was back to the sweats, weakness, and pain.  Depression was apparent also...a couple days later, I got some Adderall (adderrall) to get through my daughter's 2 birthday parties over the weekend, and just so I can function at home.  They give me great energy, but I still have some pain and bad sweats.  I have one Adderall (adderrall) left and it seems like I can feel my body getting weaker already.  Why is my detox taking so long?  I've searched on the web, but this is the only site that is helping me as you are reading this.  I need my old self back, I have a toddler and a husband to take care of.  I wish to god I could afford a rehab clinic so I could get away for awhile, and be able to recover without worrying about life.  This is so hard to do on my own.  Are there any home remedies that could speed up the process?  I'm afraid I won't feel so positive in 2 days when I have nothing but pain and no one to help me while my husband works.   I have no time to lay in bed for a few weeks and recover, and we definitely don't have the money or insurance to get myself some real help.  I've got to get better soon and I don't know any other way but medication. I want to be able to take NO kind of pill!  When will it end?  I hope whoever reads this has either learned something from my story.........or has some positive words and answers for me.  Thanks for letting me share my story.  God bless all!
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12 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
hi... i'm so sorry for what you are going through, and what you have gone through...

it does take awhile i'm afraid.  the physical w/d's anywhere from 4-7 days (but that is not exact) and the mental part - the anxiety, depression and stuff - a little longer.  and staying clean - that may be a lifetime of diligence.

if you go to the other addiction board and do a search on the "thomas recipe" that is a good home remedy for w-d/detox.  many swear by it.

sweety - it does take time.  you just have to stay strong and know you will get through it - but you have to try with all your might to have patience.. it took awhile to get you "here," and it will take a little while to get back.. but you can, and will, get back..

i think alot of folks have gone to bed now, so please post again tomorrow if you don't get much feedback.  there are so many helpful people here, and above all - you won't feel alone.

welcome.  and good luck in the fight.... and like i said, keep coming back here (and the other board) for support, info - whatever you need.

God bless...
mj
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank u very much.  I feel better almost, like that was therapy for me.  I know it will be u great people that will help me the most in this.  Goodnight
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Avatar_f_tn
One thing I forgot to add to my ginormous story.  Thanks to my withdrawals, I've been having to take Xanax to fall asleep.  And here I am, at 1 a.m., still squinting at my screen.  Lol, gosh I can't wait to be done with this and start my life over!
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Avatar_f_tn
preachin' to the choir, sister.. preachin' to the choir!  but i'm glad you're feelin' a little better...

ps - love the word ginormous.. lol!

sweet dreams honey... we'll continue the battle manana...  i'm gonna go take a klonopin, now... i get it.

be well...
mj
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Avatar_m_tn
13 days is not that long.  I have detoxed for almost 2 months before and didn't even feel close to being back 100 percent.  I am on day 16 right now and feel better then I have in a long time and exercise and i'm not talking light exercise has been a huge factor in getting better.  Anyways good luck to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the response, yeah I guess after 10 pills a day for over a year my body would take forever to recover.  I have a tendency to get depressed, so when I'm here all day taking care of my daughter but feel like sleeping for weeks, it's hard to stay positive.  But this is the first time I've been able to talk to people that know exactly what I'm going through and it's already helping me internally.  This will be a daily occurence!  Thanks
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Avatar_m_tn
It does help to talk to someone who knows what your going through because you can try to describe but people just don't get it and don't understand why your so lazy.  I hate that so much.  2 weeks is really good though.
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Avatar_f_tn
That is great that you have gone a while without the opiates, but I would be really careful about the Adderall (adderrall) and Xanax.  When you are through without withdrawal process, you really need to stop taking all narcotics and I assume you do not have prescriptions for the Adderall (adderrall) or Xanax?  I am afraid if you are still obtaining and taking any type of narcotic, especially illegally, that you will be more tempted to start back on the pain pills, and of course I am sure you know just how very addictive both of those drugs are.  You obviously have an addictive personality (like I do and most of us here) and if you want to have a good life again, you must be off of all narcotics except in some extreme situations.  Sounds like you are at least on the right track, doing better than I am anyway, and hope you can mend your relationship with your parents, that is so important.

Good Luck.

Love, Cindy
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Avatar_n_tn
Withdrawal is a long process, different for anyone who has the courage to at least get to that milestone.  For some, it is like the longest FLU they ever had.  There are many medications that help, but they have to be monitored like anything else.  Supplements help to restore some of the symptoms..Google Withdrawal and you will see many options.  Be patient with yourself and great good luck with your intention to live a FREE life.  Luckily you are young enough to get there, Sparkle
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221016_tn?1196977061
Welcome to the forum!
Congrats on 2 weeks. It is a long road to recovery, but you have a great start. Google the "Thomas Recipe" and buy some of the vitamins listed. Aminos acids and B6 & B12 are supposed to help with the anxiety and depression. I started taking them and found they helped me in general. Keep of fighting and you will eventually get back your old life. I am sure your Dad will forgive you and is probably very hurt right now. You should look into some therapy, group therapy, AA/NA or maybe your church has a group. I think everyone needs to find the reason they started taking the drugs and what triggers you into using. I would also talk to my doc about the low energy, you said that it has always been that way. You might be missing some nutrient and it could help. I wish you the best.

Best wishes,
Tim
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you all for your insight.  This community will help me greatly!
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238441_tn?1189759428
it is so weird because before i had even read the comments on my story i automatically logged on and just randomly read your story. This thing is so hard to stop. Ive actually considered getting pregnant again so ill quit! Im in my third day and im not too bad. why i dont know, i really think this time im tired of it. Ive been been taking a daily vitamin, drinking alot of water and herbal tea, and taking tylenol pm to sleep.The hot bath works wonders too.Ive tooken like 6 a day!! whenever i feel anxious or depressed i take my daughter for a walk, its not easy , it hurts ,but it pushes away the bad feelings. im in the middle of the country without a vehicle so AA or NA is not an option right now, but if you can find a meeting you should go. most meetings even allow you to bring your child if necessary. saturday i woke up after a night of pill popping and drinking and my daughter was on top of the end table, unscrewing a  broken lightbulb from the lamp! that was my rock bottom...im endangering her by contunuing to do this. giving up these pills is almost as bad as quitting smoking. I think that at least you are trying and you recognize you have a problem. That is a huge step!!even one day without the pills is better than none. eventually we will get through this. I dont know how your diet is..but if you cut out all junk foods and eat very little meat and lots of fresh fruits and vegies and take vitamins it will def. help. I pray everyday for anyone suffering from any type of addiction. I scream out "please take this from me, take away my urge to use, let me see past this fog!!! Prayer works. I still dont know to whom or what im praying to but it has helped me alot. Just cry too, release all thats built up inside you. The pills pushed away the tears for so long ,even the happy tears-so cry if you can it feels so good afterwards.
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