Hello, I have an aquantence who is 6 months pregnant and 34 years old..., baby due in April. She has been taking 3-5 Roxicodone 30 mg / day.for years, plus Methadone when she is out of Roxies ,. She is definately a drug addict..
She claims that she didn't know that she was pregnant until she was 12 weeks along. She tried to stop, but she went through the worse withdrawels I have ever seen. Her doc, OB/GYN gave her Tyl # 3 and told her to go to a pain clinic, which she did. She is a tiny girl and wore her boyfriends (^6'3 ) coat, so it was not really noticable that she is pregnant. Of course she did not tell the pain doc that she is pregnant.. Now she takes atleast 4 pills a day.I have warned her numerous times, etc. etc.She tries,but then she gets the horrible withdrawels.My question is # 1 will DCF be involved after her birth, and can they take her baby ? Will they get involved with her other 2 children ? Her daughter has musc. dystrophy, her son is fine. What can she expect from HRS or DCF (I'm not familar with those agencies) ? I hear many different things, just like reading your site.Everybody has a different experience. Her main worry is that DCF will be involved, and they would not be happy with the living condition she provides for these children. Boyfriend is a loser, does not work, and neither does she. The little bit of money she does get goes for pills.UGHH !!
I was one of the people she sucked in to giving her rent money over one month ago, and now.......???. IRS check came in,she paid me 1/2 back.I did it for the kids, but now.........!?, . I hope someone can answer my questions, I am so concerned for that poor baby. I am a grandma myself and it hurts my heart when I see kids eat " top of ramen " every day, look dirty when they go to school.What a way to grow up.I better stop. Please help.
Its hard to tell what will happen it depends on many things .What state does she live in? Does her doctor know she is using ? If the baby is born and shows signs of withdrawal and they drug test the baby then yes they will call dss.Then its up to the state as to how they pressure it .It is in hers and her children's best interest to be 100 % honest with her doctor.Some states drug test all baby's nows and they are getting harsher on this .
In my home state of WI, babies are check at birth for possible drug use. You do not even know that they have tested your baby. She needs to tell her OBGYN the truth now while she still had time to have it documented in her records. CPS, child protective services will most likely be called in, what they do and who they remove from the house will greatly depend on her honesty NOW!! In this case, the truth will be the best way to go. She is very lucky to have someone who cared enough about the kids to help with the rent. Good for you, I am sure you will not get the rest of your money back.
If CPS gets involved, it may be for the best, do not feel guilty, she brought this on herself.
While I certainly feel badly for her situation.....I REALLY feel for the kids. I hate to say it, but maybe CPS SHOULD be involved. She or her BF aren't providing even the basic needs for the children. People without a whole lot of money still manage to see that their kids eat well and are clean. :0(
She needs to fess up to her doc NOW and beg for some kind of help...all the way around. And, while you are an angel for helping her......if you are going to help them in the future, do it in a way that you are sure it goes to the kids. Buy her food, get her a gift card for a grocery store, etc...and pretty much plan on you not seeing that money again. I'm glad those kids have you to look out for them.
Maybe if you get tough with your friend and tell her flat out honestly how you feel....she will do the right thing. Like, if she starts saying she is worried about CPS taking her kids...tell her that she and her BF AREN'T exactly meeting their needs, and CPS is there to protect children after all. Sure, she'll be mad....but maybe it will get her thinking. I don't know. It sure sounds like something needs to happen, and quick.
I am really surprized the school system had not turned in a report, if the children are going to school dirty and I am sure there are other signs of neglect too. I am a former CPS worker as many of you already know. You should make a call to the state hotline childabuse number for your state. You can remain annonomous. Please do this for the children and that unborn baby! If everyone would report suspected abuse and of neglect, the children in the world would be so much more safer. Its usually not a forever thing, it just gives the mom and or dad to get their lives together and take classes to help them learn how to be better parents. They seem to be afraid to make the first step, due to be afraid of getting into trouble. Good Luck and I hope you do the right thing. Let me know if I can help answer any questions!
First off...as I former child of Foster care, getting CPS involved is NOT always the best answer. Yes, if the children are in danger then by all means, call CPS. But if the children can be taken to a family member first, DO THAT. Go to this womans family and let them know what is going on and that she is in danger of getting these children taken from her. Just because people have worked for CPS doesn't mean they know what it was like to be in foster care, or worst places. This woman and her kids need help. Hopefully, family will step in and help. Does she want help at all?
Well I do agree that giving the children to an appropriate family member is usually better for the children. We try this first, and then if noone is appropriate or willing to care for them, thats when we have no choice, but to place them in a foster home.. I do know that it is sometimes tramatizing, but they usually are fine after a few days. Also, if CPS gets involved, the parents HAVE to complete a service plan. If the family just takes the children,then the parents usually continue on the same road they were on. That is the difference. I am sorry if you had some bad memories from foster care, and I do understand, that not all foster homes do it for the kids! I really do understand that. We always look for family members to place with first!!!!
