found an old journal entry

[tzt2lady]

I dont remember writing it.  It was when I kicked opiates in June of last year.   Here are some of the highlights

.............I am jittery and lethargic at the same time
             I cant even see, where are my f...ing glasses!
            Why does the simplest life task seem so HUGE
             I am vomitting and have the runs
             My bones hurt, my whole body aches
             I feel enslaved,   I am enslaved
             I want to go find relief but want to be free at the same time
             I'm too old to be doing this AGAIN
             My son is coming over, I have to be UP for him, to cook, laugh, smile, go for walks, where am I supposed to get the f/......ing energy for that!!!!
             I am such a loser
             This is a personal entry, I will burn it after I write it.
Guess I forgot to burn it.  As a matter of fact, until today I forgot I had written it.
            
Doesnt sound much like a party does it?    I am soooo grateful to be clean today and dont ever want to feel these things again.   Im so glad I found this today.

[TimH2]

How are you sweetheart? I agree with sodone and it was destiny for you to find this. You are doing great and really help me to stick to my guns on this. I am on such a roller coaster right now and beating myself up for getting addicted. I can't help but wonder why I was so stupid. It was not like I didn't know that addiction was more than likely. I knew!!!! Why did I let myself get to this point? I could have stopped this and I continued on. I wonder will it ever be the same. Sorry, I just had to vent a bit.

I am proud of you and so lucky to have someone like you as my friend.

Love to ya,
Tim
(((((((((((tzt))))))))))

[hopeless]

Makes ya really think, don't it? Think it is neat that you found that, as a matter of fact last week i was looking and found my first post too, and WOW it freaked me out reading it. We have come such a long way, alot of struggles and alot of misery but so worth it. Thanks for posting that, just reminds me that, that is NOT a place i want to get back to either.

Think you are doing so great, and i am so proud of you girl! You have inspired me in so many ways! I have been here since June 3rd, won't ever forget it, that is my sons birthday, the day i decided enough is enough. You have been here with me since my first day, alot of you have been (you know who you are) i feel like we are family. You guys will always be such a HUGE part of my life.

Thanks again for sharing your first post...

Love
Hopey

[TiReD*oF*PiLLz]

Great to hear entries that sound like mine....I need to keep hearing people that sound like me today.....post things like this so I know what I'll sound like in no time..right no time.

Thanks for the extra inspiration

Tai.

[IBKleen]

WOW..I got chills. Funny that you would find that after all this time. There are no coincidences.....

Great post. Thank you.

[sodone]

amazing huh---I'm a newbie--on day 5--actually feeling good--but the entries I wrote the first 2 days...don't remember writing them either...scary huh...almost thinking of saving mine just in case I need a reminder--you are at a year!  YOU ROCK!  you ARE sodone!!!