clean for 30 days - my experience

hi everyone!

i am new to this site, well not really new i have been reading all your posts for some time now and drew my motivation from all your stories so i wanted to contribute back!  so i will describe my story below:

i am 28 year old female and was on vicodins for 3 years at 7-8 10mg/a day, although not as much as some friends but definetly a bi*ch to withdraw!  I tried to stop many times and to be honest "i tried" but did not make the commitment to stop, just played myself, i kept coming up with excuses of "why i needed" the next one, and the one after that, till i convinced myself that i would come off of them and i was in control.  see the thing is i told myself anything just to get the next high not caring about anything else.  what made this worse was that my boyfriend was addicted to them too!

unfortunately, i lost my job, disconnected from all my friends and family and rationalized it that "they all DID NOT understand me" -- now i realize how dumb i was!.

THE WAKE UP CALL:
in november i started getting really bad pain in my right side (assuming it was my liver) it was not painful but very dull sharp aches -  i knew i did damage, my boyfriend freaked he started to talk about "seriously" stopping - i took this as  "yeah right heard that before"!

finally he stopped called turkey on december 1st, i told him i admire him but i can't do it cold turkey so he gave me a choice him or the pills, now let me tell you something i am very ashamed because i considered both options, we fought like cats and dogs it was horrible.
now you must remember he was already detoxing he tried so hard not to show me the pain he was feeling he even cleaned up the whole house on day 3 if his detox  ---I DONT KNOW HOW HE DID IT!
i tried but could not stop on december 5 i took 7 pills after weaning down to 2-3 a day, and upon discovering this he packed my bags and said go --- I FINALLY WOKE UP! i realized i WANT him NOT the drug - so on december 6 i STOPPED COLD TURKEY!

to be honest the first 3 days i was in pain but drank nyquil in order to pass out and it worked, now day 4 was hell i could not get out of bed i did not want to live could not see my life without them, layed in bed wondering how to sneak out and get some but i fought and the urge and it only lasted a few seconds at a time,
i vegged out on the sofa for day 4-10, then i started feeling better each day the stomache pains, sneezing, diarrhea. etc, started to go away, i was finally able to get up and sit on the computer and read other stories which REALLY helped with the urge another thing that helped ----AND I AM NOT ENDORSING TRADING VICS FOR VODKA- but every time i got an urge a took a sip of vodka --but not exceeding a shot a day, even the smell helped.  (this lasted for the the first 2 weeks.)

obviously the holidays really helped being around friends and family and laughing really laughing, i still cant believe/understand why i got on them but its about looking forward now.  even the sex got better everthing in life seems sweeter and pleasureable now!
the best way to describe the last 3 years was a very thick dark cloud everything was hazy, now it feels like the sun is shining in, and i have my boyfriend to thank he REALLY SAVED MY LIFE!

THANKS FOR LISTENING - remember it is hard but it gets better each minute - just keep busy and smile!  

p.s.- the idea of the withdrawal pains is what kept me from stopping but being a slave to the drug is MUCH worse,
if you are trying to stop please keep busy do things that you once loved, music definetely helped me, try to keep your mind positive think of being free (imagine breaking the chains)!, i Promise it will get better, you feel awesome in a few more days!
stay happy and healthy!

[dominosarah]

Congrats to you and your boyfriend for getting clean.  Keep up the positive thinking and stay strong.......sara

[scaredmom330]

Congrats.. you have fought the fight. have you thought of after care? you might look into it and keep reading threads and keep posting, keep us update...Way to Go Girl!!!

[cleanandhappy]

thank you, what do you mean by aftercare?? is it a program? not sure.

[liscamdave]

Aftercare is any sort of program that you stick with to maintain your sobriety. This forum is a form of aftercare. NA/AA meetings are aftercare, counseling...pretty much anything having to do with addiction and getting help for it.

[cleanandhappy]

oh lol thank you, i guess this forum and having people to talk to has really helped with the after math! thanks for the info.

[Jacqui805]

Wow, it's so wonderful that you shared this with everyone...It's great to encourage others when you're feeling strong.  You sound great and it's wonderful to hear your appreciation for where you are now....Keep up the good work...it's awesome!

[nuredshuz]

Thank you for sharing your story....Congratulations on 30 days clean!!!....Keep up the good work...WAY TO GO!!!...peace~