You may understand some of it, but to say that kids are usally fine after a few days shows me you don't know enough. You only know the legalities of it. Not what it actually does to the child and to the family. I was not fine after a few days, nor have I ever forgotten anything from that time in my life. I remember each day and each night. It was very traumatic for me and I don't believe any child that has been ripped from the only home they have ever known and forced to live with strangers is fine in a few days.
Im very sorry for your bad memories, however, sometimes we just do not have a choice. I know that sounds cold, but if I could have, I would have taken alot of the kids home with me, which of coarse was not possible. The kids we placed were much more better of than the situation we removed them from. I really do know more than you think I do about your situation. Again, Im sorry for you, but you sound like a very smart young lady and seem to be doing well for yourself. I also agree that not all kids need to be jerked from their families, as yes, this is all they know. I can not imagine how that must feel. As a matter of fact one of the reasons I quit is because I did not agree with some of the things that were going on. I really am on your side!
Sadly.....the children in this instance really are NOT getting the basic care they need. People with little money can still afford to keep their children clean. Also, they are obviously not getting a balanced diet...if enough food at all. Plus, you have two parents not working, which I assume is not due to a disability where they are both unable to work. There are plenty of jobs out there...and a parent must do what they have to do...work two or three jobs if necessary to provide for their kids. Also, the OP said there was "more" but was probably reluctant to share it all. It is so sad. I'm sooo glad that this woman has her friend (the OP)....at least the kids have her looking out for them.
CPS is a tough situation for sure. I also agree that if the children can be placed with a family member, that is best for them....and I do believe that most times, CPS sincerely tries to make that happen. I know it isn't a perfect system, but they ARE there to protect children, AND help parents. These parents need help yesterday. Not only are they not caring for the children they have, but they are bringing another into the world, who will most likely be born addicted on top of everything else. It is a family in crisis and I DO agree that if CPS is involved, even if the kids are with family...the parents will be FORCED to make the needed changes in order to have their kids.
I wish with all my heart that these parents would shape up and change on their own, b/c it is the right thing to do for their kids....but if not...then I hope whatever has to happen happens so that these kids have the chance they deserve. :0(
And lis, I'm sorry you had to go through what you did as a child. I'm sure it haunts you every day. :0(
Oh, I meant to add, her daughter has a condition that requires ongoing aggressive medical care/treatment. I would be willing to bet that isn't happening either, which could have catastrophic consequences for the child.
OP...where do the parents get the income that they do (that goes to Mom's pills?) Disabilty from the daughter? State assistance? She has to be getting at least a decent amount to afford her habit.
I am 30 years old, not a young girl. What I am merely saying is that not all children need to be taken from their families. I think that CPS is involved way more then they should be. You are on one side and one side only of the spectrum. You don't know what goes on in some of those enviornments. Just because people are willing to take in kids that are not their own, does not make them saviors. I don't even want to be involved in this conversation anymore. I understand where you are coming from. See ya.
Lisa I completely agree with you ...Foster care can traumatize and scar children forever.Unfornutely in some cases there isnt a choice . I have seen many times where CPS has gotten involved when there wasn't a need and then other times refused to get involved when there was a need.Our area and home they are doing a complete over hall right now I so feel for all of these kids.
That is my point exactly. I completely agree with their being an absolute need for CPS to get involved. However, they are solicited in situations where they should NOT be and children are taken from the only homes they have ever known. Some situations are not bad at all and the kids are placed in even worse situations. Its sad and I am sure its tough. When you want them to do something, they wont. And they don't always try to place the children with family. Myself, my older brother and my little sister were all taken by CPS and placed in foster care. My grandparents got custody of both me and my brother and were unable to get my sister.
Yes I placed in the system as a newborn I got very lucky My foster mother could not handle me I guess I cry ed almost constantly. my parents we able to step in and adopt me . Which was not supposed to ever happen before a newborn was 6 months old but no oone would keep me .I got very lucky .I am lucky the foster mother said something instead of trying to care for me when she was not equipped to.
Iguess you did not read all my previous post! I QUIT CPS, due to not agreeing with some situations that went on and continue to go on. Everyone thinks I am the"Bad One, because I worked for CPS. I helped alot of children in need over the years and am proud of it!! I can not help what happened to you,, and truley am sorry. I did my best while I was employed there. I do know its not a pain free ordeal, but I did do my VERY VERY BEST!!!!
I think every case is treated differently depending on the circumstances involved. She needs to come clean with her OB first of all. Secondly she needs to be willing to do whatever it takes to get off the meds. Unfortunately that may be too dangerous while pregnant. Thirdly she needs to be aware of birth defects that may occur as a result of the meds and she needs to get her act together or the children need to be placed somewhere where their needs will be met.
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