anyone up? waiting for my son to come back from dance

[road2recovery]

no he wear a nice outfit...LOl and now he is at he after party and sleeping there...
But no drinking..lol
he is almost 17 and i still said no, so he just called and he is not happy

i know it is late. just waiting for my son to come home  from his homecoming party
r2r

[road2recovery]

he said everyone is having a drink, and i am sleeping here so why can't i have one beer?
What would you do?

[lurker]

hey. I'm still up = can't sleep tonight for some reason.  So, did your son wear a tux?

[LIZZIE LOU]

hey girlie...sorry i was around last night when you needed someone to talk to.

oh how i remember "those" calls.  these drink and sleepovers weren't really going on when christian and madison were younger...but they were the thing when davis and simon were in high school.

i have two very good friends (one of which is an alcoholic) who allowed their sons to drink...would even buy it for them.  both of their philosophies were "i'd rather them drink at home instead of being out somewhere else".  i had to tell them both that when davis showed up...he was to be sent on his way...that i knew that i had no control over what he did when he wasn't at home...but that i did not support his drinking and that there would always be consequences to his actions.  i always felt that they felt "at least our sons are JUST drinking and not doing drugs like your son is".

fast forward 3-4 years.   my friend that is the alcoholic...well, her oldest son (24) is an alcoholic who has four outstanding dui's and one hit and run charge that he is going to court for next week.  her other son (20 and davis' old friend) is going to court soon for dui and possession of marijuana.   my other friend?  her son is going to court in a month for posession with intent to distribute...cocaine, pot and ecstacy.

they allowed it...i didn't...but the outcome was the same.

ok...back to your question...lol.   what would you do?  me personally...i would tell him that you do not support his underage drinking.  kids are going to do whatever the hell they can get away with (i know i did)...but they should always know that there are consequences to their actions.

[road2recovery]

I did eactly what you said...he was not happy with me, therefore he did not want to sleep there...I said fine then you can come home..i let his curfew extend because of homecoming...Well then he called me back said he decided to stay and he did not need to drink to have fun...Well i went to bed thinking ??? Will he anyway?
This morning i called the mom of the boy he slept at, and she told me he didn't drink, and i felt so good..WEW!!!!!!!!
This is so hard raising kids, small kids small problems, big kids big problems!!

your story is something...That ya'll did two totally different things and had the same outcome..Kind of weird but i guess we always cannot beat ourselves up for whatever happens..
i will just do my best, to keep the rules the way they are, because i am sure the other family is probably thinking now that they caused this..Where you know you didn't allow it..
Well if something would happen i don't want to have any regrets, i want to feel like you...That younever allowed it...
Thanks again as always you always help me out , and i may need you in the future..
Love to you
r2r

[mammo]

You made the right call with your son, good for you!!  My question is "why were these parents providing and allowing alcohol in their home?"  I would be furious, and if I knew ahead of time that there was even going to be alcohol, my son would not have been allowed to go.  These parents showed a serious lack of responsibility, and could have gotten in a lot of trouble!  I raised my 2 sons and daughter and like you, no alcohol, no reason, no excuse!  They were wonderful teenagers, never got any tickets, never wrecked a car, and always did well in school.  They grew up to be responsible adults, neither son drinks, and my daughter will have an occassional glass of wine if out with friends for dinner.  My kids also had no set curfew, their curfew depended on what they were doing.  If they had no plans, in by dark as there is nothing to do but hang out on the streets.  One thing that always worked for me when mine were teenagers (and they were all teens at the same time) is for example one day my daughter came home and said her group of friends had started smoking.  Instead of getting angry and saying "you better not ever............I  put my arm around her and told how proud I was that she didn't join them, then just crossed my fingers in hopes that she hadn't.  I didn't know if she was or not, but putting that faith in her and making it more or less her choiced worked!  I gave my teens lots of choices, but not without a long talk first, letting them know what the consequences would be should they make the wrong decision, and stuck to my guns if they made the wrong choice.  It's truly always a **** shoot with kids! But I do believe consistency is key. My childrens father passed away, and my current husband has commented often on what a good relationship I have with my adult children, and how they still look to me for advice.  I wasn't a perfect mom, how can you be, they don't come with instructions!  I think we can only do our best, and hope for the best in them.