new here....

[sleeplesss]

Hi,
This is the first time I've put in print that I have an addiction to vicodin.  I was off it for years, but, as most addicts, once I get a new script for pain, I'm off and running again till it runs out.  I've been taking 4-5 pills a day for about 3 months.  I went off them for a week to "prove" to myself that I could, only for my back to hurt like crazy again, so, I filled my last refill.  I could probably ask my dr. for more, but after reading all your posts for the last hour, I realize it will be never ending.  I am physically to the point that if I go more than 4 hours, I get the shakes, my stomache burns, etc...familiar to all of you I know.  I have 4 pills left.  I took one at 1 am this morning so I would finally go to sleep.  I notice that if I don't take my 2 in the morning, off to the bathroom I am racing....again, no surprise to you all.  
By the way....I work at home, so the physically withdrawel can be done here.
My question is this:  How should I ration out these last 4 pills?  I want no more.  
My husband does not know how bad it is.  He jokes around and calls me "House" (after of course the TV character hooked on Vic) but he has no idea.  We've been married 1.5 years and I have no intention of telling him.  
I look forward to your opinions today.  This is the day.  
Thanks.

[sleeplesss]

ps....Funny.  My dr.'s office just called.  I had called them last week to be referred to a pain clinic to perhaps get one of the TENS units for my back.  (2 pinched nerves)  I went to 2 weeks of physical therapy, which was a joke.  I paid them $30 to put heat on my back which I can do at home.  
Anyway, I leveled with the nurse that called with the referral and told her I had 4 pills left, and wanted a tapering off schedule from the dr.  She said she will talk to him about that and call me back.  She said he may also want to see me, which is absolutely fine.  
This is scary.  I am having surgery in 3 weeks, and, like many of the posts I've been reading here for hours, I might add....you all talk about what to do when you seriously need something for pain, and the fear of geting hooked again.  I don't know what else to do but tell the surgeon the whole story....but, I must say, being honest with the nurse just now and reading all your posts this morning has already given me the courage to stop this.  I thank you all in advance before you answer this.
pss....I also take Xanax for anxiety disorder, and a beta blocker for mitral valve, and wellbutrin.

[sleeplesss]

Thanks, IBKleen!  (love the name!)  I keep telling myself today 2 things I remember from when I quit smoking, which, was terrible after 23 years....1)you will never meet anyone that says they are sorry they quit, and 2)one is too many, a thousand isn't enough....
I will keep you posted after the dr. calls back.  I hope he will help me taper.

[desertgirl]

congrads on being honest with yourself and the nurse who called you. you are on your way, things will start to get alot easier now. are you taking more than prescribed or is your body addicted? telling the surgeon is an awesome idea to so he knows what your body is going thru. let us know how you are doing!

[sleeplesss]

Most of the time in these last 3 months I've taken 2 every 4 hours, as prescribed.  Sometimes I might take 2.5 pills at a time.  On bad days I would take up to maybe 8/day.  The last 2 weeks I've been down to 4-5/day.  So...I think it's both my body and my mind.  I took 1 this morning at 10 am and that's it...I'm ready to jump off the roof and I'm running to the bathroom constantly!  Dr. office has not called back yet about tapering.  I do have to work tomarrow and can't imagine being at work this way.  (I'm lucky I only work outside the home one day a week)  To top it off...my husband just came home early from work....yippy.  (sarcastic of course)  The thought of making dinner tonite is disgusting to me.  

[desertgirl]

sorry to hear that this is going on today for you. is there anyway you can call in sick tomorrow? by next week you should be feeling better. you might want to think about talking to your husband. going thru withdrawals is a hard thing to hide and from what you told me you were taking them like you were supposed to. once your body gets addicted it is really hard to stop. good luck : )

[blueyz]

Hmm, this is a tricky situation since you have the surgery coming up.  Funny, I was in the exact same position just two weeks ago.  I will tell you my quick story about that only so you can see how I handled it, not to distract from your problem!

I realized I had an issue with the vic's after 3 surgeries last year.  Major tolerance and cravings if I didn't have them.  I didn't like where it was heading and got off the train.  Told my Dr's, husband, started some addiction counseling and started attending meetings.  I got my life back for about 4 months that lasted through the summer.  I never had w/d..thank God! So then the week before labor day weekend, I had to go to the ER with debilitating side pain and I couldn't urinate...(not to be TMI, but lends to how series it was at the time)...They diagnosed me with endometriosis and said it was binding up my bladder and ofther organs.  They gave me meds.  Didn't want them, but really needed them!  Fast forward two weeks later and I had surgery.  All went well and was on meds for about two weeks after during recovery. All the while, I had a scheduled shoulder surgery on Oct 2nd.  My dilemma was...Should I quit again, only to start after the surgery?  

