need to talk

i drop my kids off at school and i am having a really hard time. I want to go and gamble, i am fighting the urge it is very hard. I got my-self in a pickle and my huband refuses to help. I am fighting with him.

[IBKleen]

Fannie..

Talk..Where is it that you go to gamble? Why does hubby refuse to help?

[fannie71]

my husband said that i got in this by my-self and i will have to get out of it by my-self. i have bad checks out and i do not know what i am going to do. All i can do is cry. Gambling has messed up my life and i am so mad.

[IBKleen]

I am sorry about this. Do you want to talk about how it started and how you do it? Maybe we could talk thru this. It always helps just to get it out. There are things you can do..there is help for you. You're going to have to talk some more. I know it is hard at first, but it will help.

[fannie71]

10 years ago i was attacked in a parking lot and was strangled and hit in the temple about 100 times it seemed. I have had a hard time with that. Then one day my sister had been gambling and came over and told me she won and asked if i wanted to go and play that she would watch the kids. So, i went and won a lot of money and i have never stoped that has been 7 yrs ago. When i am there i have no fear. I think of nothing. I am scared in my house, i am scared that every man wants to hurt me but when i am in that gambling place i do not think that way.

[IBKleen]

WOW..I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been horrible.

I do understand that you gamble and feel safe there. What you are doing is taking away the pain. It is the same thing as a drug addict taking pills, or whatever. It is a way to mask what happened to you.

There is help for you. I hope you believe that. Are you at all open to going to a rehab, or seeing a therapist? It sounds like you never dealt with the feelings you experienced when you were attacked. Therapy could prove to be a wonderful tool for you to work through all the pain and the feelings surrounding the attack.

Tell me what you think of the idea?

[CollyDog]

Hey Sweetie and welcome to the Forum.  I am so glad you decided to admit what's going on with you.  Sometimes, our addiction tries to keep us bound to it by silence.  It seems to me that the gambling allows you to feel "normal" and therefore you don't have to deal with the reasons behind why you actually do it in the first place.  For most addictions, there is always a trigger and yours happened ten years ago.  As IBK said above, you are trying to escape from what happened by gambling.  Your addiction is no different to mine honey insofar as the pills allowed me to escape and thus I didn't have to deal with my own realities.  I have been clean for two months right now and life has never been better. . .you have to have a desire stronger than anything in this world to quit, no matter what the addiction is.  It seems to me, despite the fact that I don't have medical knowledge, that you are actually dealing with some form of post-traumatic stress disorder which is manifesting itself in your addiction.

Honey, it is absolutely crucial that you continue reaching out for support.  Just by the very fact that you've posted lets me know that you have a "desire" to stop your behavior.  It saddens me that your husband isn't being supportive - do you have anyone close i.e. a family member that you could talk to about these things.  The root cause of your addiction is what troubles me the most.  

I am in and out today but please keep posting and know that not everyone in this world, man or woman, wants to hurt you honey.  This Forum is a wonderful place to search for answers and the people on here have a knack of reinstalling your faith in human nature.  Please keep posting and hopefully, you'll find something that gives your strength to make the next step. . .

Hugs and prayers
Vicky xx

[fannie71]

My husband has gotten me out of trouble before and he will not help me this time. He says that it is time to take my punishment and hit bottom. I have spent a lot of his money gambling and understand that he is tired of it but, do not understand how he would let me get in trouble.
I have been told that i have PTDS and thay want to but me on meds. and i am not willing to do that. I think that my brains needs to heal normal. I am going to do this. I do not want to lose my family.

[CollyDog]

Sweetie, I am not necessarily suggesting that your husband be the one to 'get you out of trouble' but am merely suggesting that he could take a more supportive role.  It's hard for all family members who are affected by their loved one's addiction.  It seems to me like maybe you have hit your bottom and maybe if he can see you have a desire to quit, he may be able to offer that much needed support that you will quite simply have to have.  It's hard enough quitting any addiction, let alone without the support of those around you.  I think you may have to prove to him that you're serious about wanting to quit honey and once he sees this, I am sure he'll give you the support.

I don't think meds for the PTSD are the answer but I do think that maybe counselling or therapy might help you out no end.  Your brain does need to make it's own recovery sweetie but sometimes outside intervention is needed to send it on it's merry way ~ by this, I mean a way to be able to vent, heal, vent some more and ultimately recover.  I sense a "desire" in you sweetie. . .please cling on to that with all you have.  I am sure you don't want to lose your family but your addiction has other plans and that's why today is the day to make the decision to finally quit. . .I am sure you too will suffer withdrawals and cravings, maybe not physical, but definitely mental.  Be guarded at all times and keep coming back and posting and letting us know how you're doing.  We are here for you and I will keep you and your family in prayer.

Hugs, Vicky xx

[hillary5]

where is that you live? if you don't mind asking ... are u that close to the casinos?  CollyDog is so right on w/what she is saying and I really hope you try to get some help .. what happened to you is terrible but PLEASE, think about going to talk to someone .. I really feel for you since i grew up w/a father who gambled and i wouldn't want to see you or anyone else go through all of that .... take care and be good to yourself .. hil