daughters boyfriend

My 22 year old daughter recently moved in with her boyfriend. My husband and I both do not like this kid. He is 25.  I don't like the fact that when he comes over he will lite up a cigarette in the house after telling him several times to please smoke outside. I have even bought a huge ash tray and put it on our patio table outside and he will just throw the butts anywhere he pleases. She says he works contruction but I drive by and see his car there during the day. My daughter works as a waitress and hopes to be promoted to manager soon.

Last night my husband and I went out to a late dinner and on the way home stopped by to drop her mail off and she didn't invite us in. She had just got home from work and I thought it strange she opened the front door and stood outside and we talked for a few minutes. I know I must sound like a nosey mother but I'm concerned. She said she is fixing the place up and will invite us over for dinner soon.

She met this guy where she works because he would drink at the bar until closing and then they started to go out after work to somewhere else and drink. I guess I should mind my own business.

Jules

[alienshadow]

No its your daughter
LOL if he came in my house and lite up one i would snatch it out of his mouth hes a punk if he cant respect you
and if he threw butts in the yard oh hell his *** would pick em all up
plus i would tell my daughter dont bring him here if he cant follow our RULES

[Downey]

Thanks, I needed someone to tell me that. I guess when it comes to this I better have some backbone

Jules

[alienshadow]

you better dont take his mess thats for sure so what if it makes him mad so be it

[Downey]

My husband and I bought a fixer up house on a big piece of land. Over the last 27 years we have both worked hard to make our business successful so we could live nice in our "golden years". We added on to our house and added a beautiful pool area with a nice pool house/garage. When our daughter turned 17 we let her move into the apartment that overlooks the pool and garden area and I don't know why she would want to move out and into what looks like a dump to me. We told her under no circumstances could she have a man spend the night and that didn't sit well with her so she moved. We live in Northern Fla and the last few years we have had some hurricanes come close enough that it did knock our power out and we put a generater in for  just the pool house. Just a few weeks ago a strong thunderstorm came thru and the power went out and my husband and I spent the night in the pool house. I told him if his snoring gets worse I might move in the pool house (lol). It's really me that snores.

Bottom line is we spoiled her and I'm sure she will be wanting to come back, but I like the empty nest life. My husband and I are closer than we have been in years and he even suggested we go skinny dipping since we don't have to worry about the kids anymore. When my daughter left I told her not to come over without calling first and I took the keys from her. I don't like this guy and we don't want him in the house without us being there. That didn't sit well with her either. I fell guilty about doing that. We will just wait and see.

Jules

[alienshadow]

dont feel guilty and yeah go skinny dipping it will be fun LOL

[Downey]

I'm enjoying this new aspect of my life. When my daughter moved out she assumed she could come over and use the washer and dryer because she doesn't have one, but she can do what I did when I first moved into our house and go to the Coin Laundry down the street from where she lives. I was lucky enough to have a husband that did his share around the house and I don't think this guy will help her.

After my accident when I hurt my knee ---That's when I started taking the oxycodone-- my husband had to do almost everything around the house. It's hard to even take the dishes out of the dishwasher when your on crutches. I thought my daughter would have been more help around the house but she wasn't. My daughter was driving when we got into the accident. For some reason she had the airbag turned off on the passenger side of the car and she was looking for something in the glove box and that's when she hit the car in front of us and my knee smashed into the open glove box. I have never blamed her for the accident but I'm wondering now if she had been drinking. I thought I heard the officer ask her if she had been and she said no but they did give her a breatholizer (sp) and she was clean. I'm thinking maybe she was hungover that day. I heard somewhere that being hungover can be just as dangerous as driving drunk.

[alienshadow]

yeah it could be you still are dizzy with a bad headache i have been there
maybe its time to teach her a lesson and cut her off for a while maybe she will get the hint and come around??

[joann1975]

I know it sucks that he comes over and totally disrespects your house and I am guessing that you don't say anything b/c you don't want to run your daughter off. Do you think that's what it is? However, on the smoking thing I would put my foot down on that one. If she isn't going to have anything to do w/you over that she will have some life lessons to learn on her own.

You did the right thing taking the keys back. You and your husband need this time to yourselves again. She is an adult. From having been a spoiled daughter who hid things from her parents I am pretty sure she is hiding something from you guys. But it may not be as bad as you think. For me we were smoking pot and I wouldn't want my Mom to come in on that and smell it. I think for now you are just going to have to put up with him (within reason) politely and pray she comes to her senses. I did when it came to the men picking thing (obviously not pill addiction) but I am married to a wonderful man and my entire family loves him. She is young....hopefully it's a phase of dating the bad boy and it will pass!

JoAnn

[VicUser]

I have two sons and from experience it sure seems like she may be ashamed of the way the inside of her place looks, or there is activity there that she knows you wouldn’t approve of. In any case I agree this dude is a punk and you should tell him that if he can’t follow the rules at your house stay away. She may look bad and realize how good she had it at home, but with decisions comes consequences. While I would welcome my boys back anytime for a visit once gone their not coming back to live for good.

The youngest leaves for college this fall and we are planning to have a naked floor, not just a naked room, so we warned him to call first. I do agree going skinny dipping with one’s spouse is great.

[Downey]

My husband and I had a long talk about our daughter last night, after we grilled some steaks and opened up a bottle of champagne and had a nice swim. To make a long story short when I had my accident we decided to hire 2 new people and they are working out better than expected so we decided to keep them on--we told them it might not be a long term job. Needless to say they are happy and my husband and I have more time to spend with eachother.

My husband and I decided not to let our daughter come back. This last year I have been very worried about her keeping late hours. When she turned 21 she started coming home at  2 and 3am and my husband who never yells got very mad about that because I was still trying to recover from my surgery. We have decided if she needs help to pay her car insurance or things like that to give us the bill and we will pay it directly. If she needs food money we will take her to the store, but no cash. And as long as she is living with this guy we will give her no help at all.

My husband doesn't want her to come back because he doesn't like to see me up all night worrying about if something happened to her. Next week our son who lives near by and his family our coming over and we have already invitied our daughter and her boyfriend. And some of our employees. This has been planned over a month and she took that night off work. At that time we plan to observe her behavior and her boyfriends too. If we think she may have a drinking or drug problem we will do something about it.

By the way we had champage last night because we couldn't find our bottle of SWING scotch. We rarely drink???

Jules

[alienshadow]

your doing the right thing trust me
plus dont give her money for anything !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[dominosarah]

My parents used the "tough Love" on me.  My dad always said as long as you live under my house you will live under my rules.  I didnt want to do that and found myself in a world of hurt.  If i needed some groceries they took me to the store and got me the basics.  I never saw cash upfront.  I am now doing this with my oldest daughter.  Hurts like heck to see her struggle but with the pile of lazy childish **** she is living with i just cant go there.  She knows where i live and the door is always open but now it has to be on my terms.  Did i mention i dont care for the thing she lives with??  Whole family feels the same way.