I shouldn't probably say this, but I really thought...what's the point? I have a plan and goal of getting off them after the shoulder surgery.  It was a matter of a week. While I didn't have wd's before, I wasn't sure I wouldn't this time and didn't want to do that twice to myself...I'm not saying I didn't have some thinking errors there, but that is what I chose and I am comfortable with that.

As for you, only you know how you are feeling about the addiction and your usage.  One benefit of quiting now before the surgery is you might build back up a little bit of tolerance and whatever pain meds you will be given could be more effective!  Also, you will prove to yourself that you can quit and then it won't be this huge looming, scary unknown, unattainable thing after surgery!

I totally sympathize with your situation.  The addiction itself feels so lonely, scary and hopeless.  But I felt a tremendous amount of relief when I told my husband!  Then taking more control in my recovery really was empowering.  The more action you take, the better mentally I think you will feel.

I know it scared me to death when I quit, knowing that another surgery was inevitable.  But day to day as they say.  You are brave to come here.  It is a huge first step!  Keep posting, people here are amazing and will really help you through.

I hope the Dr. calls back with helpful info!

You will be in my prayers tonight!  

[sleeplesss]

Thank you for all your support!  The dr. never called back.  I ended up taking 1/4 of a pill just now to try to settle down so maybe I will sleep tonite.  maybe that little bit won't help, but I hope so.  I never dreamed I would feel this way after 3 months.  You all understand...other people would not.  When people mention "addicts" they think of someone shooting up in a dirty restroom somewhere.  My husband didn't even know the names of any drugs till he married  me.  THIS he would not understand.  I told him I had maybe the "flu" today, so I did not cook.  Maybe tomarrow will be better.  Why is it that other people can take vicodin for pain for 3 months and not get hooked?  I guess it's in the genes.  Alcholism (alcoholism) runs in my family.  Thankfully I have not even felt like having any kind of drink while on the meds.  Never was a drinker anyway, thank God.

[sleeplesss]

Hi all,
My dr.'s office finally called back.  They want me to take 2 vics/day for 2 weeks, then 1/day for a week.  (they called in more)  I am also going to a pain clinic on THurs.  They specialize in steriod injections that supposedly last for 6 months.  The challenge....to only take 2 vics / day when I have this new refill.  Yes, I should ask my husband to give them to me, but he would not understand at all.  I have no one else.  I have the Thomas recipe and plan to get the stuff today.  Is this the chicken way out?  

[blueyz]

Sounds like you have a plan in place.  No, it's not the chicken way out.  Some people taper and some people go C/T.  I went c/t and it worked for me, but others have had success tapering.  There's more than one way to skin a cat...as they say..Just getting to the desired result is the goal. Are you still having surgery in three weeks?  What is your plan for that?  You saw in my above post to you what I did when faced with that delimma, but it may not have been the smartest thing.  Just didn't want to have to do it twice.

Take care and keep us posted.

[sleeplesss]

Yes, I find out the surgery date on Thurs.  It's relativaly minor, so if vic is prescribed, maybe I will ask for T3's?  I will need something, but, hopefully not much.  
Thank you all again!!!

[desertgirl]

of course you are not a chicken, you have a PLAN, good for you :)

[sleeplesss]

Hi....day 2 of only 2 vics a day.  It's ok.  Got a lidacane patch for my back today from pain mgmt dr.  Went to him for the first time today.  Told him I was tapering off vics.  (he does not prescribed narcotics)  Going to try steriod injection in the back and TENS unit if this doesn't work.
The surgery in 2 weeks is on my foot, but, not such a big deal.
You are all correct in saying alot has to do with the mental state.  My brother got worse news about his cancer yesterday, and I have other serious family issues as well.  So, the vics are I guess like having a calming drink, escape....But...since I've been on them starting in July, I HAVE fought with my husband alot.  I have a feeling it's the drugs?  
Anyway, tomarrow is another day.  
I now wear on of those bracelets for cancer paitents from my brother...it says "LiveStrong".  Couldn't that also apply to all of us coping with this addiction?  I look at it during the day and it does remind me to be strong.  
Thanks for all your support!!!!