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joke TIME!
by NorcoQueenoftheUniverse, Nov 05, 2009 01:40PM
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So, next Sunday he took the monsignors advise, At the beginning of the sermon he got a little nervous and took a sip... He felt a little better. As he was still shaky, he took another, longer sip. He was calming down a little more; But he was still a little jumpy and had sweaty palms, he decided to finish off the drink. Then he proceeeded to talk up a storm, without any nervousness....
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka... don't gulp.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say; "Eat Me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, Not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
*Hope this joke didn't offend anybody...
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So, next Sunday he took the monsignors advise, At the beginning of the sermon he got a little nervous and took a sip... He felt a little better. As he was still shaky, he took another, longer sip. He was calming down a little more; But he was still a little jumpy and had sweaty palms, he decided to finish off the drink. Then he proceeeded to talk up a storm, without any nervousness....
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka... don't gulp.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say; "Eat Me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, Not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
*Hope this joke didn't offend anybody...
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Sorry bout that....no offense...